Drink Problem

LegacyUser

Well, I guess I'll start by saying that I have a drink problem. I couldn't say that I have a drink every night or indeed every second night. I'm a binge drinker. I'm female and 31 now and since I was 16 years old, I have binged drank almost every weekend. When I say binged drank, I mean that I drink alcohol until I lose my memory. I can never remember how I get home, who I've been talking to, or what I have been saying. I have no recollection of meeting people, past a certin time in the night.

My typical night out does not start until about 9. And I only drink beer. But I reckon I must have some sort of intolerance to it that does this to me. In saying that, I could drink and drink and I never have enough. I always want more.

I have a boyfriend, who is long suffering because of this. He is petrified that something is going to happen to me. I am not myself when I drink and therefore am liable to do anything. He is my first serious boyfriend...we have been going out for about 10 years now.

I realise how bad things are. I am ashamed of myself. Every day, after a session, I cringe and vomit and stay in bed for the day and make promises to myself that I will never drink again. Until 2 weeks later, when I will go out and do it all over again.

So he has issued an ultimatum to me. Stop drinking or he will leave. I'm 4 weeks off alcohol now. I haven't gone to AA or anything like that. My boyfriend knows and my mother knows but that's it. I haven't told anyone else. I'm so ashamed.

But it is hard. What's hard, is people's attitude to me. I'm asked if I'm 'watching everyone'. I don't feel like people want me there anymore. I feel that they think that I'm watching them and seeing everything that is going on. I feel that people aren't comfortable with me. I've so far been able to hide it from most people and I have told my closet friends that I'm on antibotics. But I'm don't know how to cope long term. Especially for the like of hen nights, weddings etc.

Any advice?

Hazys

I have no real advice to give. Just to say well done on the 4 weeks and keep it up, itll be tough but reply on your mother and bf to help you get through it.

LegacyUser

Why do you need to explain yourself to anybody as to why you're not drinking? Just say that you're taking a break from drinking for a while and leave it at that. I dont think people are worried you are watching them - you're just extra sensitive at the moment.

Best of luck with it - your boyfriend sounds very supportive. However please consider contacting AA as it is good to have all the support you can to get through this.

Nevyn

You need support, why not try a local AA meeting.
http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/opencontent/default.asp
You will get tips and advice and encouragement from people who have been where you are and struggled and succeeded.

fartmaster

Its tough to give up something which is and has being a long habit. I myself drink and smoke wacky tabaco EVERY night, I can handle it as its sort of become my life as Im very antisocial and its something which ive being doing for years now and it actually doesnt bother me that much any that my life is not as everyone elses seems to be! You have a loving bf and family and you seem to be taking the correct road in dealing with your problem, continuing doing this and you will develop good habits and lead a full filling life of having kids car etc

Gadfly

I am 17 years sober. I can relate to most of what you said in your post. I too had blackouts, feeling 'sick, sore and sorry' the morning after and never feeling I had enough to drink (one drink is too many. A thousand is not enough). I lost 'so called' friends after giving up the drink but you make new ones. You will have to do a complete turn around in your life but the benefits will make it worth while.

Once, I took an overdose while drunk one night and ended up in A and E. I was pumped out and told I was lucky to be alive. A week later I was back up on the bar stool drinking again. Insane or what?

As with me, I think the drink has given you up.

Congrats on the four weeks.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them. I was so afraid posting this message.

I can't consider going to AA, I'm still kinda of ashamed of myself. I know that nobody judges you there but for the moment, I can't face it.

I'm just looking at it as a fact that I cant drink again. It's like being allergic to something...I simply can't have it. Plus I dont want to let my boyfriend down, I've hurt him enough. So this is what's driving my determination.

Thanks again...appreciate it.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them. I was so afraid posting this message.

I can't consider going to AA, I'm still kinda of ashamed of myself. I know that nobody judges you there but for the moment, I can't face it.

I'm just looking at it as a fact that I cant drink again. It's like being allergic to something...I simply can't have it. Plus I dont want to let my boyfriend down, I've hurt him enough. So this is what's driving my determination.

Thanks again...appreciate it.

About a year ago I was faced with the stark reality of being an alcoholic and anti-AA. On the insistence of an alcohol counsellor to at least try a meeting, I did. I completely understand the shame - I still feel it at times and I'm sure others will have their views. With all sincerity I'd strongly recommend that you go along to a meeting, the positive impact is huge and the immense sense of relief from being able to be honest is worth it alone. Don't know whereabouts you are but I'm pretty sure that if you thought some moral support would help you get to and through a meeting someone here would be willing to step forward. That first meeting is really difficult. However you proceed, best wishes to you.

LegacyUser

Well done on staying off the alcohol:)
It is always hard, and I completely understand that feeling when you are out with friends, but true friends understand. I had to give up alcohol for health reasons, and yes it is hard at times but I wouldn't change it now for the world. Ireland has a big social drinking scene, so the trick is to find other things to do, go for dinner, go to the cinema that kind of thing, take weekends away!!
Good luck with everything, and never ever feel ashamed, you are to be commended....and as previous posters have said an AA meeting would be a great support, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.