Trying to communicate with mother.

banjaxx

I'm wondering if there's anyway to communicate with my mother.

She's an extremely proud person... but not in the good sense. It's impossible to be close to her because she is offended very easily. She's one of these "my way or the highway" type of people. She's very hardworking, and very dutiful (e.g as regards helping family etc.) .

She's mad about her grandchildren, but when they come to visit she can act as if she has more authority over them than their own parents. As much as she loves us (her adult children), she cannot really 'respect' us as equals.

The only conversation I have with her is small talk... if I ask how she 'feels' about something she clams up ...and if I push it -though I rarely bother- it's likely to end in tears. I've asked her if she's aware that the conversations she has with me, she could have with a stranger (talking about the weather and stuff). I've suggested that relationships surely need to involve openness and honesty... but nothing really gets through.

She does want to talk to me, but as mentioned above, only about the most superficial of subjects. I don't want this, and therefore rarely bother to initiate conversation with her.

To be honest I and my siblings have given up hope of having a 'normal' relationship with her. Saying that, mother would probably say she's very close to one of my sisters especially, but she's fooling herself (my sister would laugh- or cry- at the idea).

My Dad is a quiet and very peacable man, but he and my mother do not communicate in any normal sense. At the dinner table discussing the quality of the potatoes is the level of convo they are comfortable with.

Alcoholics they say drink to 'ease the emotional pain'. My mother isn't close to her husband or any of her family...it's hardly surprising that drink is now become a major part of her life. Anyway, the alcoholism is only a relatively recent symptom which I don't want to go into at the moment.

Does anyone give me a hope in hell in breaking down the barriers that exist between mother and myself?

flahers

My mother is exactly the same but she is very elderly now. Looks fabulous and still very fit for her age, also has a brilliant mind but she is impossible to talk to. I can honestly say I never had a good conversation with her apart from comments about the weather, the dog or some other small talk. She really has no interest anything I like and clams up when I talk about holidays, what I want to do in the house etc so I have given up.

She was always a controlling person and my dad was a quiet and gentle man. She is just a very pessimistic person and cant take any delight in other peoples good fortunes. For me this is very difficult as I am an only child.

gwjones42

Though your mam is difficult to relate to, you say she is very dutiful to her family. Would it be the case that if you or one of your siblings were to have a big event coming up, (eg. wedding, buying a new house, baby on the way etc...) you can actively seek her help and get her involved from an early stage? You may find that THAT'S all you end up talking about, but at least it's more personal than the weather or the gravy!

mkaobrih

[FONT=&quot]Don’t bother – she is just interested in herself or a reflection of herself - don’t subject your children to her whim just ignore her.[/FONT]

ray giraffe

My mother is exactly the same. Isn't able to talk about her feelings, totally emotionally closed to everyone. Also very controlling at times and stubborn. I sometimes wonder if this is partly down to the times she grew up in, but I doubt it. Probably more to do with her own harsh and very controlling mother.

blossom180

ask your mam to your home for a cup of tea,then talk to her and say how you feel .get it all out,you will all feel the better for it,best of luck