Would you move back home?

Xiney

So, this is something that I've been thinking about. I'm 23 years old, and it will be 6 years at the end of the month since I moved out of my parent's house to attend university 8 hours away. I only visited them 3 or 4 times a year after moving out, so it wasn't a case of coming home for the summer and going back to school, either.

I've also been living with my SO for four years now, married for three and a half. And we've been in Ireland for the past two years, during which I haven't been home at all, because there's no money for it.

However, with the way things are economy wise, our back up plan in case of job loss is to leave Ireland and move back in with my parents for a while. Honestly my mother would be overjoyed to have her nest re-filled. She keeps asking me when we're moving in. And living there would probably be ok - I'd move into my old room (although we'd have to put in a double bed) and use my sister's room as a separate living space for us. The way the house is we'd have sort of our own space upstairs, although we'd share the kitchen and bathroom with my parents.


Just wondering if anybody else would consider moving back in with their parents after leaving home for such an extended period of time? I never thought I'd be back but I might be, the way things are going...

Otis Driftwood

Im currently living with my folks due to losing my job after about 6 years away and I have to say,its soul destroying.Dont get me wrong,I love my parents dearly,but Ive changed so much over this period of time but they havnt.Alot of the time its like Im still a teenager with them ie where are you going,are you coming home,dont drink too much etc.

I know they mean well but its driving me up the walls.

I do realise that Im lucky to have the option there because I know some people that dont and are really struggling at the moment.

SeekUp

I moved away from home the summer I turned 18, and haven't lived at home since. Monetarily speaking, I think it might've been smarter to move back for a bit after I finished school, but that's not how it happened/what I chose to do, and I'm okay with that.

A decade later, however, I don't think that I'd ever think about moving home again. Doing it by myself might be one thing, but with a husband/OH, it'd be that much more difficult, I think . . . unless, of course, it would be for a predetermined period of time -- for example, if our lease was up at one place and we were waiting for the paperwork to go through on buying another place, or we had just moved to the country (we're living internationally at the moment) and were just using home as a base until we got settled.

All that being said, you do whatever you need to do when things get tight. And if you feel that's the best choice to keep you and your husband afloat, then go ahead and take advantage of your parents' generosity. There's no shame in it.

ecaf

Sort of thinking about it at the moment, for the short term, but my hubbie doesn't know about it yet. Have been renting together for over 6 years and I left home a good bit before that. Don't think he would be too happy about it, but it would give us a chance to save a bit more of a deposit before buying. Plus there is a chance he won't have a job fairly soon, so we might have to consider it a bit more seriously. (We would still pay rent, just not as much).

One thing that bugs me, like Xiney we would have our own living space, but would have to share the Kitchen, which is fine, but the bed room is above their living quarters so it could be a bit awkward when going at a bit of lovin' !!! I hate the thoughts of having to stay quiet or sneak it in when they are out???
Then again it is only for the short term, there is something in the pipeline for OH's job but not until the new year.

Sinall

Personally, no. But that's because everything in my house is governed by my mother! I have not lived at home in 10 years and could not face it again. I do things my own way now and there would be clashes!

However, the set up that you would be going into sounds pretty cool. And as long as your parents would let you have your own space it could completely work.

Joey the lips

Love my mom and dad(dad passed away last year). Would let her move in with me if she wanted but give up my freedom by choice.... NEVER.

Our parents have behaviours that annoy us. They seem to still treat us as kids. I would not like this on front of my o/h.

plus I have 1 child and while the babysitting would be great my fella is the duracel bunny. He never stops and this would not be fair to my mom. Then there is the arguements. Not many thank god but my mom siding with my o/h 2 against 1! Nope thats not for me!


I think nosteliga is great. Home is where the heart is crap and all but memories are better when preserved not relived. That ham sandwich in dublin airport you have before heading on your 2 week hoilday to america always seems tasty but if you ate it now. nahhh its just a ham sandwich!



