Low Confidence

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have very low self confidence when it comes to dealing with strangers, work socials, work presentations, etc. I get very very anxious and cannot relax.

It's got to a stage where I am considering seeing someone. Not sure if it will help though. And I hate the thought of having totalk my situation to a stranger.

Any one got ideas or advice?

Considering xontacting this one... http://www.cbt.ie/contact_us.html
Anyone any experience with them?

Thanks!

LegacyUser

Suffered from a bout of anxiety for a few months and I can tell you that talking helps a lot.

Even a chat with a close relative or a couple of closer friends will help you feel a lot better.

Gman1

To OP,

I am telling you, i suffer a lot of anxiety. So much that sometimes I pass out. Talking to a councellor does help. Go and contact one, seriously I know what your feeling. Also, go out and excersise I dont knwo why but this has helped my confidence a lot, keep your back straight and walk around with your head held high. This helps a lot!!!

LegacyUser

its really hurting me. I feel down and upset about it a lot of the time. I feel I should be happy with my life but I just hate being self conscious, anxious and unable to enter a room with people in it.

Please help.

LegacyUser

I also tried talking to 2 separate counsellors but found it very hard to talk with them about ho I feel, etc and didn't find either very helpful.
So not sure if its worth trying another??

Fiend-Foe

Unregisteredx wrote: »

I also tried talking to 2 separate counsellors but found it very hard to talk with them about ho I feel, etc and didn't find either very helpful.
So not sure if its worth trying another??

It is.

I saw several different counselors over the years and had difficulty opening up or getting anywhere with most of them and then I found someone who I completely trusted and could relate to and made great progress.

Everybody's different and you need to find someone who works for you. Keep looking until you find it.

Best of luck with it, talking will really help. This is just a phase in your life and things will improve.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Could you recommend someone to talk to. I have tried emailing the ones at www.cbt.ie but no reply.

Thanks.

mjg

Hi op. I can't recommend a counsellor but I'm sure others here can. You should talk to someone and it is definately worth the effort.

Each counsellor is different and hopefully this will be third time lucky for you, the next counsellor you speak to might be someone that you can open up to.

Have a look at the link below, picked it up in the Psychology forum, thanks Torakx. It's a very straightforward self-help/development site.

http://www.urbanmonk.net/welcome/

Please use it in conjunction with visits to a counsellor, this is just a guide and the big improvements in your confidence will come about through a few counselling sessions.

Good luck with everything.

RossFixxxed

OP: This is a slow process to recover from. It's almost more important to just book A councellor and take steps to recovery. Even if you find them rubbish you have done something, taken a big step. You can move around a few if you need to.

The more things you follow through, the easier it gradually becomes. You shouldn't say no to social events if you can and do your best to go. I KNOW FIRST HAND how horrible it is, but I realise how many wonderful things I've missed out on.

It is very slow and you shold take steps in all regards, better diet, exercise, councelling, talk to a friend, do something EVERY day and don't punish yourself if you feel anxious.

I have gone through slow steps, taking action, getting help, MINDFULNESS MEDITATION (and I usually hate anything remotely 'new age' sounding) from being scared to go to a shop to finally flying to Nepal and hiking around up to Everest. Walking around in a 3rd world city in the 40 degree heat was a mad experience, even other climbers got anxious and I LOVED it!! I couldn't almost believe it was me at times. There is a light, just keep doing things to help.

Importantly: Open your mind to trying approaches. If I heard the name Eckhart Tolle or Dan Millman, or the mention of meditation I would have had NOTHING but scorn for it. BUT it does all help, more because you're opening yourself to healing, and finding what works for YOU, even if it is the opposite of these writers! That brings confience too. You are not alone in this and many have suffered it before.

Be aware there'll always be a relapse. I've had days where I've just stayed in the house. But rather than punish I treat myself to an hour on the Xbox, or make myself something nice for lunch. After that I'm more often than not ready to go out. If I'm not, shower time, or a bath, read a book etc etc and just have a nice time really! Don't let this beat you, you ARE BETTER THAN IT and YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY CAN BEAT THIS. I've done it and I really thought I was THE exception to the rule. Good luck OP, here if needed!
R

LegacyUser

If your female, try http://www.wellwomancentre.ie/councilling.html

Ive been and its the best thing ive ever done

LegacyUser

I "suffer" from low confidence,and anxiety too but im dealing with it myself.Its a process,there is no quick fix but to work it out yourself,find the answer,because all a pshycologist is doing is getting paid for giving you your answer..

My point of view atm is..everyone thinks the same,but i find i get anxious when i try to figure out what people are thinking of me at that moment in time,or what i might say to avoid coming across a certain way.Not all the time but i watched were i thread..

However i found if i stayed true to myself,said my on thoughts..but be humble..(this is a whole other issue) i was happier and more confident.

Confidence is only an illusion.No one ever really has it they just think they do.

LegacyUser

if your anywhere near to limerick county then i can recommend a very good one

LegacyUser

Yes but what if your confidence levels are so low that even telephoning a counsellor is too hard?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I am male and live in dublin city. So if anyone can recommend a counsellor there that would be great.
Thanks.

RossFixxxed, I would love to get more advice from you considering that you managed to beat this!
How did you start off and how did you keep it going and keep improving?

Thanks.

RossFixxxed

Unregisteredx wrote: »

Hi,
I am male and live in dublin city. So if anyone can recommend a counsellor there that would be great.
Thanks.

