Relationship going sour?

fend

Myself and himself have been together a year. Still love him to bits and im assuming (hoping) he thinks the same :rolleyes:

Its just that we're running out of things to do...! Our weeks are beginning to fill with just sittin in and watching the tv, or rambling the town during the day. Eventually the both of us just get sick of doing the same thing over and over that we start arguing. We're past the cinema stage and there isnt a whole lot more adventurous things to do! We would both love to dash off for a weekend somewhere around Ireland but it just works out too expensive.

Does anyone have an suggestions for a fun/romantic date we could do?
Im fearful that if we don't find some sort of exciting thing to pursue, we'l end up getting sick of each other.

starbelgrade

Lucky you're not married. Sounds like normal life to me!

narac

Firstly:

fend wrote: »

We're past the cinema stage and there isnt a whole lot more adventurous things to do!

There really is no such thing as this. After 10 years with my wife (including four years marriage), myself and my wife still enjoy going to the Cinema. It's not about the film, and it's quite expensive for what you get (nearly €20 for both of us? Could buy two dvds for that....). It's about getting out of the house and being in each others company in a different setting.

You should consider having a day a week that you set aside as a "date night" - whether it's going to the cinema, going for dinner, going for a few drinks (by yourselves) or finding the nearest park or woodland and spending a few hours strolling (bring a picnic!), or even just going for a scenic drive in the car. This is what we do, and we really enjoy it. Sometimes we miss dates - for example, the last few weeks I have been extremely busy at work, working long hours to meet deadlines, and have been too wrecked to do anything in the free time. But to make it up, I'm going to organise to do something for a full day this weekend. One thing - don't do the same thing every time, or you'll get bored. Make sure you have 5 or 6 things you enjoy doing with each other on the "date nights".

Another thing you need to do is start getting interested in each others hobbies. My wife enjoys yoga. By god, yoga definitely isn't my thing, but I started going with her to it. I can't say I particularly enjoy the yoga itself, but I do like spending time with her. Also remember, it's not a one way thing. For example, my wife has also started watching football with me, and it's at the point that I much prefer watching matches with her than with my mates. Also, figure out something new that you both might like to start together. For example, this year both of us started playing tag rugby on the same team.

All these things aren't difficult to do, and aren't expensive, but they just involve both of you saying "yes, I want to make an effort in this relationship". At one year, it really is a bit early in the relationship to be feeling like you do. But if both of you feel it's worth the bit of effort, you'll find it's not very difficult at all to revitalise your relationship.

Ok, here's and idea for your first romantic thing to do. Organise to meet your bf in a bar somewhere. Act like you're meeting for the first time, so arrive at different times. Have a few drinks and ask each other about themselves. Think of things you don't know about his life. For example, ask him about aspects of his work or his family that you don't know about. It really feels cheesy at first, but it actually works very well and you will really enjoy getting to know him better.

Moomoo1

OP - this is a familiar story for all of us. Sadly, there are only so many things one can do and places one can go to. On one hand, this is normal.

On the other hand, getting stuck in a rut is horrible, and the several 'love but not in love' threads we get per week could have something to do with that. I think the key here is surprise and variety. It doesn't matter how small a thing is, it can be made into a _romantic thing_ (no pun intended).

Rebelheart

fend wrote: »

Myself and himself have been together a year. Still love him to bits and im assuming (hoping) he thinks the same :rolleyes:

Its just that we're running out of things to do...! Our weeks are beginning to fill with just sittin in and watching the tv, or rambling the town during the day. Eventually the both of us just get sick of doing the same thing over and over that we start arguing. We're past the cinema stage and there isnt a whole lot more adventurous things to do! We would both love to dash off for a weekend somewhere around Ireland but it just works out too expensive.

Does anyone have an suggestions for a fun/romantic date we could do?
Im fearful that if we don't find some sort of exciting thing to pursue, we'l end up getting sick of each other.

If you get around to it have a read of Richard Yates's Revolutionary Road, or get the movie on dvd. It's a tragedy about a suburban couple getting stuck in a rut.