However all that being said. My kids can stay with me forver and if they ever move out and regret it they can always move back. My kids will always have a home while I am alive,

BlackandGold

I think it would be okay. Yes they drive you mad with questions etc etc but it's a means to an ennd. There's no doubt that you could save much more by doing this as opposed to renting, as rent between two could be at least €100 per week - if you're living with parents surely half of this would suffice?

I suppose you just need to come to an agreement about things - they need to realise you still need your own space. At the same time, they're doing you a huge favour [even if they want you to move back in] by allowing you and your partner into their family home to live.

The trick is to strike a balance. Could work out delightfully, who knows.

kizzyr

Sinall wrote: »

Personally, no. But that's because everything in my house is governed by my mother! I have not lived at home in 10 years and could not face it again. I do things my own way now and there would be clashes!

However, the set up that you would be going into sounds pretty cool. And as long as your parents would let you have your own space it could completely work.[/QUOTE]

And he lets them have their own space. I think the OP's parents are doing him a huge favour by opening up their house to him after such a long time. By his own admission he hasn't been back to visit often, doesn't appear to have a close relationship but is willing to move back when it suits him and seems to think he is doing his mum some kind of favour.

cuckoo

Oddly I think it would work better if I were to be moving back to my parents with a husband in tow (no way would they sanction their unmarried children sharing a bed with someone in their home, fair enough - their house, their rules).

Having someone else there would put all of us on better behaviour!

But, it would still be their rules under their roof - which could prove tricky if i had children and my parents had different ideas about discipline, etc.

It couldn't be a long term solution for me, if it were to be going past 8 months/a year (perhaps to share childcare/taking care of one of my parents/financial reasons) we'd have to look at getting a seperate bathroom and maybe kitchen/living space.

Potential minefield, but look at some of the tiny houses that generations of a family used to share in Dublin...

pikachucheeks

I haven't lived at home, full time, since I was 12 years old, so to find myself in a situation where I was there alllll the time now, I think I'd find it incredibly weird.

I'm up in Dublin for college, my parents live in the boglands of Cork. We moved down when I was younger, but I never considered it to be my home and I was really unhappy, for a long time.

For me, it's ideal to live in Dublin and have my home-away-from-home in Cork. I always wanted to come back to Dublin, I have a life here and when things get too much, I welcome the chance to go to the back-and-beyonds and escape into the peaceful countryside. Before, I was depressed by it.

Also, I feel like my family appreciates each other so much more, considering we're all in different places, away from each other.

shellyboo

If I lost my job, it would be my only option. I go through stages of thinking it would be hell and then thinking it would be ok. I love my parents and brother, get on with them well, but I like having my own space and I think I would feel a bit swamped living with them again. Where I live now, I get the odd weekend with the house to myself and I love that.

I have lots of friends who still live back home, so I wouldn't be lonely - I think I'd have a hard time dealing with the small-town mentality up there though. There are lots of people in my village who'd class me as a snob because I went to uni, basically, and this whole business of everyone knowing what everyone else is doing would drive me up the wall.

Basically, if I had to, I would, and I'd probably be happy enough. But I love Dublin and I'd like to stay here!

cuckoo

Been thinking about it a bit more - it'd be brilliant to live somewhere where there was always milk in the fridge and someone that wanted to hear about how your day went!

(think i have some form of amnesia about all the rows i had with my parents during the teenage years)

Sinall

kizzyr wrote: »

Sinall wrote: »

Personally, no. But that's because everything in my house is governed by my mother! I have not lived at home in 10 years and could not face it again. I do things my own way now and there would be clashes!

However, the set up that you would be going into sounds pretty cool. And as long as your parents would let you have your own space it could completely work.[/QUOTE]

And he lets them have their own space. I think the OP's parents are doing him a huge favour by opening up their house to him after such a long time. By his own admission he hasn't been back to visit often, doesn't appear to have a close relationship but is willing to move back when it suits him and seems to think he is doing his mum some kind of favour.

