I'm too pickey.

jy

Im a 27 male, Now Im not saying Im gods gift to women, but I do ok. I have never met someone who I liked that haven't liked me back <single girls of course>. When I'm in a nightclub I get approached by a lot of women, the problem is that I am extremely picky.

In the last year or two, I haven't met anyone I have been even remotly attracted to, everyone has a flaw and in most cases, its a deal breaker.

I used to go to cocoon a fair bit and the talent in there was pretty good, but since it closed down it seems everywhere I go is full of people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with.

Where have all the pretty girls gone? Whats the best clubs to meet some. Why has Ireland turned into such a cesspit?

I know some of the responses will be looks don't matter, personality is key etc, but they do matter to me, I'm not going to be with someone who I'm not attracted to.

Ollchailin

Of course you should be with someone you are attracted to. Personality is all well and good but if there's no spark, there's no point. However, everyone does have at least one flaw, be it a double chin, frizzy hair, too small/tall, big thighs, whatever. The problem is when you focus on that one or two things. Try instead to focus on the things that DO attract you to that person- their smile, their legs, their bum or boobs, whatever!!

Maybe it's not that you're picky, could it be that you're looking for perfect? There are lots of pretty girls out there, just don't focus on the flaws.

banjaxx

jy wrote: »

Why has Ireland turned into such a cesspit?

Jesus what kind of a question is that?.. Why don't you flip off to Albania for yourself.

LegacyUser

Attraction is important, you shouldn't be with someone that you don't find attractive. I do however find it odd that you haven't found ANYONE you were attracted too in 2 years! This is a very long time and there ARE some attractive women out there. It seems to me that you are to critical of people's minor flaws. We are all have them.

If you are looking for a relationship, which it sounds like you are maybe you should try meeting someone in an environment where you can get to know them and find out whether or not you like them as a person too. Looks do play a part but they are not the be all and end all.

drunkmonkey

jy wrote: »

In the last year or two, I haven't met anyone I have been even remotly attracted to, everyone has a flaw

everywhere I go is full of people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with.

Where have all the pretty girls gone? Whats the best clubs to meet some. Why has Ireland turned into such a cesspit?

I'm not going to be with someone who I'm not attracted to.

Why are you looking for flaws, i find looking at boobs and ass a lot more productive.

Why are you looking for a relationship, If you do end up in one I don't think it's going to meet your expectations at the moment. Did you know all girls fart? Pretty disgusting tbh, their all flawed.

Loads of pretty girls around, you just need to take your head out of your cocoon so to speak.

If you've never been with someone your not attracted to, your not drinking enough beer. Don't worry to much about it Karma will eventually thank you with a pretty girl.

CDfm

Could it be that you have grown up and can see through the illusion of glamour.Just a thought.

Silverfish

banjaxx wrote: »

Jesus what kind of a question is that?.. Why don't you flip off to Albania for yourself.

I appreciate you are new here, but posts like this are not permitted in Personal Issues.
Please read the charter before posting.
Thanks.

TheZohanS

jy wrote: »

When I'm in a nightclub I get approached by a lot of women, the problem is that I am extremely picky.

Then you have to sit yourself down and ask yourself why are you being so picky. It sounds to me as if you're just coming up with excuses to dismiss women.

In the last year or two, I haven't met anyone I have been even remotly attracted to, everyone has a flaw and in most cases, its a deal breaker.

You're focussing on the flaws/negatives. Nobody is perfect, it's a fact of life. Straight away you're putting yourself at a disadvantage by thinking this way.

I used to go to cocoon a fair bit and the talent in there was pretty good, but since it closed down it seems everywhere I go is full of people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with.

Ok what's probably happening here is you were forced out of your comfort zone, i.e. Cocoon and you're not one bit happy about it. Now you have to find a new place, there are plenty of nice/hot girls in Dublin.

Where have all the pretty girls gone? Whats the best clubs to meet some. Why has Ireland turned into such a cesspit?

Try different bars/clubs. Check out the Dublin City forum.

I know some of the responses will be looks don't matter, personality is key etc, but they do matter to me, I'm not going to be with someone who I'm not attracted to.

And if you're approacting a task with a negative mindset you will never complete it.

Also don't go out with the attitude that you have to with someone every night you go out. The hgh value girls will spot this and you won't get them.

You need to chill out OP, change the way you think about going out, relax and enjoy yourself. We all hit slumps from time to time and we can all blame it on location, lack of decent girls etc. but the truth is that 9 times out of 10 it's our own attitude.

Have fun!

LegacyUser

I have the same problem. The problem is not the girls. It's you. You are being too judgmental too soon. As we grow old the old hormone driven lust at first sight doesn't work so much. You have to spend time with someone, talk to them before you can begin to decide. It's hard but I'm slowly learning to deal with it myself.

