Alone

LegacyUser

Hey,

Regular poster here but going unreg. Well just feel like I have reached a trough in my life and I feel I am doing as much as I can do get out but I still keep falling back.
Basically there are a few things on my mind. I was sexually abused as a kid by a member of my family, I have become dependant on alcohol and I have a disability which affects my speech. I have managed to get through college and hold down a full time job but lately Ive been calling in sick and using up annual leave from being depressed or too hungover to move. I feel guilty because of this because people in work have been generally supportive of me but they don't really know what I am going through.

I have tried things like football, music..anything really to keep me busy. The only people that seem to want to hang around with me though are those who are fond of a drink and that's about the only thing I am good for lately, a drinking buddy. I know I drink too much but I can't seem to stop. Most of my friends from college have moved on because I still have problems with the phone because of my speech problem and my low self esteem makes it hard to meet new people. I have tried getting involved with clubs and events but I think my low self esteem just keeps getting the better of me and I haven't got it in me to persist with things.

I have thought about going to AA meetings but again I dont feel comfortable talking in front of a big group of people. I think I do have something to offer but lately I have just been in such a state from lack of sleep and being hungover that I dont blame people for distancing themselves from me. I haven't had counselling for the abuse I went through as my family would not believe me Im sure so i have just tried to distance myself from them. But yet I am expected to turn up to events like weddings and put on a happy face. I went to a family wedding recently and felt a total outcast, being criticised for not enjoying myself but I can't lie to myself and enjoy a night out with my family after what I went through.

I have had assistance too for my speech problems but I think all the issues I have just compound eachother. In the last month and a half I have made 2 phonecalls, both to my family from the records on my phone, which shows what kind of a social life I have.

So basically if anyone has advice on what I could do it would be appreciated. I moved near Dublin city only recently so it is new neighbours and a new scene but I dont know anyone. I am just anxious as the options open to me seem to be declining

LegacyUser

hi
im in the same situation. but u seem to know what to do.
i kinda know what to do aswell but its easier said. a man once said to me "nobody said it was goin to be easy"as if he could see the pain i was in.
i suppose at the end of the day were all just movin along tryin to figure it out. so dont you let your demons get you down,u can have it all. in the words of robbie williams.
hope that helps a bit.

valery

What you should do is write down on a sheet of paper the problems that are giving you pain, this will help you to look at them individually as looking at them all at the same time will make them look insurmountable , the booze will magnify all problems and make them harder to resolve, there are different
"areas of expertise " within AA and with a little effort you can find what suits you best, as re your speech I dont know what to say except I hope you can
get your story across to someone. You are drinking as you are probably because of the abuse you suffered so you should strongly consider bringing
this up in AA. I know someone who went to an outpatients clinic at baggott st. hospital years ago and has not looked back. DONT GO THROUGH THIS ALONE, THERE IS HELP AT HAND , GET WELL AND START TO LOVE YOURSELF AND LIFE.