Anyone give me an opinion or advice

milklady

ok me and my boyfriend well ex boyfriend had been with each other on and off for 7 years,ill give a small bit of background.there was a lot of cheaating that went on,with me it was nothing serious with him it was commitment ie:trying for babies,moving in with these girls ect,god it sounds so mad me saying it and not knowing but i actually had no idea. ok so a few months ago it all came to a head and i found out about stuff he had done on me,he then bravely admitted to everything and im return i told him anything i had done,one thing was a casual relationship with someone for a afew weeks whom i ended up sleeping with. so the other day he finished with me saying he cannot get images of me being with other people out of his head,that everytime we got to be intimate he gets these images and cannot control them.he says he cannot change his feelings and can't deal with the fact that i slept with someone else?? basically i would love to know peoples opinions and advice on this one,is it possible that he doesn't want to get over it?

alanjfinn

There is this the stereotypical idea out there that it is ok for a man to sleep around but not all right for a woman to do it(this is not my opinion one way or the other). It may be that he genuinly cannot get the image of you with someone else out of his head for this reason.Another question arises as to whether anything was to be gained by telling him in the first place( I am only posing the question not giving an opinion).Did he "bravely admit" genuinly or to test you.

milklady

god no i talked to someone who he had been with and she told me what she knew-of whcih i knew nothing,anytime i ever confronted him before say over texts ect he would totally deny.i just find it hard that he can't accept it when he was ten times worse,like this is something that happened 4 years ago,i told him because i was scared of him finding out!but the who men being able to sleep around is a very fair point!

alanjfinn

Ok,going forward it would if the situation arises with anyone, probably be better not to admit to any indescretion, the evidence points to it doing more harm than good in the long run.

milklady

oh yeah i know but then run risk of him finding out after me swearing i had never been with anyone??we have had a child together?it would be a lot harder in a few years for us to break up. i think the real lesson is not to do it at all regardless of anything....

alanjfinn

milklady wrote: »

oh yeah i know but then run risk of him finding out after me swearing i had never been with anyone??we have had a child together?it would be a lot harder in a few years for us to break up. i think the real lesson is not to do it at all regardless of anything....

Yes indeed,fidelity is the best way,but unfortunatly for you you did not take that path,but thankfully you seem to have realised it on your own now,so that is good,well done and keep well.

p.pete

Moved from psychology, send back if not appropriate, cheers