I realised this myself the hard way last year. I was out with a friend and was talking to one of her friends who occasionally comes out with us. I'd met her maybe a handful of times and never really gotten to know her as she wasn't a direct friend and just "regular" looking. Once we got chatting, we really hit it off, she was funny, interesting, very easy going. We just clicked and I fell for her. After that I never saw her as being "regular" looking at all. She was amazing. Remember I eyes see, but our brain perceives. Trust your brain not your eyes.

btw (not too ruin a good story but the girl ended up having a boyfriend already and has since moved to New Zealand with him, ah well least I learnt something out of it)

jy

Ok maybe I should elaborate a little, I'm not a player, I used to be but I cleaned up my act a little. I have had loads of different types of relationships lasting from a few weeks to 4 years and a few long stretches in-between.

I know women fart, I know you look past flaws etc, but I'm not talking about minor flaws, most women my age I see out are either very overweight, or have not looked after themselves properly. I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I don't think the abundance of alcohol hasn't done any good to the people of Ireland. I suppose that's another reason, I don't drink and most girls on a night out are very drunk, which isnt appealing to me.

Somebody joked about moving to another country, well anytime I'm on holidays its a pleasure to go out, lots of great looking women who aren't twisted drunk, and late night fun. Ireland has really gone down hill from what it was.

And maybe I'm not picky at all, maybe I just have normal standards.

<don't take offense anyone, i don't mean it personaly to anyone>

herya

jy wrote: »

I know women fart, I know you look past flaws etc, but I'm not talking about minor flaws, most women my age I see out are either very overweight, or have not looked after themselves properly. I don't mean to be a party pooper, but I don't think the abundance of alcohol hasn't done any good to the people of Ireland. I suppose that's another reason, I don't drink and most girls on a night out are very drunk, which isnt appealing to me.

You really need to change your hunting ground. If you're looking for girls in clubs you will mostly find them drunk and disorderly or already taken, plus you won't find anybody attractive if they are under the influence and you're not - an awful situation to be in, I'm speaking from experience. Can you find another place you can try and socialise, something more hobby/sport than drink based?

Also do think about your elimination methods. If you see a girl in her club attire, after a few drinks, in the dark, with the music blaring - what do you really know about her, her personality, character, sense of humour? How can you decide whether somebody is "relationship material" or not based on this? You can only (barely) see her looks and they don't look like this during the day, you know. Clubs are great for quick scoring not for relationships.

andrew

The hot girls who used to go to Cocoon didn't disappear off the face of the earth. I'd agree with the poster who said that you're just uncomfortable outside of your comfort zone. Girls have not all of a sudden become less hot in the past year or two; the only thing which has changed has been your perception of them. So maybe you need to think about why your perception of girls has changed such that they've become unattractive to you; a bad relationship maybe? A long dry patch? Something like that perhaps.

starbelgrade

jy wrote: »

I know women fart,

My wife says different!

jy

andrew wrote: »

The hot girls who used to go to Cocoon didn't disappear off the face of the earth. I'd agree with the poster who said that you're just uncomfortable outside of your comfort zone. Girls have not all of a sudden become less hot in the past year or two; the only thing which has changed has been your perception of them. So maybe you need to think about why your perception of girls has changed such that they've become unattractive to you; a bad relationship maybe? A long dry patch? Something like that perhaps.

No thats not it, its not I'm on a dry spell, I can pick up anytime I want, with or without it being new stomping ground. The girls in dublin have just gone downhill, the cocoon girls are still around, but they not in any clubs Ive been in recently.

I agree with the poster who says I should try new areas, but the only hobby I have is going to the gym, and I'm not exactly in pulling mode there

anonymous_joe

Cocoon was for a certain clientele, if that's what you like, find it's replacement.

LegacyUser

jy wrote: »

I used to go to cocoon a fair bit and the talent in there was pretty good, .

Cocoon yuck , try Krystal . Full of yucky pretentious people.

Liam Byrne

I'm stunned!

"Everyone has flaws", sez the OP. He's right.

So what are yours, OP ? I don't want to diss someone I don't know, but there's definitely a possibility that attitude could be one ?

And if so, would that be THEIR deal-breaker, if they talked to you ?

And if "everyone has flaws", which ones should you be so patronisingly kind to the "target" as to overlook ? Their looks ? Their weight ? Their drunken state ? Their style of dancing ?

Maybe even their personality ?

But the fact is that you won't get to know that last one (ironically the only one that won't change) without seeing past the other ones.

