How do I deal with gay rumours?

LegacyUser

This is the story, im a straight guy. But the past 6 months or so ive noticed snide remarks basically saying im gay, references to giving head etc. I reacted to nothing because I half thought it was in my head. Now I have lads calling me queer to my face, what the **** ? I think this might stem from a row I had with a certain "mate" who is a self confessed rumour spreader is some1 crosses him. He would have alot of sway in the large circle of friends, we are now friends but what do you reckon could be him? How should I react to the next little sly remark or queer or gay reference. its ridiculous because ive had several g/f and ive slept with 60% of the women we hang around with and most of the people know this yet I get this crap? What is the deal with it, its on my mind to much and it shouldn't, any suggestions. Do you think I should react to these comments?

Zaph

OP, I've changed the title of your thread and cleaned up some of the language in your post. If you attempt to start another thread with a title like this one originally had it will be deleted. We do have standards around here and expect a minimum level of decency and decorum from posters. There was also no need to start the thread a second time, it was in the queue awaiting approval and would have been dealt with in time.

lalee17

Just ignore them, OP. These stupid rumours stop eventually.

grizzly

Nothing wrong with a little bum love! If they're so obsessed about your sex life they must lead very dull lives. Find new friends.

LegacyUser

But the thing im annoyed about people seem to be convinced I am, any night im out now ive to put up with crap. I recently overheard a friend of mines other half telling some1 else "watch out for him he takes it up the ass and sucks cock he's a bender". He wasn't looking at me when he said it but the other fella said yeah I know, and thats a lad I drink with the past 3 months or so. Wtf?

LegacyUser

grizzly wrote: »

Find new friends.

Its not as simple as that, we all hang around in a large group and meet up at the weekends. I need to do something constructive, not get new friends or ignore them because ignoring hasnt worked for 6 months. I dont want to bash them either that will cause more crap and most likely more rumours. Rock and a hard place?

jimmycrackcorm

get a girlfriend.

the_syco

When you're out in a nightclub, score a chick in front of them.

LegacyUser

I have scored in front of some of them. Doesn't seem to matter, people just love to slag if you get me. I'd love to punch the next person in the chops for saying something but thats no good either. Rumours then will be I got angry because I was called gay so people will think I am prob even more then. Its a weird situation I never thought id be in 2 be honest. I would be a bit of a lady's man. It could be because I hang around with a good few girls?

Darthhoob

ignore them, they will soon get bored. DONT try to prove you are not gay...that will just make them more suspicious imo, and feed fuel to the fire. i understand that being called gay when you are not is annoying, it can even mess with your head and make you wonder if you really are (especially if young which i am guessing you are). just ignore them and carry on doing what you WANT to do sexually...whether that is shagging girls or blokes, shouldn't matter to anyone else but you...and the person you shagging ofc lol

btw i'm not saying you are gay or could be gay in any way...just saying why care so much if you have no confusion over the matter?

cafecolour

FYI - obviously different friend circles, but I am gay and my friends would never make snide remarks about it to me. So I question if they would if they really thought you were - they probably know your not, but you react to it so they enjoy taking the piss.

Ignore, or turn it back on them - said (in a joking/friendly way) "I know you keep hoping, but I'm not actually gay." "Not Gay, why do you keep trying to hit on me?" "I know you keep trying but the answer is still no, I'm not going to let you suck my dick."

LegacyUser

Good advice Darthhoob, I personally myself have nothing against gays and used to defend and try make people understand that its whatever floats your boat years ago when ppl used 2 slag off. (This hasn't come from that though) I also understand if I try to be all macho or diss gay people that will make it look like I am. Ah your right to hell with them fcuk the begrudgers to much time on there hands and verbal diarrhea coming from there mouths. I'll do and act as I please...

cafecolor, I dont react, I haven't reacted yet and they say it indirectly to me. So I dont see how there getting a kick out of it?

spurious

It's only because you obviously see being accused of being gay as a slight of some sort on you that they say these things to you - and it's working. You're getting all worked up.
Ignore them.

castle

You need to get the closest pal in the group that you trust and ask him straight out what is been said about you.
Point out that if he was in your shoes that you would do the same thing for him.Then when you find out what you already know confront the next person who says something nasty about you.
You are a little to blame for not nipping it in the bud when you heard someone say something about you the first time,when you did not react this fueled their rumour.
When you hear it next time, Just say what did you say about me and then they will either have to **** or get of the pot,
If they **** then ask them why would they say something that is not true,then ask them who is going about saying things about me been gay.
Don't get into the whole I don't mine gays but I am not one, just say don't spread untrue stories about me, would you like if I did that to you.
Then if other people start to get involved then just say does anyone have something to say to my face and not behind my back.
You don't know who said it and it might be somone that you least expect.
Some girl in the group who likes you might be liked by the person telling the lies.Jealousy is what this is all about