RossFixxxed, I would love to get more advice from you considering that you managed to beat this!
How did you start off and how did you keep it going and keep improving?

Thanks.

Hey man,

I can't really say any ONE thing is really the way, it is more of a combination of factors.

There are some steps you HAVE to take I think though. They are the hardest ones because they come early in the game.

Go to your GP. If you can do that you are on to a great start with this. It feels great to have gone for help, and reassuring to hear a diagnosis.

Do not obsess overnegative/stressful stimuli. Don't shut yourself away by any means, but maybe give some horror stories in the tabloids a skip. Watch a few comedies etc instead.

Read something positive. As I said even if you find Dan Millman, Eckhardt Tolle etc a big pile of self righteous rubbish then THAT'S GOOD too. It's more important to open your mind to another way of living, without anxiety rather than to agree with everything these guys say.

Get out for a walk every day, no matter how anxious you are, get a nice stroll in. Put on a hat and earphones if they help you relax a little.

Weed = a BIG NO NO for now.

The biggest factor is that you are conditioned to anxiety a bit now. You are used to a baseline that is falsely too high. You really have to be open to ANYTHING that will help (within reason like). Meditation is FANTASTIC, that was a big one for me. Leave out the hippy rubbish, and move to the more basic and sensible stuff. No magical powers, no centres of energy, crystal healing etc. Just BREATHING. Look up mindfulness meditation. Keep it simple. Buddhanet is a great resource for this and it is all free. No matter how silly it seems it may help. What DEFINITELY HELPS IS THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

It's really all little steps. The biggie is the GP / councellor. The GP can advise on places to go if you need to. Frankly I didn't like the crowd I went to (2 different places) but they gave me a push in the right direction.

Get good at something too. I'm finding that working a job, and playing a guitar contribute. I'm busy doing things, and I have a passion in music that keeps me boyant at times too.

As I said before, forgive yourself for being stressed if you are. It's not a competition and stressing about stressing rather defeats the point eh?

I'm in work atm, so a little hard to write, but do PM me if there's anything further I can help with.

You are not alone with this, it is BEATABLE. You do have to shake a bit of it off at times, but mostly it's a slow steady process that you NEED TO WORK ON. I'm not saying get off your arse and stop, I KNOW how impossible that is. But do get up after you read this, actually just do it NOW and do something smalll and productive. Clean the microwave, play a song, sing like a fool, write a resolution to beat this, get a walk in, spend ten minutes being mindful of your breathing... Something to tick a box in your head 'today I did .... whatever' and tomororrow you will do 'whatever + something else'.

It's hard to put this stuff into writing, but I'll try and answer anything I can. Maybe writing a bit more would help you? Type it out, leave it, read it and write it out with a little more in it., Let it give YOU perspective on the chatter in your head.

Good luck mate, I look forward to you beating this. And you WILL.

RossFixxxed

More: Sorry. I'm currently sitting outside manager's office where they are discussing who to lay off. I could lose my house, my job, my car etc if this all goes wrong.

I'm stressed and anxious to BITS. But I KNOW NOW that this too will pass. That I will relax later and play some xbox, restring my guitar and maybe get a film to cheer me up. I know it's a NATURAL situation to stress about and that I WILL FIGHT IT AND I WILL DEAL WITH WHATEVER MAY COME!

LegacyUser

hi again.
I have felt real bad this past month. Not sure if its to do with winter or what. But I have felt very self conscious and anxious. Not wanting to be around people - especially at work. I hear people around having a laugh and conversation but I dont even try to get involved.
I have tried seeing a counsellor but it just felt very very awkward. Didn't find it helpful.

Now I have xmas parties and that coming up and I am thinking of avoiding them!

I just feel really down and annoted that I cannot beat this.

LegacyUser

Wow rossfixxxed that really is some great advice. I got into an argument with you before about something and didnt have the greatest opinion of you after it but this has completely changed my mind.

As someone who has been trying to deal with pretty much what the OP is asking about for the last year or more, I recognise that pretty much everything R has said is bang on. The mindfulness thing worked really well for me but havent done it in ages. The reason im reading PI right now is because im feeling hopelessly bored/depressed, this week has been the worst for me in ages.

The two pieces of advice which I think are absolutely invaluable in R's post are:

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Get good at something too. I'm finding that working a job, and playing a guitar contribute. I'm busy doing things, and I have a passion in music that keeps me boyant at times too.

Although ive failed at this I need to think seriously about taking up some kind of a hobby/joining a club/volunteering. I realise that almost nothing in me has changed over the last few months, but the fact that I was involved in stuff where I could actually be myself/do something productive and with people meant that I wasnt just left on my own being bored and feeling guilty/anxious about not doing anything and left without socialising for so long that I felt I couldnt socialise if I wanted to.

I'm not saying get off your arse and stop, I KNOW how impossible that is. But do get up after you read this, actually just do it NOW and do something smalll and productive. Clean the microwave, play a song, sing like a fool, write a resolution to beat this, get a walk in, spend ten minutes being mindful of your breathing... Something to tick a box in your head 'today I did .... whatever' and tomororrow you will do 'whatever + something else'.

This one. This is it. Im following this piece of advice as soon as I finish writing this and going to clean the kitchen. Gonna do some pushups and then jog after that. Even though ive sat on my ass all day, you get a feeling of fulfillment after excercise that nothing else compares to.

Good luck mate, I look forward to you beating this. And you WILL.

Same from me, good luck