I agree the space thing works both ways! It's just in my own parents house you can give my mother all the space in the world and then when you are in the bathroom she is trying to talk to you through the door!

I think it sounds like the OP has a really close relationship with her parents, it just sounds like distance that has prevented her from visiting. It sounds to me like her parents live overseas.

metaoblivia

I would under certain circumstances, and I have in the past (twice).
The first time was after my first year supporting myself. I immediately went from uni to working as a teacher in a town in another state. I could have stayed on, but just before we broke for summer holidays, I was sexually assaulted, and then found out that the man who did it had been stalking me for months. I decided it would be best to leave that town and state. Going home was the easiest option for someone who just wanted to GTFO. So home I went and I lived with my mom for about a year.
Then I went off again, and came back when I got accepted to graduate school in order to save some money.

I always paid for my own groceries and paid my mother rent (rent was very cheap). I also helped her keep house, so I didn't feel like a total mooch.
If I lost my job now, I would probably move back home again if I couldn't find anything else. She wasn't bad to live with. She gave me my space, didn't ask that I be home by a certain time, and didn't mind when I brought gentlemen home.

Avoiding Work

I flew the nest just under two years ago, visit once or twice a week and still very close but the very thoughts of moving back home gives me shivvers :eek:

Like previous posters have said I love my folks dearly but I've grown up in those 2 years, have gotten used to my freedom and doing things my own way. In the interest of us staying a happy family I hope I'll never have to

However, easy for me to say when things are going my way. Your parents seem cool enough to respect your privacy & its not forever.

Good Luck!

I love living with my parents.
I might have moved out at 17, but I have always considered the place my home.
My parents have never treated me like a sub-ordinate, we were never made to feel like we were lodgers in their house. We all share the same laidback and respectful attitude to living with others. That spares alot of aggro.
I feel like I have more company, and yet more space and privacy at home.
Having pets, and people to cook for is a huge boon to me.
I enjoy having an interest in the place where I'm living. I like diy and my garden and veggie patch.
I love living in the countryside too. I'm genuinely at peace here.
The only negative thing, is that there is always something to be done

Bringing a relationship under your parents noses is another matter though.
That is just a recipe for massive rows and disaster.

Clare Bear

I moved out 5 years ago but I still visit a lot, sometimes for up to a week when I was working shift work. I love going back home but it's always nice to know I'm leaving again in a few days. It's a very easy going house and we all get on great but I've gotten too used to doing my own thing and living with my boyfriend and not having to really answer to anyone. I do see myself moving back to the boglands eventually though for a lot of reasons, family, friends, financially etc. Myself and my boyfriend have been talking about it recently and it's on the cards but not for a few years probably, if I can drag him away from Dublin. I'm happy living in Dublin for now and having fun here but home is still where the heart is so I think I'll go back there eventually. Throw the parents in to a caravan or something and take over their house, I have it all planned out :pac:

Novella

Hmm, moved out when I had just turned seventeen. Would not wanna move home again but if it had to be done, then of course I would 'cause I'd have no choice! I love home and my parents are great but I like my own space and being able to go wherever I want without anyone asking where I'm going, what time I intend being back and no one ever complains in the morning that I made a lot of noise coming in!

rainbow kirby

I moved back in just over a year ago after being out for a year. I really didn't want to move back in with my family, I'd gotten used to my own space and moving back home felt like I was being squashed, in a way. Didn't have a choice really though, as I was going back to college and I wouldn't have been able to afford to live out for that.

I've since moved out again and come back home again, after getting a job but absolutely hating both it and the city where the job was.

Xiney

My relationship with my parents is pretty good these days. It wasn't when I was a teenager - I wasn't particularly rebellious but... well it's a long story. My mom is bipolar and we'll leave it at that. She's back to normal now and has been for years which has allowed our relationship to improve to a degree I never thought possible.