You could always do this aswell.
Go to the person you believe done this, and say did you hear anybody spreading rumours about me,he will say no like what and then you say what you heard and ask him if he knows who is spreading lies about you can he please tell you as you want to have it out with them.You could say that someone in your family heard people saying you where gay,
Remember sometimes the person spreading the gay rumours do it because they are gay
Don't feel bullied, I wish I was your older Bro for 5 min.
You need to stand up for yourself

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

This is the story, im a straight guy. But the past 6 months or so ive noticed snide remarks basically saying im gay, references to giving head etc. I reacted to nothing because I half thought it was in my head. Now I have lads calling me queer to my face, what the **** ? I think this might stem from a row I had with a certain "mate" who is a self confessed rumour spreader is some1 crosses him. He would have alot of sway in the large circle of friends, we are now friends but what do you reckon could be him? How should I react to the next little sly remark or queer or gay reference. its ridiculous because ive had several g/f and ive slept with 60% of the women we hang around with and most of the people know this yet I get this crap? What is the deal with it, its on my mind to much and it shouldn't, any suggestions. Do you think I should react to these comments?

Those so called friends are childish. Are they worth hanging with?

brendansmith

Unregistered wrote: »

But the thing im annoyed about people seem to be convinced I am, any night im out now ive to put up with crap. I recently overheard a friend of mines other half telling some1 else "watch out for him he takes it up the ass and sucks cock he's a bender". He wasn't looking at me when he said it but the other fella said yeah I know, and thats a lad I drink with the past 3 months or so. Wtf?

TBH with you id say they are only doing it to take the pi$$, they see you as easy to get a reaction out of.
Ignor it and they will get bored, DO NOT give a reaction.

Blazer

Turn the tables on them.
Next time someone passes a comment....speak loudly and proclaim.."listen Gary...I'm not gay and no matter how much you think it I don't want to go off with you...besides I heard even gays have standards"
As soon as you turn the tables on them they'll back off as they realise their joke is backfiring on them.


tbh it sounds like a joke that started and as more people heard about it some of them believed it for real.
Time to nip that in the bud.

Dragan

Unregistered wrote: »

This is the story, im a straight guy. But the past 6 months or so ive noticed snide remarks basically saying im gay, references to giving head etc. I reacted to nothing because I half thought it was in my head. Now I have lads calling me queer to my face, what the **** ? I think this might stem from a row I had with a certain "mate" who is a self confessed rumour spreader is some1 crosses him. He would have alot of sway in the large circle of friends, we are now friends but what do you reckon could be him? How should I react to the next little sly remark or queer or gay reference. its ridiculous because ive had several g/f and ive slept with 60% of the women we hang around with and most of the people know this yet I get this crap? What is the deal with it, its on my mind to much and it shouldn't, any suggestions. Do you think I should react to these comments?

Did it ever occur to you that people are pushing your button because you hate it so much?

Get over it man, as soon as you see that being called "gay" is not an insult in the first place you will stop giving a ****.

But, that may take a few years maturing by the looks of it.

That said, it could be a case of "the lady doth protest too much"....if you were tying to reinforce your heterosexuality as much in real life as you are in the internet i would think you were gay as well.

Just let it all slide man, be the cool center....or at the very least learn how to slag people back.

scorpioishere

Ignore them. Some people here have nothing to do than gossiping about others. Even if you are gay, its your life and you do whatever you want to do with it.

KTRIC

I've got no problems with Gays myself and was bullied in school by a guy who made sure he told everyone I was Gay. I'm straight by the way.

I bumped into him a couple of years ago, which would be about 10 years after school ended and he's the biggest queen you'll ever meet. :rolleyes:

Maybe this guy is a closet gay and can't come to terms with it.

seamus

spurious wrote: »

It's only because you obviously see being accused of being gay as a slight of some sort on you that they say these things to you - and it's working. You're getting all worked up.
Ignore them.

^^
This

Slagging works because the person being slagged gets worked up about it. If you shrug it off or come back with a response that's light but equally slagging of the other person, then they're less likely to continue with it.

"Your ma" and "Your sister" comebacks are always good if you're trying to be light but offensive.

cowzerp

I've no problems with gays but would take offense with been called gay as im not, next time someone remarks have it out with them, ask them why they got that idea and how they could have as you've never engaged in anything gay-tell them to get a life and cop on as your sick of been wrongfully accused of been gay.

