Internet dating - Would you? Have you?

mood

I am toying with the idea of trying internet dating in the future.

Have any of you tried it? How did you find it?

I don't want to meet anyone for 'fun' or 'no strings' type of thing.

lolli

Yes, 3 long term relationships with people I met online. Currently expecting a baby with someone I met online. My bro got married 5 weeks ago to a girl he met online. I know loads of people who have met this way.

You have to be wary though as there are some strange people online but sure you'd find them anywhere Just don't take any stupid risks.

mood

Did you use actual dating websites or got chatting to someone on a site like this?

Are there particular sites for different types of dating? Like I said I would like to avoid the 'no strings fun' types.

Having to post a photograph really puts me off. Imagine someone recognising you!

Darthhoob

met my current OH on the net, been together nearly 6 years and expecting our second child. however...i did date a few not so nice blokes to find him lol! but that wasn't just online, i seemed to attract idiots back then o_O

long as you are careful, honest, and take no crap you should be fine if you're using a dating website, ignore blokes who dont seem to have read your profile, make suggestive comments or make comments that are not 'personalised' (ie looks like a cut and paste jobby).

lolli

Well my boyfriend contacted me through a social networking site. Other people I met on chat rooms. I didn't really up to any serious dating websites, only fun ones like okcupid which had loads of quizzes and matched you up with people. I was always more so interested in making friends and if anything came out of it then well and good.

My bro met his wife on a dating website he signed up to. You can pick what you are looking for on these sites but I think you wont get much of a response really unless you are willing to put up a pic. And if someone you know sees you what odds because if they see you then they are on the website too.

Lyn256

Just had to post to say that I started online dating 3 1/2 years ago-met a few guys and after a month met my partner. We moved in together 6 months later, got engaged the following year, have a 15month old daughter and no2 on the way.
I'd agree with all the safety issues but for me-I found it great to get to know him before we met because, honestly, I would have thought that he wasn't my type-but he was!!
I think its like anything-take a chance-what do you have to lose!

piby

As a 22 year old lad at my age I have no real need for it but I'm certainly not against it. I'd imagine in may ways it can be a lot more 'efficient' so to speak because you can search for people with similar etc. Certainly I think it's become a lot more of a social norm these days than it was 5-10 years ago.

projectmayhem

These days it's fairly commonplace but when it was still taboo a few years ago my current ladyfriend did a college radio experiment to go on 3 dates with people from t'internets. Her conclusion? These people were normal individuals. Why go through 100 people in a bar to find the 1 who's into the same stuff as you/into you, when you can find out on facebook in one foul swoop

tbh

you're considering using internet dating and you're not a freak/nerd/sad case/whatever.

so why assume all the other people using it will be? They are just like you - normal people who are using a new method to meet people.

LegacyUser

Met my fiancee through a popular Irish dating site. Best move I ever made.

Of course there are plenty of weirdos (men and women) out there, but you spot them easily, e.g. "I very much like your profile. Kindly would like to come your country and have much relationship with you. You very interesting and fascintable person", etc., etc.

(hits delete button)

Funnily enough (speaking as a male...) what attracted me to her was her sense of humour. She replied to a question I asked her with this big stream-of-consciousness rant. It was hilarious, like something from Ben Elton or something. She admitted to me later that either I would think she was brilliant or nuts...

z0oT

I think it's a lovely way to get to know someone, beats the hell out of roaring repeatedly at drunk people in a dingy nightclub IMO.

I think the best way to go about it is to try out a free site or two first. Write a good detailed profile all about yourself, your interests etc. and put up plenty pictures of yourself, and if you've a hobby that you're particularly passionate about document that too. I know initially pictures is a tad off putting, but if you don't put them up then it's highly likely no one will contact you, pictures are always what people go for when it comes to online dating.
After that then start contacting others on it, maybe email/PM for a while, then use MSN/Google talk/IRC etc. to chat for a while, then use skype. I think this way you get a very good idea of who you're talking to before you meet, it's still not as good as the real thing, but it's as good as you can get before you meet. The one thing that is advisable is to meet soon, don't put it off.

I'm 22 and I hooked up with a girl online not so long ago. I actually got chatting to her via a forum quite like this one, we got chatting daily and then got skyping pretty frequently. Sadly it didn't work out in the end, we should have met a lot sooner (we kept putting it off due to exams and the like). Now that wouldn't put me off the online scene, I've seen it can work and work very well (In my case I was unlucky). I've always despised the social scene here (pubs/clubs) and the online route is certainly a good alternative. If you go about it the right way it can be great, you just have to be careful.

