Should I go on a date

LegacyUser

I still have feeling for my EX I wish we were back together but thats not going to happen we are still mates so thats good. We split up about 4 months ago after going out 5 Years.

My problem now is I was asked out at the weekend and I agreed to meet for drinks tomorrow half of me is saying feck it why not its only a few drinks the other half just feels wrong about doing it like its too soon or something and if the ex found out they would be hurt and it would ruin any friendship we have.

I just don't know what to do now I don't want to lead this girl on either meeting up when I know in my heart I dont want any relationship or anything like that for a long time.

Whats the best thing to do here do I go along for a few drinks? or do I call it all off? and if I call it off what will I say? Ah my head is so confused help please......

Snowie

Go!

It'le be good for you, just because your going for a few drink's doesn't mean its going to turn into a relationship over night. I say stop thinking about it so much and go with the flow... Its a few drinks and the interaction with another person might be a good thing I'd say it is.

GO

Enright

you have answered your own question, its only a few drinks

Go with an open mind and enjoy yourself

LegacyUser

Leave it if your heart isnt in it whats the point in wasting your time and hers?

LegacyUser

Ring her & tell her that you are only out of a long term relationship and that you arent interested in getting into another relationship right now. If she still wants to meet you after that, then you might just make another friend out of this, which is always a good thing.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Ring her & tell her that you are only out of a long term relationship and that you arent interested in getting into another relationship right now. If she still wants to meet you after that, then you might just make another friend out of this, which is always a good thing.

+1

Saying this up front will - or rather should - be appreciated.

If anything DOES happen and you say it afterwards, any potential for a friendship, or something more further down the line when you're ready, might be damaged.

LegacyUser

Man up and just go you might even get lucky and after that if you still feel the same delete her number.

Eve_Dublin

Yeah, I would agree. Be straight with the girl and no one gets hurt. Going for a few drinks doesn't automatically mean it will turn into a relationship anyway. I think we're adopting the whole American model of "dating" more and more here in Ireland now since online dating became popular. No harm in keeping your options open. If you think she likes you more than you like her or if she seems to be looking for something serious, then nip it in the bud early on. Or if it's too painful for you to go out with another girl, then leave it be. 4 months is not a long time.

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone (not saying you're obliged to do anything btw)..if there's no chance of getting back with your ex, then it's time to move on and have some fun. Enjoy the single life, OP!

LegacyUser

"Ring her & tell her that you are only out of a long term relationship and that you arent interested in getting into another relationship right now. If she still wants to meet you after that, then you might just make another friend out of this, which is always a good thing."

In all fairness you can't just say that out of the blue in a text or a call your going for drinks no one said anything about anything else?? if you send that she will get freaked out and you won't be going for drinks if she asks say it other wise either go and have fun or sit at home thinking what if...

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Man up and just go you might even get lucky and after that if you still feel the same delete her number.

Cracking advice there.....:rolleyes:

How would you feel if someone did that to you ?

Yes, it's definitely great to "go with the flow" and whatever, and it can be fun, but I for one can't see the fun in "getting lucky" with someone that you'd think that little of.

If there's a chance, you run with it; if not (or if you're not in the right frame of mind) you don't.

metamorphic

wow 5 years that's tough, anyway, good you're still friends, but hopefully not too friendly, you'll never get over her that way, Put a bit of distance between you and the ex.

was in a similar situation albeit the duration wasn't as long, regardless, time to move on. No one is saying this girl you're going for a few drinks with is a replacement, and you shouldn't look at it like that, but it may ease any obsessing you're doing over your ex. Did the same myself, any spare time was filled with anguish and regret, until I started heading out and meeting new people, had a few misfires (disasters) but kept on trying.

Long story short, time doesn't heal all, distraction does. Go distract yourself.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

I still have feeling for my EX I wish we were back together but thats not going to happen we are still mates so thats good. We split up about 4 months ago after going out 5 Years.

My problem now is I was asked out at the weekend and I agreed to meet for drinks tomorrow half of me is saying feck it why not its only a few drinks the other half just feels wrong about doing it like its too soon or something and if the ex found out they would be hurt and it would ruin any friendship we have.

You cannot stay celibate to keep your ex happy .... does that really make sense to you ? :rolleyes:

I just don't know what to do now I don't want to lead this girl on either meeting up when I know in my heart I dont want any relationship or anything like that for a long time.

We are never "ready" - trust me. After this kind of emotional experience, the best thing is to get back in the saddle and let things happen. Don't pre-judge, don't make limits. Just be yourself and let things happen or not.

Whats the best thing to do here do I go along for a few drinks? or do I call it all off? and if I call it off what will I say? Ah my head is so confused help please......

If you are unable to function, then don't go. But you really need to get out and have a good time.

GO !!


All the best

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Ring her & tell her that you are only out of a long term relationship and that you arent interested in getting into another relationship right now. If she still wants to meet you after that, then you might just make another friend out of this, which is always a good thing.

No way should you tell her this. This is a date not a confession go out on the date and see what you have in common and be charming.

Its for you to see if she likes you too and if the image you give is of a maudlin sap she wont want to meet you again.It will be good for you too and to see someone else as a potential partner is well good.

So dress up and put on a nice aftershave and ask her where she would like to go- who knows if you dont click romantically you might have made a friend.

Best foot forward and all that and dont forget to tell her how nice she looks.

Eve_Dublin

CDfm wrote: »

No way should you tell her this. This is a date not a confession go out on the date and see what you have in common and be charming.

Its for you to see if she likes you too and if the image you give is of a maudlin sap she wont want to meet you again.It will be good for you too and to see someone else as a potential partner is well good.

So dress up and put on a nice aftershave and ask her where she would like to go- who knows if you dont click romantically you might have made a friend.

Best foot forward and all that and dont forget to tell her how nice she looks.

OOooh, now that I think about it, you could be right. If I magically put myself in her shoes for a second, I'd think the guy was being very presumptuous and a little bit cocky to presume that I'd want more even before I went out on a date with him. Maybe she's only looking for a bit of fun herself and could be just out of a big relationship as well. Who knows. You might terrify the life out of the girl. Yep, leave the serious chat and see how things go.