Boyfriend won't have sex with me because of pregnancy scare

LegacyUser

As the title say my bf won't have sex with me since we had a pregnancy scare last week .I'm on the pill and when I took the break my period didn't come until the last minute but the whole week leading up to it my bf was totally freaking out beyond belief he was in such a state thinking I was pregnant and we were both greatly relieved when my period came but now he just has gotten such a fright from the whole thing that he just won't do it anymore out of fear !

I've said we'll use condoms too and even at that he won't,its become a huge barrier to him now and I've tried re-assuring him and talking to him but I don't know what else I can try to get things back on track and make him calm down so I'm asking here is is there anything else I could say or do ?

Thanks

legend365

Dont mention pregnancy and his libido should kick in after while and you'll be back at it like rabbits.

Reillyman

How old are you out of interest?

LegacyUser

legend365 wrote: »

Dont mention pregnancy and his libido should kick in after while and you'll be back at it like rabbits.

I haven't mentioned it at all,he just won't go there now because of it and I don't know how to snap him out of it.
It really must have scared him something terrible as he normally has a massive drive like me but now it seems to be totally gone .
I feel kinda rejected now and beginning to think it's me or something

Reillyman wrote: »

How old are you out of interest?

We're both 22 .

philologos

OP: I think your boyfriend is right to be giving this more consideration. I mean what if you did get pregnant? What would you do? Theres so many questions revolving around this.

It mightn't seem relevant to you now, but you might need to ask your boyfriend what he thinks about abortion. If your boyfriend is pro-life this could be a reason why he isn't comfortable with the concept.

I wish you the best of luck OP, but you need to respect the fact that your boyfriend mightn't be comfortable to continue yet and you'll have to leave him time to consider.

Dante

give him two days....

LegacyUser

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: I think your boyfriend is right to be giving this more consideration. I mean what if you did get pregnant? What would you do? Theres so many questions revolving around this.

It mightn't seem relevant to you now, but you might need to ask your boyfriend what he thinks about abortion. If your boyfriend is pro-life this could be a reason why he isn't comfortable with the concept.

I wish you the best of luck OP, but you need to respect the fact that your boyfriend mightn't be comfortable to continue yet and you'll have to leave him time to consider.

We both agreed from the start that if I was to get pregnant then we would both want an abortion as we're both not in any position to be having a baby but we obviously don't want to end up in that position in the first place.

chughes

Put on stockings and suspenders. If that doesn't work, you have a serious problem.

Reillyman

I agree with Jakkas. If you haven't discussed it already ask him what he thinks of abortion. This could put his mind at ease aswell if he knows you'll be okay with it if worst came to worst.

But seriously, at 22 he should grow up, I'd understand if he was 16 or something but at 22 a baby isn't the end of the world.

Wagon

Reillyman wrote: »

But seriously, at 22 he should grow up, I'd understand if he was 16 or something but at 22 a baby isn't the end of the world.

I'm 22 myself. The last thing i want is a kid. I never want one in fact. It's nothing to do with maturity, it's just i hate kids.

So "growing up" is bóllocks.

Tea_Bag

chughes wrote: »

Put on stockings and suspenders. If that doesn't work, you have a serious problem.

seriously, i agree somewhat. try spice things up just a little. his sex drive needs a jump start again.

casually, pics or GTFO;);)

Nevyn

Tea_Bag Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rulesand abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

He'll get over it. Tell him if he's that scared he should use condoms too. Betcha he'll be desperate for ya in a few days.

Reillyman

Wagon wrote: »

I'm 22 myself. The last thing i want is a kid. I never want one in fact. It's nothing to do with maturity, it's just i hate kids.

So "growing up" is bóllocks.

That point came across wrong. What I meant was that he should "grow-up" and realise that she's not going to get pregnant. I know he must have been scared sh1tless, but I'm sure the OP was too, and she's not gone all weird.

Wagon

Reillyman wrote: »

That point came across wrong. What I meant was that he should "grow-up" and realise that she's not going to get pregnant. I know he must have been scared sh1tless, but I'm sure the OP was too, and she's not gone all weird.

Ah okay. now im with ya.

Well, the thing is she can get pregnant but using both condoms and the pill is a very reliable way of making sure that doesn't happen. OP i reckon give him a little time. I've been in your boyfriends position twice and i was very nervous after a while too but he'll get past it.

PCPhoto

I had a girlfriend break up with me in the past - due to my relaxed attitude when she was "late" .

OP.... I think you need to sit him down and talk with him - ask him if he's alright, tell him you were as scared as he was and see if ye can move on from there.

if he's still in shock (and not willing to get intimate) - maybe its time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Rb

Reillyman wrote: »

But seriously, at 22 he should grow up, I'd understand if he was 16 or something but at 22 a baby isn't the end of the world.

Um, unless he has rich parents who are willing to support the child while he gets on with his life, a baby at 22 IS the end of the world for a lot and it's reckless to claim otherwise.

Unless, of course, you're one of the pro-lifers that lurk this forum and drop messages of encouragement with thinly veiled anti-abortion hints in it

OP: It's a very odd reaction but give him some time. I agree with the suggestion to let him know how freaked out about it you were also, but stress how this is something that can happen from time to time and there's no point in stressing about it until it's a few weeks late, not days.

Reillyman

Rb wrote: »

Unless, of course, you're one of the pro-lifers that lurk this forum and drop messages of encouragement with thinly veiled anti-abortion hints in it

Haha! That gave me a good laugh, I hate them guys too.:D Dunno how you thought that from my post though?

