I broke up with him - but its still hard?

LegacyUser

hi
im just wondering if anyone else felt like this
i broke up with my boyf of six years a while ago.
basically i felt that i wasnt physically attracted to him as much anymore, didnt miss him as much anymore when we were apart, didnt feel as much of a spark anymore.
he didnt want to break up at all!
it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do as i still love him so much really.
so now we have moved out etc.....when im not with him i miss him but feel like its prob right in the long run for the both of us.the minute i see him, all these feelings come flooding back - what am i doing?i love him, i miss him etc.
i just dont know what to do.like this is the rest of my life!!we had our whole life planned together and ive thrown it all away now.
will i regret this?
am i expecting too much that we would still have a spark after six years?
should i have made more of an effort re: physical side?
thanks!!

LegacyUser

Sounds like you realy like this guy why throw it all away now after 6 years i'm sure you can work things out. Maybe this time apart has made you remember what you really had? 6 years is along time we all need time to ourselves from time to time to give yourself a proper chance to miss someone, I say give it another go maybe not move back in straight away and try relight that fire you once had life is to short for what if's take one day at a time and enjoy.... Hurry before your too late.

herya

unreg unhappy wrote: »

basically i felt that i wasnt physically attracted to him as much anymore, didnt miss him as much anymore when we were apart, didnt feel as much of a spark anymore.

Are you sure you don't overestimate these things?

Relationships change over time, it would be unreasonable to expect that it will be just like the first month for you forever. The trick is to find new ways and paths to still enjoy yourselves not to look back and miss what used to be.

LegacyUser

hi
OP here
thanks for all advice so far
see im afraid like what sunflower said that im just missing the companionship.like i havent been single for 6 years and im relatively young so thats been my only serious relationship
am i just afraid of being alone?
should i suggest to him about maybe taking it slow and trying again?
like a few dates or something?
but i dont want to start something up again and then turn around and break up again you know?im not willing to put him through that unless im sure.....
Problem is - how do i know if im sure? will i ever know?

Moomoo1

I agree with the above posters. If you love and miss someone that much, then what the hell are you two doing apart?

What exactly were you thinking when you broke up? Was it 'I need to find someone else'?

Yes, you may find someone else that you feel more attracted to and who you love. But a) you may not find that someone, and b) how much more heartbreak over this guy would you have to go through before you do find them?

Or was it 'I've spent my youth with this guy and I want to have some fun now'. If so, have your fun and see if he's still available after that.

LegacyUser

Unreg unhappy wrote: »

hi
OP here
thanks for all advice so far
see im afraid like what sunflower said that im just missing the companionship.like i havent been single for 6 years and im relatively young so thats been my only serious relationship
am i just afraid of being alone?

Of Course you miss his companionship and form what you have being saying everything else that goes with it are you afraid of being alone yes but whats wrong with that seriously if this guy was so bad you wouldn't feel any of this yeah there would be times when you would think back ect. but you are missing this guy bad chase him before its too late take things slow to start don't be mad good guys don't come down in showers next guy you find might treat you like crap or in 6 years time you'll still be single and think what a waste it was to end your 6 year relationship for no good reason. Everyone feels they way you do from time to time and they don't go dumping the OH because of it.

Moomoo1

Unreg unhappy wrote: »

hi
OP here
thanks for all advice so far
see im afraid like what sunflower said that im just missing the companionship.like i havent been single for 6 years and im relatively young so thats been my only serious relationship
am i just afraid of being alone?
should i suggest to him about maybe taking it slow and trying again?
like a few dates or something?
but i dont want to start something up again and then turn around and break up again you know?im not willing to put him through that unless im sure.....
Problem is - how do i know if im sure? will i ever know?

would you say there is something unique about him as a person (ignoring the sex for a second) and about your relationship? Something that you might find quite hard to find in someone else? You know how it is, when the other person seems 'made' for you. If so, you should give it a try and attempt to reconstruct the physical side. I mean, you were attracted to him originally, so how about trying to recreate that.

As for putting him through that I wouldn't worry about it. I am sure that he would love another chance at it. In fact, if you had planned to stay the rest of your lives together and then you shattered everything in spite of your obvious strong feelings towards him then it's very appropriate that you two work on getting it right again. So if you are not sure then you should give him the benifit of the doubt imho.

Because, unfortunately, the only way to find out for sure is to give things a go...

PS I saw your post in the other thread a few weeks ago.

Unregistered wrote: »

Of Course you miss his companionship and form what you have being saying everything else that goes with it are you afraid of being alone yes but whats wrong with that seriously if this guy was so bad you wouldn't feel any of this yeah there would be times when you would think back ect. but you are missing this guy bad chase him before its too late take things slow to start don't be mad good guys don't come down in showers next guy you find might treat you like crap or in 6 years time you'll still be single and think what a waste it was to end your 6 year relationship for no good reason. Everyone feels they way you do from time to time and they don't go dumping the OH because of it.

trouble is, she might love the next guy to bits exactly because he treats her crap. You know what I mean.

that's why I asked whether she wants to just experiment or a different relationship...

LegacyUser

Yeah I know what you mean alright what is it with women and always going for the guys that treat them like crap......

LegacyUser

if your not 100% sure about him move on. this nearly always happens with ex's. ye break up spend some time apart no action coming from any other direction. you get lonely think about the ex and start too miss them. however it always always goes back to the way it was befrore ye broke up eventually and you will never be happy with him. leave him be and move on.

i've been in this situation and its tough but the feelings do go away and you will meet someone else and you will be happy give yourself a chance. when my ex broke up with me after 5 years we spent months getting back together sleeping together fighting and breaking up again. i think when we broke i was totally in the comfort zone id put on weight left myself go and thought she was the one 4 me i thought i was in love but really i was just used to her and the easy opinion was to keep getting back together. after at least 6 months of getting back together breaking up again and lots of self pity i made a decision to do something 2 take my mind off her. started going 2 the gym lost 4 stone and 2 years later i'm more healthy then ive ever been in a great relationship and happier than i was with my ex. just do something anything to keep active and keep your mind off him. honestly though not a week goes by where i dont think about my ex gf and wonder how she's doing but really if you want 2 be truely happy i'd suggest leaving things the way they are you'll find true love dont just settle

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice everyone!!!!
i saw him last nite... he called over..
i think im going to go it alone for a while....like one poster said...ive been with him since i was 17..i think i need to learn how to stand alone..even if its just for me.
i think its important.and then if after a while of getting used to having just my own life. then if i still miss him and he is still there then i will contact him.
if its meant to be as they say.
plus as the last poster said...i dont want to settle with him out of convinience and then regret it in six months and do it all over again to him.
ive concluded that time alone is the answer right now but who knows whats to come.

Moomoo1

good luck OP.

just one more thing: I wouldn't use the logic 'I can't do X because it will hurt him' or 'it's best for him that X happens'.

that's very very patronising and suggests he cannot decide what's best for him himself. You should do what's best for _you_ and let him decide on what's best for him.