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Older man and pregnancy

  • 22-07-2009 9:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am early 20's and been in a long term relationship with a guy who is in his 40's and he has recently got divorced. He has 2 kids and I am 4 months pregnant. He is great but part of me regrets it as he is traditional and wants me to stay at home with the baby and I feel a bit trapped. I feel like as he doesnt have much contact with his other kids, he is focusing on this baby. I just want to be happy.


Comments

  • #2
    Astrogeek
    Closed Accounts Posts: 195 ✭✭Astrogeek


    What would make you happy? If your career is important to you he should understand.
    If he wanted to be traditional with a wife who cooks and cleans and does nothing else, for one he should have married you first. Figure out exactly what he means as traditional and see how much of that you are able and willing to do.


  • #3
    Lucy Lu
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 2,407 ✭✭✭Lucy Lu


    You need to sit down with your partner and explain to him how you are feeling. Your feelings of being trapped will only get worse after the baby is born and this stress will not do you or the baby any good.

    Be up front and honest, maybe he will understand how you feel.


  • #4
    Oh The Humanity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    he is traditional and wants me to stay at home with the baby and I feel a bit trapped

    Hm, well its not all about what he wants. You two are having this baby 50/50 so you have a say too you know.

    Find out what is the correct life balance for YOU -it should be a bilateral decision based on both parents not just him expecting you to toe the line to what he wants.

    The world doesn't work like that any more, as it might have done in his day. So he has to change to move with the times, not you to change to go back in time.

    At the same time, dont throw the baby out with the bathwater either, as they say! Is he planning to support you financially or are you getting any maternity leave from work?

    A lot of women would give their eye teeth not to have to work in the first few years of their childs life, but unfortunately they dont have a choice!

    So the two of you must sit down and work out an agreed plan. Dont let his age allow him to command automatic authority. If he assumes this you need to clarify things for him.

    Hey congratulations by the way! ;)


  • #5
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,580 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Unregistered wrote: »
    he has recently got divorced.
    Lots of guys say this, but are you sure?

    If he wants you to be "traditional", then he needs to make a binding commitment to pay.


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