Dont make excuses for feeling angry such as, i've no problems with gays etc..as that just sounds defensive, just say you want to get it straight and dont appreciate friends talking ****e behind your back..

Dragan

seamus wrote: »

"Your ma" and "Your sister" comebacks are always good if you're trying to be light but offensive.

I always find it a good idea to offer context, "your ma" is a bit overdone and vague "your mother in the shower" gives both an interesting maternal implication but also the context of a warm shower, steam everywhere....you can actually see the image build a brick at a time behind their eyes, normally muddled with some positive memory of shower sex until BAM, the second word catches up to them.

ceannair06

I wouldnt take offence at being called gay, it wouldnt bother me if I woke up tomorrow and was.

Other people tend to have some really wierd ideas though - one of my male mates took a load of us to a gay bar and this girl was giving us the wink and wave.

So, I waved back, said hello etc and one of the girls was white with shock!

Asking her what was up she whispered "she might think you are a lesbian, oh my god!".

Why would that be such a bad thing ? Jaysus, sure we're all people aren't we ????

OP, next time they start their crap just shout loudly, "WELL I'M NOT ANYMORE - AFTER SHAGGING YOU IT PUT ME RIGHT OFF".

cowzerp

ceannair06 wrote: »

I wouldnt take offence at being called gay, it wouldnt bother me if I woke up tomorrow and was.

Why would that be such a bad thing ? Jaysus, sure we're all people aren't we ????

Taking offense does not mean your anti gay, i'd take offense with false rumours about me wheter they where gay or straight, dont accept people spreading rumours about you as its just nasty and the people should be put in there places.

seamus

sunflower27 wrote: »

OP - your friends sound vile. They know this is upsetting to you and yet don't care.

I'd really question why you bother with them. Real friends wouldn't let you feel this way.

This is a relatively normal dynamic in male groups - a bit of light slagging goes around, people have a laugh. It's rarely constantly directed at one member of the group nor is it often very cutting - the intention is not to actually bully or upset anyone, it's seen as a "bit of craic".

In most cases, if the group knew that it was upsetting you to the point that you were actually worrying about it when you were alone or that it was causing you to stress about meeting the group, then they'll stop. On the other hand, if the group sees that they no kind of rise out of you about it, they'll also stop because there's no craic to be knocked out of it.

Yes, men can sometimes be complex

Adamisconfused

Some people seem to be ignoring the fact that someone is spreading rumours about you. It doesn’t matter what the rumours are. The only thing that counts is the fact that some people are trying to insult you.
Being called gay isn’t offensive in itself. However, that’s not the point; the intention of the “insult” is to break you down and upset you. That can’t be tolerated.Why should anyone be allowed to spread lies about someone? The content of the lies are irrelevant.
I couldn’t possibly tolerate anyone thinking that they can say whatever they want about me and get away with it. Confront the next person that says something to your face and have it out with them. Demand to know who is spreading the rumours and take it from there. Don’t take no for an answer and don’t take any crap from them. If you do put up with it then you're just proving that you're a walkover.

irish_bob

Unregistered wrote: »

I have scored in front of some of them. Doesn't seem to matter, people just love to slag if you get me. I'd love to punch the next person in the chops for saying something but thats no good either. Rumours then will be I got angry because I was called gay so people will think I am prob even more then. Its a weird situation I never thought id be in 2 be honest. I would be a bit of a lady's man. It could be because I hang around with a good few girls?

punch the next person who calls you gay , its a viscious viscious slur to throw at anyone and anyone who does it deserves what they get , all the better if your seen hitting them

CdeC

irish_bob wrote: »

punch the next person who calls you gay , its a viscious viscious slur to throw at anyone and anyone who does it deserves what they get , all the better if your seen hitting them

Well I wouldn't do this anyway!

There is nothing wrong with being gay, and all you absolute denial and annoyance indicates either that you have some gay feelings which a lot of people do have (not many people are 100% either way) or you deem being gay as some awful affliction as if its some sort of contagious skin disease.

Either way you identify as straight and thats what you are and no amount of their childish remarks are going to change that. If it was me I'd just go about my business and ignore them. Chat up girls and score them and if you are not gay then who cares what they say.

Another approach is to actually challenge them on their remarks. Start pinching their arses. write them love notes detailing exactly what you'd like to do to them and leave nothing to the imagination. Have some fun with them. Again as you don't identify as gay then who cares.

