Is he just messing with my head??

LegacyUser

Hi Guys
Basically finished with OH almost 2 months ago after almost 4 years beacuse he no longer wanted to live together,was just unintertested and taking me for granted.
I've been trying to move on,kissed a few guy slept with 2 guys which I only told him about last Friday,one was a month ago and one was the week before. I put off telling him because I didn't want to hurt him but he wouldn't stop asking.
The guy the week before,lets call him X, my ex doesn't like him,X used to talk **** about my ex (but yet some of my exes friends are firends with X and my ex will still chat to him if he's around him). I honestly didn't sleep with X to hurt him
Friday my ex said he wanted to meet to sort things out because he missed me so much and me meeting guys made it seem final to him and he realised he wanted to be with me. Then I told him about X and now he's saying he can't get it out of his head and I've runied our chances of getting back together and basically he now has no choice but to go out and meet someone.

Is he messing with my head? I mean I don't even know if he had decided he was willing to change things to make it work or if he just decided he wanted me back. I wouldn't have gotten back with him if things hadn't changed but the fact that he has me thinking that i've ruined any chances is really hard to take.
It took him practically 2 months to even say he missed me.Is it just a case of he doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me?

shellyboo

OMG, what a manipulative headwrecker he is. He's seen you with another bloke and doesn't like it, so he's doing his best to feck it up for you by saying he wants you back - but he doesn't want you back, so he's saying you've "ruined it" by being with someone else.

Tell him "oh well, we'll both just have to move on then" and let him off. Don't pander to his needy, manipulative crap.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

OMG, what a manipulative headwrecker he is. He's seen you with another bloke and doesn't like it, so he's doing his best to feck it up for you by saying he wants you back - but he doesn't want you back, so he's saying you've "ruined it" by being with someone else.

Tell him "oh well, we'll both just have to move on then" and let him off. Don't pander to his needy, manipulative crap.

OP here.OK that's what i needed to hear.Thanks shellyboo.One of my friends said that to me too but I needed it clarified.
I honestly think if I had not been with this other guy and we had met Friday to talk he would have wanted to pick up where we left off but he wouldn't have been willing to change a thing to make things work,he's never met me half way on anything that might help us.
But i just started to panic thinking I might have messed up the one chance we had to make things work. I think he's surprised really that I didn't sit at home crying for the last 2 month and that I wasn't beggin him to take me back.
His selfish ways are the reason we finished in the first place and now he's managed to turn it around and make it look like It's my fault we can't work it out!!!!
I haven't forgotten the reasons we finsihed so he can go f**k himself now

themacdaddy

He finished with you...decides he may want you back...finds out your were with someone else and then throws a hissy fit....and to top it all off...makes it seem like he was doing you a favour by possibly taking you back. God almighty you dodged not a bullet but a bomb...he needs to GROW UP..PLEASE DON'T LET YOURSELF BE A DOOR MAT TO HIM! Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

themacdaddy wrote: »

He finished with you...decides he may want you back...finds out your were with someone else and then throws a hissy fit....and to top it all off...makes it seem like he was doing you a favour by possibly taking you back. God almighty you dodged not a bullet but a bomb...he needs to GROW UP..PLEASE DON'T LET YOURSELF BE A DOOR MAT TO HIM! Best of luck OP.

Thanks lads!!I really needed confirmation that he's just trying to wreck my head even though the little voice was telling me that anyway!!
I finished with him but i honestly don't think I had any other choice. He wasn't willing to compromise on anything so I don't know how things would have dramatically changed now! Feck it I have really missed him but I've managed fine the last 2 months so I'm not going to fall apart now

shellyboo

head_wrecked wrote: »

OP here.OK that's what i needed to hear.Thanks shellyboo.One of my friends said that to me too but I needed it clarified.
I honestly think if I had not been with this other guy and we had met Friday to talk he would have wanted to pick up where we left off but he wouldn't have been willing to change a thing to make things work,he's never met me half way on anything that might help us.
But i just started to panic thinking I might have messed up the one chance we had to make things work. I think he's surprised really that I didn't sit at home crying for the last 2 month and that I wasn't beggin him to take me back.
His selfish ways are the reason we finished in the first place and now he's managed to turn it around and make it look like It's my fault we can't work it out!!!!
I haven't forgotten the reasons we finsihed so he can go f**k himself now

Well done girl, get your head straight

If you'd have gone to meet him Friday and hadn't been with the other bloke in the meantime, nothing would have happened with your ex, I can almost guarantee it. Being with the other guy is what prompted him to torture you like this, and that's all it is - pure torture.

Glad you can see it for what it is.

LegacyUser

head_wrecked wrote: »

It took him practically 2 months to even say he missed me.Is it just a case of he doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me?

You've answered your own question! Dont dream of pandering to him - there's somebody much better out there for you.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

Well done girl, get your head straight

If you'd have gone to meet him Friday and hadn't been with the other bloke in the meantime, nothing would have happened with your ex, I can almost guarantee it. Being with the other guy is what prompted him to torture you like this, and that's all it is - pure torture.

Glad you can see it for what it is.

Yeah i'd say you're 100% per cent that nothing would have happened, I think he likes to know that I'm still interested in him and that I would have like to sort things out, never though he'd play games with me and mess with my head

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

You've answered your own question! Dont dream of pandering to him - there's somebody much better out there for you.

Thanks

Liam Byrne

head_wrecked wrote: »

I've been trying to move on,kissed a few guy slept with 2 guys

Sounds like you're doing just fine without him......