Yes, you need to be attracted to someone, but I can honestly, 100% say that I've been more attracted to "normal" people than to "stunners".....why, because it's about attitude, confidence and personality, too.....

Are there sound, straightforward, honest stunners out there ? Yes, I'd hope so. And to be fair, many of them get a bad wrap because people assume that they're confident / popular / up themselves.....I know of people who CHEAT on stunners, and I'm at a loss to figure out why....

Likewise, are there annoying, not-so-good-looking people out there ? Yes.

And every possible mix-and-match in between.

I'm not perfect, and anyone wanting/expecting me to be needn't even bother chatting me up; I'll fail their "test". And if I put someone on a pedestal in order to chat them up, I'll be disappointed, but it's not THEIR fault.

The fact is that YOU titled the thread "I'm too picky", and then went on to call Ireland a cesspit.....which is it ? Because I wouldn't view someone who complained about a cesspit as "picky", and yet I somehow tend to side with the thread title rather than your question.

P.S. If you do find someone that matches your criteria, don't show them this thread.....their "deal-breaker" might be that they want someone who can spell "picky"...

WellyJ

I may get an infraction here, but I really am not taking the piss...

Is there a chance you may actually be gay?

If you havent been attracted to any females in 2 years and you regularly go out to nightclubs there may be something else wrong here.

Again don't take it the wrong way, but have a think about it.

Eve_Dublin

My 2c

How old are you OP? When you say Ireland has gone down hill, you're talking like my grandfather spoke about the "good old days" that never actually existed. Yep, our economy has gone down the toilet and perhaps women don't have the money for expensive clothing and make-up, expensive bars, expensive gym membership but I for one find this passing of some of this superficiality a great thing for this country (not the job losses, people struggling to pay mortgages etc...just the snazzy, superficial lifestyle that existed in this country on credit...it was all an illusion in the end).

You talk about the stunners that went to Cocoon (sorry, never heard of it and don't know what it was like but I've a rough idea of the clientele that might have frequented there), you talk about looks looks looks...you talk like a proportion people talked not so long ago in this country and I'm sorry to break it to you, those glamorous and glitzy times have gone for time being. You're going to have to get with the programme and start judging people by more than just their looks now. Looks aren't sustainable, they're transient and if these women have disappeared in Dublin, then perhaps they've hung up their hair extensions, put away their fake eyelashes, fake tan and fake lifestyle and joined the rest of us mere mortals. Perhaps they weren't all that good-looking to begin with if they could blend in so easily into this "ceespit", eh?

I'd love to know what your idea of good-looking is, OP. I know I might sound bitter of women and men who chose to look a certain away but I could've easily succumbed to all of that and blended in with the rest of them (never owned a credit card in my life or a decent paying job though so actually being able to afford this lifestyle might have been a problem ) but I chose to be myself, warts and all. I look around this city and a see plenty of gorgeous women and men, Irish and non-nationals. You're looking for the unattainable and in the process, you're missing out on what's right under your nose.

Maybe you need to realise how superficial you are and grow up a bit and take the time to get to know women instead of judging women on how well they can do themselves up on a Saturday night. Whatever. What advice are you looking for here? Do you think we can magically make these Glenda Gilson lookalikes reappear for you again? If you think this country is a cesspit, then that's you're problem, not ours and nothing we can say here can make you any less shallow.

Good luck with that outlook, OP because unless you plan to emigrate to "Grass is Greener Land", then you're going to die a lonely old man.

shellyboo

Op, which do you think is more likely? That the girls you find attractive - the Cocoon girls - have all given up their social lives entirely, or that, in fact, the problem lies with you? Those girls ARE still out there, no matter how much you claim they're not.

If there truly are NO girls out there who fit your standards, the problem is not the girls - it's your standards. Drop them or drop the whining.

TheZohanS

shellyboo wrote: »

If there truly are NO girls out there who fit your standards, the problem is not the girls - it's your standards. Drop them or drop the whining.

He doesn't need to drop his standards shellyboo, he needs to change them drastically.

Suggesting that he needs to drop his standards would imply that he's better than all these girls that he meets out, when he's obviously not.


Also if if his post is any reflection on his personality he needs to take a time out and reflect....and then reflect some more.

ohohoh

Just another point of view..

Are you over your long term ex? Have you considered that when you go out, you look for someone as good as her, but can't seem to find it? And your expectations have become much higher as a result of one of your past relationships?

dblennon

the following list is where you need to go to replace Cocoon.

Krystle, Bucks That is all...

The 9 &10's will follow the new spots also IF your not attacting the kind of woman you like anymore you may need to actually get off your arse and seek them out, it's always easy to pull the bird that comes over to you its just never as satisfying.

