My Hospital Hell

snappieT

I write this from inside the Mater Hospital. I'm 21, Male, and living in Dublin, so am fortunate to have parents and other visitors close by. I'm on VHI.

TLDR: Surgery has been canceled one too many times, and at increasingly (scarily) late times, and I can't go through the psychological torture much longer.


Some back story (not essential to read, but puts things in context)
Was admitted 3 weeks ago, via A&E, with pneumonia. A week later, the diagnosis was changed to TB, and I was moved to isolation. Hearing this was a shock in itself - I've just been busy studying away for my finals in college, and working a few weeks in an office. No going out of the country, no risky behaviour.

I've been deemed-non infectious, and moved back to a normal ward. Drugs seems to be working well, but I did have fluid on the outside of my lungs that had been there for the whole time. A CT was ordered to see if it had cleared, which it hadn't, so an operation was in order. Other routes (chest drain) were attempted, but failed because the fluid had formed pockets. I'm in no pain, no shortness or breath, but I can feel that deep breaths aren't as deep as they used to be. The chest drain has been hooked up for 12 days now, and renders me effectively immobile, since it has to be connected to a vacuum, this isn't too nice either.

The current situation
The operation, which involves ribs being *removed*, epidurals being administered and from what I hear, and unholy amount of pain, was going to be done last Friday if the CT deemed I would need it. When I was told I was going to get the op, I was told it would actually be last Tuesday. Being sick of hospital, I wasn't too happy, but said ok. Fasted for Tuesday, find out at 2.30PM that my surgeon doesn't even operate on a Tuesday.

So it was instead going to be Wednesday. I was last on the list, but at 3PM, I was finally brought down to theatre. In the anaesthesia room, have some needles in for drips and monitoring my vitals (they were not painless to go in), and they suddenly realise that my most recent bloodwork is 5 days old (even though I had bloods taken the day before). One marker (the thickness of my blood) didn't look too good from the 5 day old test, so they ordered an emergency blood test, which would take a half hour to get the results of. Surgeon was too tired, and called the whole thing off, again. I couldn't believe it - I really was shocked.

In the short time I was in theatre, my bed in my old ward was taken by somebody else. While waiting for a new bed to be found, I was put in the recovery room, fully conscious. It is not a nice place to be.

Eventually, a new bed was found for me in a much larger ward, but I was literally plopped down on the bed wearing only my theatre gown. No one offered to go get my bags from my old ward, no food offered (despite having fasted from midnight), bed was just laying flat and I didn't have the strength to raise it (due to needle in hand rendering it useless). Have no fear, I spoke up. I just shouldn't have had to.

Where I am
Still in shock, so incredibly disappointed. I had psyched myself up, had the nerves and anxiety, was ready to get it over and done with, and then it all stops. I've kept positive for the past three weeks, forcing a smile on if necessary, but this pushed me too far. At every point in this whole process where something could have gone the nice way or the horrible way, it has gone the horrible way. I'm finding it very difficult not to break down.

I understand why it was called off, and I'm glad it was, there was a risk of paralysis if something went wrong, due to blood that was a bit on the thin side. My problem is that I got as far as theatre, where you're certain it's happening, resigned to the fact, and then the plug was pulled. But this was a 5 day old blood test. Why wasn't it seen 5 days ago? Why wasn't it seen by the anesthetist when he did my bed-side exam and consent? Why did I have to be halfway through prep for anesthesia when it was discovered?

No apology has yet been given.

Has anyone every heard of surgery being called off at that late a stage?
What can I do to release this anger and disappointment? Crying is not an option, but I find myself welling up, even as I write this. I'm 21 years old, probably already seen as a bit of a baby by every other patient and nurse in here, I don't need to be seen as emotionally unstable on top of that.

This procedure will be painful, and I'll be in hospital for 2 more weeks after it. I know that. Much as I wish it didn't have to happen, I just want it over and done with so that at least I'll be on the mend, and not in an agonising wait where greater and greater disappointments seem to be the only agenda items.

