I don't know what i'm feeling...

LegacyUser

i have two issues i'd like to talk about.

i know this might be totally incoherent but i feel i need to write it down.

i've just finished 5 years in college, with a masters. having worked through my 4th and 5th year in college i save up enough money to spend the summer in Germany as a treat to myself i needed a long break after 5 exhausting years.

before i left i got attached to a girl, we were purely a **** buddy relationship - there was a reason why we didn't make it boyfriend/girlfriend (me college/travels, her work/travels) - but things got hairy when i told her that i was fallen for her, she then went back to her ex after that. i was heart broken, felt like a complete piece of ****, like i was used purely cause she lied about things to me to not hurt me. i kinda turned psycho after that and done things i should not have had done. because of this now, no mutual friends will talk to me.

i always constantly worry about what people are thinking of me 100% of the time. people not talking to me, kills me. silence towards me fuels thoughts in my head. i hate the thought of people thinking about me and what I've done.

i seem to always get way too attached to people and taken an absolute age to get over people, for example, i went on a date with someone i really liked and after the date she said she wasn't ready for a relationship but then next week she had a boyfriend. i feel that people need to tell me white lies because they feel like i can't handle the truth.

the thing is i feel like I've never been told the truth so i don't know whether the truth would hurt me more than the white lie.

i think when i'm single it sparks things in my head, like why amn't i in a relationship. i tend to avoid streets like grafton street to avoid seeing people holding hands etc.

i suppose the thing i most need advice about is i'm coming home soon from my holiday and i need to know how to confront this.

do i just disappear and cut my loses with the girl and the friends?

or

do i try to confront it.


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another issue
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i have another issue that's not as bad as the above one. but i feel it contributes to it.

i constantly think. non stop every single waking second i think about things. for examples i'm on a bus, i look out the window and see a street sign. i think about everything and everyone that is involved in making it. this happens with people too, i see a girl i basically think what a date would be like with her, her personality is like, what if we became a couple, if we had kids what would they be like.

i tried to keep myself busy with hobbies but even then hobbies remind me of something/one and that sparks off the thinking process.

if i'm out with people i often think about my responses very carefully. for example i think about my response and what reaction it will bring, i work out every scenario in my head and only then will i say it. i usually cannot think this fast before the conversation moves onto something different and the circle starts again. this leads me to being quite quiet in social situations.

i've been told that this kind of thinking is the sign of a good engineer, hence why i think i mastered in the engineering field, but i feel that it's not normal. now i know some people will say "ohh, define normal anyway" and i don't think others in my field of study constantly think like this.

i don't know really what to expect by writing this down but i kind of feel a little bit better writing it down.

LegacyUser

I'm sure you've thought of this already, but I would suggest therapy. Find yourself a very good therapist and tell him/her what you've just told us. I am not an expert, but am inclined to over think everything too and let my head run away with me. It can be really hard to deal with, but cognitive behavioural therapy has really really helped me. I no longer obsess about things, don't worry about death of my loved ones, don't try to see into the future etc. Sometimes the mind needs to be shown who's boss because it will try and run away with itself and drag you along with it. The therapy would also help you with dealing with whatever you've done to your ex that has stopped your friends from talking to you. Good luck.

PK2008

In fairness OP we've all been there with the unrequited love thing- happens all the time- its how you deal with it that counts (going pyscho aint great but as long as you dont repeat it the next time then thats called "growth"- its painful but its natural.I reckon if you never went through it then that would be stanger than anything else.

You're coming across as a bit 'needy'- thats natural aswell but its something you have to take control of- not only is neediness unnattractive to others but its also detrimental to your own happiness.

Im not going to regurgitate all the self help stuff there is for needy men- simply google it. While much of it is on point, some may need a pinch of salt- but the jist of it that you get attached so quickly in order to boost low self esteem, to vaildate you- something which nobody else can do for you but yourself.