Lost weight, women getting catty

LegacyUser

It might sound like a weird one but it's troubling me nonetheless.

After years of yo yo dieting and b%7ching about my weight, I finally got my act together a few months ago and started eating healthily and working out. I've since lost more than two stone and feel pretty damn good, and look a hell of a lot different.

The problem being that women seem to all of a sudden have a problem with me. Honestly it's weird dealing with the extra attention from everyone but after working so hard to get in shape I expected a bit more credit from the people that all of a sudden seem to hate me because I look different.

Women I work with stare a lot and there have been a lot of 'skinny minnie' jokes...'we're going for lunch. Oh hold on, X doesn't eat lunch anymore' sort of crap. To put in context I pack a lunch for myself every day, eat three meals, plenty of fruit and veg, go to the gym most days and have cut back on the booze. I'm not too skinny, but I'm a size 6 now (five foot) whereas they would have always known me as a 10-12.

Equally former college mates stare a lot, head-to-toe stares when I'm trying to have a conversation with them, I've had 'you're too skinny' from two mates now and a lot of them seem a lot more guarded around me than usual. This hurts because I am a very bubbly girl and a real girl's girl - I pride myself on my friendships with these girls.

My mother doesn't like the weight loss either but I think it's more a case that she's not familiar with the new me who doesn't go for thirds on her dinners or says no to dessert etc...the only supportive woman in my life has been my little sister, who's been lovely about telling me I look great and has even started coming out running with me.

To be honest this wouldn't usually upset me except that it's so persistent and having a real impact on otherwise great friendships. I certainly didn't lose the weight to gain anyone's approval but my own and I feel fantastic so mission accomplished, but I guess I just find all this lack of support a bit deflating.

Has anyone had a similar experience and how did you get through it / used to it?

Thanks for reading guys

The Recliner

People fear change and it upsets them
People were used to you the way you were and may feel that as you have changed physically you have also changed as a person given that you have had to change your lifestyle

Given a while people will get used to the new you
As they were used to the bigger you they may genuinely feel that you have gotten too skinny but that is something you must decide for yourself, just don't over do it

There may be an element of jealousy there too, they probably wish they could do it themselves

Fair play to you and well done and stick with the new regime

herya

Try giving them some time - you've done great improving your health and looks but for them it might be a bit of a shock tinged with insecurity. It's as if you showed up with red spiky hair one day! They might be unfamiliar with the new you and also slightly jealous. You may want to mention it politely at the next occasion that you don't feel comfortable with this type of comments but make sure you don't snap back as it would only make it worse. Simply enjoy your new experience

bronte

They sound a bit pathetic tbh! You putting in the effort over the past few months has shown them up. Ignore them!

LegacyUser

Well done on what you've achieved. Maybe your friends & family are worried that you might continue to lose more weight and become too thin. Size six is really the smallest you should be, even at 5' height. Are you still sticking to your routine or are you allowing yourself a bit of leeway now that you've hit your ideal weight?

Saruman

My wife is the first to admit that women can be absolutely horrible to each other.
It sounds like they are just jealous that you have been able to do what they probably can not and now look better than them?

LegacyUser

You're not too skinny but you're a size 6 now?????
Well done, but don't take it too far, you sound as though you're probably about perfect for your height. Unless you're talking in American sizes??
Anyway, other than that congratulations. It's a tough thing to do. The toning you get from exercise feels great too. Don't mind anyone else, they're just jealous!!! Once you're leading a healthy life, that's all that matters.
ARE you talking in American sizes??? (I'm a little bit worried!)

herya

There's nothing wrong with size 6.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the feedback.

I know logically that these responses are probably a mix of insecurity, concern, envy or whatever, but it's just really hard to see friends that I always thought of as loyal and supportive to become so bitchy and determined to put me down - over something as superficial as weight loss?

I'm trying to put myself in their position and I think if it were any of them I'd be a little envious but would make a point of congratulating them and telling them they look great. And probably ask for diet tips! If it's the concern thing that's getting them then surely they can have an adult conversation with me about it and at least give me the chance to explain that I'm more confident than I've ever been and am not interested in losing any more weight.
It's just been a tough road for me to get here, not just physically (after years of emotional eating!) and I wish I could share it with my close friends, but apparently that's not an option.

