Got the flick, can't work her out

Rocky77

I met a girl earlier in the summer and we started dating. Things were going really really well and we were getting on great. However, she gave me the flick on a Tuesday over the phone, said she couldn't do it face to face. Basically we'd be great friends but it couldn't work as a couple. My experience is that when you meet someone you know pretty quickly whether there's potential there and there defintely was. I deleted a lot of text messgaes from her that backed my point up.

So in a spur of the moment decision, I went to her place that night cos I felt I deserved a face-to-face chat. She was pissed off cos I arrived cos she didn't want to have to deal with it. On Sunday she was talking about making me dinner sometime and what it would be like when she starts back teaching in September. The next day we're breaking up cos she doesn't think it would work.

She gave a million half excuses last night but none of them concrete; I'm too nice, she smokes, she doesn't want a relationship (yet she's been seriel dating for months looking for someone), I don't drink. But yet when pressed she let slip that she'd like it to work. I asked her to come out with me again. She said no but wasn't that convincing. I managed to charm her ino a date on Friday night.

Her problem is that she's stuck in a rut with no focus to her day. She has too much time to think and over analyse everything and as a result has climed up inside her head and overthought everything.

She seems to have a Great Wall of China going on around her as a defence mechanism and my gut says she let it down briefly and got scared. So I told her we'd go back to the start, with a second first date on Friday and take it slowly. But if she's coming, it would have to be with an open mind. She says it wouldn't be as boyfriend and girlfriend, but it wouldn't just as friends either I told her. Open mind is key.

Anyways, on the Wednesday night she cancelled/postponed Friday's date. Said she was broke and her friend was staying over. You gotta take that kind of line with a pinch of salt. Said we'd have a proper night out when she gets a few bob together (she's a teacher, off for the summer and not getting paid) I didn't reply to that text and six mins later she texted again seeing if I was OK with that. I was about to reply when she actaully rang to see if I was OK. Dunno what to make of it.

That was last week and my problem is that I don't know how much damage she's done to her own perception of it. If she's convinced herself that that's that, then there's little I can do. Though I know she's hiding from something.

I've made my big play and she says she'll be in touch when she gets a few bob together. The longer it goes on the further to th back of her mind I'll be pushed and she'll have repressed her feelings for me to the extent that I'll be finished.

I just wish I had got the chance to go out with her friends or something and at least they might put in a good word but I'm afraid now I'm outta sight and outta mind.

LegacyUser

hi

do you think ur trying too hard to get this girl to stay with you?? to be totally honost - if she wanted to be with you she would - no excuses. i know its harsh to hear but its the truth. she's trying not to hurt you but you just have to let it go and move on.

Rocky77

Sure, point taken and of course it's crossed my mind. But she changed her mind VERY quickly and I know she has certainy intimacy problems. My gut says there's something there

AckwelFoley

let her go

Focus your energy on somone that will reciprocate it.

NickNolte

snyper wrote: »

let her go

Focus your energy on somone that will reciprocate it.

+1

The longer you hang around making a fool of yourself, the longer she'll string you along. The best advice you can get - cut off all communication with her and watch her come crawling back (and she will). Just don't take her back and get on with your life... and let it be a lesson to both of your egos.

LegacyUser

Nicknolte I don't know where you get the idea from that she WILL come crawling back to the OP or that she'll string him along.

It sounds to me like she's made herself very clear, she doesn't want to go out with him anymore. Maybe her reasons were a bit vague but she's probably trying to let him down gently and often there aren't clear cut reasons for breaking up ith someone she may have just decided it's not right between them.

OP it sounds to me like you are tying yourself up in knots trying to convince yourself and her that she doesn't REALLY want to break up with you. I think you need to accept that she does, or else she wouldn't have done it.

I know it's tough. It's not nice to hear but I think you should just leave it and move on. Maybe be friends with her after a while but right now it's to raw. Leave her be.

Wibbs

Rocky77 wrote: »

Sure, point taken and of course it's crossed my mind. But she changed her mind VERY quickly and I know she has certainy intimacy problems.

She changed her mind very quickly probably because it all came to a head in her mind where she realised she wasn't feeling it.

My gut says there's something there

Your gut wants something to be there. I personally dont put much store in gut feelings

LegacyUser

Rocky77 wrote: »

she gave me the flick on a Tuesday over the phone, said she couldn't do it face to face

She was pissed off cos I arrived

She gave a million half excuses

I asked her to come out with me again. She said no

She says it wouldn't be as boyfriend and girlfriend

She cancelled/postponed Friday's date

Take the hint! She doesn't want to go out with you, end of story. Harsh, but true.

Leave her be and move on

LegacyUser

Stop being so pushy.

You are not listening to her. She doesn't want to be with you, the stuff she is saying may be excuses but the meaning is the same -she doesn't want to be with you. LISTEN.

You keep taking everything she says, dissecting it and coming up with your own version.

Look at your own behaviour objectively, you are being very pushy and stalkerish. You are trying to twist everything around so you still have a chance. You don't. Move on and stop making an eejit out of yourself.

You've been told nicely now leave it.

LegacyUser

Wow people you're being seriously harsh on the guy! OP, I totally see how her actions/words are confusing you. I was in a similar position with the last person I dated and can see where you're coming from. Unfortunately having to make THAT much of an effort just to go out with someone kills the excitement for me. I tagged along for awhile but eventually got bored with it. Issues and tissues baby - Ireland is THE place for this garbage! If you must, give her a few more chances but ultimately you want to be with someone who WANTS To be with you and doesn't treat you like a chore.

Maybe back off for awhile and play it cool. Have fun on your own and get out of the habit of 'waiting' for her and let her trot along next to the carriage Maybe once she grows up a bit and shows you a bit of respect there will be a shot at a relationship. In the meantime however who knows - maybe you'll have moved on!

Good luck!

Rocky77

Hey thanks for that. I was cringing reading all the response to be honest starting to wonder what sort of a tosser I was

But seriously, thanks all for the input. All taken on board and all very much appreciated!

Moomoo1

mate, you are really not a to88er. You are making an effort and that's great. It's just I don't rate your chances of success very highly with a person who either doesn't want you or doesn't even know what she wants.

NickNolte

You're not a tosser. You're just dealing with a cowardly "woman" who's either stringing you along or is too scared to break up with you. Walk away with your dignity in tact, find a decent girl and enjoy life.