The Recliner

irish_bob wrote: »

punch the next person who calls you gay , its a viscious viscious slur to throw at anyone and anyone who does it deserves what they get , all the better if your seen hitting them

Banned for a month for advocating violence, this is warned about in the charter

Darthhoob

cowzerp wrote: »

Taking offense does not mean your anti gay, i'd take offense with false rumours about me wheter they where gay or straight, dont accept people spreading rumours about you as its just nasty and the people should be put in there places.

aye, as i say it can also cause confusion. my OH in his teens thought he was gay becuase everyone thought he was gay, sounds silly but as a young man 'finding himself' it can get confusing. the reason they thought he was gay?...he was polite yet rebeling, had more friends who were girl than boys, hated football, wasn't overly sexed like most of the boys his age seemed to be

being gay isn't a bad thing, but thinking you are something your not (or someone else thinking you are something your not and spreading rumours to take the piss) is a bad thing.

Liam Byrne

Dragan wrote: »

Get over it man, as soon as you see that being called "gay" is not an insult in the first place you will stop giving a ****.

But, that may take a few years maturing by the looks of it.

That's pretty condescending, TBH. Anyone is bound to be annoyed by lies about them circulating, regardless of what they view as an insult or not.

And if it's not nipped in the bud it would affect his social life, as people will hear.

So less of the PC crap, please. He's entitled not to have people spread lies, regardless of whether he - or you - are OK with being gay.

It'd apply to other stuff too; examples might include "he's won the lotto" (everyone assuming he'll buy a round); "he scores with a hot chick every night" (might be viewed as a plus, but not if it started to put off girls), etc.

His so-called "friends" are immature and not worth hanging out with; a slagging is a slagging, but if it gets old/lame/lazy/annoying/hugely uncomfortable or insulting, then it's no longer a slagging.

zxcvbnm1

these people who suggest rumours about being gay are fine are talking ninsense. WOuld they mind if theywere called gay?
I think not.

OP - if it was your fruiends saying that to your face i woul say it was just messing with a very bad taste.

However - you say you have overheard poeple you know discussing it to each other behind ur back?

If thsi is the case then this is very disconscerting.

Are you sure this happened?
If this did then it would appear you 'friends' genuinely believe it.

TBH - it is very bad form for people to discuss such a thing in the manner they do in front of u.

Either they know it is insulting and they don't care - or else they don't know it's insulting and therefore are idiots.

By the way - if they are saying this kind of thing behind your back (which u overheard) - the how did it come about in the firts place out of curiosity?

blogga

Your just being bullied. PPl who do this sort of thing arent yout friends. For whatever reason, and it doesnt matter, they hate you and regard you as an outsider. The best advice I ever got was "the best revenge is living well." Get a better life so that they can see it. Make your own remarks back but not personal: about rumour mongers and liars and their weak spots. No names. Shag their exes.

comongethappy

there's one of two things

a) maybe you don't think you're reacting to it, but maybe they notice you're annoyed by it with your body language. They find this hilarious, so it's become a running joke. Immature, yes, but they're not trying to be mean as such
b) they actually believe a person spreading this rumour about you, or think it may be true, in which case they're lousy friends and not worth giving them the time of day

Anyhow, if ignoring isn't working, next time you hear someone say that you're gay, go up to them and say something to the effect of "keep that rumour going man, cause chicks will do f**king crazy s**t with you if they think they're doing it with a gay guy", and go off and wear the face off some young one

That might shut them up. But I do think, as other posters suggested, diffusing it with humour is the way to go

marie_85

seamus wrote: »

"Your ma" and "Your sister" comebacks are always good if you're trying to be light but offensive.

This.

A simple 'that's not what your ma said last night' is one way of turning the tables.

Or hook up with one of their sisters.

Nah, in all seriousness, just ignore it as best you can. Don't react visibly and let them know that they're annoying you because they will carry on doing it. And maybe think about finding new friends...

LegacyUser

Op i was in the same boat as you. I didnt really handle it that well but the best advice i can give you(based on my own mistakes) is dont get too annoyed and dont get violent. If you do people will think at that point you cant handle being and it getting to you

Dragan

Liam Byrne wrote: »

That's pretty condescending, TBH. Anyone is bound to be annoyed by lies about them circulating, regardless of what they view as an insult or not.

Thats true, it was a little condescending....but i was expressing an opinion, they don't all have to be chocolate and roses.

Seriously, about 5,6 years ago the same **** would have gotten to me. The rumours and mistakes of misfits and morons is no longer an issue for me.

Because i have "matured". So if it is condescending to the OP, then it also is to me, as i was once just like the OP.

