Serious fighting with my parents

LegacyUser

Im a 22 year old male,living at home and have 2 younger brothers.Iv fought with my parents the same as anyone else really..but now that im older its worse.Emotionally and physically.I feel terrible about what happened today,and when we row we usually row big.

My parents back each other up on everything they say and this is were i feel i am cornered.GThey dont take my opinions on things,they just say i have a temper and am getting worse.When really in my head I just get very frustrated because i see too mouths moving at me and they dont listen to me.

Im sorry if this isnt written very well but heres what happened today..

A simple thing..all i wanted to do was move my games console from the back room to the front room(tv is bigger easier to see) ,my mam said no,i asked why and she said "cause she said so".This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.But things went waaaaaaaaaay downhill from there,me and my dad almost punched the head off each other..i dont want to write too much about it because i dont want to be biased

I just feel that they dont treat me as an adult.They say i have no respect for them..which is true when we fight,im normal otherwise but my dad has this thing for curseing so i swear at him alot when we fight cause i know it pisses him off.
But respect is a two way street..i feel i cant give it to them because they dont give it too me..it sounds so stupid writing it down now..and i feel guilty for it all but its probably going to happen again.

And i cant move out..i have 2 years left in college and cant afford it.I just need some advice on how to talk to them and try and help them realise im an adult too...i cant stand fighting over petty things but hen they throw down the my house my rules line over stupid stuff it makes me mad!

LegacyUser

"This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box"

You need to treat your parents with some respect. They're letting you live in their house while you're at college, so you should obey their rules, and be thankful for the great situation you're in.

Xiney

You want your parents to treat you like an adult but you are acting like a spoilt child.

Fremen

Unregistered wrote: »

A simple thing..all i wanted to do was move my games console from the back room to the front room(tv is bigger easier to see) ,my mam said no,i asked why and she said "cause she said so".This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.But things went waaaaaaaaaay downhill from there,me and my dad almost punched the head off each other..i dont want to write too much about it because i dont want to be biased

This is the problem right here. Sounds like you just snapped "WHY?!" instead of offering to move it back when you were finished, or only to play it at times they don't watch TV. If your mum thinks you're being rude, she's much more likely to give an unhelpful answer like "because I said so".

Part of being an adult is knowing when to offer a compromise. Deal with your parents like you would deal with one of your peers (i.e. it is NOT acceptable to shout at them, or for them to shout at you for that matter). Maybe if you're nicer to them, thay'll be nicer to you.

gubby

You poor guy. I have a son your age and I think I know where you are coming from. you do need to sit down and tell them how you feel. maybe if you just talked to one or other of them it would be easier. Show them what you wrote here. you see, from where they are, they see you as getting out of hand and losing your tember is very scary for a parent. Please tell them how you feel and like another poster pointed out maybe you are being selfish. try to see it from their side. You take over the front room with your games! what if they want to watch "fair city" or "corry"
I know you dont like the term "our house, our rules" but you need to think this through. fact: it is their house. someday you will have your own house and believe me when you have had to pay for a house with blood sweat and tears it entitles you to some of the pleasures.
Also think of how this is reacting on your younger brothers. your parents cant be seen to let you get away with stuff when they have two more coming up.
So, everytime you feel like screaming and over reacting.. just stop, and try very hard to imagine what is going on in their head and like someone else said.. make a compromise! it will also be a great lesson for life.
I know you will look back at this time and be ashamed of the way you acted.
good luck

Nevyn

It is their house they get to say what tv it is connected up to if you don't like it then move out into your own place.

trio

it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.

You ask that they treat you like an adult but you're acting like a 13 year old. I mean, for the love of God, you're 22!

You've got to start copping yourself on. I suspect that even if your mother had answered something like "I don't want you to bring it into the front room because it'll make the place untidy/you'll always be in there on it/you have a perfectly good TV where it is/whatever" you'd STILL have lost the head.