Also There are alot of spots opening up in the subarbs that are really good alot of diamonds to be found there I personally have been into town in 4 weeks

been going to new clubs in maynooth & Swords

Dravokivich

jy wrote: »

Im a 27 male, Now Im not saying Im gods gift to women, but I do ok. I have never met someone who I liked that haven't liked me back <single girls of course>. When I'm in a nightclub I get approached by a lot of women, the problem is that I am extremely picky.

In the last year or two, I haven't met anyone I have been even remotly attracted to, everyone has a flaw and in most cases, its a deal breaker.

I used to go to cocoon a fair bit and the talent in there was pretty good, but since it closed down it seems everywhere I go is full of people I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with.

Where have all the pretty girls gone? Whats the best clubs to meet some. Why has Ireland turned into such a cesspit?

I know some of the responses will be looks don't matter, personality is key etc, but they do matter to me, I'm not going to be with someone who I'm not attracted to.

You're not picky... you're just looking to get yer fecking horn! there's other websites for that kind of thing...

- Drav!

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

Op, which do you think is more likely? That the girls you find attractive - the Cocoon girls - have all given up their social lives entirely, or that, in fact, the problem lies with you? Those girls ARE still out there, no matter how much you claim they're not.

If there truly are NO girls out there who fit your standards, the problem is not the girls - it's your standards. Drop them or drop the whining.

Rumour has it that all the best girls hang out in Break for the Border.;)

jy

@TheZohan, I didnt post this to be flamed, I really was looking for advice instead you tell me how I'm so beneath some fat drunken slag. Maybe you are so hostile to this thread for other reasons but I would appreciate a little thing called common decency.

@Liam Byrne, I never said I couldnt get past flaw, but I do draw the line somewhere and just because you are attracted to normal people doesn't mean everyone else is. I like hot girls, which there is a lack of in most clubs

@Dravokivich completely useless advice

@ohohoh yes I'm over her, for about 4 years now, we are friends now

@shellyboo perhaps, but i think osmosis has taken effect

@dblennon krystal is full of kids and Ive never been to bucks, Ill give it a go, I have also been to a few of those cluburbs <I coining that phrase btw> some are ok, but again a lot of the girls are very young in the ones Ive been too.

@Eve_Dublin was that rhetorical? the first line I wrote was that Im 27

@WellyJ lol, I would love to be gay, well not gay but bi, but unfortunately my standards are so high that men just don't make the cut :P

Looks aren't everything to me, it's just historically Ive only ever been with girls I find attractive. Some of the advice is that its my fault like I have some sort of reverse shallow hall thing going on, but this isn't the case.

I do meet women and attractive ones, but they all tend to be from eastern Europe or Asia, they are lovely and all but I couldn't have a relationship with them as there is always a lot of culture differences, so I still have regular sex, I just never meet people I would like to have a relationship with. Its not for lack of offers or hang ups on previous relationships.

pic this is the typical clientele of most of the places in dublin

FYI, this is a serious thread, I haven't insulted anyone and would appreciate the same respect, nor do I ever try to insult people on a web forum, I have bit more of a life then that.

LegacyUser

Why are you looking in nightclubs?
It's obviously not working for you. Why don't you try going somewhere that you might be able to have a proper conversation with someone. Regardless of what you say, you sound as though you are judging people by their looks intially - I presume you look, and based on what you see, you decide whether or not to try and talk to a girl. Or whatever it is that you do.
You're 27 ........ tbh, I'm a 27 yr old girl, and the things you've written sound pretty immature. Do you ever listen to yourself speak?Because I know a few guys who go around thinking as you do, and, regardless of their looks, they're the last people on earth I'd go near. Obviously I don't know how you speak to people, or how you come across, but maybe that's something to think about too. Do you honestly sound cocky and arrogant when you're speaking to girl in a nightclub? I'm not asking that to be offensive, I'm asking it in the hope that you might take a look at yourself, and maybe see that there's something about yourself that needs changing. Being brutally honest, you sound like the kind of guy who thinks he's gorgeous and entitled to whatever he wants. And those kind of guys tend to have their thoughts written all over them, before they open their mouths. And...most girls with half a brain will avoid them.
As for the girls disappearing thing - well, it's more how you're looking at them that has changed I'd say. Stop picking up randomers, and go have a proper conversation with someone without thinking about how they look and whether they'd look good with you. You might find someone who's attractive to you in more than just looks.
Again, I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm just asking you to take a look at yourself and how you behave first.

Eve_Dublin

jy wrote: »

@TheZohan, I didnt post this to be flamed, I really was looking for advice instead you tell me how I'm so beneath some fat drunken slag. Maybe you are so hostile to this thread for other reasons but I would appreciate a little thing called common decency.

