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Hot under the collar

  • 27-07-2009 11:01PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    I've resorted to this forum because I don't think I could discuss this with even my closest friends without awkwardness.

    In a crude nutshell, I'm horny. Not in a angsty teenager way but I'm a 26 year old man who just hasn't been in a relationship in over 3 years. It's not just sex, it's the physical contact. I miss kissing, holding hands, just having someone rest their head on my shoulder as we watch television. I miss intimacy and I don't believe it's something you can achieve with some random drunk one-night stand. Call me a romantic but I just don't feel a connection in those situations and it isn't nearly enjoyable.

    My problem is, I'm not really in a position to go out and find a girlfriend. I work about 60 hours a week and then juggle a lot of family, friends and sporting commitments. I'm also probably going to emigrate in 6 months. Your typical suggestions would probably be masturbation, one night stands or even cold showers but to be honest these aren't really doing it for me.

    Help & suggestions? I wish I could just go to comfortable intimate stage of a relationship without all that dating and mind games malarky at the beginning that I really don't have time for.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    How about trying to find a regular f**kbuddy? Much better than one night stands but you dont have to spend the time that you would in a full on relationship. It wont give you the holding hands or tender moments but will give you regular sex with one person.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 334 ✭✭Ollchailin


    Are you in a position to cut back your working hours? I mean 60 hours a week can hardly be good for you physically and mentally, never mind socially. Even if you did find a girl, it would be very hard to imagine a relationship running smoothly (as in the whole watching tv together, holding hands) when you work so much.

    I understand though that you may not be in a position to work less, in which case I'd say to you something else will have to give, either the family/friends/sport- which I know is hard to do but you have to give yourself the time to find someone


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 65 ✭✭Escapism


    How about trying to find a regular f**kbuddy? Much better than one night stands but you dont have to spend the time that you would in a full on relationship. It wont give you the holding hands or tender moments but will give you regular sex with one person.

    There's a lot to be said for this!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Where are these mysterious sex buddys! How do you even broach the subject? "Hey how about instead of going out to the pub tonight with our friends, you and me have sex?"

    I'm not sure I believe if sex buddys are real or just a myth, that's prob a whole forum of worms. I've never tried it so can't claim to know. I'll try to keep it in my mind in the unlikely event that some kind of situation (what kind of situation?) come up where i might be able to get sex buddy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    heated wrote: »
    Where are these mysterious sex buddys! How do you even broach the subject? "Hey how about instead of going out to the pub tonight with our friends, you and me have sex?"

    Yyyyeah, that's pretty much how you'd broach it.
    heated wrote: »
    I'm not sure I believe if sex buddys are real or just a myth, that's prob a whole forum of worms. I've never tried it so can't claim to know. I'll try to keep it in my mind in the unlikely event that some kind of situation (what kind of situation?) come up where i might be able to get sex buddy.

    They're definitely real! Find a girl you fancy, explain the situation and what you're looking for - no-strings sex. Might take a while before you find someone willing, but they're definitely out there.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If you have a one night stand with somebody that you feel you'd like to meet again, just explain that you are not looking for a relationship right now but that you'd like to do this again if she is interested. She'll either say yes or no & you take it from there. It does happen believe me!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Mate, dont go around asking women if they want to be your f**k buddy unless you want to end up on a sex register.

    Im all for people 'getting off' if thats what they want but thats nowhere near intimacy.

    The reason intimacy is so good is because it isnt disposable and it isnt something you can have in one night. Having sex is not intimacy, its a component of it but its not it. It takes a while to get there with a person through sharing sexual and non-sexual experiences (as you mentioned)

    You want it right now, but you know it doesnt work like that- you need to be patient and invest in the social/emotional side of your life, even if that means cutting back on the hours of work. I know you probably need to work to live, but unless you're doing things besides working then you aint living much.

    Just remember you're in the same boat as the rest of us; time, patience, a bit of effort/courage and an open heart is whats needed


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    heated wrote: »
    I've resorted to this forum because I don't think I could discuss this with even my closest friends without awkwardness.

    In a crude nutshell, I'm horny. Not in a angsty teenager way but I'm a 26 year old man who just hasn't been in a relationship in over 3 years. It's not just sex, it's the physical contact. I miss kissing, holding hands, just having someone rest their head on my shoulder as we watch television. I miss intimacy and I don't believe it's something you can achieve with some random drunk one-night stand. Call me a romantic but I just don't feel a connection in those situations and it isn't nearly enjoyable.

    My problem is, I'm not really in a position to go out and find a girlfriend. I work about 60 hours a week and then juggle a lot of family, friends and sporting commitments. I'm also probably going to emigrate in 6 months. Your typical suggestions would probably be masturbation, one night stands or even cold showers but to be honest these aren't really doing it for me.

    Help & suggestions? I wish I could just go to comfortable intimate stage of a relationship without all that dating and mind games malarky at the beginning that I really don't have time for.

    You're trying to juggle an awful lot there in any one week and I don't think there's any way for you to have the meaningful type of intimacy you crave without investing some time in it.

    Something's gotta give - less work hours, less sport, less family time, etc. You can't do all this, work 60hrs, and also develop some type or relationship.

    Your only other option is to combine a few, any girls in your workplace you fancy :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    shellyboo wrote: »
    Yyyyeah, that's pretty much how you'd broach it. They're definitely real! Find a girl you fancy, explain the situation and what you're looking for - no-strings sex. Might take a while before you find someone willing, but they're definitely out there.

    Yep, they're out there alright but things always get messy with these types of arrangements if either one is looking for more...and it sounds as if the OP is as he wants someone to hold hands, cuddling in front of the telly and all that kind of relationship stuff you do with a girlfriend and not a f-buddy.

    As other posters said, you need to cut back on the work hours if you can. Sounds as if you don't have time for anything, never mind a relationship at the moment. All work and no play makes Jack...and Jill....a horny boy/girl. Fact!

    Ah but I've been there OP and it's more than just the sex, it's the physical contact that goes before and after it and it's particularly hard if you've had it for a long time and then you have to get used to a life without it. You're not the only one out there, OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    well this is depressing, cutting back on work isn't an option so I guess I'll just have to try more cold showers and self abuse.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,772 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Not sexual, but if you just want some human touch, why not get a massage?

    Just don't trying anything - they're not interested.


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