Obsessed with another guy

LegacyUser

im 26 and totally obsessed with another guy who I went to college with and now work in the same company. Im not gay and do fancy girls but I have never obsessed like this with anyone before. Cant stop thinking about him take every opportunity to be around him. I think everything he says is right. We often go to a match together and go drinking as we are good mates. Its weird I cant get my head around it. I always seem to talk about him and bring him up in conversation to the extent that my OH is telling me I never stop going on about him. I think of him more than I think of her. I feel I constantly see his name everywhere, he'l call him Brendan and lets say every paper or magasine I pick up I see something about a brendan, I also seem to hear his name alot. I seem to read his texts over and over, its like a infatuation, can anyone explain this, he is 23 and a really smart, clever and popular guy. He has no idea I do this, do you think he may some day cop on , maybe i will give a vibe subconsiously i dont know? , as i said im straight so why is this happening?

LegacyUser

its called bromance, there is nothing wrong with it. Look at Turk and J.D in scrubs. I have a similar relationship with one of my friends we talk on the phone all the time, sometimes we stay on the phone to each other and do our own thing not even talking for like 30-40 min then asking a question.

Girls never get it, the cant understand two guys being really close without thinking its something gay.

Rookie447

Youre definately gay

End Thread /

The Recliner

Rookie447 wrote: »

Youre definately gay

End Thread /

You don't decide when the thread is over

ding-dong

Unregistered wrote: »

its called bromance, there is nothing wrong with it. Look at Turk and J.D in scrubs. I have a similar relationship with one of my friends we talk on the phone all the time, sometimes we stay on the phone to each other and do our own thing not even talking for like 30-40 min then asking a question.

Girls never get it, the cant understand two guys being really close without thinking its something gay.

Sorry, but I think this is a ridiculous and totally unhelpful response. What the OP describing is clearly not a "bromance". It sounds like either out of control idolization or a same-sex crush. You've said that you're straight a couple of times in your post - are you positive that there isn't a sexual element to this? Don't freak out about it, there's nothing to freak out about. You may be bisexual. I don't know - it's not for me, or anyone else here to say.

From what you have said though, I DON'T get the impression that this is related to your sexuality. You are obsessed with him to an abnormal degree and have put him on a pedestal. This can happen without any underlying sexual issue. There are mental disorders that can lead to this inexplicable type of obsession. If you are concerned, go see a mental health professional, it will be worth it.

Having said that, I want to warn you - just in case. If it feels like you're in love - if that word seems to fit well with what you're feeling, you might want to think about this a bit more. Whatever you do, don't give yourself just the explanations that you want to hear. Be honest with yourself, even if it hurts. PM me if you wish.

board om

Unregistered wrote: »

its called bromance, there is nothing wrong with it. Look at Turk and J.D in scrubs. I have a similar relationship with one of my friends we talk on the phone all the time, sometimes we stay on the phone to each other and do our own thing not even talking for like 30-40 min then asking a question.

Girls never get it, the cant understand two guys being really close without thinking its something gay.

eh, i dont think what the OP has described is 'Bromance'. i think it is a bit more serious than that. and if you feel this is normal behaviour i would offer the same advice to you. i have mates who i have hung out with for over 20 years and we have been through a lot together, but i have never experienced what the OP is describing. and tbh if i thought one of my mates was obsessed with me in this way i would be worried.

im not trying to freak you out OP but i think you need to figure out your sexual preference. and if you are 100% sure that you arent gay or bi, then it might be worth talking to someone. because it sounds like you have a serious man-crush going on. it might fizzle out itself but if it gets anymore severe i would go and talk to a professional. there is a thin line between what you are describing and stalking.

wylo

OP , your either gay or what we used say when we were younger, a "bum chum", some guys just idolize other guys for no reason, but we usually grow out of it in our mid to late teens because its ridiculous.

Maybe you have a bit of growing up to do, do you feel proper jealous when hes with a girl? If not, then Id say your just over idolizing him and itll fade away fairly lively. (Note, it has to be a girl, because if its a fella and your jealous it could be just regular friend jealousy)

Also, you may not notice, but people will start to think your just a lick arse if you keep going on like that. Cop yourself on and snap out of it.