@Liam Byrne, I never said I couldnt get past flaw, but I do draw the line somewhere and just because you are attracted to normal people doesn't mean everyone else is. I like hot girls, which there is a lack of in most clubs

@Dravokivich completely useless advice

@ohohoh yes I'm over her, for about 4 years now, we are friends now

@shellyboo perhaps, but i think osmosis has taken effect

@dblennon krystal is full of kids and Ive never been to bucks, Ill give it a go, I have also been to a few of those cluburbs <I coining that phrase btw> some are ok, but again a lot of the girls are very young in the ones Ive been too.

@Eve_Dublin was that rhetorical? the first line I wrote was that Im 27

@WellyJ lol, I would love to be gay, well not gay but bi, but unfortunately my standards are so high that men just don't make the cut :P

Looks aren't everything to me, it's just historically Ive only ever been with girls I find attractive. Some of the advice is that its my fault like I have some sort of reverse shallow hall thing going on, but this isn't the case.

I do meet women and attractive ones, but they all tend to be from eastern Europe or Asia, they are lovely and all but I couldn't have a relationship with them as there is always a lot of culture differences, so I still have regular sex, I just never meet people I would like to have a relationship with. Its not for lack of offers or hang ups on previous relationships.

pic this is the typical clientele of most of the places in dublin

FYI, this is a serious thread, I haven't insulted anyone and would appreciate the same respect, nor do I ever try to insult people on a web forum, I have bit more of a life then that.

Yes, it was rhetorical and is that the only response you can give to my post?

Yes, this is obviously a very, very serious issue for you OP and we should have had more respect. :rolleyes: What kind of advice do you want? Do you want me to magically transform Ireland into less of "cesspit" for you? Do you want names of bars that you can find hot chicks? Dblennon has given you the names of some. You asked us are you too picky....the general consensus is that yes, you are and the advice we have given you is if you want to meet someone, you need to lower your standards, be a little less shallow and get to know people beyond their looks and lastly, get over yourself. You admitted you weren't God's gift to women...I don't mean to be nasty but perhaps you haven't got it in you anymore to pull the stunners. People in this country make me laugh when they make comments about their own country such as, "Ireland is a cesspit"...if Ireland is a cesspit, then you're contributing to this cesspit (I'm presuming your Irish??)...what makes you think you're better than anyone else?

Seriously OP, read back in your posts and tell me how you think you come across? Honestly, perhaps you're a lovely fella but you don't give off the best first impression. You call my country a cesspit, you refer to overweight women as 'fat slags', you had a go at each and every person who offered you some ADULT advice (i.e: not sugar coating it like you would for a 4 year old)...if you're familiar with PI you'll know the kind of advice given here; people get straight to the point and are often harsh. What kind of response did you expect to get?

If it's a rant you want as supposed to advice, then there's a forum called Ranting and Raving....you might find like-minded men and women you can have a good moan with...but it'll get you nowhere. If it really is such an issue, then maybe reconsider taking some advice from posters here but as I said before, no one can make you any less shallow than you are. That's your job and I'm not sure if you can.

WellyJ

I do not see how his behaviour has any relevance to the fact that he simply has very high standards and is only attracted to the most stunning of women.

Him being cocky and arrogant around women does not really come into it.

To be honest, I feel a little sorry for you jy. Not because you are so arrogant or anything like that, but I do not really see a way for you to change this situation.

People throw around phrases like "Lower your expectations" and "Get Real!" and "Have you ever thought about what how you yourself appear to these women" but at the end of the day, you cannot simply change the type of person you are attracted to.

This kind of attitude will infuriate people on an internet forum, but the reality is a lot of women are very attracted to someone who is so sure of himself.

You mention that you feel you need to share cultural similarities with a woman before you would consider anything more than some casual sex. Well that is the catch 22, if Irish women are not attractive enough for you, but foreign nationals do not share your cultutal interests, you are **** out of luck.

willy wonka

jy wrote: »

I haven't insulted anyone and would appreciate the same respect, nor do I ever try to insult people on a web forum, I have bit more of a life then that.

jy wrote: »

some fat drunken slag

:rolleyes:

i57dwun4yb1pt8

is it just me or is anyone else really hankering for a Malboro right about now ?

Zaph

DaDumTish wrote: »

is it just me or is anyone else really hankering for a Malboro right about now ?

DaDumTish, before you post again in PI I suggest you have a read of the charter, specifically the part dealing with off-topic and unhelpful posts.

CDfm

OP - really you should probably change where you go out to.

Are you on the lists for the VIP areas. I had my VIP stuff at the Wright Venue ready to go weeks/months ago.