So all in all, I'd say go for it if you're having thoughts about it. Who knows, if nothing else came out of it you might make a good few friends.

LegacyUser

I think the internet is probably going to be the future of dating - or at least a very major player in the future. I met my husband via another set of boards (we met a meet up thing, though we hadn't even chatted on line before I had a small sense of what he was like from the net and what can I say, cupid struck). I would never, ever have met him in my normal day-to-day life, he didn't even live in the same county as me!

Before that I'd been going to pubs, clubs, etc in the hope of finding somebody but that's a difficult scene to approach people and get chatting. Lot of my friends now use the online dating websites and wouldn't waste their time finding guys in pubs or whatever. At least on a dating site you know that most of the people there there for the same reason so the ice is kinda broken from the beginning. You'll get g*bsh*tes everywhere unfortunately but with online dating I feel you have a better chance of finding mr/ms right.

As always stay safe - meet in public, etc.

Monkey61

Yep it is a great idea. I met my current girlfriend on a dating site. I would definitely say meet up pretty soon though as it is much more fun doing the whole "getting to know you" bit in person and you will never know what someone is actually like until you meet them.

There were a few girls that I spent weeks emailing before we met, great sense of humour, got on brilliantly, but then we met up and it just didn't work in person at all, nothing to say to each other and just did not get on. My current girlfriend however, I spent two nights emailing and then thought "feck it" and asked if she wanted to go for coffee the next day. That was five months ago and we have been together ever since. I would never in a million years have encountered her in my day to day life had we not been on the same site.

Also to note though, even things that haven't worked out, I have actually made a few friends through it all as well that I would now hang out with on a regular basis.

Hyndsy85

Internet dating will work for some and not for others.

I gave it a go earlier this year and to be honest it kinda shattered my already low confidence. Only 1 person ever replied to me. I talked to her (email/text/phone) for about 3/4 months and when we finally met up it was a bit awkward. I feel we talked to much before actually meeting so we couldn't use the first meeting as a way to get to know each other better.

Anyways after a second meet i never heard from her again. I stayed with the internet dating for another few weeks but i never got a response from anyone so i deleted my account and stopped because it was making me feel worthless.

For every success story there is a disaster story. It's still worth giving it a shot tho

LegacyUser

I've just started into it with no sucess yet, mind I haven't been trying too hard.

Anyway just to say don't bother with one of the paid websites there are decent free ones around. OKcupid and plentyoffish are two good ones there is also smooch.com although I'm not too gone on it for some reason, but sure give it a go. Never know I might see you on there.

mood

Monkey61 I think that would be a good idea to meet up earlier on rather. You really wouldn't know if you would get on until you meet in person.

Hyndsy85 a low response was probably just due to poor choice of words on your profile. Maybe you wrote it when you were in bad form or something. Don't take it so personally.

Dublin141

I have never used a dating site but did meet up with two men that I chatted to online during my late teens when it was considered weird and creepy! The first I was with for over a year, very nice man, I was just too young at the time.

Seven years, four kids, one dog and a house later, I'm still very much in love with the second one.

There are oddballs online just as there are in the pubs and clubs at the weekends. You have to be sensible and remember that meeting up face to face is not the same as chatting online. Take your time, trust your judgement and you should be fine.

Wheeloflight

Hi Mood,

I don't know if this will help you, but I went on 3 internet dates. The first guy was fine for a while but then he turned out to be really insecure and paranoid - not a good trait! The second, was NOTHING like his profile and I was horrified to meet a tattooed 48 year old!! (I'm 27!!) The last was the worst...he was a total recluse, had never had any kind of relationship with a girl and was very socially inept. I felt really sorry for him but no thanks!!

As a result however, I asked this guy for help and asked him to pretend he knew me - I'm now with him 4 months and madly in love!!

My advice is be verrry careful with the internet dating. I know lots of people out there are genuine but just in case...

Hope this helps a little, good luck!

sickpuppy32

anyone recommend good dating sites?

Wheeloflight

MaybeFriends is the one I was on, it's ok, about 22 euro a month though, I was on it for one month but I got 3 dates out of it so got my money...I guess..:o

Humantouch

Internet dating can definitely work but i think that it can be a different experience for men & women. Women will always get a big response & can be relatively choosy. Men will often get no response at all even if they mail a prospective woman. There are lots of posts on here that suggest that the less attractive men find it pretty much a waste of time.