Jafin

I noticed in your post that not once did you utter the words "I fancy him"
Do you?

s. lacker

Unregistered wrote: »

im 26 and totally obsessed with another guy who I went to college with and now work in the same company. Im not gay and do fancy girls but I have never obsessed like this with anyone before. Cant stop thinking about him take every opportunity to be around him. I think everything he says is right. We often go to a match together and go drinking as we are good mates. Its weird I cant get my head around it. I always seem to talk about him and bring him up in conversation to the extent that my OH is telling me I never stop going on about him. I think of him more than I think of her. I feel I constantly see his name everywhere, he'l call him Brendan and lets say every paper or magasine I pick up I see something about a brendan, I also seem to hear his name alot. I seem to read his texts over and over, its like a infatuation, can anyone explain this, he is 23 and a really smart, clever and popular guy. He has no idea I do this, do you think he may some day cop on , maybe i will give a vibe subconsiously i dont know? , as i said im straight so why is this happening?

Back to the OP, He'll probably never cop it I'd say. It could just be a weird phase unless been going on for ages? Either way probably best not to tell him as it would freak him out and probably wouldn't be mates anymore, not in the same way anyway. sounds very obsessive, I don't even think of my girlfriend that much or anything for that matter, maybe a chat with a doctor would help, it usually does.

castle

I think he is like your hero,the person you feel has a positive effect on you.
Is this you,You are out in a pub with work,college mate whatever,
and if anybody you know was to walk in unexpected then for you it would have to be Brendan.
When you see him you smile if that is the case and has this always been the case?
If you are happy you are not gay and that you don't fancy him then try not to worry, but if you feel that you want to be him then that could be cause for concern,
If he was to make a move on you GF how would you feel,would you step aside and think he is the better man type of thing or would you stand your coner.

Reflector

Unregistered wrote: »

Girls never get it, the cant understand two guys being really close without thinking its something gay.

I agree with this, men form very strong friendship bonds, it's something that can be described as love and allows men to form very strong relationships which helps in team work and in a more basic time may have helped unify hunting parties and such. This idolisation is something that most men experience at some stage and generally happens from a younger guy to an older guy but can happen in peers. It certainly isn't a gay thing and all men experience it to some degree. Now your situation seems to be extreme but I would say that it will fade with time. is it a new friendship as when you guys get to know eachother longer it will settle out into a more normal friendship bond.
Don't let people say it's a gay thing when it's not.

LegacyUser

hello again, im the original poster, getting alot of different angles on this and dont know what to think. I think about this guy all the time, the second i wake up I wonder what he is doing and last thing at night I wonder wha he is doing. I never delete his texts to me yet I delete other peoples, if he went through my phone im sure he would notice this. I want to talk about him all the time, I like getting his attention. He's not the best looking in ways but has the most amazing puppy dog eyes that I just love, I dont fancy him but I love his eyes i know that may seem weird but thats how it is. I would listen to his voice mails over and over, and yes sometimes feel jealous if he is around others and not me. I getting really annoyed if I miss out on an opportunity to spend time with him. For example I might be in the pub for a drink after work with other colleagues as we do this on friday, and i might leave after 2 drinks, then on monday I will hear that he walked in after I left I will be gutted. Its at a point that I have no interest in other friends as they are not him and so its not the same , is this odd?

dudara

John_Dillinger - banned for one week

dudara

Reflector

Unregistered wrote: »

hello again, im the original poster, getting alot of different angles on this and dont know what to think. I think about this guy all the time, the second i wake up I wonder what he is doing and last thing at night I wonder wha he is doing. I never delete his texts to me yet I delete other peoples, if he went through my phone im sure he would notice this. I want to talk about him all the time, I like getting his attention. He's not the best looking in ways but has the most amazing puppy dog eyes that I just love, I dont fancy him but I love his eyes i know that may seem weird but thats how it is. I would listen to his voice mails over and over, and yes sometimes feel jealous if he is around others and not me. I getting really annoyed if I miss out on an opportunity to spend time with him. For example I might be in the pub for a drink after work with other colleagues as we do this on friday, and i might leave after 2 drinks, then on monday I will hear that he walked in after I left I will be gutted. Its at a point that I have no interest in other friends as they are not him and so its not the same , is this odd?

