How to know someone fancies you?

LegacyUser

alot of people say eye contact - but they could just be looking at me? so what? does it mean they fancy me or not?! if they smile? but they might be smiling at someone behind me?! i usually look away really quickly if i get this as i don't want to be seen staring at someone. should i just look a little bit longer before i pull away? i always give the impression im not interested.i dont know why. like this one time i was out - a guy kept looking at me. he didnt smile at me, and im sure there was a girl with him. but any time i looked up he was looking at me. im not an ugly creature and some would say im good looking so its not as if he was thinking - 'man she's ugly!!' i would just glance at him now and again and think to myself - ' why are you looking at me? - your not going to approach me. and guess what he didnt. should i have smiled at him? sorry if my post is all over the place but any advice at what im doing wrong would be appreciated

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

i would just glance at him now and again and think to myself - ' why are you looking at me? - your not going to approach me. and guess what he didnt.

Self-fulfilling prophesy ? Thought-projection ? Who knows.

And if it makes you feel better, remember that he was with a girl, so maybe THAT'S the reason.

But next time you're out, try approaching a guy yourself; it'll have 3 benefits:

1) He might be delighted
2) You'll get an inkling of how it feels to pluck up the courage to approach someone, and how easy it would be - even if you did like someone - to chicken out
3) If you're unlucky, rather than a polite "no thanks", you might get treated like crap

And if you manage all 3 of the above, you can then say you know how guys feel when out for a few at the weekend, and why it's often more appealing (and rewarding) to just stick to having a pint rather than battle through what passes for flirting and dating in this country...

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

alot of people say eye contact - but they could just be looking at me? so what? does it mean they fancy me or not?! if they smile? but they might be smiling at someone behind me?! i usually look away really quickly if i get this as i don't want to be seen staring at someone. should i just look a little bit longer before i pull away? i always give the impression im not interested.i dont know why. like this one time i was out - a guy kept looking at me. he didnt smile at me, and im sure there was a girl with him. but any time i looked up he was looking at me. im not an ugly creature and some would say im good looking so its not as if he was thinking - 'man she's ugly!!' i would just glance at him now and again and think to myself - ' why are you looking at me? - your not going to approach me. and guess what he didnt. should i have smiled at him? sorry if my post is all over the place but any advice at what im doing wrong would be appreciated

That's pretty much what you're doing wrong. He can't read your mind, but he can read your face and your body language - you're absolutely radiating negativity and he will pick up on that.

Quick tip, and it works. When you look at a fella and catch his eye, hold it long enough to say the sentence, "I really fancy you, come over and say hi" in your head. And actually say it in your head, and smile. That positivity will carry on your face, you'll seem more open and approachable, and men won't be put off.

Also - if they're looking or smiling at someone behind you - so the fcuk what, to be brutally honest. They're a stranger in a bar, you're never going to see them again. Who cares!! Either they're interested or they're not - your job is to be open and approachable. That means smiling, being open, holding eye contact if you're interested. It's sickeningly easy.

LegacyUser

op here - to be honost i have never approached anyone first myself. i always wait for them to approach me. i just dont want to feel like an idiot if they laugh at me!!! so say if i see a guy i like in a pub or club - to show im interested..... i just make eye conatct and smile?????

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

i always wait for them to approach me. i just dont want to feel like an idiot if they laugh at me!!! so say if i see a guy i like in a pub or club - to show im interested..... i just make eye conatct and smile?????

And they don't want to feel like an idiot if you were to laugh at them!

Yup, hold eye contact and smile - at the very least! Or go over and say Hi!

LegacyUser

I was out at the weekend, and for the first time in ages, ie. since my last long term realtionship ended a few months ago, I had the courage to give a cute guy the eye. I caught his eye a good few times, and held eye contact for a few seconds, he was doing the same, I think. But he never once smiled*, and didn't approach me, so I thought he didn't fancy me. I know it's old fashioned, but I'd wait for a guy to approach me.


* which made me think he might be a bit boring!

LegacyUser

Hi there OP. In my opinion when i go out with my friends, all of us lads, its usually us that have to strike up the conversations with the women and couldn't tell how brilliant it would feel for a lad to have the women approach him first seriously. And to shed some light on the whole smiling eye contact thing, I've had good and bad experiences with that and gotten some pretty hard beat downs in the past xD. So really what Im trying to say is if you like a guy go for it cause the fact alone you made the first move will leave him in awe and amazement

legend365

People go through rough patches.

I cant 'fake' smile. Even if i make eye-contact with an absoulte stunner, unless im in a good mood, im going to find it hard to crack a smile.

faith3

i'm hugely sceptical of any concrete interpretations of "body language"... however my recommendations would be to relax, don't overthink situations, and have a better self image / more positive affirmation of yourself. he might just be looking at you because he finds you attractive... take that as a compliment if you want... and if he doesn't approach you, well that's his choice. it might seem trite but it's true that if you think well of yourself that it gets projected in some sense. besides, life's too short for you to be putting yourself down!

LegacyUser

you are right to be skeptical. most ppl have no clue how to do it properly. you have to be very wary of your own wishful thinking. however the things that are more trustworthy are physiological repsonsese. they are very hard to fake and most ppl are not aware of them. things like pupil dilation, shift in breathing patterns (a big one i think but tought to spot), microgestures.

of course there is always the old chestnut - make a bad joke and see how she respsonds. if she laughs more than she should and it doesn't seem like forced laugh then she probably likes you.......or she has a bad sense of humour....

LegacyUser

op here - so out of curiosity - a question to guys - if you see an attractve girl and she looks at you too. why do you not approach her?

LegacyUser

Going back to the thread title here, usually if someone is into you then they will hold eye contact for more than two seconds...

Also they will ask you how your day went, and what youare getting up to for the weekend etc, yes i know your brother or sister could ask you this but the person who may like you will always be curious about what you get up to in your day to day life...

don'tforget the touching eirther........

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - so out of curiosity - a question to guys - if you see an attractve girl and she looks at you too. why do you not approach her?

How about we throw that back in your direction; if you see a guy you like, why don't you approach them ?

Could well be that it's mostly for the same reasons.....

LegacyUser

op here - ok so later on when i go out - i see a cute guy that i like - do i smile at him and keep eye contact for a few moments????? id die if he just looked away and turned his back - id feel like such an idiot!

Victor

Smiling and saying "Hi" as you walk by is much more likely to get a response.

LegacyUser

op here - i think il have to be pretty tanked up to approach the guy first - i dread it but i will. wish me luck

Liam Byrne

Good luck!

Anyone who sticks their neck out deserves to be encouraged.

Not saying you'll need it, but definitely, best of luck from me, and fair play to ya!

Nervous Wreck

Victor wrote: »

Smiling and saying "Hi" as you walk by is much more likely to get a response.

Quoting for posterity. A girl walking by and casually throwing me a "Hi" would do 3 things:

1. Show me she may be interested.
2. Make her seem slick and cool.
3. Make me start up a chat with her.




Everyone do more of this "hi" business please. My life would be vaguely easier. :P