Need to change my 'look,' any advice?

LegacyUser

I am not physically attractive to women. My 'look' is very staid and serious and plain. When I date women, I can be great company, a lovely guy, but I only ever end up getting the 'I can't believe you're still single' line, before 'don't call me I'll call you.' If I looked just a little bit more exciting, it would give me a confidence boost to be able to carry myself better.

Likewise, posting my picture on a dating website is a sure fire guarantee of no responses, despite what they say.

I am not fat. I am perfect weight for my height, which is 5'9". I'm 40. I have a bit of 'truck driver belly' which looks a bit ugly. But apart from walking a bit more, I have no idea what kind of exercises I should try. I don't mean a six pack, but just a bit slimmer in side profile would be nice.

I also need to develop my arms and shoulders, which are thin and weak. I don't know where to begin to do that. Obviously a gym might help, and a good gym instructor, but here's the crunch: I cannot afford it. I have no spare money at all right now.

The first thing I'd like to do though, is change my hairstyle. I have good hair, in a plain side parted style. I never know whether to keep it cut short, or let it grow long. I've tried both, and neither looked very exciting. Once I tried a straight back style, but it simply stuck straight up, and looked weird, so I abandoned that. Some guys have cool hairstyles, and I observe them, but don't seem to see anything that would suit me. I would be far too embarrassed to go into a barber and say I want to try a new style, unless I knew exactly what would look good. Where would I get good advice?

I know the first advice will be to learn to be happy with myself. And I am happy with myself. But it seems women just aren't, they want something more. I have been told before, in the nicest way possible, that I am too plain and formal looking. Something needs to change. A little of everything would give my confidence a boost. But I don't know where to begin. I am not very style conscious. I need style advice. Is there free style advice available anywhere? Any ladies' opinions?

jy

you don't need to go to a gym to get fit

when you go to a gym there 8 different exercises you need to do

stretching
cardio
abdominal
arms (biceps and triceps)
back(latissimus dorsi)
chest (pectorials)
legs (glutes)
shoulders (Deltoids)

all these exercises can be done at home with ease with the use of a work out ball which cost no more then €15. Google a few websites and you will find plenty of info to working out at home.

For cardio simply put on you running shoes and explore you neighborhood, its best to do a warm up of maybe 10 min running, then do you muscle work out followed by a 20 min run

work out every two day and change your diet rapidly, take 5 small meals a day leaving a gap of 3 hours between each one.

the 'truck driver belly' you refer to is generally caused by alcohol as well as any redness in your face etc.

As for you hair, you are right, going into a barber you might get laughed out of it, but if you go to a salon they are generally more receptive to playing around with new hairdo's. Those guys you see with really nice hair generally go to a salon.

The other thing it to be more pro active, asking for advice on a forum is only going to delay the process which will eventually mean you fail. If you can stick it out for 21 days you are laughing, that's how long it takes for the human body to adapt to these changes.

GL with the transformation and I wish you the best luck in your future endeavor

LegacyUser

Many thanks for that. Two things I didn't mention - first, I don't drink or smoke at all. The truck driver belly is because I drive trucks, and sit for hours on end. Can't avoid that.

Secondly, I am very out of condition. On the rare occasions I have to run, just a few yards, I end up doubled in pain. My recovery is non existent. I ran to catch a bus one day. Half an hour later I got off the bus in town, and had to stand on the road, I was still out of breath! A 20 minute run is completely out of the question, I am afraid I might end up hospitalised!

petethebrick

The most important thing is can do to get rid of a belly is to change your diet -
cutting out junk food and excessive alcohol will do far more than any amount of exercise.
If you can't aford a gym go for a run a few evenings each week. Use this site - www.mapmyrun.com.
I find if you set goals with regard to distance it helps to keep you motivated as opposed to just heading out running aimlessly. Running won't do much for shedding the belly on it's own but combined with a better diet should eventually help you get a bit leaner and also make you feel healthier and more confident.

+1 for going to a salon for a new hair style. Yes it may cost a bit but sure you're only gonna have a good head of hair on you for so long so make the most of it!

Sorry just saw your last post! maybe try swimming instead of running, it will ease you back to fitness more gently! Or try yoga or something.........

LegacyUser

Start off by walking for 15 - 20 mins each day and then build up to longer, then start doing half running/half walking when you feel fitter. Also do sit ups every day, even if you only do 5 and then build them up as your fitness improves. Cut out junk food which is hard when you're on the road, but can you bring your own food with you instead of getting food in garages etc? If so, make up salads or healthy sandwiches and have fruit for snacks.

Go to a hair salon and ask their advice. It might be a bit intimidating going in where there are a lot of women getting their hair done, so maybe book an appointment for first thing in the morning when it is quieter. In relation to your clothes, do you have a female friend or relative you can bring shopping with you to give an opinion? Also have a look at a clothes website such as the mens section on www.nextdirectory.ie which will give you an idea of what to put together and what types of looks are currently out there.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Walking is a great way to keep fit. Why not try a few highlights in your hair? it can make a huge difference to your overall appearance, complexion and bring out your eyes. Personally i wouldnt be seen dead with my dull mousy brown hair so boring and plain.

mood

Great advise here. One thing - don't try to get clothes and hair 20 year old guys have. It will just look sad. Have you any female friends or relations who could go shopping with you (Or males who dress well)? just say you need a change and don't know where to start. No need to say it's to improve your chance with women if you don't want to.

sunnyside

Somewhere like Toni and Guy would sort the haircut, not cheap but very possibly worth it. Any time I've been in there I've seen male customers. I'd say all the top salons would be well used to doing men's haircuts so don't be shy!

