Socially inept

LegacyUser

hi so im not really sure where to start...
I think I have good friends but I get a little abuse from time to time.For example sometimes when I try to say something they just laugh in my face.I am reasonably smart and when your opinion gets laughed at it just makes you feel small.They are usualy really nice telling me im a sound lad,inviting me places and having proper conversations but from time to time I get this little bit of abuse.It just isn't good for self esteem.Does anyone ever feel like this?I don't want to drive them away and yet I dont want to be a push over...Thats why Im on here.Does anyone have any advice?
Thanks

LadyJ

Don't be a door mat. Stand up for yourself. Your friends will have more respect for you if you do. Don't hold your tongue just because you're afraid of losing friends. Taking no action will weaken your relationships in the longrun.

katzen

I agree with lady j, stand up for yourself, but don't be a pain in the arse about it

kenon

Unregistered wrote: »

when I try to say something they just laugh in my face.

What would you say? If you're going to voice an opinion you have to stand up for it sometimes, especially if your "mates" are laughin' at you.

LegacyUser

hi op here thanks for the replies...
For example last night...We were having a serious discussion and someone said that they want to do business and chinese...I asked him was that chinese studies or the language chinese and they laughed in my face.I know its not a big deal but its those small things.

LegacyUser

Ok ,well now they sound like total no-bends. That was a perfectly reasonable question to ask. I'd just stop being friends with them to be honest ,because that kind of ****e pisses me off.

LadyJ

Unregistered wrote: »

hi op here thanks for the replies...
For example last night...We were having a serious discussion and someone said that they want to do business and chinese...I asked him was that chinese studies or the language chinese and they laughed in my face.I know its not a big deal but its those small things.

They sound like morons tbh.

kenon

Unregistered wrote: »

hi op here thanks for the replies...
For example last night...We were having a serious discussion and someone said that they want to do business and chinese...I asked him was that chinese studies or the language chinese and they laughed in my face.I know its not a big deal but its those small things.

Yeh that would annoy me alright!! Some people will weed out anything they can find to have a laugh at your expense in an effort to get other people to laugh with them. It's usually un-funny people that do it in my experience.

You won't change them either, that attitude is there to stay.

entropi

OP, i think these guys are, just like LadyJ posted, morons. You need to stand up to them a bit yeah. They invite you to places etc i think, just so if they feel like it they will have someone to offload/dump their power trip on and feel like a "man":rolleyes:

Dont be afraid to tell them you are not their for their amusement! If they try go off on one and start mocking you or laughing at something you say, just tell them to shut up and listen for once.

LegacyUser

hi op here thanks again....
I would confront them about it but I try and avoid confrontation at all levels.If I get into an argument with someone I get extremely down to the extent where I cant perform tasks that take any effort what so ever...I just feel it isnt worth getting into an argument with anyone.The problem is that I feel they know this and they are using this against me.Sorry im just venting a little here....if anyone has any more advice it would be greatly appreciated
Thanks

McCrack

I would say you need to be more assertive with people around you but not to the point of being abusive, threatening or over-bearing.
I appreciate that you want to avoid confrontation but that's part and parcel of every relationship with people to a greater or lesser degree.

I would say it's a confidence issue with you so I think you need to work on that and then people around you will not see you as some kind of amusement. You need to learn to tell these people to F off nicely when they start this. You wont lose any them as mates (if they are genuine ones) by adopting a more assertive stance with them.

jumpguy

I can see the problem you have OP. I've some friends who are the same, however, there is a difference between friendly slagging and abuse. I'm not sure how the Chinese studies thing caused a big ole laugh tbh... I have some friends abit like that, in a group they try to keep attacking someone else in the group to assert themselves and get all the laughs. There's not much you can do, but you must stand up for yourself, and the longer you let it happen the harder it'll be to stick up for yourself. Or you can distance yourself from these people. If you leave it go on, your group will start to see you as a pushover.

In my personal experience, I was in a good group of friends. But some lads just try to act hard and show off. Especially if there are people they wish to show off to there. It could be with me or other people in the group. I like to consider myself abit individualistic and just ignored and avoided the people I don't like in the group, and it sort of weakened the abusive one's assertance in the group. Kind of like "well, I don't need you anyway". In a way, I guess I distanced myself from the annoying, abusive, show off people.

Now I know I've rambled on in that last paragraph. I'm assuming your a teenage lad as am I because you're talking about 3rd level and this kinda problem is more common with fellows. Remember, you have to be able to take abit of good-humoured slagging, but you'll know where the line is.

LegacyUser

It will only get worse if you let it continue.
Find some other friends, ones that will see positive things about you =]