Depression/coming back again.

LegacyUser

Hi, I’m a member but need to go unreged for this.
I’m sorry if this post is a bit long. But I need to vent/get some opinions.
I’ve suffered from depression in the past. Did some counselling, which helped enormously. I lost my job nearly a year ago and have been on the dole since haven’t found any job since then I only receive the minimum amount and don’t request, for Clothing allowances or anything I try to live on 204.00 a week and do which includes my rent.

But of late things seem to be creeping back into their old ways; I’ve begun to get over critical of my self, having horrible dreams, flinching as I write this I feel a little anxious, don’t know why but I do. I’ve been doing well up until about a week ago
Usually have the off day here and there but this is stemming into nearly a week.

I’ve tired fighting my inner critic but can’t do that because it doesn’t work.
I get bouts of anxiety I’m finding it hard to eat, I’m living in a town where
I know, no one. I feel really unsocial, I can’t leave the house to do anything other then go shopping. I did have a car but my brother needs it, use’s it for work and my family had been helping me out with the insurance but, The deal was if he use’s my car
He fronts the insurance for me he gets a free car I get free insurance everybody
Wins. But he hasn’t done this and its been near 7 weeks.

I can’t do anything because I can’t go over to my friends. So I’m stuck in a rut.
My family have been great to me in the past, my bro my mum my dad every one.
But I feel so so so week at the moment. I’m not scared just a little worried that
I’m going to let them down worse still MY SELF. Which I should use as motivation to fix these problems, and do want to, I’m just worried, I’m going back more then forwards, I owe my councillor money which I do intend to pay when I get some
Money when I have some.

My motivation is down my self confidence is taking a knock and I’m feeling really
Fragile. If any ones got any tips or just any suggestions it would be great to hear them
Thanks..

LegacyUser

Hi
I dont know if this will be of any help to you because I dont know you location but if you live in Dublin this place offers cut price(even free)counselling:

http://www.dctc.ie

Its a top class operation and they only charge you what you can afford, and if you cant afford anything, then they wont charge you at all.

It sounds like your inner critic is running riot at the moment and thats why you feel so low. The only way to turn it around is to answer back and to do that you'll need to take a little time each day to sit down and write out your thoughts. Im assuming you know about CBT? Have you tried "Mind over mood" by Greenberger and padensky? Its a revelation, it really is. I know you feel down and when you feel down its hard to get the energy up to work on yourself and read a book. But this book is so simple and broken down into tiny baby steps so that its very easy to follow. And it works.
Your critic has been attacking you for years and that is something that has built up over a period of time so it makes sense that it'll take time to undo the negative pattern of thoughts. But you can do this so please dont tell yourself its pointless or you'll never be ok or happy or normal or whatever. You will be but you have to drag yourself up and out. Get that book, 20 quid on amazon and it'll change your life.

mjg

Often, dwelling on all of the issues as one big problem means that each individual issue ie. the car situation become almost insurmountable.

If you concentrate on the indvidual issues seperately, especially the ones that you can bring some influence to bear on, small victories can lead to bigger ones and so on.

Approach your brother, just point out that he's not keeping his end of the bargain and that you are going to take the car for a day or two a week until he does. Maybe you can arrange to drop him to work in the morning so that you have the car for the day. You also need to meet some friends. Venting, even a little face to face with friends will make you feel a lot better than venting here.

Also, why not claim everything that you are entitled to from the dole? There are plenty people out there fiddling the system for as much as they can and these allowances are there for a reason. There is often an element of subconscious self puishment in cases like yours and I think that the fact that you "try to live on 204.00 a week and do which includes my rent" falls into this category.

Please try to tackle some small things and get some sense of victory. Also, I know it's an old chestnut, but exercise, even a brisk walk is fantastic for boosting morale, energy etc.

I hope that this is helpful, in some way. If you want, pm me. I have some experience of this and I may be able to offer something, even just an ear (or an eye, maybe even two, as this is text based).

LegacyUser

Hi Its me here again thanks for your reply’s there’s some good advice there.
It’s funny after writing that little, peace about how things are for me I felt
Some what satisfied and actually went and ate something. So I might start
Writing a Blog.

I guess in respects as well all know it’s all too easy to concentrate on the negative
Let it consume me and allow my self to feel miserable and unsatisfied with life.
Thanks I’ll give that book a read when I get to a bookshop, which hopefully will
Be soon. That link to the counselling is great I will look that up further over the
Next day or to thank you

Mjg thanks, for the insight. A lot of what you say is true and I guess
Your right the little things in life that I avoid somewhat should be done as a sense
of achievement which allow me some satisfaction in a life where there is little? I
know I don’t always look for it and should, but I guess I’ve been to caught up
with negatives.

Your right in away it may sound like self-punishment but I’m not able to claim
Rent allowance because my land-lord doesn’t want that on his books I don’t really know. But I do have an entitlement to clothing but I was saving that for Christmas.
For presents.

As for my brother this was a deal he has to come true on as, my dad and mum have helped me with insurance or well he owes them money and they said, well pay for your brother insurance on his car and we’ll call it even. Which is really cool of them.

You are right tho I think, Il have to tackle the smaller problem’s which will help the bigger one’s.

I guess in some ways I needed to hit the reset button. As things have been lacking
With in my life.
So in away today has been productive.

Thanks for the replys