I'm also realising how much of a social thing food and drink (obviously!) is so maybe the fact that I'm not getting hammered when I go out now or will order a salad instead of pasta or whatever is making them feel insecure, but I just really wish they would be a bit more mature about it than the harpy comments.
Thanks again for reading

PS I'm a size 6 in UK sizes - which sounds skinny but I have a tiny frame so I'm not all bones! I'm a C cup and just below eight stone, just don't eat as much sh1te anymore!

Amazotheamazing

Of course people will be bitchy, if you succeed at losing weight it just highlights that they can't do it (if they want to). However, friends would be supportive, so ask yourself are you more their friend than they are yours?

chezzer

they are just jealous ...

you don't need friends like them ..

WindSock

Well done for putting in the effort. Now you are reaping the rewards. You are healthier, and may look and feel better. That is great. For you. Not everyone is overjoyed to see a mate surpassing them on the weight loss front though. The best you can hope for is someone saying you look great. What else can they say or do? They have probably told you this already. How often do you need to be told?
As for the bitchy comments from friends and collegues, they are not acceptable but they do show a hint of jealousy towards your figure. If they are bothering you, you might just let them know that comments like that can be hurtful.
As the old saying goes 'you don't win friends with salad' :pac:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Fair play to ya.

I think people are wired to be more likely to notice when people are thin than overweight. If they say you're too skinny tell them your BMI is normal range(which it will be) or that your fitness instructor/doctor says you're a healthy weight.

Just don't don't don't let these people dishearten you about your fitness/nutrition, you're doing your current and future health so much good by being in shape!

metamorphosis

First off well done.

Secondly give them time. I lost 5 stone before and for a while all i got some stick. People made 'your too skinny/concentration camp boy/jew' jokes. A bit of it was banter, a bit of it was insecurity on some peoples part i think becuase people do not like change and sometimes they think it might highlight their insecurities about their weight and food ... a little jealousy from some people.

It all subsides once they are used to it.
It's not malicious.

vibrant

Echoing others here, but it is jealousy and/or begrudgery.

Just take it on the chin, more fool them for being so quick to slag you off for accomplishing something wonderful. Well done, by the way

Johnnnybravo

Well done on what you have achieved OP!

I had the same probelm myself a few years ago, was about a size 12 and just got sick of the weight, got down to an 8 and I was so happy updated my entire work wardrobe with all the "skinny" stuff I could never get. The girls I had considered really good friends at work became complete bitches to me, and I swear it could of been me writing that bit about the bloody lunch digs.

It really got to me and to be honest I let the diet slip because of it. I have since changed jobs, nothing to do with that now at all just happened to get a new job last year. Ive come to the conclusion that it was just jealousy(now I really dont mean that in a oh im great kind of way) but I know a couple of these would have liked to drop weight aswell and I think they were jealous that I had actually done it. Im quite short so at a size 12 I do look chunky and at an 8 I do just in general look a lot better.Id say its just total begrudgery.

Again well done on what you did and stick with it!!!

tinkerbell

Fair play to ya OP, women can be jealous bitches. Just hold your head up high and pay no attention to their jealous crappy behaviour - be proud of the new you and your new body!

all_smilz

CONGRATS OP!
i know how hard it is....
I've lost FIVE stone and still have a few more to go.... i get told i'm "fading away" and all that stuff and while SOME ppl meant it in a nice way others just dont want to see me succeed.
I have to say that at work people who I hardly know both above me or canteen staff and others have all said LOVELY kind things in impromptu ways.... Some who had never even spoken to me just say I am looking great and so on.

I have a LOT of friends who CONSTANTLY offer me sweets and crisps and goad me to have a takeaway- JUST ONE WONT HURT....
i've even taken to asking people in advance of visiting them NOT to offer me stuff and it still doesnt work....

Its mixed really. I have to say that while the random comments from strangers mean A LOT, the lack of support from closer friends really stings...

I think its not just jealousy of your weight loss but the strength, willpower and courage it took to do it.

Try not to let it get to you and even if it does dont Rise to their nonsense....

dudara

First off, well done.

Secondly, I know where you're coming from. A few years back I lost a lot of weight through good eating and lots of exercise. People were mostly congratulatory, but some were not, one girl in particular. Her comments were actually quite barbed - good thing that I've got the skin of a rhino.

As long as you are happy with what you've achieved for yourself, and it is within acceptable healthy norms, then just be happy. Don't listen to the begrudgers. You do say that you are a size 6, which is quite small. They're just probably having to adjust.

