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Jealous of others

  • 01-08-2009 12:15pm
    #1
    needhelpguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 202 ✭✭


    Im 23, male. I often find I compare myself to almost everyone else ALL THE TIME. I become jealous and envious. And because of my passive nature, this turns inwards and I become very introverted and depressed.

    Take for example last weekend. I went away with some friends, one of whom was 17 (a guy) and to me, he had everything I wanted when I was 17. He is a nice kid, but very confident, not cocky or arrogant, he just knows who he is and his place in the world. He is not afraid to speak his mind in conversations and is passionate about some topics. It's a natural confidence. He is fit and athletic, always seems positive, doesn't stutter like me and can begin and hold conversations like a pro. He has a lot of practical skills and was highly praised for helping another group of people that weekend. There is nothing bad about him and he has nothing to hide, he's very open and honest. He is into popular culture and sports. People take an instant liking to him. Including me.

    He is basically the embodiment of everything I wanted to be when I was 17. Instead I was, and still am, quiet, not-confident, low self belief, stubborn (sometimes), I have no interest in myself or what I say, can't do debates or deep conversations well, slim but unfit and generally hate people.

    Truth be told, I was the first person he came to know in the group so I sort of took him under my wing with certain things and I'm proud of him (I was looking out for him last weekend). But even though I like him I still become very depressed and introverted when I think about everything that he has that I don't. His life skills are miles ahead of my own. He even has more experience with girls in a sexual way, where I have none.

    How do I stop being jealous/envious?! How can I accept that he is probably a better person than I will ever be? How can I just accept I am a fcuking loser? Truth be told I am pathetic. But I can't accept this. Why am I not be more like him?! Why do I have to be such a loser? Can anyone understand what I'm saying?


Comments

  • #2
    Whosbetter?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,051 ✭✭✭Whosbetter?


    Often saw that type of thing when I was younger.

    People who are successful & seem to have everything.

    You'd be surprised at what problems they might have behind the scenes.

    You're best off ploughing your own furrow in the world & making the best of what you've got.

    You're only 23. There's a long road ahead & you'd be surprised how life can change for the better in a very short space of time.

    Stick with it & look on the bright side.
    Plenty of people worse off when you think about it.

    Always remember- Your attitude can determine your altitude.


  • #3
    needhelpguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 202 ✭✭needhelpguy


    Thanks for the reply. But the best that I've got isnt really on the level with this guy...I would like to be better. Does no one else know where I'm coming from?


  • #4
    leeroybrown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭leeroybrown


    needhelpguy wrote: »
    How do I stop being jealous/envious?!
    It's not about jealousy/envy. It's just a manifestation of your own low self esteem.
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    How can I accept that he is probably a better person than I will ever be?
    Can you recognise the negative cycle starting here?
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    How can I just accept I am a fcuking loser?
    No you're not. Can you recognise the next step in the negative cycle here?
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    Truth be told I am pathetic.
    And again.
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    But I can't accept this.
    Good!
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    Why am I not be more like him?!
    It's not about being 'like' someone. It's about being happy with yourself.
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    Why do I have to be such a loser?
    The cycle continues.
    needhelpguy wrote: »
    Can anyone understand what I'm saying?
    Completely, but can you recognise the negative cycles you're getting into? Life isn't about being like someone else or wrecking your head because you think that other people are more social, more intelligent, more beautiful, more sexually experienced, etc. If everyone spent all their time fixating on things like this the world would be full of Woody Allen-style neurotic characters.

    Try to stop being so negative about yourself. If you can't bring yourself to, then seriously consider talking to somebody about why you've got such low self esteem.


  • #5
    PK2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Its simple, you hate yourself.

    You believe you lack any positive attributes that make a worthwhile person. You have analysed what these attributes should be and you seek them out in other people. You anlayse these individuals aswell and compare their strengths to your percived weaknesses. you've probably anlysed these behoviours so much that at certain times you can mimic them however the underlying self loathing removes the incentive to keep them up. The failure to instill the behaviours coupeld with the constant comparison of to others further erodes your self esteem and compounds your frustration with yourself.

    Comparison leads to frustration turns to anger, unreselvoed anger turns to resentment, resentment turns to loathing which leads back to comparison- all directed at the self.

    Low self esteem is a vicious cycle however it can be broken. At a practical level you must look for an "achievment" which you percive to be a strength in others- for example you might respect someone who has achieved a bachelors degree (and feel inferior to them), or you might admire someone who has travelled, or someonw who has learned the guitar. In order to break your cyle you must find something which you beleive makes a person superior to you then achieve it- in doing so you will not only tick that box but it will open your eyes to the fact that "better" people are not that much better and you are not that much worse- but you must be willing to make the effort, otherwise you will continue in the self loathing cycle


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP i used to be the same as you(and still am) you arent really admiring this person you are building them up into something they are not. Hes just an ordinary person with failings. When i was younger i used to feel inferior to people however as i got older i realised a lot of these people are just human with failing and make mistakes

    You are judging this person on their ability to play guitar and make friends. But whats happens once you have the sam amount of friends and can play a musical instrument? You will realise you are still the same person. You need to work on feeling happy with yourself now as you are


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