Brother's friends

LegacyUser

hi

so i know this may sem very trivial but its really getting to me.

i still live at home and so does my brother. my mum and dad have gone away for a few weeks to kerry with the younger kids and cousins so its just the two of us here. I stayed because i have a job, he stayed because he refused to go down.

anyway so everytime i come home he has his friends (that i dont know) over. and i know hes entitiled to that but they are drinking and smoking here and the smell of hash in the sitting room is getting very noticeable. i feel like im imprisoned in my bedroom as they are between sitting room, kitchen and garden the whole time. i try to spend as little time at home now as possible but its so uncomfortable going to sleep knowing that there are drunk strangers downstairs.

my brother and i arent particularly close i would even say he thinks im his uncool older sister so i wouldnt be able to ask him to go somewhere else or stop having hash around the house. (im not against the act per se, just not in my house when im on my own).

so basically im juts looking for advice

thanks

turgon

Have you spoken with him about this? Seeming as their no "third party" in this case, for example your parents or the Gardaí, that you could call on, the only solution would appear to be direct engagement.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

talk it out with your brother... he may not even realise that this is upsetting you in any way.

He's just taking advantage of the situation when he normally wouldn't have the chance to have bit of a house party and that.

Have a chat with him about it casually, they probably don't even realise that it's bothering you and think you're going about your own thing before and after work or that you're not interested in engaging them.
And it's a good chance to get to know your brother a bit more and even his friends.

Taltos

I would also suggest trying the nicely-nicely approach. Let him know that what he gets up to in his own time is his business but you expect to be able to come home and relax - ask him nicely to allow you to do so - ie if you are home each day at 5 - ask him to have his mates out and the house aired by 4.

But - in my case this did not work. - Not at all.

So - if this fails then simply tell him that if you come home the following day to find these "junkies" there he should expect the answer the door to the police. No arguments, no warnings - just simple clear statement - make sure there is no anger in your voice. He can then explain to your parents why they have had to come back from their holiday to bail him out.

So he has a simple choice - respect you and your parents house - or expect to be called on.

CDfm

OP - tell him that there are certain standards and smoking weed and drunken strangers all the time crosses that line.

I am a father of teenagers and not the strictest a few beers etc is fine and the odd party is fine but every day - come off it.

Anyone who complains about that behavior is normal and nothing uncool about it otherwise you are a doormat. Its not cool if its interfering with your life.

So talk to him yes and if the situation doesnt change ask a friend or a friend of your parents to come over and clear them out or call your parents and let them deal with it.

Don't forget you have the upper hand because if you were not there he would no doubt be in Kerry - so you are not as powerless as you think.