I guess my main concern would be the lack of privacy. I wouldn't exactly want to be having a disagreement with my husband and have my mother piping up the stairs to tell us what she thinks. Also my husband loooves to sleep in. To a degree that my parents might think him lazy, or that my husband might feel ashamed about.

Other than that though, it would probably be totally fine. I'd go in a heartbeat now, actually, just because I'm so sick of the way things are here, but my husband is still working and it really would be stupid to leave a job where he's getting valuable experience with nothing lined up in Canada.

It's odd, because I've always told my mom no when she offered to give us money, out of pride I guess, but I wouldn't have the same hang ups about being back living at home. I suppose because I feel I'd be contributing one way or another to the household if I was living there. We could help with bills, I could cook dinner a couple times a week, take their dog and ours for crazy long walks that my mom isn't strong enough for and my dad doesn't have time for, that kind of thing. Also, it's not the basement, so it's not cliche, lol.

Pherekydes

I moved into my wife's parents' house immediately after we got married while we saved for our own, and despite the fact that her parents were as easy as pie to get on with it just didn't feel right. I never felt right living with my own parents as an adult (I moved back in with my own parents with my 2 boys after my wife left me).

With the benefit of hindsight I wouldn't do it again. OP, you should think long and hard before you do it.

SeekUp

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Also, I feel like my family appreciates each other so much more, considering we're all in different places, away from each other.

This is often the case, isn't it? I live away from all of my family and when I get home and get a chance to visit with everyone, there's always something to chat about/catch up on . . . you're (almost) always genuinely happy to see and spend time with them.

emeraldstar

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Also, I feel like my family appreciates each other so much more, considering we're all in different places, away from each other.

Yep, exactly! You get on so much better with your family when you don't have to see them constantly I find.

I could only move back home if I knew it was just a temporary measure - a couple of months or so tops - just so I'd know there'd be an escape!

Don't get me wrong I love my family and I love going home, but only once in a while and for short-ish periods. I love my freedom far too much to move back there permanently.

Also, my parents live down the country whereas I love city living and, right now at least, I can't ever see myself moving back to a small country town.

Faith

I moved out for uni at 18. I came back for holidays and summer etc. I moved back in this summer when I finished college. It was supposed to be a temporary think until I got a job and my own place, but I haven't managed to secure a job. I'm starting a PG course in September and am seriously panicking that I'll have to stay here. I get on with my parents, for the most part, but we still fight a lot. I stay in my room a lot, watching tv, being on the internet etc, and they have a serious problem with this. They think I'm being difficult and anti-social and give out to me for it. They also don't believe in being idle, so they expect me to be constantly doing stuff. They're also both incredibly tidy, while I'm really messy, so that leads to constant arguments!

It's hard, being an adult and used to be independence. They don't agree with my boyfriend sharing my room. He lives in Kerry, so that's really frustrating. I have to go to him if we want to share a bed for the night. Frankly, I can't wait to move out for good.

MadgeBadge

As happy as I was living at home previously (and I was, I never wanted to move out at all) now that I'm back, it does not work. I don't understand why, but that's how it is.

I moved away for Uni, I moved home after four years thinking everything would be just as blissful as before I went away, it isn't. Either my Mam changed, or I changed, or both, or I have a parallel universe theory that I'm not going to go into right now. But yeah, avoid if possible.

I'm saving for a deposit somewhere, and a healthier relationship with my Mam.

kizzyr

Sinall wrote: »

kizzyr wrote: »

I agree the space thing works both ways! It's just in my own parents house you can give my mother all the space in the world and then when you are in the bathroom she is trying to talk to you through the door!

I think it sounds like the OP has a really close relationship with her parents, it just sounds like distance that has prevented her from visiting. It sounds to me like her parents live overseas.

Gotta love the Mammy:D

beks101

It's a fanciful idea for me right now as I'm sick of renting, getting sick of Dublin, trying to save, and missing the fresh air...