Ok, this is getting a little out of hand, like that song by eminem, stan I think. It seems to be consuming your life. You seem to be in love with him as you display all the symptoms of that. Now I know you said you are straight but this may be some feelings that you have for guys coming to the surface. Now this may not mean you are gay, maybe just bi and maybe just a little and maybe only for this guy. I think you should go and talk to a professional psychotherapist as if it continues it may well destroy your current relationship and maybe your working life too. If you can chat to someone in private and work through some of this stuff out in the open it may make it easier to come to some conclusions exactly how you feel.
It'll be done in confidence so no need to worry about it slipping out and they've heard everything before believe me.

dny123456

nothing wrong with being gay OP, so don't worry about it. Can u bring yourself to think about what it would be like to have sex with him? Does the idea disgust you, or could you fathom it? Not saying u should, in fact u almost definitely should not, but if you can think about, it might help you determine if you are bi/gay.

mateo

Do you really fancy girls? Have you ever had a serious relationship with a girl?

dny1234

ask yourself 3 questions:

1 have you ever fantasized him sexually (i.e. i would like to be in his arm/ i wish i could kiss him)? if so, you are bi/gay/curious for sure. if not, jump to next question.

2 would you feel hurt if he got a new g/f? if so, you are emotionally attracting to him for sure, you may not be gay . if not, jump to next question.

3 do you miss him or wanting his company just for his jokes, talent rather than wanting to see his face? if so, you are not gay. if not, you may find man attractive.

promoter

The bad news:
I’m gay and went through exactly what you’re experiencing with my straight best mate. I loved spending time with him, talked to him for hours and totally put him on a pedestal. I thought about him all the time and constantly, constantly talked about him. It was like he was my soul mate.

The good news:
I never really fancied him and I don’t think there’s really a sexual component to your obsession either. For me it was more of a really strong intellectual / emotional connection. I really only stopped having those feelings when I got a boyfriend and I didn’t have as much time to spend with my mate. I think a lot of it had to do with me being around him and not having much else going on. When it did wear off, I really didn't mind not being around him so much and we have a much less intense relationship now.

Conclusion:
Take it from me, if you were really gay or bi you’d want to have sex with blokes in general and not just with your friend. This doesn’t seem to be the case for you. However, it might be worth taking a look at your relationships with your partner and friends to see what needs of yours are not being met by them. Thats my ten cents for what it’s worth.

Hope it helps.

LordDorington

Rookie447 wrote: »

Youre definately gay

End Thread /

I think YOU are, thats why you need to point the finger at others.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

its called bromance, there is nothing wrong with it. Look at Turk and J.D in scrubs. I have a similar relationship with one of my friends we talk on the phone all the time, sometimes we stay on the phone to each other and do our own thing not even talking for like 30-40 min then asking a question.

Girls never get it, the cant understand two guys being really close without thinking its something gay.

I don't get this whole 'bromance' deal. It's all so stupid. Since when did just being good friends with somebody need a label?

Do you have any sexual feelings towards him? If you do, so what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with either being gay or bi-sexual, as much as our Catholic background teaches us! You shouldn't feel ashamed over it whatsoever. In fact you should be happy that you do have a friend that is that close to you!

Rb

LordDorington wrote: »

I think YOU are, thats why you need to point the finger at others.

That doesn't really help anything.

OP, I have a question. Have you ever caught yourself thinking about him during a ****, or while having sex with your girlfriend?

Or have you ever actively had a **** while thinking about him purposely?

To be honest it sounds like you've to take a good, long look at yourself. It sounds like you're gay but in severe denial. Talking privately to gay people, or even on the LGB forum here, might be an idea.

Wibbs

LordDorington, let's refrain from anyone finger pointing. Any more of that, from anyone on thread and there will be bans handed out. Thanks.