Too sensitive?

LegacyUser

hello,

Iam posting this here, after a long sleepless night beating myself up mentally.
The story goes like this...

I was very good freinds with a guy, the next thing I knew I could feel myself being attracted to him in many ways, so I decided to bite the bullet and told him how I felt about him. However, these feelings were not returned from him. So I was left a bit embarrassed and hurt to say the least. I asked for some space, just to help try to clear my head a bit.

Last night the group met up for some drinks, so I pop outside to get some food. I get a text from my friend (the one that I confessed my feelings towards) that he's going home/ hooked up with another one of the girls that hang around with us and that he'll see me tomorrow.

At this stage, I rang him up feeling very angry and hurt telling him that he was acting the bollo* . Plus I was feeling like he took the piss out of me. I was really cross too at this girl, because I had confided in her in the past that I had started to have these feelings for this guy.

I know he is free to go home who ever he chooses, but somehow I cant help but feel like the two people were insensitive / inconsiderate towards me, knowing the situation. I am at a loss because I think iam overacting, when maybe i shouldnt be.

Thanks

Mulan

Not very nice people. Just let it go.

turgon

Unregistered wrote: »

I get a text from my friend (the one that I confessed my feelings towards) that he's going home/ hooked up with another one of the girls that hang around with us and that he'll see me tomorrow.

Are you saying he went out of his way to text you and tell you had had hooked up with a girl?

LegacyUser

Yes, he texted me to let me know that he wouldnt be going home to his place, as we live near each other we would walk home together on nights out. So I had to make my own arrangements to get home. Its happened lots of time in the past (and it doesnt bother me), just this one time i was upset because of the girl involved and the fact he knew how I feeling over the last few days.

herya

You're better off without him, the bloke has no class.

LegacyUser

i disagree. just because you have feelings for him you dont own him. he let you know that your feelings werent reciprocated so hes free to see whoever he chooses. he doesnt owe you anything. i think he was being considerate letting you know, so that when you returned you didnt hear about it from someone else and also so you could make your own arrangements to get home.

LegacyUser

Op, you are not being over sensisitve. his behaviour was appalling and you have had a close escape there. Let them off and hold you head up high.

He is very immature.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

Fair play to you for having the courage to ask him out in the first place, especially as it's a close circle.

However, he told you straight he wasn't interested and to be fair, I don't think ringing him and telling him off was very applaudable...

Even though this girl knew your feelings about him, there could have been feelings she harboured long before that (and did not want it known) or may have been something that was between them, even if she was just a one night stand, or something more.

So, live and learn from this - don't get too worked up about it and just get on with your life and no doubt you'll meet someone a whole lot better.

And don't have ill feelings to either friend on this as it will only taint your friendships and break the wider circle of friends. Be supportive and mature about it.

Count yourself lucky - it could have been a bullet dodged!

LegacyUser

Thanks for everyone to take the time out to reply back to my post.
I know I was in the wrong to let loose on the phone after I got the text, I know it was a knee jerk reaction to the text.
Somehow I just feel a little let down by the situation, I feel maybe if it was a stranger I wounldnt be too bothered. Also having confided in the girl I feel a little betrayed also mistrustful of her now.

turgon

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes, he texted me to let me know that he wouldnt be going home to his place, as we live near each other we would walk home together on nights out.

But did he specifically state he was going home with another girl?

Tbh, if I were in his position and you had just told me you had a thing for me I wouldn't be acting so recklessly and letting you know I was off with another girl. As another person said here, he clearly has no class whatsoever.

And to answer the original question: you weren't being overly sensitive. No one should have to have their "friends" acting like that.

Silverfish

turgon wrote: »

But did he specifically state he was going home with another girl?

Yes, he did, from the OP:

I get a text from my friend (the one that I confessed my feelings towards) that he's going home/ hooked up with another one of the girls that hang around with us and that he'll see me tomorrow.

OP, yes, he could have been more tactful, but to be honest, it was better to hear it from him directly, than hear it from other people.
It'll sting for a while, and you've had a bit of a shock and a let down, but it'll pass.

I'd be more upset about the girl you confided in however - She really should have said something at the time - or perhaps she didn't notice his qualities until you pointed them out to her. Bit of bad behaviour from a friend though.

LegacyUser

just a update on the situation..
My friend (the guy) rang me early yesterday afternoon, he apologized for his actions and said he was very sorry for the way he acted insensitively towards me. Iam glad he was able to take the initiative to do so,
On another note.... the other friend (girl) I havent heard from, somehow I dont think i'll be hearing from her.

Thanks to those who replied to my post.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

hello,

Iam posting this here, after a long sleepless night beating myself up mentally.
The story goes like this...

I was very good freinds with a guy, the next thing I knew I could feel myself being attracted to him in many ways, so I decided to bite the bullet and told him how I felt about him. However, these feelings were not returned from him. So I was left a bit embarrassed and hurt to say the least. I asked for some space, just to help try to clear my head a bit.