Rb

Reillyman wrote: »

Haha! That gave me a good laugh, I hate them guys too.:D Dunno how you thought that from my post though?

Well, I wasn't really accusing you of being one, merely saying that such a sentence would be befitting of a post from such a person, had it a pro-choice statement not also been presented!

Seth Brundle

Frustrated gf wrote: »

As the title say my bf won't have sex with me since we had a pregnancy scare last week .I'm on the pill and when I took the break my period didn't come until the last minute but the whole week leading up to it my bf was totally freaking out beyond belief he was in such a state thinking I was pregnant and we were both greatly relieved when my period came but now he just has gotten such a fright from the whole thing that he just won't do it anymore out of fear !

If your period came at the last minute then I presume that it still came on time. If that's the case then why was he panicking for the week up to it?

Anyhow, AFAIK its common for the first one or two cycles after you come off the pill can be a little out of whack so you should be prepared once your bf calms down again.

jaydigity

I have one slightly off-topic point to make there for OP.

It's highly recommended to use condoms with the pill. Sperm survives, on average, for four days in the female reproductive tract. (Can survive for up to a week)
So if you had sex, and the following day got very bad food poisoning (not being able to hold the pill down), for example, the risk of pregnancy will increase.

If you are using the withdrawal method with the pill, this is less of an issue.

Greyfox

Rb wrote: »

Um, unless he has rich parents who are willing to support the child while he gets on with his life, a baby at 22 IS the end of the world for a lot and it's reckless to claim otherwise.

OP: It's a very odd reaction but give him some time. I agree with the suggestion to let him know how freaked out about it you were also, but stress how this is something that can happen from time to time and there's no point in stressing about it until it's a few weeks late, not days.

Completely agree!
I would of acted exactly the same as your bf as for me getting my girlfriend pregnent would be the end of the world!
Just give it little a bit of time and everything will be back to normal, he won't be able to resist you in no time!

LegacyUser

Reillyman wrote: »

That point came across wrong. What I meant was that he should "grow-up" and realise that she's not going to get pregnant. I know he must have been scared sh1tless, but I'm sure the OP was too, and she's not gone all weird.

you need to grow up - of course she can get pregnant. neither pill nor condom are fool proof.


OP. he's freaked. this probably his first pregnancy scare. to 22 year old guys thats freaky. be thankful he's taking it this seriously and not being blase about it cos that would be worse no ? give him time to calm down and be reassured - few weeks maybe. in the meantime, consider that this is perfect opportunity for you guys to practise other fun stuff like going down on each other
that'll get him goin in no time

tinkerbell

I don't understand why your boyfriend was freaked the whole week before your period was due, like what's the problem here? If it was a little late, him being totally freaked out was probably making you stressed which in turn probably delayed your period.

Next time use condoms and the pill, and only if your period is late, then start freaking out. Freaking out a whole week before your period is due is not gonna get you anywhere, you may as well have just got a pregnancy test to cool his nerves.

LegacyUser

OP here,
I usually gte it on the second day of my break but it didn't come til the end of the 6th day so he began to freak out after the second day.
I've talked to him about ti since and he says that it really freaked him out and has totally knocked his drive off for now !.
Really getting ticked off at it now at this stage.

Rb

Frustrated gf wrote: »

OP here,
I usually gte it on the second day of my break but it didn't come til the end of the 6th day so he began to freak out after the second day.
I've talked to him about ti since and he says that it really freaked him out and has totally knocked his drive off for now !.
Really getting ticked off at it now at this stage.

Dump him, he deserves better.

Wibbs

He deserves better? The guy throws a wobbler after the second day and now is on strike? She needs to get someone more balanced. Yes accidents happen and babies get born, but if they're both careful the chances are pretty bloody low.

shellyboo

OP, if, for whatever reason - let's say, a really nasty crampy period, followed by a bout of food poisoning, followed by the flu - you decided you did not want to have sex for a while until you felt 100% better, would you expect your boyfriend to have patience and wait for you? Why yes, you would.

And denizens of PI, if this young lady were coming in here saying "I just had a pregnancy scare and I'm afraid to have sex for a little while but my boyfriend is putting pressure on me even though I'm not ready", would you all be telling her to dump him and calling him an insensitive idiot? Why yes, you all would.

OP, you're not being fair on your boyfriend. Give him the time he needs. He'll come around.

Rb

Wibbs wrote: »

He deserves better? The guy throws a wobbler after the second day and now is on strike? She needs to get someone more balanced. Yes accidents happen and babies get born, but if they're both careful the chances are pretty bloody low.

Well if there's one thing that apparent from his reaction, it's that he's pretty inexperienced and this has absolutely terrified him i.e that this is the first time it's been possible that he might have gotten a girl pregnant.

There's nothing wrong with that, is there? I mean be it 16 or 60, the first pregnancy scare is going to send a shock through the system and some will take longer to get over it than others.

I don't get how she let the situation escalate to this though, I mean surely she's better informed about her period and how they can sometimes come a bit late.

Terodil

Sex is not necessarily a purely physical thing. It's not like 'rub it a few times and you're ready to go'. If his feelings are still in turmoil, he may not be able to 'make love' with you.

TBH, OP, you're being very impatient and, if I may say so, unreasonable here. There's absolutely no need for you to be 'totally ticked off'. Give yourselves time and everything will return to normal.