Maybe you have stopped putting in the effort yourself.

jy

willy wonka wrote: »

:rolleyes:

who did I slag?

LegacyUser

OP you should also consider that you can often grow to become attracted to someone. I never ever fancied my boyfriend- he was a friend of my friends and to me he was the last kind of guy I thought I would go for. I only knew him to see him and had never spoken to him in my life. That was about 7 or 8 years ago when we were in college.

Fast forward 4 years or so.... Due to us both moving back to our home town, I ended up seeing him out with our mutual friends more frequently and so ended up becoming quite friendly- in fact he's my best friend now. Not only that, but he's my boyfriend of two and a half years, and a hotter piece of stuff I have yet to see (in my opinion, and let's face it, that's all that matters in these situations). I actually met him tonight to hang out for a while and the minute I saw him I thought he just looked so handsome.

I actually have no idea how I didn't fancy him all those years ago- I mean looks wise he hasn't really changed much (as in it's not like he lost weight or whatever over the years)- I look at old photos and think he looks great in them even though at the time when the photos were taken I wouldn't have given him a second look!! So I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you might think is your "type" may not be your type at all. You should definitely be attracted to a girl if you want a relationship with her- but all I'm saying is it that it doesn't necessarily have to be "oh my God she's so hot" initially- that might take a while to come. Give it time.

Eve_Dublin

CDfm wrote: »

OP - really you should probably change where you go out to.

Are you on the lists for the VIP areas. I had my VIP stuff at the Wright Venue ready to go weeks/months ago.

Maybe you have stopped putting in the effort yourself.

Sorry CDfm, can't help myself...do you really think all those hot Southside 'babes' are leaving Krystle, Cocoon and Bucks in their droves to get the 41 bus out to Swords, Co. Fingal (Northside Dublin) to go to a club?? (My family are originally from there....I can slag it off...sorry )

No, you're right. I don't think anything we can say can make OP change his type so perhaps you have to keep on looking and try different venues to where you normally go. Good luck.

jy

Unregistered wrote: »

OP you should also consider that you can often grow to become attracted to someone. I never ever fancied my boyfriend- he was a friend of my friends and to me he was the last kind of guy I thought I would go for. I only knew him to see him and had never spoken to him in my life. That was about 7 or 8 years ago when we were in college.

Fast forward 4 years or so.... Due to us both moving back to our home town, I ended up seeing him out with our mutual friends more frequently and so ended up becoming quite friendly- in fact he's my best friend now. Not only that, but he's my boyfriend of two and a half years, and a hotter piece of stuff I have yet to see (in my opinion, and let's face it, that's all that matters in these situations). I actually met him tonight to hang out for a while and the minute I saw him I thought he just looked so handsome.

I actually have no idea how I didn't fancy him all those years ago- I mean looks wise he hasn't really changed much (as in it's not like he lost weight or whatever over the years)- I look at old photos and think he looks great in them even though at the time when the photos were taken I wouldn't have given him a second look!! So I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you might think is your "type" may not be your type at all. You should definitely be attracted to a girl if you want a relationship with her- but all I'm saying is it that it doesn't necessarily have to be "oh my God she's so hot" initially- that might take a while to come. Give it time.

Im so happy you found the person who was there all a long, but this story is down to dna, men are attracted to womens looks, women are attracted to stature. Might I also add you are in love with him so rose tinted glasses are a big plus.

dblennon

Jy,

you want you want good looking women but they have to be not to young and by the sounds of your reply to me older than 24.

the majority of those girls have been long long snapped up my friend, I have been in some of those dawson st bars recently :-(

my mate who's 28+ hits alot of the bars over near georges st he loves them I think there a bit old, but a late 20's crowd deffo what your looking for.

bucks is the same crowd as Krystal just not as OMG.

pretty much anyone between 24 - 26 is working there balls off here, or has left the country because of lack of jobs IMO...

Monkey61

jy wrote: »

Im so happy you found the person who was there all a long, but this story is down to dna, men are attracted to womens looks, women are attracted to stature. Might I also add you are in love with him so rose tinted glasses are a big plus.

Yes but what you seem to be failing to grasp OP is that an amazing personality, humour etc makes people seem better looking and thus more attractive. Bear in mind as well that even looks are entirely subjective. What you find hot, a lot of people would probably think is hideous. Attraction on a scientific level is a lot more complex than you seem to realise.

