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Don't stop until you get enough (help with approaching?)

  • 26-07-2009 07:46PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all i am a long time lurker in here and seek some advice. I am male in 20's and have a slight problem in approaching women when on a dancefloor. I have no problem getting them near me as i have some good moves but once they start to move in (i DO notice this) the next step towards a move is completely unknown to me:( i have never "gone on the pull" so to speak so dont even know how to start...i am looking to see if anyone here male or female can throw me a few hints to improve my chances on a night out?

    I love being on the dancefloor having a bit of fun as i feel comfortable there, so am usually there most of the night yet although i keep hearing that having the moves will attract women, the next step is hopefully within grasp with the help of you guys/gals:)

    Thanks for reading the post.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,122 ✭✭✭LadyJ


    Stop approaching people while dancing. Go talk to a girl and then ask her up to dance. There's nothing creepier/more annoying than someone coming over and trying to dance with you when you're on the dancefloor with your friends.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,488 ✭✭✭pikachucheeks


    I agree with LadyJ.

    You'll rarely find a woman on a dancefloor on her own, unless she's completely wasted! Which is hardly desirable.
    So, if you try and approach a woman by sliding up to her and starting to dance, you'll probably annoy both her and her friends!

    My suggestion is to approach a girl at the bar. If you feel intimidated doing this, grab some friends and approach a small group of women together! It's not as hard as going up to one woman, on your own. Plus, you get the added bonus of impressing her friends and getting them on your good side, before you try and chat her up!

    If you are set on meeting someone on the dancefloor, try getting a bit of eye contact going between you and someone you like the look of! If she's interested, you'll know from the way she looks back! ;) Be careful not to stare though, there is a difference between giving a girl the eye and oogling her! The latter is unlikely to get you anywhere, other than home alone at the end of the night! :pac:

    Try and ditch any dodgy moves you have as well! Women don't tend to be fans of men who burn up the dancefloor with the chicken dance! ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,731 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    LadyJ wrote: »
    Stop approaching people while dancing. Go talk to a girl and then ask her up to dance.

    You'll rarely find a woman on a dancefloor on her own, unless she's completely wasted! Which is hardly desirable.

    My suggestion is to approach a girl at the bar. If you feel intimidated doing this, grab some friends and approach a small group of women together! It's not as hard as going up to one woman, on your own. Plus, you get the added bonus of impressing her friends and getting them on your good side, before you try and chat her up!

    If you are set on meeting someone on the dancefloor, try getting a bit of eye contact going between you and someone you like the look of! If she's interested, you'll know from the way she looks back! ;)
    Some wise words of advice here OP, both of these ladies seem to back up the generally accepted rule of trying to "get in" by using body language and not your actual body...

    Going up to talk with someone is all well and good LadyJ, but they did say that they havent "gone on the pull" before so maybe they dunno how? i know myself from past experience it is not as easy to do in a club setting as when sober and have a clear head.

    The eye contact thing is important, the old saying of "the eyes are the window to the soul" are correct in that you can judge someone's feelings/mood alot of the time by the eyes. Even with drink in the system, you will notice a slight increase in pupil size if someone is interested in you.

    p.s. its really really true that no women dance alone unless wasted, why do you see so many handbags on the floor with shoes tucked into them hehe:D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,368 ✭✭✭Heckler


    By my reading of it the women approach him.

    "I have no problem getting them near me as i have some good moves but once they start to move in (i DO notice this) the next step towards a move is completely unknown to me"

    Getting them near me not vice versa.

    But he doesn't know how to further the interest. I don't know either just wanted to correct some people who seem to think the guy is some kinda sleaze who sidles up to women on the dancefloor.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here again,

    thanks for the replies and i think heckler hit the nail on the head there, i am not some sleaze who just jumps in and tries to grind on some girls ass:(

    LadyJ, while i appreciate the comment it just is not true that i approach them on the dancefloor, more like they move to me yet i dont know what i could do next to keep them interested once they are close enough for maybe some 1+1 dancing with each other etc...

    pickachucheeks, no worries on the going home alone part, i'm well used to that haha!! i wouldnt do the chicken dance if i was paid either:pac: A slight problem with your suggestion is that most of the guys i go out with prefer to stay near the bar, whereas i dont i feel at home on the dancefloor area lol;) i suppose its worth a shot though aint it?

    Master of Nothing, thanks for the reply too yeah i've heard that thing about the eyes etc but never notice it as i dont get enough eye contact with any woman to see if it works:( Here's hoping that will change eh:)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,488 ✭✭✭pikachucheeks


    JT_09 wrote: »
    OP here again,

    thanks for the replies and i think heckler hit the nail on the head there, i am not some sleaze who just jumps in and tries to grind on some girls ass:(

    Ah, I wasn't presuming you were! I was just making the point that if you like the look of someone and just approach her, you probably won't have much success! It's better to catch her eye first and see how that goes, before making a move :)


    JT_09 wrote: »
    no worries on the going home alone part, i'm well used to that haha!! i wouldnt do the chicken dance if i was paid either:pac: A slight problem with your suggestion is that most of the guys i go out with prefer to stay near the bar, whereas i dont i feel at home on the dancefloor area lol;) i suppose its worth a shot though aint it?