But I think it's a situation of once you leave, you can't go back, for me. I like doing my own thing and not answering ten million questions when I walk through the door, I like eating at random hours and not on-the-clock, I like sitting up until 3am for no particular reason on occasion. But parents don't get this :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Nightwish

I moved out when I was 18 and when college finished I moved home for a year. It was awful. I was 23 but still felt like a child at home. I was always fighting with my parents and I really felt immature. I couldnt take it any longer and I eventually moved out and havent been back since. I really get on much better with my parents now. I visit them almost every day and things are fine. However, if I should lose me job, which is not beyond the bounds of possibility I think I'd have to move home and it would kill me.

Joey the lips

beks101 wrote: »

It's a fanciful idea for me right now as I'm sick of renting, getting sick of Dublin, trying to save, and missing the fresh air...

But I think it's a situation of once you leave, you can't go back, for me. I like doing my own thing and not answering ten million questions when I walk through the door, I like eating at random hours and not on-the-clock, I like sitting up until 3am for no particular reason on occasion. But parents don't get this :rolleyes::rolleyes:

I think they do its just they all worry. Its the reason we move out. After all who would move away from 3 square meals and a washing machine

Plus all parents have to become fridge police

Snowie

My parents are moving to the south of France. not a problem Id move there in a jiffy only the old man would prolly say something like here skin feck of and do something else Im retired :pac: tho my mum has this mad idea of setting up a coffee shop and letting me run the kitchen/front of house stuff If I had to I would tho.....

jinxycat

If i had a choice, I wouldn't move back home. Myself and my dad didn't get on with each other at all. He never gave me any space at home and expected too much from me. We fought like cats and dogs when under the same roof.

We get on so much better since i left home and I don't think i'd want that to change, I like where our relationship is now. Hehe we still argue the odd time but not as much as we used too.

The Big Red Button

I moved away for college when I was 17, and I've moved in and out quite a few times since for months at a time, due to changing college and jobs etc! I'm now almost 24 and have been at home full-time the past couple of years.

I'll be moving to the other side of the country pretty soon for work, for at least four years and probably more. In one way, I cannot wait for the independence and space (I've a fairly large family, living in a relatively small house!) I really like having my own privacy, and you just can't get that living at home, especially with younger siblings.

However my parents are absolutely the best you could get in a lot of ways. We're all allowed to have parties and to have friends over whenever we want - although, because they're so good about it, we try not to take advantage! Mammy's great for doing dinners and washing and all that, and I'll definitely miss that when I'm gone. And the two of them are great craic just to chill out with over a bottle of wine!

They're not strict or interfering, although of course it was a different story when I was a teenager. We treat each other with respect, I'm just another adult living in their house. If I'm out, they don't wait up for me or anything like that. Because of all that, I'd be happy to move back again in the future ... although only on a short-term basis, I would hope. And, bless 'em, they'd always have a bed for me here!

As to having my OH here too ... to be honest, I wouldn't be so keen on that. They love him, and vice versa, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it! I'm not sure why. He's currently living at home too (not far away from me) and I think in the future if we'd nowhere else to go, we'd probably just go home to our separate places. Presuming it was only going to be temporary. Obviously this could not be an option for the OP - it's different when you're only a few minutes up the road for each other! - but that's my own situation.

only been living out of home [well, 'home' being staying with other relatives, but same thing really] for a month, am 23, as for various reasons i couldnt really do it before now. wish i could have for uni but then i was too young

would kill me to ever go back again
should have moved country instead!!

MJOR

I'd do it no problem. I think there would be a peroid of adjustment but you'd just have to get on with it. As long as there is love and respect it would work

allabouteve

I moved back home temporarily to look after my mother in the final stages of her illness.

Under no circumstances would I have done it otherwise. Two adult women in one house is a bad mixture without another person as a diluting factor.

bills

only moved out 2 years ago but definetely would not go back unless i was desperate.
Like a few other people have commented, me & my mother used to have the worst rows. we still do but not as many opportunities now as there were before.