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Bullied by friend?

  • 26-07-2009 08:05PM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭


    I was in a friends house earlier today. We were just having a laugh. But all of a sudden she sat down next to me and launched into an abusive tirade. She slagged everything about me from my appearance to my voice, my taste in music, my dress sense, everything. At first I took it as a joke, and laughed, but she told me to shut the **** up laughing and kept going. I could tell from her face that she was serious, and I tried to get a word in but she just kept going. I eventually just left her house.

    I have been really shaken up about it since and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I have no idea why she would behave like this. I have know her for years and she has never treated me like this. I literally wept after it, and my self confidence is really shaken. What should I do? What can I do? Has this ever happened to anyone else? Why would it happen? Please any advice appreciated. I am constantly thinking trying to figure out why she would do this to me.


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,943 ✭✭✭abouttobebanned


    PMT.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    PMT.

    What is that?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,943 ✭✭✭abouttobebanned


    I should probably ask...how old are you and your friend?


  • Posts: 53,068 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    are you male OP?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    I should probably ask...how old are you and your friend?

    19


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    are you male OP?

    Yes I am male


  • Posts: 53,068 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Is there any possibility that this female friend has feelings for you which are beyond friendship? Is it possible that she has been trying to subtly let you know these feelings and because you have not reciprocated, she got upset and went on a rant to upset you?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,943 ✭✭✭abouttobebanned


    Every month, due to a phenomenon called Pre Menstrual Tension, women become moody, sensitive, eh...for want of a better word, mental. That may be the explanation.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    Every month, due to a phenomenon called Pre Menstrual Tension, women become moody, sensitive, eh...for want of a better word, mental. That may be the explanation.

    Oh sorry I didn't recognise the acronym. Would that explain an out of the blue rant like this? She would have been around me plenty of times before while experiencing that if it is something that she is susceptible to. And it was really violent, she wasn't holding anything back. Even thinking about it now I am getting shivers.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    Every month, due to a phenomenon called Pre Menstrual Tension, women become moody, sensitive, eh...for want of a better word, mental. That may be the explanation.

    The OP has known her for years. While it's a nice easy excuse, it's highly unlikely.


    OP, you probably will only get the answer for this from her, it's unlikely anyone else can guess what it could be.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,097 ✭✭✭✭Kintarō Hattori


    As shaken up as you are about it OP the best thing you can do is be strong and ask your friend why she did what she did, otherwise you can only guess. Perhaps she does have feelings for you and is annoyed that you haven't noticed. Perhaps someone told her you said things about her behind her back.

    Without confronting her OP you can only guess. Ask her.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    Is there any possibility that this female friend has feelings for you which are beyond friendship? Is it possible that she has been trying to subtly let you know these feelings and because you have not reciprocated, she got upset and went on a rant to upset you?

    I don't think that could explain it. She was really going mental at me, at first I thought it was a joke, but I was still slightly nervous because she seemed so angry, and then when I realised that she was serious. I can't understand it. I really don't think somebody who likes me would act like this. And she has never acted in a way which would lead me to believe that she wanted to be anything other than friends.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 567 ✭✭✭Paulyh


    it sounds like your friend should just be blanked!!
    but for a so called friend to do that is way outta line, she is obviously aware how hurt you would be by her verbal attack on you.......especially if it was in front of others.
    if it was me, i'd just simply blank her........you dont need someone in your life like that, and its not as if you can trust her again or feel comforable around her again. any amount of appologies or excuses just wouldnt cut it in my book. she's a nasty wench, a scopion woman!!! and no one has the right to make you feel like that, especially someone you thought you could trust.............

    Good luck man, she's the one with the problem, not you :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    In a few days give her a call and ask her what the hell it was about. You'll never know the story unless you talk to her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 280 ✭✭Jenroche


    It sounds like you need to let your friend know how much she has hurt you and then try to get to the bottom of why she tore into you like that. I'd recommend waiting until you feel less upset and then tackle her. Give it a day or two, let her cool her heels a bit then see her. Good luck.

