Happy but so lonely

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.... I'm a regular poster on this site but going unreg for this one....

Well basically I'm not the happiest at the moment. Nothing terrible has happened, its just that I am desparately lonely and despite trying to sort this in various different ways.... I'm still on my lonesome ownsome.

I'm a 30 year old female... I live alone (always have for the last 11 years apart from boyfriends moving in a couple of times) I have really lovely friends- all individuals rather than one big circle. I adore my friends though I don't really have a best friend that I would hang out with a lot. My closest friend has a young baby and boyfriend and is kinda tied up with that... though I visit her regularly and adore her and her kid. It's just that she isn't free to come out etc...

I have a tiny family... i see my sister lots as she lives near me, though we aren't close- totally chalk and cheese. I rarely get to see my Dad which makes me sad... I enjoy my job... I work in a shop and get on really well with everyone and love dealing with customers cos I'm a real people person. I'm usually happy out at work and have a good laugh.

The thing is... I am so lonely outside of work. I come home and have dinner by myself nearly every evening. I go to bed by myself and I haven't had a hug in ages... I love hugs and really miss them! I am doing lots of things to try and keep my spirits up and meet new people. I've been internet dating and whilst it has worked for me in the past, it just isn't happening. i send lots of friendly mails and very often don't get a reply. I seem to get mails from weird guys old enough to be my dad.... or else if I do get chatting to someone, its all grand at first and then upon meeting them, they are either very socially inept, loner types or else they just want a f**k buddy. It's really starting to bother me... I have put lots of effort in to write friendly interesting mails to interesting people.... i don't expect to get replies from everyone but its upsetting to get basically none. I have checked my profile with an open mind to see if it being interpreted wrong or comes across in a negative way....can't see anything obvious, though whilst i know I'm bubbly and funny, i also know I am a little quirky and maybe not everyones cup of tea. Though i feel my profile is positive and friendly without going overboard or being too offbeat.

I try to keep busy doing all kinds of things in my spare time. I have mates over for dinner, I call over to friends and organise get togethers. I do lots of fun things by myself, things that I enjoy to cheer me up.

I just feel very alone in my life and don't know how to fix this.... it's getting harder and occasionally I end up crying at home, which is very sad. I'm not depressed... I have been before so i would recognise the signs.... I'm just so lonely and I feel really sad about this... I don't have a boyfriend right now obviously.... the last few have all been 6 month kinda relationships... nothing majorly serious. I would love to be in a relationship and to care about someone and be cared about back..... just don't know how to fix this...

Any advice or suggestions from anyone? So sorry for the long post.... wanted to give a clear picture of the situation.....Thanks for reading this.

Victor

Folks, the lot of you, I'm not picking on any one poster here, but less with the "...".

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I'm in a very similiar situation to you, great friends, individuals rather than a group. That in itself took me a while to get used to, I missed havin a big group like I did when I was a teenager/early twenties. I've been depressed in the past and still suffer a bit with low self esteem, but I can look around and recognise all the great things I have in my life that make me happy. But still, it would be nice as you say to have someone special.

Unfortunatley I'm not sure I can offer much advice, you seem to be doin a lot of the things you should, you're probably gettin out there more than me, I admire you for that, and it might push me a bit into doin more! As regards other places to meet people, do any of your friends have single male friends? friend of a friend is quite a popular way for people to get together. Also, I know this has been suggested to death, but maybe if there's a sport or musical instrument or something that interests you, you could join a class?

Best of luck for the future

DenMan

OP I want to give you a big hug right now.

I think you need a change of environment in order to help you. You have a job and are living close to your sister, even though you are polar opposites. Would you consider taking up something you enjoy? Perhaps you need to identify what you enjoy doing and take it from there.

I know people always say take up a hobby or something you enjoy doing, but it is harder to actually do it. Break the cycle that you are in and it will give you more freedom to be yourself. What do you like about yourself? If you enjoy writing then take it up and join a creative writing course. Whatever interests you...explore it...and surround yourself with like minded people. Immerse yourself in something you enjoy and you will meet people that way when you least expect it. It will be a pleasant surprise.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I seem to get mails from weird guys old enough to be my dad.... or else if I do get chatting to someone, its all grand at first and then upon meeting them, they are either very socially inept, loner types

I think you have a lot of your answers right there in your attitude towards people. Very Judgemental and not nice at all.
And no Im not "A weird old guy" or "A socially inept, loner type" as you call them. Just a regular person pointing something out to you

Overheal

I think there is your problem though: just coming home in the evenings and plonking down in the chair with a meat and 2 veg. Youre only 30. Go out and explore. Theres more than pubs surely. Im thinking Dance Lessons just for a start. Just to meet new people. I mean its fine to keep the internet thing going but youre really butchering your chances by staying locked up at home.

ogriofa

DenMan wrote: »

Break the cycle that you are in

200%. Even if you don't sign up for anything new right away, or meet someone, jiggle things around a bit. Don't go straight home from work, go somewhere nice, sit on a wall and have a sandwich.

Feel for you - I'm in a very similar position. I'd also like to offer you a virtual hug.

Give it a try, g'luck

AckwelFoley

Unregistered wrote: »

and I haven't had a hug in ages... I love hugs and really miss them! .

You poor sod! I love the hug too and when i was single i used to randomly do it in night clubs when i was drunk!

Internet dates are very tricky, ive talked to people that said its used alot by married menlooking for as you said "a fcuk buddy".

Its a difficult one to answer because everyone is different and in different circumstances, but an obvious one is to look into sports / social clubs, from what i can read, you dont seem to live a completely sheltered life as you have friends and family around, but perhaps dont have the oppertunities to meet people

At 30 you are at that age where peers are becomming more tied up in relationships, and getting married and again it can be more difficult to get out.

Do your friends know that you are lonley inside? Have you confided in them? Perhaps they may make more time for you to go out with them and meet new people?

I wouldnt give up on the internet dating thing like match.com etc, i some people that have had some success with, i do know there are decent people like yourself on those sites looking for the same thing.

Best of luck

Brian

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone OP here.... thanks so much for all your observations and replys. (and virtual hugs!) I agree, i reckon I probably am a bit stuck in a rut and should join another class- Ive already joined a pottery class a few months ago, which I love. I have a great laugh there and love being creative. Its full of girls though!! Lol!

I did go back horse riding recently too, which was great fun. My teacher was a gorgeous, funny and gay guy! Reckon I'll join another horse riding class near my home and who knows, maybe meet someone there. At least I'll have a laugh and boost my confidence a bit anyway.

Until then, I'm going to buy a "free hugs" hoody!!! Thanks again x OP