Keep it that way!

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Sounds like you're doing just fine without him......

Keep it that way!

Yep I definitely will now!Just never thought he'd be so manipulative,i live and learn!

Liam Byrne

head_wrecked wrote: »

he has me thinking that i've ruined any chances

Erm....

head_wrecked wrote: »

Hi Guys
Basically finished with OH almost 2 months ago after almost 4 years beacuse he no longer wanted to live together, he was just unintertested and he was taking me for granted.

If anyone ruined the chances, it wasn't you.

Just be careful not during the post-breakup fling not to start missing actual closeness.....that'd have you back reminiscing about how things USED to be; but remember that it's how things USED to be BEFORE the above; not how the relationship was.

And if you find someone you click with or have lots in common with, got for it!

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Erm....



If anyone ruined the chances, it wasn't you.

Just be careful not during the post-breakup fling not to start missing actual closeness.....that'd have you back reminiscing about how things USED to be; but remember that it's how things USED to be BEFORE the above; not how the relationship was.

And if you find someone you click with or have lots in common with, got for it!

Best of luck!

Yeah you see I have been doing that thinking about how happy we used to be and all that but in fairness the guy I broke up with is not the same lovely man I fell in love with.I kept reminding myself of that but he threw me then telling me I had ruined things for us. But I honestly don't think anything had changed with him so there wouldn't have been any chance for us so I didn't ruin anything and I know that despite what he says!!

Thanks Liam Byrne

VaioCruiser

head_wrecked wrote: »

OP here.OK that's what i needed to hear.Thanks shellyboo.One of my friends said that to me too but I needed it clarified.
I honestly think if I had not been with this other guy and we had met Friday to talk he would have wanted to pick up where we left off but he wouldn't have been willing to change a thing to make things work,he's never met me half way on anything that might help us.
But i just started to panic thinking I might have messed up the one chance we had to make things work. I think he's surprised really that I didn't sit at home crying for the last 2 month and that I wasn't beggin him to take me back.
His selfish ways are the reason we finished in the first place and now he's managed to turn it around and make it look like It's my fault we can't work it out!!!!
I haven't forgotten the reasons we finsihed so he can go f**k himself now

Hi OP - while I accept and agree with a lot of what was posted above - I have to say that this is not all about him. You need to get a grip too and take a stand and be your own person. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.

Take decisions and stick with them and get on with your life.

LegacyUser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi OP - while I accept and agree with a lot of what was posted above - I have to say that this is not all about him. You need to get a grip too and take a stand and be your own person. People can only do to us what we allow them to do.

Take decisions and stick with them and get on with your life.

Yes i agree but i have loved this person for 4 years of my life and i thought i would spend the rest of my life with him, of course i would have liked a real chance to work things out so when he told me I had ruined the only chance it broke my heart, Now i know though that the only reason he was showing interest is because he sees i'm trying to move on.
In fairness when you love someone it's not as easy and straightforward as saying make decisions and stick with them, if it were that easy no one would ever experience heart break or the sadness that follows a break up

VaioCruiser

head_wrecked wrote: »

Yes i agree but i have loved this person for 4 years of my life and i thought i would spend the rest of my life with him, of course i would have liked a real chance to work things out so when he told me I had ruined the only chance it broke my heart, Now i know though that the only reason he was showing interest is because he sees i'm trying to move on.
In fairness when you love someone it's not as easy and straightforward as saying make decisions and stick with them, if it were that easy no one would ever experience heart break or the sadness that follows a break up

Hi OP, I am sorry that you misinterpreted what I posted, or I did not word my post as well as I could have.

I was in no way implying that it is easy. I know exactly what you are saying and I agree. Please remember that just as you cannot post all of the subtle details in your post, sometimes in replying it is hard to include every aspect of the situation in reverse.

I do honestly realise how painful this is for you. I really do. My reply was, though a little curt, meant to say to you that however painful the situation is - it will only be worse if we allow it to linger by continuing with him and allowing him to mess with your head. My advice to take decisions and stick with them, and to move on, was given with that in mind. Don't linger on blaming him for what he does, for god knows what idiotic motivation. It is you that matters here and your decisions that matter.

I hope that clears my post up and you understand where I was coming from.

All the best.

LegacyUser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi OP, I am sorry that you misinterpreted what I posted, or I did not word my post as well as I could have.

I was in no way implying that it is easy. I know exactly what you are saying and I agree. Please remember that just as you cannot post all of the subtle details in your post, sometimes in replying it is hard to include every aspect of the situation in reverse.

I do honestly realise how painful this is for you. I really do. My reply was, though a little curt, meant to say to you that however painful the situation is - it will only be worse if we allow it to linger by continuing with him and allowing him to mess with your head. My advice to take decisions and stick with them, and to move on, was given with that in mind. Don't linger on blaming him for what he does, for god knows what idiotic motivation. It is you that matters here and your decisions that matter.

I hope that clears my post up and you understand where I was coming from.

All the best.

Hi VaioCruiser
I did think your first post was a little short!!
But I get what you're saying now. It's just so hard to think that he could make me believe I ruined our chances when they didn't really exist!He knew he was getting into my head doing that. It's like when I'm at my best he seems to contact me and then I'm thinking about him for days!! But when I'm miserable over him and wishing he would contact I never hear from him! If there was a chance for us he would have come to me long before now and that's the truth however much it hurts!!
If we were meant to be we'd be otherwise I'll manage fine without him!
Thanks