Do you honestly think you'd have taken ANY no for an answer?

When your living with your parent it's their rules. And yeah, it can be really tough. But you're certainly no picnic to live with yourself. You've got to start choosing your battles.

By the way, if you have any money in any bank account anywhere, then pay for a new Sky box. It's the adult thing to do. Are you an adult or not???

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

A simple thing..all i wanted to do was move my games console from the back room to the front room(tv is bigger easier to see) ,my mam said no,i asked why and she said "cause she said so".This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.But things went waaaaaaaaaay downhill from there,me and my dad almost punched the head off each other..i dont want to write too much about it because i dont want to be biased

Solution: BUY YOUR OWN TV for the back room, or shut up. Your parents bought their TV, and thus have the right to watch it. You want a big TV? Buy one. You're acting like a small kid here.

geranimojess

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a 22 year old male,living at home and have 2 younger brothers.Iv fought with my parents the same as anyone else really..but now that im older its worse.Emotionally and physically.I feel terrible about what happened today,and when we row we usually row big.

My parents back each other up on everything they say and this is were i feel i am cornered.GThey dont take my opinions on things,they just say i have a temper and am getting worse.When really in my head I just get very frustrated because i see too mouths moving at me and they dont listen to me.

Im sorry if this isnt written very well but heres what happened today..

A simple thing..all i wanted to do was move my games console from the back room to the front room(tv is bigger easier to see) ,my mam said no,i asked why and she said "cause she said so".This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.But things went waaaaaaaaaay downhill from there,me and my dad almost punched the head off each other..i dont want to write too much about it because i dont want to be biased

I just feel that they dont treat me as an adult.They say i have no respect for them..which is true when we fight,im normal otherwise but my dad has this thing for curseing so i swear at him alot when we fight cause i know it pisses him off.
But respect is a two way street..i feel i cant give it to them because they dont give it too me..it sounds so stupid writing it down now..and i feel guilty for it all but its probably going to happen again.

And i cant move out..i have 2 years left in college and cant afford it.I just need some advice on how to talk to them and try and help them realise im an adult too...i cant stand fighting over petty things but hen they throw down the my house my rules line over stupid stuff it makes me mad!

What are you studying at College your A B C's because you sound like a little Child to me.Why dont you grow up.

jonilz

Hi, well no matter who was right and wrong a good way to start is with one's self. Someone once said to work to world peace we need to start withy ourselves. So if you willing to be a "man" go and fix things up with them covering each aspect without getting into a new row. This will show a sign of responsibility and maturity. Between 20 and 25 I had the hottest head and could run my Dad's life ... today I'm 41 and if I could have 10 seconds with my Dad it would be to so SORRY. Then you need to sit with them and write down your feelings and viewpoints and they can do the same. Then read these and discuss them. If you dont come to agreement, leave it before it gets hot and MAKE A DATE for the resumed discussion. Remember, respect starts with self respect. Take care and I hope things get better.

Abi

Fremen wrote: »

This is the problem right here. Sounds like you just snapped "WHY?!" instead of offering to move it back when you were finished, or only to play it at times they don't watch TV. If your mum thinks you're being rude, she's much more likely to give an unhelpful answer like "because I said so".

Exactly.


OP you don't seem to be able to see how childish you acted today. Firstly, when you ask for permission to do something, you have to accept that the answer could be either a 'yes' or a 'no'. If not, then you were never really asking for permission in the first place.

The living room is a communal room within the house, did you consider than somebody might like to use the television, or does that concern you at all? I fail to see how your parents were disrespectful to you in the instance you gave us. It seems that you didnt get the answer you wanted, and you went at it like a bull in a china shop. They are right you know, you have no respect for them, and it does seem you have a problem with your temper.