Nobody is saying that you have to be with someone that you aren't attracted to - that would be absolutely ridiculous. What people are trying to convey is that if you are obviously looking in the wrong places for women. If you haven't clicked with anyone in 2 years (which is entirely possible), I very much doubt it is down to them not being good enough looking, it is presumably down to their being no personality spark between you, which is highly likely if you are only meeting women, drunk and late at night in nightclubs. Apart from being a certain type of good looking, what kind of woman are you looking for? Someone who shares your interests? Someone who makes you laugh? Someone to go to pub to watch football with or someone who likes the same kind of music? Once you figure these things out, then it will be much easier to actually figure out where to look to find someone that you click with.

paudie2005

maybe ur gay and dont realise it!!?

Eve_Dublin

jy wrote: »

Im so happy you found the person who was there all a long, but this story is down to dna, men are attracted to womens looks, women are attracted to stature. Might I also add you are in love with him so rose tinted glasses are a big plus.

Do you mean status (social or professional standing of a man) or stature (a man's height and build)? Not having a go at you but do you really think it's that simple? The inital attraction is based on looks for both sexes, without a doubt but status...how would a woman know what a man's status just by looking at them in a bar or club? Do you not think what attracts you to a person initally is also how they interact with others around them, if they smile a lot, if they seem approachable and friendly?

Yes, I won't argue that a man or woman has to have something attractive about them for you to approach them in the first place (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but I think what the point the previous poster was making was if you get the opportunity to meet someone beyond the club/pub scene, you might get to know them beyond just what their wearing or how they look like and they might grow on you because of their kindness, their friendliness, their sense of humour etc. A relationship built on more than just looks has more chance of longevity than one based soley on looks...can't you see that, OP? Do you want a one night stand or are you looking for a relationship?

You're dismissing all these women purely on what they look like without ever knowing them. Just because someone is not a stunner, it doesn't make them any less attractive all round. Most people aren't stunners and by your own proclaimation, you aren't either.

It's pretty sad that you view people in this way...if someone is overweight and is drunk, then they're a "fat slag". Your situation is actually more serious than I first thought. You really are shooting yourself in the foot by only searching for your idea of physical perfection and nothing more, particularly if you want to be in a loving relationship.

lala stone

Hi OP.

What are you looking for? like what do you find attractive?? I think thats a very important question and will put things into context..

also it's Picky...

Jood

I'd be considered picky, but its got nothing to do with peoples looks, actually its got nothing to do with men at all. Its all down to me. After having my heart broken it seems easier to let people think I'm being picky than to let them know that I'm actually petrified of getting hurt again.

LegacyUser

jy wrote: »

Im so happy you found the person who was there all a long, but this story is down to dna, men are attracted to womens looks, women are attracted to stature. Might I also add you are in love with him so rose tinted glasses are a big plus.

I'm the one who you replied this to- I actually had to laugh because a) he sure as hell isn't going out with a hottie- I'm overweight and I've frizzy hair! Amongst other things! And b) he's far better looking than me, really fit, handsome face- which actually bothers me at times because I feel he could do so much better. I guess he must see something in me, but your dna argument isn't necessarily true. It's not my looks that are keeping us together that's for sure!

As for the stature thing- if you mean height then I definitely didn't go for that cos he'd be considered below average height for men. And if you meant status then I didn't go for that either because he only had a part time job at the time when I started to fall for him!!

What I was trying to say, is that after you fall for someone's personality and you think "God, she's really sound, a lovely person", after a while you sometimes feel something you never did before, and after a while you feel an odd attraction towards them.

As a matter of interest, have you many female friends? And I mean good friends, not just people to go out with at weekends. I find that lads with female friends find it easier to meet other girls, just in my experience.

jy

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Just because someone is not a stunner, it doesn't make them any less attractive all round. Most people aren't stunners and by your own proclaimation, you aren't either.

I never said that, I said I'm not saying I'm gods gift to women, doesn't mean I'm not good looking. I just didn't want to be cocky in my first post regarding this thread. Truth is, I'm 6f5 6% body fat and have always has a nice face and hair. If someone is single and I'm attracted to her, I have no problems in picking her up. Im confident, have a good job and have lots of friends.

And no Im not a player, I might kiss a girl in a club, but then I get their phone numbers and ask them out the old fashion way.

But all that said, perhaps I'm lonely, maybe that's why Ive started this thread. I cant meet anyone who I'm attracted to and enjoy their company, its not that I'm gay, Im still attracted to women on TV, I often see good looking girl around Dublin, but they are always with someone. Whats left the overweight girls who would go home with anyone. When I do meet women Im attracted to I have nothing in common with them. They are normally from a different country, and they never have money or a proper job, or can really talk to me about anything I'm interested in.

Don't think I haven't branched out either, I joined a dating site, but was constantly bombarded with messages and winks and I never saw a single picture of a single girl I would find attractive.

Im human, I want to get married and have kids someday, I feel like hank moody from Californication, I meet many early 20s but they are not as good as a vintage if you know what I mean.