    Jen ;->


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    Paulyh wrote: »
    it sounds like your friend should just be blanked!!
    but for a so called friend to do that is way outta line, she is obviously aware how hurt you would be by her verbal attack on you.......especially if it was in front of others.
    if it was me, i'd just simply blank her........you dont need someone in your life like that, and its not as if you can trust her again or feel comforable around her again. any amount of appologies or excuses just wouldnt cut it in my book. she's a nasty wench, a scopion woman!!! and no one has the right to make you feel like that, especially someone you thought you could trust.............

    Good luck man, she's the one with the problem, not you :)

    Yeah you are probably right. I am just so surprised at it, I have no idea why she would do this to me. And to clarify, it wasn't in front of anyone, that would probably make it easier to understand, she might be trying to influence somebody else's opinion or something, it was just me and her. You are probably right that I should just blank her. I keep thinking I should call her but I don't think that is a good idea.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,488 ✭✭✭pikachucheeks


    I was in a friends house earlier today. We were just having a laugh. But all of a sudden she sat down next to me and launched into an abusive tirade. She slagged everything about me from my appearance to my voice, my taste in music, my dress sense, everything...

    I have been really shaken up about it since and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I have no idea why she would behave like this. I have know her for years and she has never treated me like this. I literally wept after it, and my self confidence is really shaken. What should I do?

    Hi there.

    This happened to me before, with a male friend of mine. He used to slag me via text, about anything and everything! At first, I took it as a joke, but eventually, the slags got worse, I took offense and ended up getting very hurt by it, which is seemingly what's happened to you.

    My advice is to talked to your friend, confront her and let her know how you feel. Outline what you've said in your post ; you've been left hurt and shaken by her comments, you have no idea why she treated you that way or said things like that to you.

    Don't be embarrassed to let your friend know how you're feeling, following her comments. Pretending to be fine will wear you down and will give her reason to believe she can tease you again.

    Whatever her reasons were, she has hurt your feelings and the situation needs to be addressed.
    If you don't communicate how you feel to her, she might continue to slag you which will only leave you feeling more and more unhappy.

    I confronted my friend in the same way. I outlined I could take a joke and have a laugh but some of his comments had over-stepped the mark and had actually caused me to feel bad about myself. He apologised and said he didn't realise he'd been hurting me. Since then, we've been fine! He's made a conscious effort to be more wary of my feelings.

    EDIT: If you do decide, following some people's advice, to cut this girl out of your life, talking about the situation with her before doing so might help you. It will give the situation closure and you'll get some level of understanding into why she said the things she did. You'll also be able to understand that her comments are a reflection on her, as a person, not on you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Oh sorry I didn't recognise the acronym. Would that explain an out of the blue rant like this? She would have been around me plenty of times before while experiencing that if it is something that she is susceptible to. And it was really violent, she wasn't holding anything back. Even thinking about it now I am getting shivers.

    No, :rolleyes: this would not explain a rant like this. PMT makes some women moody, emotional and susceptible to being particularly sensitive to comments that weren't intended to cause offence....and some women are just nasty people because that's just who they are. I get pretty moody around that time of the month but I would never and have never verbally abused a supposed friend to that extent. I might snap at my OH or family or friends but immediately realise what I've done and apologise. I would not go on and on and on with the tirade of abuse like your friend.

    If you can't think of a reason that might justify her behaviour, I would delete her number from your phone and never get in touch with her again. This girl is a bully and her behaviour today is unforgivable. With friends like this you don't need enemies. Friends should not make you feel like you feel now. Try and ignore everything she said; any of us could point out faults in anyone if we were as nasty as her so try your best not to take them to heart. You've learnt a lesson today and a valuable one at that: some people are just pricks and that's life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    What did you say to her just before she ripped into you? Like what where the exact words.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    Jenroche wrote: »
    It sounds like you need to let your friend know how much she has hurt you and then try to get to the bottom of why she tore into you like that. I'd recommend waiting until you feel less upset and then tackle her. Give it a day or two, let her cool her heels a bit then see her. Good luck.

    Jen ;->

    No I really wouldn't bother doing the above, OP. Feck her. Seriously.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 170 ✭✭speedy2007


    OP that is way out of line what she did. Have you ever seen this side of her before, perhaps not directed at you but at others?

    If it was me i would cut her out of my life. She is the one who should be calling you up to apologise, not you having to call her to find out why she did it. You can do without "friends" like her in your life.

    and as a woman myself, pmt would not explain this.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,488 ✭✭✭pikachucheeks


    speedy2007 wrote: »
    If it was me i would cut her out of my life. She is the one who should be calling you up to apologise, not you having to call her to find out why she did it. You can do without "friends" like her in your life.

