Friend is laughing stock

LegacyUser

One of my mates got dumped by her boyfriend last year. They had been together 2 years, he was a great boyfriend and she was really into him but he just fell out of love. She took it really badly which is understandable but still isn't really over it almost a year later! The worst thing is, she tries to make him jealous by scoring his mates/acquaintances. She has been with 8 or 9 of them now including one at his leaving party! But he isn't jealous, he just pities her of course! And the more she does it, the more she looks like a desperate slapper, in the words of another mate. I don't know why she thinks this will bother the ex - he has a stunning new girlfriend and has moved abroad! The best thing she could have done was been happily single or found a nice new bloke, not messed around trying to get one up on him all the time. He had a few flings after they broke up and she seemed to think it was necessary to 'even the score' or something - but it's childish and stupid IMO! Most of the lads around here just laugh at her and the ex feels well rid now she's behaving like this. What can I say to her to make her listen??

LegacyUser

Handle with care. This girl is obviously in pain. No need to go into too much detail about being a laughing stock, have a chat about how perhaps its time to move on and the best 'revenge' is always to not care anymore. Say that you understand she's very hurt but its time she started focusing on herself and what she wants now instead of referencing the past with all her actions.

Don't humiliate her. What anyone things is actually not that important compared to her peace of mind. And people's opinions change all the time anyway. She may well know she's made a mess of things with some local boys, you don't need to spell that out.... just mention that they're only local boys anyway, there's a whole world of men out there. Perhaps you two should start doing different things, go to gigs, meet new people.

Anyway, nobody knows what those boys really think, some of them might well like her, but are afraid to give it a go because on some level they know she's using them. Eitherway, a break from the scene won't be any harm.

Oh The Humanity

I really think you need to be cruel to be kind here.

I know its hard and you don't want to but in my experience when I am doing something stupid and someone tries to tell me in a 'roundabout' way I just don't get the message.

Wheras if someone is brutally honest and clear with me and repeats what other people are saying and thinking I really DO get the message and although its hurtful I really prefer blunt criticism as its to stop you making a fool of yourself. It works.

Either she will listen or not. You can't make her. Explain to her objectively what she is doing, what people are saying and explain you are telling her this because you are her friend and the horrible duty has fallen to you whether you like it or not.

If she turns on you, there is nothing you can do. Then she is too deep in denial.

Friends who will tell you the bad stuff are real friends as they have nothing to gain themselves. Actually they are risking losing their friend so they have everything to lose.

Be straight with her. Try to get her to snap out of it.

LegacyUser

Why not just change the scene and hang out with different people? After a year the girl herself must be getting a bit tired of it. Tell her, but make sure you do it in a way that she won't construe as bitchy e.g. if you have heard something back, go and tell her this and let her work it out for herself, rather than you putting it all together and 'passing judgement' on her. Are you keeping info from her now? Why?