I don't know if they could forget todays events in a hurry, but if respect is what you want, I think you'll earn that from them by apologising for the way you behaved today. Your parents own that house, and you should be grateful you are allowed to stay on during your college years. Your parents are at a stage in their lives where they probably want to wind down and relax a bit. That will never happen so long as you keep up the strops and the drama.

Nevyn

geranimojess Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rulesand abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

OP here,

Thanks for all the replies,even the ones which read like a kick up the arse.Its really not what i needed though..if it really must beknown there was nobody using the front room..and i did say i would move it back after 20 minutes.But this is besides the point,i dont care much for tvs and the likes,but the fact that a fight managed to break out over something so stupid..and the damage its caused its rediculous.I think i got so angry because there was no room for compromise with her,at least thats what its seemed like to me.

Now i just have to find a way to look them in the eye again and hope they realise my apology is sincere but sure theyve heard it all before

chocgirl

Do you have your own room? Bring the console into your room and get a telly for it. Your parents don't have to appease you, it's their house. You're 22, they're doing you a favour by letting you be there, especially when you don't get along.

geranimojess

Thaedydal wrote: »

geranimojess Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rulesand abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

The Majority of responses he received have used the "Spoilt Child" phrase or words to that effect whats your problem with my wording.

Fremen

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here,

Thanks for all the replies,even the ones which read like a kick up the arse.Its really not what i needed though..if it really must beknown there was nobody using the front room..and i did say i would move it back after 20 minutes.But this is besides the point,i dont care much for tvs and the likes,but the fact that a fight managed to break out over something so stupid..and the damage its caused its rediculous.I think i got so angry because there was no room for compromise with her,at least thats what its seemed like to me.

Now i just have to find a way to look them in the eye again and hope they realise my apology is sincere but sure theyve heard it all before

Start by offering to replace the Sky box.

Firetrap

I think it's time that you started looking at your own behaviour. Your parents are saying you've got a temper and that it's getting worse. Judging by what you've written, they have a point. You swear at your dad when you argue to annoy him. During a row you stood on the Sky box. For heaven's sake - that's the sort of thing that small children do. Not grown adults.

Before you decided to move the games console into the front room, did you ask anyone? I get the impression that you decided that you wanted to hook up your console to the better TV in the sitting room and didn't even give a second thought to the inconvenience it would cause others in the house. I can understand totally why your mum didn't want the console hooked up to the TV in the front room. Apart from the inevitable clutter, having someone playing games on the television when you want to watch TV or a DVD is a giant pain in the backside. That's why my parents bought us a second-hand television back in the day - to get us off the sitting room TV!

It's time that you stopped blaming your parents for not listening and took a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour. It's time to start behaving like an adult. It's precisely because of your bad behaviour that your parents won't listen. Try and see things from your parent's perspective and bite your tongue if you have to. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by fighting with your parents.

You can apologise to them and get a new Sky Box if it's still broken. That's the easy bit. You need to back up your words with actions. In other words, behaving in a more reasonable manner. Not losing the rag if they decide something you don't agree with. Only by proving to them that you've matured into a reasonable adult can things improve.

Xiney

geranimojess wrote: »

The Majority of responses he received have used the "Spoilt Child" phrase or words to that effect whats your problem with my wording.

You're new here so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but questioning moderator warnings on thread is against the rules on boards.ie.

Your post was needlessly inflammatory and that's why you received an infraction.

Any further concerns you have about the moderation of the forum should be taken to the helpdesk.

Moomoo1

I am actually pretty sympathetic to the OP. There are ways to tell someone not to bring the games console to the front room, and then there are ways. If his mother had told him nicely 'sorry I don't want games played in the front room, could you maybe use your room?' then I am sure nothing would have happened.

The problem was probably her arrogant parental 'I am better than you' tone, and maybe you could just have a word and ask her and your father to be nicer to you and treat you as more of an equal.

jimmycrackcorm

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here,

Thanks for all the replies,even the ones which read like a kick up the arse.Its really not what i needed though..if it really must beknown there was nobody using the front room..and i did say i would move it back after 20 minutes.But this is besides the point,i dont care much for tvs and the likes,but the fact that a fight managed to break out over something so stupid..and the damage its caused its rediculous.I think i got so angry because there was no room for compromise with her,at least thats what its seemed like to me.

