Am I being paranoid?

LegacyUser

Going unregged for this.

I was at a wedding on Saturday with my girlfriend of 18 months - it was a member of her family getting married so she had a huge amount of relations there.

The wedding was very enjoyable. She was off a lot during the day chatting to various male and female relations but I was grand, I chatted to her folks and a few other people I knew and enjoyed the craic.

Come the end of the night, a few other relations showed up who had been working during the day. One of them was her cousin and he came over and sat beside us for a half hour or so with his new girlfriend. He seemed fairly sober.

This is where it got a bit weird. Her cousin totally blanked me and his girlfriend, and spoke only to my gf. He kept saying he was working near where she lives and they should get out some night for a drink. Everytime he spoke to her he would lean forward and touch her leg when chatting. He asked for her mobile number at one stage and when he gave the phone back to her, he took her hand in his for at least 20-30 seconds before my gf pulled her hand away. I noticed this but I was watching out of the corner of my eye rather than look like I was intruding on their conversation. He was staring intensely at her too for the whole duration. When he eventually turned round and spoke to me, he had what I can only describe as an aggressive demeanour with me. He asked me my name 3-4 times, almost as if he couldn't be bothered remembering it. I didn't really take him on because I didn't want to make a scene so I just spoke casually back to him and then him and his gf got up and left us.

For the record, we're all in our late 20s/early 30s. My gf was quite drunk, I had a fair few drinks but would still have considered myself sober and remember everything with crystal clarity.

I guess my issue is this : does this sound like normal cousin behaviour? He just seemed extremely touchy-feely with her, for a cousin she doesn't see much. If it had been some random guy, I would have told him to back off, but it was her cousin. I feel like I'm being totally paranoid about this. I'm not a hugely jealous or possessive guy, my gf was chatting to plenty of other guys that day (relations and non relations) but I never even thought about it once. Maybe this is just normal between relations? I know I wouldn't act like that with my adult cousins but then every family is different.

I know this cousin will no doubt ring her shortly to go out for a drink but I'm just wondering if I should tell her what I *think* I saw. She doesn't remember much of the night after 11pm so this will be news to her, she really was a bit drunk. I'm scared she'll think I'm being possessive and paranoid or something, but I know the way he was acting around her was just a bit too intense. I don't want her going out for a drink with this cousin if he ends up behaving weird and freaking her out. I love my gf very much and am only concerned for her, I trust her implicitly so it's not a trust issue.

Cheers, sorry for long post.

seamus

Keep it to yourself. You may not necessarily be paranoid, but if you trust her implicitly, then what are you trying to protect her from? Her cousin's not going to assault her, and no matter what way you play it, you're going to upset her.

That is, if you make accusations about his intentions, you may upset her. There's probably history there you don't know about - they could be much closer than you assume (or may have been as kids). On the other hand, she may already know all about his weird intentions, but chooses to ignore it/brush it off/whatever.

In any case, she's not in any danger, so there's no need for you to "protect" her. All you stand to gain is the title of "jealous idiot" from her if you make noises about her cousin. I really don't think there's much good can come from telling her. If she knows, then she gains nothing. If she doesn't know, she'll be angry at you.

shellyboo

Sounds like her cousin a weirdo... but nothing to cause drama over. You say they're not close and haven't seen eachother in ages - they're not likely to get close if they're not already, really. Just write it off as a bizarre occurance involving a weird family member and say nothing.

Slow Motion

I don't know if I agree with the previous posters. I would be inclined to mention it in a passing kind of way, eg.
"your cousin seemed a bit intense what's his story?"
and see what she says. If someone acted like that with my OH I would say something to her, and I know she would say something to me if the situation was reversed. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a simple statment or question. Especially if you don't particularly trust him. In a good solid relationship I don't see why something like this can't be discussed in a calm and reasonable way without it turning into the inquisition or WW3.

LegacyUser

Slow Motion wrote: »

I don't know if I agree with the previous posters. I would be inclined to mention it in a passing kind of way, eg.
"your cousin seemed a bit intense what's his story?"
and see what she says. If someone acted like that with my OH I would say something to her, and I know she would say something to me if the situation was reversed. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a simple statment or question. Especially if you don't particularly trust him. In a good solid relationship I don't see why something like this can't be discussed in a calm and reasonable way without it turning into the inquisition or WW3.

Well I suppose I should elaborate a bit more. A few months into our relationship we had a chat where I admitted I could get a bit jealous/possessive at times. I knew this was down to my insecurities, an ex of mine had cheated on me and it still left an impression. That was over a year ago and as far as I'm concerned, I've got over it and we've never had any incidents or anything to do with jealousy on either side. She goes out a lot on her own as do I.

However, I'm just a bit wary that if I bring it up she might just put it down to my insecurities - particularly as she was drunk and thus can't remember it clearly herself. Yes, we're in a very stable and loving relationship but I would still be making an issue about her cousin so I don't know how she would take it.

Anyway, I guess the posts above are right - maybe best just to leave it for now and write it off as a bizarre incident. It just wouldn't sit well with me if she went out with her cousin and he ended up saying/doing something, and I did nothing about it beforehand.

mood

I would discuss it with her. It's not like your going to lay down the law and warn her to never speak to him again. Your just stating you are concerned and think it's weird. After a year and a half you should be able to talk to her about anything.

Sounds very strange. None of my cousins would touch my leg. Just because he is her cousin doesn't mean he would not attack her. Stranger things happen every day.

dny1234

I think the most important thing is your wife's reaction to her cousin's behaviour. From your post, she sounds like a beautiful and class lady. dont worry about her cousin, he might be drunk that night. at the end of day, you probally only see him once a year.

ohohoh

I agree with Slow Motion. Try to suss him out in a very subtle way and see what his story is, she if she thinks he's a wierdo before you start saying stuff about him. See if this leads to any background stories.

If you get nowhere with the conversation, I would completely agree with Seamus and keep it to yourself. He is family after all.

No you don't sound paranoid and yes he does sound like an ignorant wierdo, but how would you react if your GF said she didn't want you going for a drink with your cousin because she thought your cousin was coming onto you?!