Sex toy with someone new

LegacyUser

I'm just wondering how people broach the subject of using sex toys.

Has anyone ever done so on a first night of passion, or should that be left alone?

I have a slight problem with penis girth and keeping an erection. Both are connected. I can use a cock ring to aleviate both issues though.
But, I have never used one on a first encounter. Sometimes I have a problem other times I don't. But I know my confidence would be better, and therefore my love making, if I could use a cock ring.... but I'm always too afraid to bring it up.

Should I just bight the bullet and pull it out (assuming we are at my place)? Should I talk to her about it? might mess up the mood a little though.
Any advice?

Sinall

It depends on the girl. Some might be agreeable and it might freak some out so soon.

Whilst I am all in favour of sex toys and think they can add some fun to a healthy sexual relationship, I know I would be a bit concerned if this was introduced on the first night. It really does depend on the girl though and what kind of vibe you are getting from her.

wolfric

General rule of thumb. If you don't see it as a big deal neither will they. If you make a big deal and try tip toe about it then they'll take more notice about it. I'd just take it out and put it on. There are plenty worse toys. A simple, are you ok with me using this? will suffice most times. If they say no, then make some smart comment jokingly and continue on in good form.

shellyboo

Whip it out, and do it with confidence! Say nothing. If she questions it, a simple "I just want to make things really good for you" shall suffice. If you tip-toe around it, it'll be awkward - just do it as if it's perfectly normal. Which it is, btw! Kudos to you for taking action to sort the problem

pwd

Think of your sex problem as a handicap and think of your cock ring as a crutch. Then if someone has a problem with either, they have a problem with handicapped people - and why would you want to be with someone like that?

LegacyUser

Just make sure its a brand new one and she see's you taking it out of the packet!

Otis Driftwood

sextoys wrote: »

I'm just wondering how people broach the subject of using sex toys.

Has anyone ever done so on a first night of passion, or should that be left alone?

I have a slight problem with penis girth and keeping an erection. Both are connected. I can use a cock ring to aleviate both issues though.
But, I have never used one on a first encounter. Sometimes I have a problem other times I don't. But I know my confidence would be better, and therefore my love making, if I could use a cock ring.... but I'm always too afraid to bring it up.

Should I just bight the bullet and pull it out (assuming we are at my place)? Should I talk to her about it? might mess up the mood a little though.
Any advice?

For some reason I automatically assumed you were a female poster.


Anyway,if you are getting to the stage that ye are going to sleep together I would presume that ye have talked about sex etc.Maybe try dropping it into the conversation before ye get down to it.I would be of the opinion that if you whip it out so to speak without warning it could go one of two ways.She will either think its great,or she will think you are a deviant.

Please dont take that the wrong way,I in no way think that,but she may,you just never know.She may think sex toys are unnatural or weird (which they arent) so IMO it would be unfair to spring it on her from the off especially without telling her.The fact of the matter is that not all women are as sexually enlightened as some of the female posters here so I would explain it to her first.

Good luck what ever you decide anyway.

shellyboo

I dunno if there are many women who'd get freaked out at a cock ring though. Are there really? I mean, from the sounds of it, he's not talking about a vibrating one - this is not for her benefit, it's just a standard one in rubber or steel to keep him hard.

I think being apoligetic about it is really the wrong approach, especially with someone who's not used to them! His confidence will reassure the woman that it's nothing strange or unusual. If she's freaked out, she'll just be even more freaked out if he asks her if it's ok.

Otis Driftwood

Ah if only every female was as enlightened as you Shelly.

I know the reason he uses it is to maintain an erection so is it not possible that if he springs it on her when they are getting down,tells her he needs it to remain up,that she could think "why does he need this to perform,does he not find me arousing enough or something".Thankfully Ive never had this dilemma so I couldnt say what the other persons reaction could be.

Maybe most females would be 100% ok with it but I would be surprised,and thats being honest.
Alot of females (that Ive encountered) would be somewhat naive when it comes to sexual aids and wouldnt want anything to do with them for use on their own never mind having something attached to someone else that they (the female) have little control over.