Last night the group met up for some drinks, so I pop outside to get some food. I get a text from my friend (the one that I confessed my feelings towards) that he's going home/ hooked up with another one of the girls that hang around with us and that he'll see me tomorrow.

At this stage, I rang him up feeling very angry and hurt telling him that he was acting the bollo* . Plus I was feeling like he took the piss out of me. I was really cross too at this girl, because I had confided in her in the past that I had started to have these feelings for this guy.

I know he is free to go home who ever he chooses, but somehow I cant help but feel like the two people were insensitive / inconsiderate towards me, knowing the situation. I am at a loss because I think iam overacting, when maybe i shouldnt be.

Thanks

Monumental over reaction.

Now you know what guys have to deal with all the time when they approach girls. It hurts and it can be embarrassing... :rolleyes:

It looks to me like he did little wrong and was probably trying to emphasise the fact that he wasn't interested when he texted you. Not very diplomatic I agree, but nothing evil either. And why shouldn't this girl go with him ? it's a free country. He was free and had no interest in you.

You've been hurt and disappointed and a little embarrassed. Joint the club and stop lashing out at others and move on.

All the best.

LegacyUser

V.C...
if you had read further into my thread, you would have noticed that I have never made a fuss about my pal hooking up with other girls. Just this one time I felt let down and that I was walked over.
For me the thing that hurts in that, two people that were my pals, being inconsiderate to my feelings and showing a lack of some respect.
yes, I know i was in the wrong in some aspects by giving out to him over the phone, but I did make my apologies known.
Girls have it tough too when approaching guys, just look at the threads in the P.I section to see why we get frustrated with lads. I know girls can be horrible when guys approach them, it can be seen in many pubs and clubs around the country. It works both ways IMO.

CDfm

OP -I think you were great to make the approach. Go you.:)

thebigredone

hey O.P., i dunno if i can offer you any help or advice really cause almost the exact same thing happened to me at the weekend! i have a group of friends and i feel like i have been in love with one ever since i first saw her! breathtakingly beautiful, and one of the nicest, funniest people i've met! because we were (are?) such good friends i never thought it would be a good idea to let her know, so i could only really tell one of my best friends aout how i've felt for the last couple of years.

we all went away for another friends birthday at the weekend and it was like torture because i had to watch her and my best friend getting quite friendly! i find it so conflicting though to be around her cause she's so amazing to me but i always had this thing telling me that i couldnt tell her how i felt, but i had to at the weekend it was all to much for me! i was up all night, she told me she loved me but "not in that way", she didnt want to lose me as a friend.

my best friend told the next morning that he had been "kissing" her the night before, and it broke my heart that my friend, the only person who knew how i felt about this girl would do that! now i'm not one of those people who thinks that just cause i liked someone nobody could touch her, i don't own her, but i just felt incredibally let down by him. he was pretty shook up by it too i think cause he's been in that situation himself before and he knew that he had done the worst thing he could've done to me!

apparently she got pretty upset about it all and i tried to talk to her but she didnt seem to want to talk. i apologised for making her upset, she told me dont be sorry, i told her i was struggling to find words to express myself, she told me not to bother saying anything! we haven't spoken since i'm seriously struggling to hold **** together, i dont know what to do, what to say.....

Oh The Humanity

Ahhh! I think this type of situation is one you have to file under 'all's fair in love and war'

OP, the fella was straight with you and that is commendable. At least he didn't string you along to boost his own ego.

With the female friend, she is in an awkward situation. Its obvious there was an existing attraction between them that you were unaware of.

Think about it, she was in an embarassing position with you confiding that you fancied a fella she already had a connection with......what was she supposed to say.....I mean she could have said 'Im sorry OP but we have a thing...' but then she could have been called big headed and cruel.

Also maybe nothing had happened other than an attraction/connection at the time and things has yet to unfold organically as things do...

She really was damned if she did and damned if she didnt say something. If she had said something when there was nothing going on she would have been accused of sh1t stirring. There was no right way for her to act.

You have to take it on the chin and be gracious, no one likes a sore loser. They are the couple not you and him, its just you didn't see it.

Im glad you two smoothed things over but don't be sore at the girl she did nothing wrong. It was a level playing field and she got in there on this occasion. Thems the breaks. Let it go now or it or people will think you are over reacting.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

V.C...
if you had read further into my thread, you would have noticed that I have never made a fuss about my pal hooking up with other girls. Just this one time I felt let down and that I was walked over.
For me the thing that hurts in that, two people that were my pals, being inconsiderate to my feelings and showing a lack of some respect.
yes, I know i was in the wrong in some aspects by giving out to him over the phone, but I did make my apologies known.
Girls have it tough too when approaching guys, just look at the threads in the P.I section to see why we get frustrated with lads. I know girls can be horrible when guys approach them, it can be seen in many pubs and clubs around the country. It works both ways IMO.

Hi OP - yes you are 100% right, I agree. I do respect that you gave it a go and well done to you for that.

Nows the time to move on and learn from what happened. I really hope the next time will work out well for you.

All the best.