    I get you! Well, if the dancefloor is where you feel comfortable, then try and work your magic there :)
    However, if you see someone nice by the bar, no problem in heading up there for a while to chat to her, then convincing her to dance with you! You can impress her with your moves! :D

    Another suggestion I'd make is talk someone for a while before offering her a drink, if you want to get one for her! A lot of girls will chat to a guy for a few minutes, get a drink from him then leave! Sad but true! So make sure she's genuine before you splash your cash - there is a recession after all! :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,190 ✭✭✭wolfric


    The pickup artist (tv show)

    Try find it on tv or torrent it down.

    About 8 guys who have the exact same problem. Mystery (erik von markovik) is the pickup artist who shows the young ones some tips on what to do and how to pickup


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 268 ✭✭Adamisconfused


    The women are approaching you because you act in a confident manner. Most men seem to congregate around the edge of the dance floor, but rarely venture onto it until they’ve consumed so much alcohol that they can barely walk.
    Basically, if you’re sure that a girl is coming up to you specifically and not just minding her own business in your general vicinity then mosey on up to her, make eye contact and dance beside her. If she has genuinely made the effort to get close to you then she won’t reject you and will happily dance with you. If she isn’t interested then you read the situation wrong and need to simply back off her.
    Anyway, dance a while with the girl, catch her by the hand and take her away from the music for a chat or motion in the direction of the smoking area if you don’t want to be too forceful. If she’s interested then she’ll want to talk to you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I love the way the women jump to the conclusion that you are a sleazebag .

    For that reason at first if you can. You should concentrate on women whom aren't Irish .There's lots of american girls out in Dublin who are dying to meet Irish guys.

    You dont realise how lucky you are !.

    You obviously are a very cool guy and that why women move into your space.

    I personally am an ex -breaker and I have good moves as well . I don't believe in hassling women who aren't intersted in me so I do the same thing, dance on a vacant part of the floor and see what women approach .I wouldn't worry about the whole first move thing ,A girl who is very interested will make it extrememly easy for you meet her.You just have to acknowledge her existence first and that is done by eye contact .

    Its hard to explain stuff easily ,because male /female dynamics is so complicated.

    The first thing is you must be completely relaxed when approaching a girl.

    You can practice for the main event by mental rehersal this is a situation where you you visualise the place you are going to be , you will be looking out from say the edge of the dancefloor
    at you dancing ,girl comes along what do you do next ,turn towards to her and smile. etc. replay it in your head ,it works magic .I get serious stage fright and thats exactly what I do when I play to a big crowd. By the time gig comes .I am completely relaxed because I have visualised every scenario that could happen in my head .Try it.


    Also guys that are really good with girls, actually like girls.
    You should make all your interactions with girls fun.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,488 ✭✭✭pikachucheeks


    I love the way the women jump to the conclusion that you are a sleazebag .

    For that reason at first if you can. You should concentrate on women whom aren't Irish .There's lots of american girls out in Dublin who are dying to meet Irish guys.

    No offence intended, but I going to set you straight on your post.

    LadyJ and I were just advising him how NOT to approach a woman on the dancefloor. Speaking for myself, I was giving this advice because I've had many guys approach me in a sleazy manner in pubs, nightclubs etc and I wanted to give the OP adivce on how to do it right!

    As for advising him to concentrate on meeting women who aren't Irish, that's racist! - No matter what way you look at it.

    My advice would be ; If you are attracted to a woman you meet on a night out, try and speak to her, or dance with her. Doesn't matter where she's from, the colour of her skin, if you like her, then you like her!

    If a woman approaches you on a dancefloor, it's because she's interested. Turn your body towards her, to dance with her exclusively. If you get the right vibe, rest your hands on her hips and move in closer to her. Lean in closely to whisper in her ear, to make conversation - it's a great excuse to get more intimate with someone, because of the loud music in the club!
    If you fancy having a chat, bring her to the bar or to somewhere a bit more quiet!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No offence intended, but I going to set you straight on your post.

    LadyJ and I were just advising him how NOT to approach a woman on the dancefloor. Speaking for myself, I was giving this advice because I've had many guys approach me in a sleazy manner in pubs, nightclubs etc and I wanted to give the OP adivce on how to do it right!

    As for advising him to concentrate on meeting women who aren't Irish, that's racist! - No matter what way you look at it.

    My advice would be ; If you are attracted to a woman you meet on a night out, try and speak to her, or dance with her. Doesn't matter where she's from, the colour of her skin, if you like her, then you like her!

    If a woman approaches you on a dancefloor, it's because she's interested. Turn your body towards her, to dance with her exclusively. If you get the right vibe, rest your hands on her hips and move in closer to her. Lean in closely to whisper in her ear, to make conversation - it's a great excuse to get more intimate with someone, because of the loud music in the club!
    If you fancy having a chat, bring her to the bar or to somewhere a bit more quiet!

    pikachucheeks, there's a world of a difference from a sleazebag falling all over the place bumping and grinding and a guy minding his own business who can cut it on the dancefloor .

    The reason I told him to avoid Irish girls a first because there is a particular breed of toxic Irish girl which could do damage to his self esteem.

    It wasn't really pointed at nice Irish girls of which there are loads. It's just that foreigner girls are more open to talking to Irish guys.

    Whereas on a w/e night a lot of Irish girls have been p*ssed off by sleazebag approaches so it makes it harder for joe normal to make his move.


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