The real problem is there is no room for passion or spark. People make very analytical judgements like saying that they only want someone between two specific ages. The perfect guy might be one year too old to be considered !. The same can apply to height, body shape, children etc.

In the real world we exchange masses of data when we meet. The internet misses all of that. I am sure that there are people who would only of met via the net but I am certain that there are others who would of got on face to face but never got the chance.

katiemaloe

Humantouch wrote: »

Internet dating can definitely work but i think that it can be a different experience for men & women. Women will always get a big response & can be relatively choosy. Men will often get no response at all even if they mail a prospective woman. There are lots of posts on here that suggest that the less attractive men find it pretty much a waste of time.

The real problem is there is no room for passion or spark. People make very analytical judgements like saying that they only want someone between two specific ages. The perfect guy might be one year too old to be considered !. The same can apply to height, body shape, children etc.

In the real world we exchange masses of data when we meet. The internet misses all of that. I am sure that there are people who would only of met via the net but I am certain that there are others who would of got on face to face but never got the chance.

Hey, Humantouch I totally agree with you. I have been internet dating and I feel that you're judging profiles rather than people. You miss all kinds of things that you would pick up in person very quickly. The profiles are pre-thought and don't really give an accurate description of people.... you can't pick up on body language, humour, tone, reaction etc.... Its more carefully planned emailing rather than a free flowing conversation so responces are slower and easily mis read or mis understood

I think it can be sucessful but also feel it has a lot of flaws, and like you say... you could meet a perfect partner..... or you could miss the perfect person because of criteria choices... Whilst I think internet dating is a smart and modern way to date, and definately better than scoring when you're pissed in a night club... its also quite forced, formal and a bit unnatural.

angel01

I didn't join a dating site but I met someone online from a forum and we started dating, (he was in England) and we met as often as we could and now we live together in Dublin and are really happy. It can be really great and work out really well and I have never been happier.

sullivk

I joined plentyoffish, its good although I have gotten quiet a few "hey wanna meet up 4 some no-strings fun?" messages! :pac:

I've met up with one guy, and although we went out a few times I just felt there was no spark. However we're now good friends and hang out pretty often...
I say go for it! I haven't been on my profile in a while but lately I've been reminded of the crappy pub/club scene, think ill hop back on!

LegacyUser

...just had to write a response here. This time two years ago I was in the same boat as you and decided to turn to internet dating. I was 33 and really did want to meet someone and connect and have a relationship.

Was on the site a month and met a wonderful guy - 33 also, single, solvent, attractive, professional and looking for love also. He seemed like the perfect man and we had everything in common. At the time we met he told everyone ie family whom I all met straight away and work colleagues, we were soulmates and he knew the first time we met we would marry yadayadayada. He also then made a bit of a point with me that we would both deregister from the account. I told him I had done so already and he did it there straight in front of me and we were both happy and blisfully in love.

A year later I found out that for the first coupld of months all was fine but then he returned to internet dating unknown to me. We were living together so he did this when I was away woking or travelling, or I suppose at work too. He was addicted to it. Still is.

I went into internet dating and that relationship with nothing to loose and yet I came out of it now having lost everything. I also do genuinely feel for the hundreds of women (Yes, there were over 500 other women) that he was in contact with as they were obviously looking for love also and he was leading them up the garden path. Just a word to the wose as lots of people can end up getting hurt.

I have heard lots of nasty stories from friends also.....mainly, if you meet a guy in a bar or through work etc and you decide to go out on a date and you like each other , chances are that he is not looking to go to a bar tomorrow night and flirt aimless with someone else. But over the internet the flirting happens from the comfort of your own home so you can go out on a date go home and start to flirt online aimlessly always trying to find something better and never giving the person you a with a chance. Just my thoughts on it.

LegacyUser

i would be curious to know from anyone who has met their OH on line if they actually told her friends/family the truth about how you met ie. online or did you pretend that you met up in a pub/club etc , theres still a stigma around meeting someone online and some people seem to think people you hook up online are people who are weird or are unable to meet people in the "normal" way due to social inabilities etc. I have met a few guys online, none ever went past the first date but i wonder if they had how I would have explained it to friends how I met him as I told tell anybody Im meeting people off the net. Would be interested to know how others feel about this.