LegacyUser

Guys, just a huge thank you for all the congratulations, it's really lovely to read!

It IS bloody hard work! I've found it's the mind over matter part that's been the toughest, actually having the cop on to say NO again and again to all the crap I've been eating for years and heading to the gym at the end of a crap day when all I want to do is go home and veggie out on the sofa!

Definitely worth it, and I'd agree with the poster who said the comments from strangers can be lovely - people who would've only known me to see about the place at work have been so complimentary and a few guys who wouldn't have otherwise noticed are now staring!

I suppose it'll take time for my friends and family to familiarise themselves with my new body but the isolation can be a bit hard to deal with - I kind of think when I was a bit bigger there was a sort of 'we're all in it together' mentality among my group of girl friends where we all harped on about wanting to lose weight, feeling fat, etc...girly talk, but now it's like they feel like I have abandoned that camp now that I no longer feel that way. It can feel a bit isolating.

Anyway. I'm sure it'll get easier over time.

LegacyUser

I had the same comments from smokers when I quit smoking, 'oh it won't last', 'you mustn't be able to drink now' etc.
People feel threatened when you do something they want to do but can't.... how very dare you succeed!
Smile at the comments and say nothing.

LegacyUser

i was in the same situ a few yrs ago, i lost over 8 stone, by pure hard slogging and percervirance but while ppl who didnt know me that well were soooooooooo complimentary my closest and best friend never and i really mean never told me i looked well etc, i started going out socially more often and just gained a confidance i never had,im still not overly confident but she didnt like that i answered her back when she made comments i didnt agree with etc...i couldnt understand at start why she was being like this and then a much older and wiser firned said something to me that really rang through....."everybody loves a fat friend" i thought about it as she continued to explainm and she was right, my friend always got the looks when we went ot and i was left in the shadows but then suddenly we were both gtting attention and she didnt realsie it. after 17 yrs of friendship we ended up falling out, its a shame but sometimes ppl dont know how to adapt to change and be genuinly happy for someone!!!
anyway, well done on all ur hard work, iv since put back on over a stone and am now starting the battle to get it off again. fingers crossed for me.

CathyMoran

I must admit that when you first described yourself I thought oh no she is way to skinny and that she was a perfect size as she was (you were) but then you gave more details and I was more reassured. You would be on the skinny side of normal though and people have a thing about skinny people just as much as they have about the larger people in life. I imagine that most of it is just jelousy, especially as you have kept some nice curves by the sounds of it.

deisemum

OP congratulations on your weight loss.

I so agree with the comment about "everyone loves a fat friend". I've come across those who'll hang out with someone who's heavier than them because it makes them feel better about themselves as they can think "well I'm not as bad as X" and also it makes them feel more attractive especially if they're the ones getting attention. Now that you've lost weight you're getting more attention and that's taking from them.

Also when you get to your desired weight it can make others more conscious of their own weight issues and they may feel uncomfortable doing so.

When I lost 3 stone I felt a lot more confident and outgoing plus I started to dress more stylishly so that also got me more attention especially from those outside my inner circle of friends.

I've had so called friends who've called round to my house just after christmas when they've known I've just started back at weight watchers or unislim and they've come armed with their leftover boxes of chocolates, biscuits and selection boxes.

I've also had those so called friends who'd be regular callers who wouldn't bring anything but once they know I'm back on a diet they suddenly start bringing cakes or chocolate wtf.

One even got in a huff and she a size 6 - 8, when she brought chocolate and when I said I didn't want it she wouldn't take it back so in front of her I threw it in the bin so I wouldn't succumb. She's the same one who used to be going on to me (being very overweight) and some of our other ample friends about how she was so fat hoping we'd say oh you're skinny you don't need to lose weight.


Any slimming club I've attended this subject of diet sabateurs always comes up and how if they're not trying to tempt you with calorie laden treats they're making comments that you look tired or drained.

Enjoy the compliments from those who are good enough to say them but ignore the less than enthusiastic ones.

LegacyUser

Have been getting this myself quite a bit lately, and i've only lost nearly a stone!

Have felt a bit stressed lately so havent been snacking on chocolate and crisps as I usually would, but still eating three healthy meals a day... including lasagna's, the odd take-away and other "bad" foods, but weight is still dropping off me.

But i feel healthy, and happier now to be honest... but getting alot of digs along the lines of "skinny minnie" and feel people giving me sly glances and saying i'm "wasting away".