All I can say OP is that if I was in your shoes I would likely broach the subject first.

Can I ask,how has it come up (pardon the pun) with past partners and how did they react?

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

I dunno if there are many women who'd get freaked out at a cock ring though.

Well consider this. I'm a man, admittably not a very sexually experienced man, and I up until reading this thread had no idea what a cock ring was. Tbh I thought it was some weird thing used for Domination type stuff.

So there could wel be lots of girls out there who might think wtf is this guy into when its taken out, thinking it is something more than it is, as I did.

So OP I guess it depends on the girl if they seem adventerous maybe give it a go, if it is someone who is innocent enough might be best to forget about it for a first encounter anyway.

shellyboo

nedtheshed wrote: »

Ah if only every female was as enlightened as you Shelly.

Thanks.

nedtheshed wrote: »

I know the reason he uses it is to maintain an erection so is it not possible that if he springs it on her when they are getting down,tells her he needs it to remain up,that she could think "why does he need this to perform,does he not find me arousing enough or something".

Ugh, how annoying and stupid. I hate women like that. Ok, I get your point though, yes some women are this unbelievably self-centered and insecure.

nedtheshed wrote: »

Maybe most females would be 100% ok with it but I would be surprised,and thats being honest.
Alot of females (that Ive encountered) would be somewhat naive when it comes to sexual aids and wouldnt want anything to do with them for use on their own never mind having something attached to someone else that they (the female) have little control over.

All I can say OP is that if I was in your shoes I would likely broach the subject first.

But there's nothing to "control", per se... it'll just sit there and she won't even be able to feel it. I get what you mean, like, I wouldn't be whipping open my sex toy drawer on a first night with a guy, but something like this is *so* unthreatening that I think with the right attitude he can pull it off without making a big deal out of it.

Like, given the alternative - erection and girth problems on a first time, or he's brought out a cock ring and given you a great night's sex - which is worse? Which is more offputting? I say the first. I think it's worth the risk.

I know I would respect a guy who said it to me first, it woudln't be offputting to me at all, but like you say, not all women are like that... if we're talking about women who are likely to be freaked out then they'll just say no off the bat. Whereas if he just powers on and uses it, passing no heed - I doubt most women would say anything.

But I do get where you're coming from. However, a confident guy who knows what he's doing in the bedroom = win. A guy who's insecure about his erection and needs to ask you if it's ok to wear a cock ring... not so much.

Otis Driftwood

It is a bit of a quandry in fairness.But as you have said,fair play to him for doing something about it and I agree 100%,confidence (from both parties) is a must.

Jazzy

dont leave anal plugs lying about.
went to a mates gaff once. left one lying on the bed. was just awkward for all concerned

shellyboo

nedtheshed wrote: »

It is a bit of a quandry in fairness.But as you have said,fair play to him for doing something about it and I agree 100%,confidence (from both parties) is a must.

Indeed, hurrah for the OP

Jazzy wrote: »

dont leave anal plugs lying about.
went to a mates gaff once. left one lying on the bed. was just awkward for all concerned

I lol'd

AckwelFoley

wolfric wrote: »

General rule of thumb. If you don't see it as a big deal neither will they. .

Thats very general, perhaps too much so.. if i met a woman in a one night stand and she pulls out a strap during the half time interval, i really dont care how relaxed and easy going she was about it.. id be out of that room quicker than lightning.

However- i do agree with you that if the OP is rather casual about the use of this particular sex toy and perhaps light hearted about it i think there shouldnt be a problem.

wolfric

That's why it's a "general rule of thumb" and not a solid 100% rule. Obviously the more abnormal you go the less you're going to be able to sway your partner. Although you'd be surprised with very characteristic people with great charisma can do. Just look at hitler. How many people can get you to try take over the world and pack millions of people into trucks and set up little houses and then kill and burn them all. The truly unique people can get you to do truly unique things

LegacyUser

OP here.
Thanks for all the advice. Alas, I'm still nowhere near a set line of action. I guess it's a case of trying to get a feel for the girl and whether she would be cool with it.

As someone said, it's better to maybe slightly surprise her than let her down due to my lack of confidence.