Making that final step

LegacyUser

ok here is my issue, bit long winded, hope you can bear with me and help though.......im a fairly chatty outgoing type of guy, 27 yeas old. i get on well with nearly everyone i meet, people just generally find me as an easy person to get along with and have bit of a laugh with. thing is, while to most i appear confident and outgoing with people, i am not really that confident at all. when i say im not confident, i mean in my looks. i know im not that bad looking, i know that girls aren't trippping over themselves either though.

went out with my ex for nearly 5 years. single nearly a year now. thing is my ex was very very pretty looking and also a very very nice person. many times throughout the time i was going out with her people said to me, kinda scoring out of your league there mate...only to say once they got to know me that they can see why she liked me because of my personality. bothered me a bit at the time but just brushed it off cause knew i liked the person i was.

now that im single though im back at square one. im no good what so ever at going up and chatting to girls in clubs, and even when i do push myself to do it, im really conscious that she is judging me purely on my looks so im not my usual self. the bigger issue is though, i NEVER know how to seal the deal when i do meet a girl. any girls im with, which isn't loads, have usually made a move on me or suggested i get my act together and ask them out. im just brutal at making that final step. 90% of the time i come home from nights out thinking why didnt you make that final step and i know deep down is because im thinking to myself, she likes me as a mate, not cause shes into me. my friends always saying im crap at sealing the deal after spending ages talking to some girl.

so to sum up, im really sick of being single, im hating it. miss sharing my time with someone so much and doing nice things. but because i have no confidence in my looks and if im being totally honest, thinking if i got such a nice girl before i can do it again (which i know is bad attitude), im seeing time just fly by an me being left behind single.

has anyone any advice or been in a similar situation. how can i get over this serious lack of confidence issue i have in my looks and how can i make that final step. i know i have no problem chatting to girls if im introduced to them or something but going up to a complete stranger and trying to chat them up...i just struggle. please help.....

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

so to sum up, im really sick of being single, im hating it. miss sharing my time with someone so much and doing nice things. but because i have no confidence in my looks and if im being totally honest, thinking if i got such a nice girl before i can do it again (which i know is bad attitude), im seeing time just fly by an me being left behind single.

I dont think your problem is that you need to learn how to seal the deal or whatever. I think the real issue is that youve never learned to be comfortable and happy in your own company. You havent found happiness within yourself so you look to another person to give that to you. It'll never work........You absolutley have to get to the point were youre happy by yourself otherwise you'll always be chasing people and trying to get them to give to you what you need to give yourself, and thats a recipe for disaster.
I know saying you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with another person is the kind of stuff youd hear on Dr.Phil, but it is true. Its lifes way of toughning you up. Think about it, if youre happy in your own company and you meet someone, you'll be in a very strong position. You wont take crap from anybody, you wont be dependent, you'll be relaxed because you know that if the relationship ended you're fine by yourself.
Stop thinking so negatively and telling yourself its miserable to be single because then you will be miserable single by giving yourself this message. And it doesnt help by telling yourself that a year is a long time to be single, its not. Giving yourself these negative messages just makes you unhappy. Stop thinking that another person will make you happy, if you do I promise you'll relax and be well on your way to finding the answers youre looking for within yourself. And like I said, that'll make you bullett proof.

LegacyUser

op here, thanks to whoever sent that last response. its funny you should say that i should learn to be happy in my own company because recently a girl that i know said the same thing to me, half jokingly but also half serious. if im being honest, im never happy when im by myself. i much prefer being in friends company, with other people, family etc....its when im on my own that i start to think more about things. and lately for me, im on my own more these days because i am single, friends are busy etc.....if that is the reason though, i dunno how to change it. what can i do to stop thinking negatively and begin to be more happy with myself? i have no confidence when it comes to joining sports clubs cause i think i'll be rubbish....i don't really know what i can do or where to start? my life has mainly been about going out, i dont have a lot of interests.....or is that even the solution to making one happier within themselves, by joining a club, taking up a new interest?