Narac's post above made a lot of sense, even if I'd be more outdoorsy than a cinema person. I've been walking out with my bird for over 5 years now and we are routinely sucked into mundanity such as shopping and her deep sense of obligation to her familial and social circle. That bores me to death and imprisons me. So, I gave up asking her to do something a bit more spiritual and off I went on my own walking the Wicklow Way, going for long walks on the beach in Portrane and Donabate, walking from Greystones to Bray along the coastal path where the walkway is almost gone due to coastal erosion, and many other places, particularly historical sites and hillwalking.

Despite initial protests about my not making an appearance with all the boring social things, before long she was joining me and we were both much happier, and closer. To be honest while I needed the spirituality, doing it on my own was at once very spiritual but also made me feel more distant from her. There is an absolute mountain of diverse things you can do anywhere in Ireland if you make the effort. But you have to make that effort, mark those days, those weekends out for yourselves. No interference. No Mammys, Daddys, sisters, brothers, friends, aunts, uncles etc. They are your days: take them and guard them as sacred.

And for the love of Jesus insist that neither of you have your phones on in this period. That is a must.

PS: I really would ditch the TV. I've suggested it many times, but she throws daggers at me with her eyes each time. At least ditch it for a month or two and see how you get on. There's a fine line between "light entertainment" and "braindead".

There are plenty of spiritual and romantic things to do - now get out there and do them. All the best.

turgon

Just a quick note: I was once with a girl and one of the primary reasons we broke up was this exact same repetition and eventually boredom. Make the effort and get it sorted!

Chocoholic84

Narcac's post is spot-on!

OP, whereabouts do you live? If you live near a large town or city, there really is no excuse not to find "fun" things to do - I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're past the "cinema" stage - me and my b/f are together 5 years and we go to the cinema at least once a week! If you're in Dublin, join Cineworld and it's only €20 a month to see as many films as you want with the unlimited card - bargain!

We also go for a nice dinner out at least once a month - it's a nice opportunity to get dressed up and be in a romantic setting- it feels like a "proper" date

There's no end of things you can do on a date - be it cinema, dinner, couple of drinks in the local, comedy club, bowling....or for a daytime date, try horse-riding, or anything else outdoorsy...

Or you can google "Things to do in [insert where you're from here]"

ManOfMystery

I was in a similar position once so ended up scouring the internet for ideas of different things to do. There really is lots of activities which aren't any more expensive (if even) than cinema, you just need to widen your horizons a bit!

Crazy golf, swimming, country walks (parks, etc), cycling, go for a picnic instead of dinner, go to the beach, board games, bowling, dancing classes, live music events, etc. Just think outside the box

fend

Thanks all for your ideas and suggestions!
Living in Galway City -- and although its a large city, there really is not a whole lot to do. There is of course the obvious ones such as walks on the prom etc... But trust me, walking up and down Salthill definatly does tire after a while!

As for the cinema scenario, At the beginning of our relationship, all we ever did was go to see a movie! We will still go every now and then when a good movie comes out, but every week is a bit extreme!!

Mentioned some of the spontaneous ideas to himself and yesterday morning was greeted to a bunch of flowers as I opened the door! Obviously I don't expect that treatment every day but It makes a change from just Valentines Day!!! Iv been smiling ever since!
Making his favorite desert this evening and got tickets to go see a gig we've been meaning to go to as a surprise for the night! Hope he hasn't anything else planned :rolleyes:

narac

Hi fend
First of all, well done for deciding to make the effort! And obviously he has decided to make an effort as well, so it will work out for you.

You're probably going to find yourself overcompensating a bit at first, doing loads of stuff. But it's important that this doesn't burn out completely, and that you manage to find a way that you can keep it going on a week to week and month to month basis.

I'm not from Galway, but I know it very well, and there is enough to do there...you just have to look (but that's true of everywhere)! Even go to the Galway City forum here and ask for ideas, if you want!