I am so mad!

LegacyUser

I have to get this off my chest, I'm so mad!
A bit of background info
My ex and I have a few children together, he lives abroad, walked out on us & doesn't stay in contact much, maybe 2 or 3 times a year telling me he wants to have the kids over in the summer., nothing wrong with him wanting to see the kids, I actually favour visitation. The thing is, he wants me to put the kids on a plane (under the age of 7) with a 'guide' not me or him an airline travel companion or something .... yet he won't come over here to see them
Are you F*CKING kidding me??? he seems to think they are old enough to travel with a guide. Come on, I am stunned by your stupidness & I'm delighted to have a better head on my shoulders to care for our children in a proper manner.
Another thing I am uneasy with, my youngest child doesn't know him, so this would be a stranger wanting to have them without me for a 'summer' If we were to visit, so the kids could see their dad, I would have to travel with them, they would have to stay with me and have a few hours with their dad alone. Overnight stays would be out of the question too, because they don't know him.
What do you all think, am I being a bit too overprotective? (not including the plane trip here, out of the question!)
If you got this far,
Thanks for reading

PCPhoto

if he wants to become part of his kids life - well and good, but on your terms !!

he can visit Ireland first couple of times etc (assuming you dont mind)

CDfm

He is your ex -do I detect bitterness here?

There must be some reason why you dont want them to see their father?

They should have overnights with their father -he may have to fly i9n to collect them but you are being unreasonable.

I had the same with my ex and years later it still baffles me. Lots of people work it out.

WindSock

I think you are right to be concerned putting young children on a plane with a stranger to meet another almost stranger. He should probably come over here to make himself reaquainted with the kids in a settled environment first before uprooting them.
Perhaps if the 7 year old is happy to go over then let him/her. The others are probably too young.

Fol20

to be fair,this coming from a guy that thinks men should get more rights with their children,I think shes well within her rights to deny him access.Like he abandoned his children and now lives in a different country,rarely speaks to his children and seems to not care of them,so basically what im saying is that if i was her,unless he showed a bit more commitment and actually came back once and awhile to see his children,i wouldnt trust him either.

CDfm

WindSock wrote: »

I think you are right to be concerned putting young children on a plane with a stranger to meet another almost stranger. He should probably come over here to make himself reaquainted with the kids in a settled environment first before uprooting them.
Perhaps if the 7 year old is happy to go over then let him/her. The others are probably too young.

He is their father and I am not saying its reasonable just to put them on a plane on their own-but that you should get used to handing them over for overnight access in Ireland and for him to take them overseas.

You shouldnt use the kids as a bargaining tool or a weapon. Thats bad.

Ireland is a signatory to the Hague Convention on Child Abduction and you can have an agreement subjecting custody issues to the exclusi9ve jursitiction of the Irish Courts. This means that kids brought from one signatory country to another must be returned to the jurisdiction where a proper agreement is in place.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.
I just want to clarify I am all on for visitation, it's been 4 years now until I got him to want to arrange to see the kids, apparently it's been too hurtful on him having the kids in another country. He hasn't once come visit them, it's always me ringing him so the kids can speak to their dad, he doesn't call on birthdays, I ring him right before they go to bed. Now it's gotten to the point where they don't want to talk to him on the phone anymore & I have to bribe them with sweets or a treat of some kind just so I don't have to tell him, they don't want to talk.

This is part of the email I replied back after he replied to me saying I'd never let them fly alone:

"I'm not trying to be awkward or anything. You know I am all on for you being part of the kids life. You will need to establish a relationship with the kids before they go visit you in your country without me, You are a stranger to them & I couldn't put them in a position of sending them away with someone they don't know. It would be more cost effective if you could come visit them in Ireland, you are welcome anytime.
I think you and the kids need to get to know each other before they have overseas travel without me"


I think thats fair enough, what do you think?

speaktofrank

I think that's more than fair, he should make the effort to come and see them at least once. Doesn't sound like much of a Dad to me to be honest.

CDfm

urstupidness wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.
I just want to clarify I am all on for visitation, it's been 4 years now until I got him to want to arrange to see the kids, apparently it's been too hurtful on him having the kids in another country.........

I think thats fair enough, what do you think?

TBH having been on the recieving end you are still engaging and when 1 person holds all the cards it isnt fair. I think you should look for mediation of some sort as you do sound reasonable. My view is coloured and I do think you need to build trust.

I wouldnt know where you could contact but if you felt like it you could ask the mens group www.amen.ie helpline 046 9023718(and I am not for a minute suggesting you are being unfair) and they have some female support staff who may be able to point you in the right direction.