Now i just have to find a way to look them in the eye again and hope they realise my apology is sincere but sure theyve heard it all before

I dont think the op has learned anything from this. It's their house and as such they do not have to justify any reason why they want to have things the way they are. Op, you are a dependent not someone with equal living arrangements.

artvanderlay

You're 22 years old and need to stop acting like a child. If you are still living at home you should put up or shut up. Simple as that. Have some respect for your parents. It's their house and you are lucky you weren't thrown head first out the door, which is what I would have done if I were in your parents position. If you don't like things at home, have you considered moving out and maybe being a bit independent rather than asking your mammy can you play your games in the front room? Jesus, get a life.

geranimojess

geranimojess wrote: »

The Majority of responses he received have used the "Spoilt Child" phrase or words to that effect whats your problem with my wording.

Futher to the above, you have a 22 year old Adult who by his own admission stamped on a piece of Equipment because he lost his temper,call it what you will he had a Tantrum which I would expect from a 2yr old not a 22yr old,also by his reply he did not expect a "Kick up the Arse" [his words] perhaps that is just what he need'ed,a wake-up call.
If I used Profane or Obscene Language then you would have every right to Admonish me but I do believe you over reacted.I am not a troublemaker and I would never purposely set out to insult anyone. I am not appealing your decision,you have your Interpretations and I have mine.

geranimojess

geranimojess wrote: »

Futher to the above, you have a 22 year old Adult who by his own admission stamped on a piece of Equipment because he lost his temper,call it what you will he had a Tantrum which I would expect from a 2yr old not a 22yr old,also by his reply he did not expect a "Kick up the Arse" [his words] perhaps that is just what he need'ed,a wake-up call.
If I used Profane or Obscene Language then you would have every right to Admonish me but I do believe you over reacted.I am not a troublemaker and I would never purposely set out to insult anyone. I am not appealing your decision,you have your Interpretations and I have mine.

Sorry I already had the E-Mail sent before I saw your reply,I'm not Computer Literate and I regularly make mistakes,wont happen again.

LegacyUser

Are you all being hard on the OP? He asked his parents if he could the TV and they started screaming at him instead of just talking to him

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a 22 year old male,living at home and have 2 younger brothers.Iv fought with my parents the same as anyone else really..but now that im older its worse.Emotionally and physically.I feel terrible about what happened today,and when we row we usually row big.

My parents back each other up on everything they say and this is were i feel i am cornered.GThey dont take my opinions on things,they just say i have a temper and am getting worse.When really in my head I just get very frustrated because i see too mouths moving at me and they dont listen to me.

Im sorry if this isnt written very well but heres what happened today..

A simple thing..all i wanted to do was move my games console from the back room to the front room(tv is bigger easier to see) ,my mam said no,i asked why and she said "cause she said so".This resulted in me bringing it into the front room ,it really was a stupid reason so i ignored it but she kept at it and i got pissed and stood on the sky box.But things went waaaaaaaaaay downhill from there,me and my dad almost punched the head off each other..i dont want to write too much about it because i dont want to be biased

I just feel that they dont treat me as an adult.They say i have no respect for them..which is true when we fight,im normal otherwise but my dad has this thing for curseing so i swear at him alot when we fight cause i know it pisses him off.
But respect is a two way street..i feel i cant give it to them because they dont give it too me..it sounds so stupid writing it down now..and i feel guilty for it all but its probably going to happen again.

And i cant move out..i have 2 years left in college and cant afford it.I just need some advice on how to talk to them and try and help them realise im an adult too...i cant stand fighting over petty things but hen they throw down the my house my rules line over stupid stuff it makes me mad!

