Unmarried father seeks answers

LegacyUser

Hello all,

I'd like to get your views on my story and see if what is happening is fair or not. My ex and I have a baby boy. Now, we are separated. Reasons for this are as follows:
- I found out she was legally separated but not yet divorced from her ex. She months pregant at that time. I was with her for 6 years or so at that time. She also has another child from this previous relationship.
- Now that we are separated, I see my son less and less. Reason why we split was because she didn't want me to pay for her divorce. Confronting both of them turned out to be the worst mistake I made ever. Both retracted and pretended it was not my business. Fair enough. But from my point, because things changed around, I could no longer see myself as waiting for things to happen. In the past, I asked her to marry me but she refused. She never told me she was married or anything.
- Things haven't changed as we speak and the other father sees his son more than I would. And I don't really think that's fair on me because I don't see my son. She wanted me to see him twice a week and some hours in the weekend as a general rule. But when I try to see him, she changes her mind at some point. Or simply refuse I see him. In the end, she is making the situation more difficult than it is.
- Right now, I am trying to get my head around the law and much of what is being said is that I have no rights whatsoever in Ireland. Whereas in France (which I am from), things are radically different. So, I was wondering whether this could be a different case than much of what I read so far on this forum.
I could write a book about this but right now, I just want to get some views and possible ideas on how to act from there. It is clear that everyone is trying to think of the interests ofthe children. However, it seems that whatever I did so far was unsuccessful. And it's quite hard to live with because I really wanted to make things happened rather than cause chaos.
So, if you have any comments or anything like that, feel free to contribute.
Cheers,
C

Dades

You currently have no rights but you can ask your ex to sign papers which would grant you joint guardianship of your boy.

If she won't sign the papers you can apply to the courts as the boys father, and have them award you joint guardianship. You'll need to show the court that you've been (or tried to have been) proactive financially and in terms of time spent with your child. You should keep a detailed note of money given, times spent, and more importantly time when you've been denied access.

See info here on the goverment website.

maameeo

i agree you should ask for access and guardianship, if she wont give it go to courts. i know it seems harsh but your child needs you too. i have a little girl and i wish her father had played a bigger part in her life, i know she wouldave liked it and can see her going to other childrens fathers for that kind of contact.
iv gone through the courts and its not that bad.

i hope it all works out for you, its upsetting when you see a father that wants to be there but cant. good luck with everything

LegacyUser

Thank you both for your advices. I will look into it more closely.
Best,

maameeo

hope it all works out for you

metrovelvet

I think you need to see a lawyer about this. Because she was/is married at the time of conception it gets tricky. The law - I believe- sees her husband as the child's father automatically, and for all you know he is listed as such on the birthcert.

This could get complex. And you will want to be prepared.