Hmm_Messiah

Hey Snappie

You really are having a bad time. I've not gone through any of that myself, but my mum has a long history of being messed around with hospitals, and also the general sense of misery you get when confided to a hospital bed, with other people making the decisions.

I know its hard to see it this way but some of the delays are good.

That they bothered to revisit the blood tests is actually a good sign - I've seen terrible things happen , including havign to rush my mum to hospital , under a pretext, as the hospital rang saying the meds they gave here were creating a danerous situation with potassium levels

That the surgery cancelled surgery is a hell of a lot better than going ahead, not just avoiding an incident, but the smaller details that can impact you later if the surgeon is tired and not fully attentive.

I also have always thought crying was a great idea to be honest, its whats its for, will relieve a lit of everthign thats building up and give you some extra strength. I think younger people get really p1ssed off being in hospital for anything, all the messing around must make it much worse, but I dunno what to say to you. All Post Op pain is managable so I'd get that out of your head. You can't insist the surgeon get you to theatre so let go of it .

Maybe when you were writing was one of your worse days ? I hope there are no more disappointments but focus on being well again. Am glad you stood up for yourself - some people think its a bad idea as has either no effort or gets you seen as a trouble maker - it doesnt , gets you seen as an adult person and the health care workers with any empathy will respond in as much as they can.

Alternatively I can visit with a bic biro, a stanley knife and some tubing and see how we get on Ad Hoc ?

dudara

Hospital and especially surgery has this amazing ability to make you feel absolutely powerless and helpless. And this is at a time when you need reassurance the most. Surgeons don't *seem* to care (though in reality they do, they just have so much stuff to do and consider i.e. the emergency blood test) and you just want someone to explain it all to you.

Just concentrate on getting better - get people to visit you regularly and try to keep your spirits up. Best of luck.

mayordenis

dudara wrote: »

Hospital and especially surgery has this amazing ability to make you feel absolutely powerless and helpless. And this is at a time when you need reassurance the most. Surgeons don't *seem* to care (though in reality they do, they just have so much stuff to do and consider i.e. the emergency blood test) and you just want someone to explain it all to you.

Just concentrate on getting better - get people to visit you regularly and try to keep your spirits up. Best of luck.

That's basically the crux of it - you've had a massively unfortunate series of events and by the sounds of it hugely sudden also. I've been in and out of hospital and under the knife for the last 2 years I'm 22 myself - I have an idea of what it feels like - not to the same extent but as dudara says and you say yourself you understand why it had to happen, but you are right to be annoyed that they would be teetering on the edge of surgery and then stop at the last moment. Whats important was they didn't go ahead with surgery in a risky state.
This way your still going to get it done - a little bit late (I know ever extra hour is a balls) but it will be done right and you'll be grand, and you'll be back to normal - I once had a doctor run an xray on my ankle and say it was grand and tell me just to throw a support on it - 3 days later they called me saying they gave it another look over and it was broken after all. Infuriating stuff.

snappieT

Guys, thanks for the replies, they have helped. I am feeling a bit better now.

I need to clarify a few things. I'm actually fine with being in hospital, I'm sick, I need to be here, I understand. I'd like to be at home, but the actual being in hospital doesn't bother me. I'm lucky, I have visitors twice daily from family to friends to extended friends. I also have a laptop with internet, which is just great. Positive spin: free food, impossible to spend any money (except online poker )

I did have a problem with the chest drain because it was so restrictive. I'm absolutely dying for a shower, but they're giving me a bit more freedom with it now, I'm allowed to disconnect to go to the bathroom, which makes things a lot less "stuck in bed all day long".

When I wrote that, it was the morning after my worst day, my only bad day. A&E was not nice, but every single other day I've spent in here since has (fortunately) been fine.

A lot of doctors came in today, and the parents were here to dole out the bollockings. They all seemed to think my blood was OK at the value that it was, but it is the anaestheist's choice - they need to be confident they can keep me alive. She was apparently new, and probably being very cautious, so that's fair enough. Surgery is re-scheduled for tomorrow, they're watching my bloods, and there'll be a different anaestheist on tomorrow anyway. Hopefully it'll get done and dusted.