I also find it more than a little amusing the my advice is "PC crap" as i'm telling him to man the **** up and start slagging people back. Not too many people have a comeback for being told to go and **** their mother in the shower.

moe_sizlak

comongethappy wrote: »

there's one of two things

a) maybe you don't think you're reacting to it, but maybe they notice you're annoyed by it with your body language. They find this hilarious, so it's become a running joke. Immature, yes, but they're not trying to be mean as such
b) they actually believe a person spreading this rumour about you, or think it may be true, in which case they're lousy friends and not worth giving them the time of day

Anyhow, if ignoring isn't working, next time you hear someone say that you're gay, go up to them and say something to the effect of "keep that rumour going man, cause chicks will do f**king crazy s**t with you if they think they're doing it with a gay guy", and go off and wear the face off some young one


That might shut them up. But I do think, as other posters suggested, diffusing it with humour is the way to go

thats only a reality in tv land , chicks wanting to score with gay guys

robbie_998

go out with a gay guy so then they wouldnt be slagging you just saying what you are :pac:

LegacyUser

A lot of people think I'm gay too; it's down to my being kind, considerate, a good listener and good looking too. It's quite funny because I am probably a lot more straight than those who think I'm gay.

mateo

Next time someone says it just reply with something like "yeh you'd know!" or "takes one to know one". Definitely try turning the tables on them. Hopefully that would shut them up.

peeka

OP why are you getting all defensive over being called gay anyway?

Maybe you are gay and are ashamed of people knowing this and thats why you also have scored with 60% of your female friends just to try prove to yourself that your not !

Let it go and get out of that closet your hiding in !

benj

Unregistered wrote: »

I have scored in front of some of them. Doesn't seem to matter, people just love to slag if you get me. I'd love to punch the next person in the chops for saying something but thats no good either. Rumours then will be I got angry because I was called gay so people will think I am prob even more then. Its a weird situation I never thought id be in 2 be honest. I would be a bit of a lady's man. It could be because I hang around with a good few girls?

maybe the answer is in your question...these scumbags see you hanging
out with these girls and have a dose of the green eyed monster..
i'd suggest you do what you say in the first line of this post :cool:

Maddison

If your so called friends have nothing better to do than talk about you the must lead very boring lives. I took a line from a Pussycat Dolls song & think it when I have it in my head Im being discussed ''people talk about me cause Im a hot topic''....Your friends obviously arent very good ones, even if you were gay they have no business in discussing you sex life....my advise...GET RID. Cause with friends like that who needs enemies.

LegacyUser

Op here, alot of good advice and some not so good. It seems when out drinking thats when the tongues get loose. I can get fairly angry with a few in me aswell thats why I could lend up flattening 1 of them and then I would be the cnut if you get me?

To the poster that said that I must be gay or have be gay in some way, quite simply i'm not. Its the fact that people are calling me that and slandering me. I should'nt have to put up with that. Also in a large group of people if someone says something I would try avoid reacting at all in any way just ignore it because there would be so many around. Ive a pain in my hole over it (cue joke) I have the feeling im making mountains out of mole hills but at the same time I wouldn't stand for some1 else been treated this way. I'm well able to stick up for other people just not myself?

ManOfMystery

peeka wrote: »

OP why are you getting all defensive over being called gay anyway?

Maybe you are gay and are ashamed of people knowing this and thats why you also have scored with 60% of your female friends just to try prove to yourself that your not !

Let it go and get out of that closet your hiding in !

Read his post again. People are calling him something he isn't, I would be p***ed off too.

Reflector

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here, alot of good advice and some not so good. It seems when out drinking thats when the tongues get loose. I can get fairly angry with a few in me aswell thats why I could lend up flattening 1 of them and then I would be the cnut if you get me?

To the poster that said that I must be gay or have be gay in some way, quite simply i'm not. Its the fact that people are calling me that and slandering me. I should'nt have to put up with that. Also in a large group of people if someone says something I would try avoid reacting at all in any way just ignore it because there would be so many around. Ive a pain in my hole over it (cue joke) I have the feeling im making mountains out of mole hills but at the same time I wouldn't stand for some1 else been treated this way. I'm well able to stick up for other people just not myself?

This problem is boring, you are not gay, who cares what they say, just get over it and stop whineing. What is it with lads, as if being gay is the worse thing in world. I tell whats worse is being a moany bitch on boards. Just get on with your life and ignore this childish sh*t. Does your life absolutely revolve around these people. If your Mum and Dad were calling you a fag every day then perhaps this would be a problem. Either stay away from people who clearly are a**holes or just get over this.