Mini

This is something that I have been thinking about for a few weeks now and i am not too sure if it is a route i want to go down.

i would like to meet someone as at the moment out side work i don't really meet people that i can date. we have a strict no dating the client rule despite one client that i would really love to ....

I am still very much undecided and to be honest alittle too embassed to try internet dating ...maybe that will change soon ... remains to be seen.

Liam Byrne

Just like real-life meet-ups, you'll get some strange contact.....some genuine, some odd, some not-so-much but there for a reason (an ex, etc)......

So be careful out there!

But don't let being careful stop you having fun!

Op i think you should give it try what have you got to lose if you find its not for you at lest you've tried it...it worked for me ...but be sensible and don't take it too seriously....

if you happy and secure in yourself and in general a sociable out going person who can talk to anyone and are in the realms of what is considered broadly attractive it will probably work for you plus being witty helps...however if you have problems with your self esteem or other issues in your life id think carefully before you try interned dating it might shatter what little confidence you have ..

i never met any weirdos but i met a fair few of what id term lost souls...men with serious issues around alcohol or sadly delusional middle ages men who what to meet a younger woman or men who lied about everything....but mostly i met nice normal guys who lots of woman would be happy to date...

you have to to be realistic if your in your late thirties and still living with your mammy and your only social life it the local..your might find that not many woman want to meet you thats just life....also if you don't put a photo up youll find it hard to get any replies ...

i do think Internet dating is a fantastic idea as long as your realistic and sensible about it..

mood

I think I'll give it a go in the future.

Birdsong

I did internet dating for about 8 months,saw one guy for approx 6 weeks, just fizzizled out, and went on approx 5 other dates. While I am no longer on it & didn't find the love of my life:) i would definatly recommend it.

Its been a while since i was on the dating scence, and at 35 was v.nervous so I think the practice of going out, making small talk, bit of flirting ( if it was looking good!! ) etc was great.

Would agree with previous posters who say meet up asap, none of this getting to know you over 3-4 weeks, I think some said 3 months:rolleyes:, the only real way you'll know if there is any spark between you is meeting up & you don't have to know somebody to find that out if you get me. If you meet someone you fancey in the pub for the first time, and the ask you out, you don't know a whole lot about them.

Would also say put a bit of effort in to the profile & photo, tbh you have to sell yourself , who cares if someone recognises your photo, they are on site for same reason as you obiviously to meet someone.

Don't take it too serious or too personal & it's a bit of fun, might give it another go & see is Mr. Right out there:D

ManOfMystery

It's really no different from any other form of dating. I find it hilarious that some people who aren't so computer savvy and internet savvy will warn others off it, proclaiming to all who will listen that the internet is full of weirdos.

Go to any bar, you will meet nice people, people after sex, people after relationships, a few sleazes, a few weirdos, and maybe the love of your life.

Go on any internet site, you will meet nice people, people after sex, people after relationships, a few sleazes, a few weirdos, and maybe the love of your life.

I don't really know why the stigma is there. If anything, the Internet site is the more efficient way of dating as you can very quickly sus out who has the same interests and desires as you. Of course, Internet dating is only the first stage - most people will then go and meet up for drinks, dinner, etc.

So to answer the original question, no, I wouldn't see anything wrong with internet dating. Have done it before and made some friends through it, although I met my current gf in work lol.

BraziliaNZ

yeah i think it's rubbish for some people, I tried it before once or twice and trying to get responses is a bloody nightmare, and if you do most of the girls seem to get offput when you ask them if they want to meet up. So was more frustrating than anything else, I have better luck in real life! But that's just my experience, maybe i'm an ugly get in my photos or something.

Ellsbells

It can work... Meet my OH on the net last year. Was supposed to be going to a friends wedding on the Friday and (sadly for them) the wedding was cancelled and so I was left at a loose end for the weekend. Was sitting home bored the next day, was online and spotted a funny profile on Anotherfriend, I send him a message and he happened to be online too (despite only stopping in his house between a work trip and going to his parents place for one hour). We chatted all day, he asked me out and we met that night - we are now living togather and very happy. I had been talking to other guys for weeks but had no real urge to meet them, with my OH I just found something about the way he came across as instantly attractive and the rest is history... Give it a go but dont take it too seriously.

EB

PS my friend went on subsequently to get happily married to the same guy so there are 2 happy endings.

PPS Neither of us had photos up....