Need relationship advice

LegacyUser

Gonna go unregged for this but need some advice from my fellow boardies as it is something that has been hanging over me for a while.

The background is as follows, im a 25 year old lad and have never really been in love as such mainly my own fault because i never wanted the commitment in the past. I have had relationships in the past but i can honestly say that i have never had very strong feelings as i usually try not to get emotionally involved and seem to do a pretty good job. The problem facing me now is that i want to meet a girl more than ever but am frustrated as i seem to have a strange attitude towards women as i try not to be open minded about a relationship and make up my mind pretty soon on prospective partners.I am very selective and it seems to me that im looking for the kind of woman that does not exist, at least in my head anyway.

How do i go about changing this mindset because it is seriously affecting my chances of meeting the right person because i know for a fact that i have met a few women that i could have had long term relationships with already but never pursued it because it did not interest me at the time.I have never had a problem attracting women in the past but im gone past meeting women in niteclubs as it does not interest me at the moment as i have done it in the past and dont foresee meeting anyone for a meaningful relationship in this way.This currently leaves me with a lack of options as there is no women my age where i work really and i tried meeting a few women off dating sites but just did not do it for me.

I also moved counties with work about six months ago and my circle of friends is not the widest at the moment where im working so thats another cause for concern.Any advice would be appreciated as i dont exactly know what advice i am looking for but i definately think my attitude is wrong as i have treated women badly in the past due to me not wanting commitment but i just dont know if i can change my way of thinking as i always seem find the worst in people then exagerate it to the point where i think a relationship wont work in the long term. My first problem is how do i change my attitude, secondly how do i meet new women within the constraints i mentioned above. Thanks for reading

seacláid-te

I suppose the fact that you are looking for someone now, and wanting a relationship, you're being critical and analysing everything, but love is very hard to find when you're looking for it and thinking about it! If you relax and just be yourself, you will probably be more successful! Best of luck!

wolfric

I don't want to give you a whole paragraph of dating tips and places to meet women as you've probably been through them already and hell you probably already know everything you're asking but you're unsure and need some reassurance. If you bare with me (and you might have already taken this into account) but i do have something for you to ponder.

Most of it is by luck, some of the time we have an idea of what life is supposed to be like we stop living it to try live how it's "supposed to be lived" by which point we realize that we were living life perfectly all the time. I think that if you're going for a serious girlfriend that it's important to have that kick and the feeling that you're not just living with your best friend but someone who you work towards wining over even if you're with them for your life.

Just because you meet girls in nightclubs doesn't change who they are. We're not classified into cheap (who go to night clubs) and deep (who build houses and families).

Just be mindful of opportunities everywhere and know that even women you meet in old places can still hold the gem you need for a partner in life. After that it's just a bit of luck. If you keep rolling the dice though you're infinity more likely to get what you want.

VaioCruiser

Hi OP...

"i usually try not to get emotionally involved and seem to do a pretty good job"

NOT a great way to develop as a person and a person capable of having a meaningful relationship is it ?

I would advise you to just do your best NOT to pre-select girls by some narrow set of criteria and wait untuil you meet them and date three times before you make a decision.

I have dated hot beauties and, well, ... not so hot 'nice' looking girls. The 'Hot beauty' effect wears off very very fast I can tell you.

This may sound a bit silly and may not be 100% on your topic, but ... When I was young I 'ached' to date a girl with fabulous long legs and perky breasts ... But then after a few years I actually dated one and then another. I found that when dating her I didn't really see the legs as much as I did when they were on a girl who was with someone else ... and when I actually got hot and heavy with her spectacular pair (..) to be honest they didn't do any more for me than 'normal' ones...

So after a few years I learned to appreciate from a distance and not to feel unhappy if I was dating a normal nice looking girl. The things that really matter are not the things we THINK we want.

All the best.