Pure jealousy in my opinion, happier now than i've ever been so really no reason for anyone to be worried... I dont think they're worried anyway, think they just half wish it happened to them!

Gman1

They are Jealous....

Handsome Bob

It's a strange one OP. I'm male and when I lost weight my mates were delighted for me. Having said that, I do know a few females who have lost weight and similar to you they have been greeted with a slight degree of hostility from friends. Once the issue was tackled the common trend which occured was that when someone sees a friend losing weight it makes them feel slightly down about themselves. It's kind of like a security blanket that is taken away, and the person as a result gets upset about that.

However it really is a hard one to approach because even if do find that this is the reason why you're friends are being hostile towards you, they may not take kindly to you trying to encourage them to lose weight too. I'd suggest that you take the most reasonable girl to the side and just politely ask if there is something wrong.

LegacyUser

Well, I'm a male and lost about 3 stone, and had the exact same problem. Groups of friends would be going out for dinner and one would be like well x doesn't eat dinner anymore.

Some people like to compare themselves to people, and feel better about themselves when other people are worse off. When that person goes and make a radical change they can't handle that fact.

Well done, You should be proud of yourself and don't mind anyone else.

Some people just don't get its diet and exercise

Amy33

They are just jealous, women are like that. I'm a size 6-8 and shared a house with a girl who was about a size 16, she seemed to be obsesed with my weight. She'd say things like "I'm telling you as a friend you look disgusting", I was tempted to say "Well your rolls of fat aren't exactly attractive", but of course I couldn't. It's annoying but just ignore it.

NickNolte

Those people in your work sound terrible. Let them stay that way and try not to let them get to you. Sounds like their ultimate goal is to treat you like crap, isolate you, make you depressed and watch you put the weight on again. Pure scum. Ignore them. If they bully you, speak to HR. Failing that, take a record of the stuff being said to you and when you have a list of, maybe, 12 offensive remarks then speak to a solicitor. Unacceptable.

LegacyUser

I agree that the people you work with sound callous, but perhaps a size six is a little to small? and could it be that your fam is concerned that you have taken your diet a bit far?

I think people put too much emphasis on weight these days, at a size 12 I doubt you had any physical problems due to your weight and probably looked pretty good. I think self confidence is key, and seriously don't mind your work mates jibes people like that cannot be pleased no matter what you do.

Eve_Dublin

No.

5 foot and a size 6 is healthy. The girl is petite in height so it would follow that she would be smaller in size. I'm sure you were lovely when you were a size 10/12 and I'm sure you're lovely now. All these comments are borne out of nothing but jealousy. Unfortunately us women have to just endure this kind of cattiness from fellow women sometimes. Sad but true. NOBODY has a right to comment on your body and what you do with it and I'm not sure where other women get off thinking they can make these kinds of comments about you in front of others...if you were overweight and they did the same, they would be fired if you reported them.

Maybe you should do just that, OP. This is bullying and you shouldn't have to put up with that in your place of work. They should keep their big noses out of it.

NickNolte

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Maybe you should do just that, OP. This is bullying and you shouldn't have to put up with that in your place of work.

This is pretty much what it boils down to. Weight issues aside, this is something you should report once you have enough ammunition to do so. Bullying in a professional workplace is unacceptable. Vicious, bitchy comments should be met with immediate dismissal. You're not in a school playground anymore. If these 'women' haven't learned lessons about common decency and civil behaviour by now, they don't deserve jobs. End of story. I'm assuming they're in their early-mid 20's? Maybe a little lesson in life would make them re-think their attitude?

LegacyUser

I had a similar problem. When i was in my final year of college I lost 2 stone, went from a size 12/14 to an 8/10. Had so many comments from the girls in my college class. One of them had an eating disorder and was definately the weirdest about it and I'm no longer friends with her. Luckily I had lots of other friends in the class who didn't say anything and I ended up becoming closer to them because my friendship with the other girl ended, still best friends with them now. I really learnt who my real friends were.

LegacyUser

Wow i didn't realize a size 10/12 was fat!!

waitinforatrain

**** 'em

Edit: That was fúck 'em by the way

BumbleB

Your little sister thinks you look great ! .Thats all you need to know , Your sis knows more than all the others.Sometimes when you change yourself you have to shift your friends because thats what happens ,its life.

But all in all things are very good for you , well done .