LegacyUser

Hi Snappie T - you have had a very bad experience, hope tomorrow goes Ok for you. Keep the bright side out and stay off those poker sites :-)

Not the religious type at all ....but gonna say a little prayer for u for tomorrow x

CathyMoran

All that I can really add to this is that I greatly sympathise with your condition and wish that you have a speedy recovery.

While I have no experience of your condition I did once have pneumonia and know that the chest drain is no fun. This will hopefully all be a distant memory in a short while and I wish you all the best.

Jonathan

Hope everything goes ok.

Cheeky_gal

Sounds really tough, really do sympathise with you. I hope it'll only go uphill from now so hold back on the anger and frustration for a bit longer. Ps - Don't be such a man and let the tears flow!! You might actually find it'll make you feel better, nothing like an aul cry :P

LouOB

Hey there, My godmother is same hospital as yourself and had some infruating waits.
Her situation is diff than yours but at the end of the day, you had bad experience when you were not feeling your best.
Staff can only do their best and unfortuately we are all human

Am glad you can keep active on PC and with visitors
Keep chin up
Also tears are the best form of healing
Let them out

snappieT

Thanks everyone for the kind words, the spirit has pepped up a bit.

I've been getting blood coagulants to get the blood to where it needs to be, and if it's not there tomorrow they're going to give me fresh frozen plasma to make it happen. This thing is going down tomorrow morning, no matter what. My consultant is dying to get his hands on me, and did apologise for the situation, as did my new anestheist and another consultant of mine. Things are looking up.

LouOB, I hope things improve with your grandmother also. Who knows, she could be in the bed next to me.

I will get back onto this once I'm able to update on progress. Finally feel that a turn in the road has been reached.

rororoyourboat

Hi SnappieT - I hope everything goes OK for you. Thinking of you!

itsallaboutme!!

Hi!!

I cannot even begin to comprehend how you are feeling but I just wanted to post and wish you all the best for tomorrow I really hope it all goes ahead and you will be on the road to recovery soon.
My boyf had pneumonia two years ago and seeing him going through what he went through I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

hope all goes well for you, chin up and best wishes;)

tinkerbell

Hey snappieT, I can't imagine what you must be going through but it's awful. I hope your surgery goes ok tomorrow and that you'll be able to go home soon.

snappieT

Hi all, just wanted to pop back in with an update.

The operation went as planned on the Friday, and everything went well. Spent a few (much more alert than expected) days in high dependency, and a week out of it in a regular ward. Pain wasn't nearly as bad as expected - epidurals kept everything under control in HDU, and (heavy) oral tablets kept me going afterwards.

I'm now home and feeling much better. Still a bit sore, reduced mobility and all that, but it was to be expected. Glad to be home. Thanks for all of your support.

I did, of course, get head****ed one more time. I was told 10 days after the operation I'd get out, which would have been Monday. Then on Monday, I was told that my liver was playing up, and that I'd need to stay in for another week. Convinced them to let me go home for the day so I could get some decent food, and while out, got a call telling me I wouldn't need to stay another night in hospital. That was a nice phonecall.

After 5 weeks, 7 beds, and major surgery, I'm done.

The_Conductor

Welcome home!

BraziliaNZ

yeah well done mate, christ hearing these stories makes me so aware of my mortality! Hope you don't see another hospital for a long long time!

BraziliaNZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

yeah well done mate, christ hearing these stories makes me so aware of my mortality! Hope you don't see another hospital for a long long time!

well done man! great that your home..

another story that puts it in perspective. i'm 21 aswell and while beimg bored out of my tree cause i'm tryin ta save money, you have an actual issue to deal with and mine are just trivial right now.

so what blinds poket ya playin?

tinkerbell

Delighted the op went well for you, bet you're so happy to be back home now!

metrovelvet

Well done. You should be very proud. Being in the hospital takes a lot more courage than people get credit for. Hope you have a full and speedy recovery.

sisco

Thats Mad!!
u ok??