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how much to give
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30-07-2009 11:29am#1
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Too late now. What are you going to do ask for the difference back?
Getting married in December and have been telling friends not to bother. Wedding is abroad as it is, so them just turning up is present enough tbh. A present is a present, all this talk of covering costs etc smacks of Eddie Hobbs. Just give what you can, and what feels right. Perhaps that means €20, perhaps it means €200. 0 -
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Too late now. What are you going to do ask for the difference back? Getting married in December and have been telling friends not to bother. Wedding is abroad as it is, so them just turning up is present enough tbh. A present is a present, all this talk of covering costs etc smacks of Eddie Hobbs. Just give what you can, and what feels right. Perhaps that means €20, perhaps it means €200.
getting married at home is not the same as getting married at home - i think expecting people to travel is asking a huge amount money from the guests, of course people should only give what they can afford but €100 per couple wouldnt be a huge amount considering a nite out for a couple would be more than that.0 -
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Not going to be popular here but....
We always cover the cost of my meal- I honestly think weddings are expensive enough on the B&G- planning my own I know this! Not being mean but if you can't afford to cover the cost of your meal you prob shouldn't go!
Then spend less money
A wedding for 100 - 150 could be done for in the region of 5k if you wanted it,bangersandmash wrote: »Not that the figure you're talking about is in any way unreasonable. But conversely you could say that if the B&G cannot afford to cover the cost of the wedding without relying on cash gifts from their guests, they're probably spending too much on the wedding. Don't forget that weddings are often expensive enough on the guests too. As for the Eddie Hobbs strategy of using a wedding to turn a quick profit... :mad:
+1. I thought it was about inviting people you cared about to share your big day and enjoy your party, not the other way round. It's my wedding, I'm throwing a party, I expect to be out of pocket.getting married at home abroad? is not the same as getting married at home - i think expecting people to travel is asking a huge amount money from the guests...
Granted, and it isn't a matter of choice or fashion in our case ( as with most on here tbh ) the bride is German, therefore wedding in Germany. Nowt we can do about that. In my case, it will be immediate family and a few friends, max 30. Attendance in Germany is purely optional for those invited. Made clear no one was expected to attend. Will be throwing a house party back here anyway for everyone else. 0 -
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Then spend less money A wedding for 100 - 150 could be done for in the region of 5k if you wanted it,
5k for 150 at wedding- €33.30 per head, before you pay for the 'extras' you like dress, suits, church, flowers, photographer, premarraige course, honeymoon, bridesmaids dresses, music, invites- sure i'm forgetting something here! I think your living in dreamland with those prices! I used to think the same as you before I started looking into prices- now i know better.
I was only expressing an opinion- I personally wouldn't go anywhere without knowing I could pay for something. I think the same should apply to weddings. Just an opinion- no need for critism!0 -
And personally I would never organise a party I couldn't afford, and then expect my guests to pay for it. I think the same should apply to weddings. Not a criticism, just a different way of looking at thingsI was only expressing an opinion- I personally wouldn't go anywhere without knowing I could pay for something. I think the same should apply to weddings. Just an opinion- no need for critism!
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itsallaboutme!! wrote: »sorry to hijack the post but i cannot afford to go to two weddings i have been invited to so i have respectivley declined.But im told its the done thing to still send a gift was wondering what people reckon is the "going rate" for that since ive no meal to cover?
Buy a gift like an unusual lamp or a painting from one of those guys on the street and no one will know how much you paid for it Especially with art. 0 -
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Can afford to pay for Wedding and not doing an Eddie Hobbs on it!
That's exactly what you are saying. If people don't cover the cost they're not welcomeIf I was expecting my guests to travel to Germany I wouldn't be expecting a cash gift from anyone. Would also be planning a different style of wedding, costing less (no offense- really).
None taken.I am not expecting a cash or any other type of gift from anyone. But we had priced here for just over 5k for same thing. If I were to have a wedding here I still wouldn't expect people to cover the cost of the wedding. You're exactly right it's your wedding so your choice of how expensive it is, so why would you expect your guests to cover the cost of it?Do realise its all optional-but our wedding our choice!!
So pay for the choices you make and stop expecting everyone else to pay for it :pac:
Guests =/= paying customer. People give what they can, and when they can. Next you'll be judging birthday presents to see if they cover the cost of a slice of cake.:rolleyes:Would also feel that alot of my friends wouldn't be able to travel at that cost.
What has that got to do with anything..... the way you look at things that's their loss. Can't pay don't go, isn't it?0 -
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WOW!!! Alot of 'off topic' posting here- getting quite personal me thinks! :P
Each to their own- I'm going to enjoy our wedding- have it planned EXACTLY the way we both want it with the people we both want there! Have cut corners when and where we can.
People are going to give what they give- be that money or gifts- regardless of what you or anyone else says.