LegacyUser

you wouldnt have to spend a fortune going to the likes of toni n guy , theres loads of new chinese salons opened up which do a great cut/style for men/women at half the prices of regular salons, a few in capel street and one up in santry i could give you the name. lots of guys going here, you just have to look at how well some of the cninese guys have their hair.

As regards clothes places like top man , next , jack and jones have really good stuff.

stay off the beer for about 3/4 weeks eat well and just go out walking every night, 20 mins wont do much for you go for and hour your a young man well able to walk an hour, these changes alone will improve your apperance.

Other things to maybe consider: teeth whitening, a really nice pair of shoes will say alot, some nice jewellery im not saying go over board but a nice watch, maybe a chain and a nice ring or bracelet, doesnt have to be expensive argos do a great range of mens jewellery at good prices.

Goodluck.

LegacyUser

Do you know what's fantastic about being a truck driver? You get to visit towns where you don't know a soul. So go into a salon and what harm if you're mortified - you never have to see them again. Once you get a good style it should be easy for any hairdresser to maintain. Same goes for clothes - ask for advice in a store where you don't know people - I'm way more confident about asking for advice or trying on new styles when I know that so-and-so from round the corner isn't gawping at me. Shops like Penneys and Heatons have great cheap stuff if you're broke. You can buy clothes by the kilo in there!

The fitness thing - definitely don't start with running if you're that unfit, good advice given above on starting with walking, then a minute running if you can, back to walking and build up. At home you can do press-ups to build your shoulders and chest muscles - start by keeping your knees on the floor and gradually build to doing them on your toes. The further apart the arms the more it works the chest; further in to work the shoulders. You can buy dumbell type weights in Argos or Tesco and google exercises for biceps and triceps. Sit ups for the tummy - but take it easy or you'll rupture something! Just lift your shoulders off the floor to start with, you'll still feel it.

Hopefully if you can make these changes you'll have more confidence but as a 29 year old girl I'm not lying when I say a dodgy hairdo, a belly and untoned shoulders would not stand in my way! There's way more to life, so do try and make these changes for you and nobody else.

All the best

Slumlion

Unregistered wrote: »

Do you know what's fantastic about being a truck driver? You get to visit towns where you don't know a soul. So go into a salon and what harm if you're mortified - you never have to see them again. Once you get a good style it should be easy for any hairdresser to maintain. Same goes for clothes - ask for advice in a store where you don't know people - I'm way more confident about asking for advice or trying on new styles when I know that so-and-so from round the corner isn't gawping at me. Shops like Penneys and Heatons have great cheap stuff if you're broke. You can buy clothes by the kilo in there!

The fitness thing - definitely don't start with running if you're that unfit, good advice given above on starting with walking, then a minute running if you can, back to walking and build up. At home you can do press-ups to build your shoulders and chest muscles - start by keeping your knees on the floor and gradually build to doing them on your toes. The further apart the arms the more it works the chest; further in to work the shoulders. You can buy dumbell type weights in Argos or Tesco and google exercises for biceps and triceps. Sit ups for the tummy - but take it easy or you'll rupture something! Just lift your shoulders off the floor to start with, you'll still feel it.

Hopefully if you can make these changes you'll have more confidence but as a 29 year old girl I'm not lying when I say a dodgy hairdo, a belly and untoned shoulders would not stand in my way! There's way more to life, so do try and make these changes for you and nobody else.

All the best

Yeah he should stop off somewhere in the midlands offaly or somewhere like that,,ask for the pat shortt look

Silverfish

Slumlion, you are new to this forum so I suggest you read the charter before posting, particularly in relation to unhelpful posting.

Slumlion

Silverfish wrote: »

Slumlion, you are new to this forum so I suggest you read the charter before posting, particularly in relation to unhelpful posting.

Oh sorry,it was just a suggestion,do you not think the women love pat shortts look?

SheRa

I think that you might get some good fitness advice here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=252 Some of the posters can be a bit forceful/agressive about fitness but most people there are lovely. They'll give you some ideas. I would recommend going to your doc before you start any fitness regime tho just to get yourself checked out first.

The vast majority of guys that i know in their late 30's/40's have a short back and side haircut - like this http://www.philanthromedia.org/archives/george-clooney-picture-2.jpg because thats what suits men of their age. To be honest a "trendy" hairstyle looks silly of men of any age so I wouldn't worry about trying to have one of them. Or else they've shaved off their hair cos they are going bald.

Either hairstyle is quite sexy tbh.

The post about going into a salon is also a brilliant idea. Go in during the day when its not going to be as busy and say that you'd like to change your hairstyle and would like some ideas. You dont have to get anything done there and then just say that you'll think about it. See if they have pics that they could show you. Actually here you go http://men-haircuts.com/ you might see some styles you like and then ask the hairdresser if they'd suit your hair type.

+1 to asking a female that you respect (e.g friend/ sister/ girlfriend of a friend) to go shopping with you.

Good luck you sound like a lovely bloke:).