    Perhaps the girl in question has no idea how much hurt she's caused? Yes, she's obviously hurt the OP's feelings on a grand scale, but considering he hasn't vocalised how he's been affected by what she's done to her directly, she might be blissfully unaware!

    Some people aren't as conscious of other people's feelings and unless told, won't understand that their actions have hurt someone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭Darthhoob


    Every month, due to a phenomenon called Pre Menstrual Tension, women become moody, sensitive, eh...for want of a better word, mental. That may be the explanation.

    trust me, i have my momemnts with PMT, i think all women do...but i've NEVER known a woman to go THAT mental. as someone said...PMT makes women more likely to take offense or get arsey about something they feel is a problem (no matter how small) more than just flipping out like that. this 'friend' obviously has issues.

    i dont know what to advise but if i were you..i'd stay away from anyone who makes me feel bad about myself x try not to take what they said to heart...easier said than done i know but seems she has the problem and not you


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 267 ✭✭waitinforatrain


    Eve_Dublin wrote: »
    If you can't think of a reason that might justify her behaviour, I would delete her number from your phone and never get in touch with her again.

    This is the way to go, but... what she did is unforgivable and inexcusable, and you need to obtain closure on it instead of just blanking her, i.e. you need a face to face with her. Whether this is a rational calm thing, or whether you want to get mad (people here will tell you not to but i think you have to let it out), otherwise you'll be left wondering.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 292 ✭✭benj


    maybe you should text her and ask her what it was all about,
    in that way if she has feelings for you she might tell you rather than
    say it to your face,
    i'ts possible she really fancies you but don't have the courage
    to tell you....
    Good Luck


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    This is the way to go, but... what she did is unforgivable and inexcusable, and you need to obtain closure on it instead of just blanking her, i.e. you need a face to face with her. Whether this is a rational calm thing, or whether you want to get mad (people here will tell you not to but i think you have to let it out), otherwise you'll be left wondering.

    Hmmm...I'd probably want closure as well in this case but really, I'd be too angry to approach her to discuss it calmly. How could she excuse that kind of behaviour?? I really think it's up to her to make the first move and do the apologising/grovelling/explaining. I'm sure she's completely aware of how much she hurt the OP.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 143 ✭✭BankMan


    OP - does she use drugs ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21 geranimojess


    I was in a friends house earlier today. We were just having a laugh. But all of a sudden she sat down next to me and launched into an abusive tirade. She slagged everything about me from my appearance to my voice, my taste in music, my dress sense, everything. At first I took it as a joke, and laughed, but she told me to shut the **** up laughing and kept going. I could tell from her face that she was serious, and I tried to get a word in but she just kept going. I eventually just left her house.

    I have been really shaken up about it since and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I have no idea why she would behave like this. I have know her for years and she has never treated me like this. I literally wept after it, and my self confidence is really shaken. What should I do? What can I do? Has this ever happened to anyone else? Why would it happen? Please any advice appreciated. I am constantly thinking trying to figure out why she would do this to me.

    She is the one who owes an Explanation/Apology so let her contact you,there is no way I would put up with that kind of behaviour no matter how close the Relationship is.In fact I would not want to even listen to an Explanation/Apology for no sane Person would do what she did, walk away while your still able to Kieran you sound like a nice Guy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21 geranimojess


    benj wrote: »
    maybe you should text her and ask her what it was all about,
    in that way if she has feelings for you she might tell you rather than
    say it to your face,
    i'ts possible she really fancies you but don't have the courage
    to tell you....
    Good Luck

    Really Benj I know your trying your best with your advice to Kieran but do you really believe this "Friend" has the hot's for him,because if there is even the remotest chance that she has then I would not give a Dime for Kierans chances of Survival if his "Friend"suddenly decided that she has'nt.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 295 ✭✭sarahlulu


    I would be very tempted to cut her out of my life straight away. I just wonder, if the OP does this without confronting her, will it not always be in the back of his mind. Very hard to forget about it and move on if you don't know what caused the problem in the first place. However, once an explaination was givenI would cut my losses and never give her the chance to do it again.


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