@Jood sorry to hear that, but as Ive said, I do meet women, just not the ones I want to have a relationship with.

@paudie2005 maybe you should read the thread before posting unhelpful comments

@Monkey61 yes but with out the attraction you are simply recruiting new friends.

ok Im going to show you what its like through my eyes and explain how all these lower you standers and look past the looks post is to me


ladies click here
This guy is the sweetest man you will ever meet, he is charming, funny, know exactly what to say when you are upset. Cooks you beautiful meal everyday. So why don't you lower you standards and go out with him

guys click here
this girl is a master chef who will look after you, she will always be good company and you two get on like a house on fire, all you have to do is pick her up to discover all these nice traits.

thats honestly what its like for me
anyway, hope this clears things up

Oh The Humanity

OP, I think you are just a bit deluded. I have no doubt you yourself believe your own spiel but I don't.

If you are too picky then the answer is simple if it is actually causing you problems -just stop.

Be less picky.

You say you haven't seen any girls in 2 years that live up to your 'standards' :rolleyes: then perhaps you are gay?
Or perhaps you have desensitised yourself to mortal women due to overuse of porn or something?

The long and the short of it is this. You are just her showboating that you can pull 10's but you are 'oh so bored of that'

You can act as wounded as you like after reading this but I don't buy it.

I think your real issue is you were on a roll in Cocoon (whatever the fcuk that is when its at home) and you're not getting a look in any more around town, although you protest the opposite.

You've basically posted 'Im too good for every woman I've seen in 2 years' and Im sorry fella but no-one is that quality.

'Standards' are not an unmovable thing anyway. Totally in your power to change, so as I see it, if your problem was real you would be the only person able to solve it.

jy

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm the one who you replied this to- I actually had to laugh because a) he sure as hell isn't going out with a hottie- I'm overweight and I've frizzy hair! Amongst other things! And b) he's far better looking than me, really fit, handsome face- which actually bothers me at times because I feel he could do so much better. I guess he must see something in me, but your dna argument isn't necessarily true. It's not my looks that are keeping us together that's for sure!

As for the stature thing- if you mean height then I definitely didn't go for that cos he'd be considered below average height for men. And if you meant status then I didn't go for that either because he only had a part time job at the time when I started to fall for him!!

What I was trying to say, is that after you fall for someone's personality and you think "God, she's really sound, a lovely person", after a while you sometimes feel something you never did before, and after a while you feel an odd attraction towards them.

As a matter of interest, have you many female friends? And I mean good friends, not just people to go out with at weekends. I find that lads with female friends find it easier to meet other girls, just in my experience.

The matching hypothesis by Goffman (1952)

I think you might find this research interesting, I have a few female friends, but unfortunately there is a little resentment in most of them for reasons you can guess

jy

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

OP, I think you are just a bit deluded. I have no doubt you yourself believe your own spiel but I don't.

If you are too picky then the answer is simple if it is actually causing you problems -just stop.

Be less picky.

You say you haven't seen any girls in 2 years that live up to your 'standards' :rolleyes: then perhaps you are gay?
Or perhaps you have desensitised yourself to mortal women due to overuse of porn or something?

The long and the short of it is this. You are just her showboating that you can pull 10's but you are 'oh so bored of that'

You can act as wounded as you like after reading this but I don't buy it.

I think your real issue is you were on a roll in Cocoon (whatever the fcuk that is when its at home) and you're not getting a look in any more around town, although you protest the opposite.

You've basically posted 'Im too good for every woman I've seen in 2 years' and Im sorry fella but no-one is that quality.

'Standards' are not an unmovable thing anyway. Totally in your power to change, so as I see it, if your problem was real you would be the only person able to solve it.

I have said multiple time in this thread that I am not gay. maybe your a moron, because you can't read previous post :rolleyes:

Wibbs

jy please read the charter of this forum. Insulting the poster is not on. Do it again and you will be taking a break. Thank you.

jy

Wibbs wrote: »

jy please read the charter of this forum. Insulting the poster is not on. Do it again and you will be taking a break. Thank you.

sure, but actually it was satire of his post, hence i did the same smilly face. wont happen again, are you going to give humanity the same warning?

CDfm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

No, you're right. I don't think anything we can say can make OP change his type so perhaps you have to keep on looking and try different venues to where you normally go. Good luck.

Ah but Eve - Peaches Geldof struts stunningly.....and Pixie well.

From the OP sounds like the party Krystle, Bucks and the late Cocoon which died for lack of mullah and elsewhere has left without him and maybe he should take that bus to the Burbs.

They have painted ladies there and ones with snakes.