Are you sure you are 22 & not 12?

DamoDLK

I kinda know OP where your coming from, tis not easy! but its your folks house, their rules - get on with it, there are tonnes of lessons to be learned in life and this isn't the biggest issue you'll come up against. In other words, dry yer eyes mate! all will be better in a week or 2.

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

Are you all being hard on the OP? He asked his parents if he could the TV and they started screaming at him instead of just talking to him

He asked, they said no. He did it anyway, and nearly came to punches with his father. The boy lacks respect, and will get one hell of a wake-up call if he continues his line of attack.

Conor108

To be fair, that read to me like the mam treats the op with little respect.

"Cause I said so" - to a 22 year old man wtf?

SarahMc

Conor108 wrote: »

To be fair, that read to me like the mam treats the op with little respect.

"Cause I said so" - to a 22 year old man wtf?

But that is the dynamic here, OPs parents are not treating him like an adult, because he is not behaving like one. If my 9 year old behaved like he did (doing something I told her not to, deliberatley damaging household stuff etc.) there would be consequences, as, at 9, I believe she is too old for that sort of behaviour.

Firetrap

So you're saying that because his mother didn't give him a satisfactory reason for why she didn't want a console in the front room, that it was OK for him to ignore her wishes and bring it in anyway? Then throw a massive tantrum and break the box?

Don't forget that the OP alludes to having had other big arguments with his parents. That no doubt colours the current issue. What's done is done and he needs to find a way to improve the situation. He says he can't move out of home because of college so he will have to make a bigger effort to live there without ruffling any feathers. He needs to learn how to control his temper and to be more considerate of others. To accept that he has to abide by his parent's rules. If he disagrees, that he can negotiate a solution without resorting to massive rows and provoking people.

iguana

OP, I have a certain amount of sympathy for you in this. Not that I disagree with anyone who is pointing out how badly you behaved here, because from an objective stand-point you really behaved terribly. Why I have sympathy is because we really aren't designed to live with our parents at your age.

I lived at home until I was 23 and I had some really awful arguments with my parents in the last couple of years I lived at home. It's crazy because I adore my parents, I really like them as people and I respect their opinions on most things. But we are too alike to live together as adults.

If moving out is really not possible for you, then you really, really need to adjust your attitude. You are their equal as a person and their home is your home. But it's their house - not yours. The tv is theirs, both of them in both rooms. If they don't want to let you use them they don't have to give you a reason. It's tough to be an adult and not have the rights to do what you want in your own home. But if you want to stay in their house, you need to find a way to re-adjust your attitude.

Moomoo1

SarahMc wrote: »

But that is the dynamic here, OPs parents are not treating him like an adult, because he is not behaving like one. If my 9 year old behaved like he did (doing something I told her not to, deliberatley damaging household stuff etc.) there would be consequences, as, at 9, I believe she is too old for that sort of behaviour.

equally, he is not behaving like an adult, because his parents don't treat him like one.

and yes you do need a reason for telling peopel what to do and what not to do, even in your own house. That's part of respecting the person who lives in that house.

Teferi

I'd love to see how everyone who said "you're a spoilt child" if they were told "because I said so" aged 22. Of course they would act in really controlled manner and completely agree with their parent because they lived under their parents roof (which is not a completely valid excuse - after all the parents most likely realised what they were getting in for when he was a fetus).

In fairnes, his mother could have provided him with a reason.

HashSlinging

man I'm so glad my parents kicked me out at 17!!! :D

LegacyUser

Look OP, I cant really be sorry about your situation, I had to leave home at 18 and make my own way in the world. I'm lucky in that I did get a 3rd level education but I did it on my own and i didn't have 'mummy' or 'daddy' to pay for it.It was tough but it made me grow up, and I can tell you at 22 years of age I wasn't having stupid arguments with my parents over a games console/tv set or whatever.Jesus get a life..