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Jealous/Insecure Male looking for advice

  • 25-07-2009 1:52am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    I have been with my OH for over 4 years now and we first got together when we were 16/17. When we first started going out it was not very serious in my mind, i had never had any relationship before in which i felt much about the other person. It did not take me long to really grow to like this girl. She was the first girl i slept with and the only one till this day, however she had slept with 3 or 4 in previous relationships losing her virginity at a young age. While i do wish i was her first aswell nothing can be done about that.

    In the first year of the relationship she did many things which caused me to lose some trust, i dont want to get into details but these things included putting her hand on my friends crotch while drunk or lying to me about things which i found out were lies just by fluke (ie. her overtalking to friends and getting facts mixed up) and other small things which were not very important (so much so i cant remember) but all added to the lack of trust i have in her.

    We are now older and in early 20`s and these things still have an effect on me. She tells me she has never cheated on me and i do believe her but because of her lying about smaller things in the past a part of me always still thinks that there is no reason she may not be doing this now.

    This, as you can imagine is the root of many arguments in our relationship all because of my lack of trust. I really love her and She loves me but my lack of 100% trust in her really can make things hard. She likes to go clubbing and i am not really into the scene which also makes things hard.

    What should i do? I hate being insecure and jealous and feel like i have to be a detective or i will get two timed. I feel almost like i am looking for proof that she cheated because i have almost convinced myself that she has done so.

    This is a sad way to have a relationship and i am looking for advice in overcoming these issues. Or how to tell her about it in the proper way.

    Thank you


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hey man,

    know what your going through, just broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago, still miss her but realise theres no way back for us, I didnt trust my girlfriend either, she's the type who's very meek when sober but loses all control when drunk, was always worried that she'd do something when I wasnt with her, she also kept in contact with her ex all throughout our relationship it got to the point where i was going through her phone looking for evidence of her cheating, pathetic i know!!whenever i brought up my doubts it led to a massive fight and eventually she called it off! my point is that when trust is gone from a relationship there really is no point in carrying on, this issue is going to keep eating away at you and will affect how you interact/treat your girlfriend, your girlfriend will pick up on this and your relationship will deterioriate (which may drive her into the arms of someone else!!) you have 2 options: (i) try really hard to push all those negative thoughts out of your head and continue seeing your girlfriend or (ii) you can end the relationship and move on with your life


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    hey man,

    know what your going through, just broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago, still miss her but realise theres no way back for us, I didnt trust my girlfriend either, she's the type who's very meek when sober but loses all control when drunk, was always worried that she'd do something when I wasnt with her, she also kept in contact with her ex all throughout our relationship it got to the point where i was going through her phone looking for evidence of her cheating, pathetic i know!!whenever i brought up my doubts it led to a massive fight and eventually she called it off! my point is that when trust is gone from a relationship there really is no point in carrying on, this issue is going to keep eating away at you and will affect how you interact/treat your girlfriend, your girlfriend will pick up on this and your relationship will deterioriate (which may drive her into the arms of someone else!!) you have 2 options: (i) try really hard to push all those negative thoughts out of your head and continue seeing your girlfriend or (ii) you can end the relationship and move on with your life
    OP here
    Thanks for the reply.

    I can completely see how such an issue could lead to a break up in an otherwise great relationship. And i am sorry that is how yours ended.
    It really drags a relationship down.


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