By the way to those who state they are not expecting guests to give money- would you give it back to them???:D 0 -
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By the way to those who state they are not expecting guests to give money- would you give it back to them???:D
No. Just told them outright and upfront that we're not looking for anything. Problem solved. If they give they give it. If it's friends tbh I'd be more inclined to give it back yeah, tell them to enjoy themselves.0 -
That's the whole mentality that I object to. Are you planning to base your future gifts on what you got from guests at your wedding? You seem to be assuming that everyone is on the same financial footing and that wedding gifts are some kind of reciprocal agreement.By the way to those who state they are not expecting guests to give money- would you give it back to them???:D
I'm sorry but that translate as "people are going to give what I expect regardless of what you or anyone else says". It's not a pleasant attitude to have. You're hosting what amounts to a party. Many would say it's impolite to invite guests and then expect them to effectively fund it themselves.People are going to give what they give- be that money or gifts- regardless of what you or anyone else says.0 -
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What exactly would they be viewing as a freebie? Lets be honest, most wedding meals are distinctly sub-par, especially considering what is being charged for them. I've never had a wedding meal of a quality that I'd have been happy to pay for in a restaurant. I've never been to a wedding where the band or dj is one that I would have paid to see on a night out. I don't really enjoy going to church even if there is lovely flowers in the place and a talented vocalist. The only wedding I've been to where the drinks were laid on was mine.
well in fairness I would hope that given the fact that most people are finally getting a bit of cop on in relation to these things that people are not still paying over the odds for crap food. Honestly, I'm not just saying this, but the food at our wedding was superb, and absolutely everyone commented on how fantastic and high quality it was. Our per head price for the package was well under €50. I hope that now people are more careful with their money they are sourcing better bargains and being more decerning about where and on what they spend their money.
Looking back after reading these comments, perhaps I should have asked people to give bigger presents due to the quality of the meal and DJ! then again, perhaps I should have given them all a minimum €10 refund as my meal was less than €50!!
though there have been times when the money was difficult to find. But I am not paying for someone else's wedding. The cost of the wedding they chose is not my responsibility. I will give them a gift as I want to give them a gift and base what I give them on a mixture of what I can afford and what they mean to me. Equally, if I can't attend the wedding I will not downgrade my gift based on the fact that they aren't paying for my dinner.
+1
some people gave overly generously to us, and one person who would normally be very flush, gave nowt. Do I regret inviting them? not at all, because my motivation for inviting them was not to gain financially from their attendance.
Also some people are saying well I gave x person z amount for their wedding so they should give the same!!!! personally I have better things to do than keep a running balance sheet of who I gave what to. Do these people also keep a note of birthday presents they gave? So what are we saying? is there some 'calculation formula' we can develop which offsets the dinner against the price to the guest to attend? Mary had to get a babysitter and spend more on petrol so she should give less? but Joan is single and lives nearby so she should give more. Are the kids to hand over their pocket money to pay for their nuggests and chips???
I find thiss 'expectation' of a minimum amount vulgar and rude.
I got a frame which I don't like, as its not my personal taste, but it is obviously expensive. Perhaps I should return it to the giver and ask them to get a refund and send me the cash instead? Or maybe I should ask the lovely lady who gave me a beautiful keepsake box to subsidise it by a few quid, as it obviously didn't cost the same as her dinner? People gave us what they could afford and we appreciate each gift equally - we dont think more of some over others based on what they gave us.
Give what you can afford. And accept any gift graciously. To do anything else is just bizarre!0 -
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rainbowtrout wrote: »I have three weddings (and hens) this summer and they've totally cleaned me out.
I have a mortgage, bills to pay and wedding gifts are way down the bottom on my list of priorities. You may also want to factor in that there's accommodation, an outfit for the day, shoes, accessories, hairdresser, transport cost if it's not local, money for drink for the day, taxis, babysitters for those with children, it doesn't just stop at the gift.
I have, like many people in this country less money to spend this summer than I did last summer, and €150 goes a long way to paying a few bills for me every month, so yes it is a lot of money and I will give what I can afford.
Bullcrap
Look everybody has these expenses and out goings.... If times are hard and funds are tight and im only palie palie with the bride or groom then just say no too the invite. No big deal....
but if someone came to my wedding and gave me X amount and i was invited to his/her's wedding at later date then i would feel obliged only to return the gesture they show onto us on our day...
people spend 100€s on fags, boose etc every month, im not saying everyone should give all these things up but keep everything in perspective, if a very close friend or sibling was getting married then i would like to think that they meant a little bit more to me on their special day.... its not everyday your best mate or brother/sister get married.... make an effort for godsake, and stop BITCHING about presents for weddings..... If i with my partner were going to a work mates or some i was friends with, wedding then a standard 100€ in a card is the min i would put in, i would feel embarressed if there was anything else in it.... and as i have said for those extra special people a little bit more..........................
I do think people are forgetting about the bride & groom, it is their day after all... and people are really saving hard for their day, im planning my wedding at the mo and the money form guests is the last thing on our mind...
Itsadeathtrap says relax.........:):) 0 -
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itsadeathtrap wrote: »Hello this is a forum about how much to give...........
And in my book it's ok not to give anything if you don't have it.. The issues I have is when people say you must give €x amount or you shouldn't bother going to the wedding at all...... that's just ridiculous. 0 -
I think the "expected" amount came out of days gone by, when the bride used to have a dowry, and then presents were given to help the bride and groom set up home, whereas nowadays most people already have their own place when they get married, so don't have a need for kettles, irons etc, and it is just another result of the celtic tiger. Seeing as cost of living has gone down, the expected gift value should too
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IMHO the purpose of a wedding is to share the day with family and friends, and not about what gift you receive as a result.
I am shocked at the idea of putting no gifts for less than €200 :eek:. For instance, I am single, and am on only a little above minimum wage (office work), so €200 would not be feasible for me, not with bills etc to pay.0 -
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