Sexual experience

LegacyUser

Regular poster, going private for this one.

I am in a relationship now for nearly 2.5 years. This is a first for both of us - a serious long term relationship.

We are both in our mid 20s. We do not live together, but we get to see each other almost everyday.

I was a virgin, when we first got together, while she was not, she had one previous experience in a boyfriend / girlfriend situation of a couple weeks while she was in college.

I suppose like other relationships, we have had our ups and downs, but I have nothing to guage it to.

I do love her and she loves me.

However the situation at present is, she mentions / drops hints about getting engaged or either moving in together.

I must admit I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately with regards to her hints.

But as a fellow of 26 years of age, that has only been sexually with one woman, should I settle down or is this something I will resent her for later in life and that will cause problems.

Should I be honest and tell her out straight now, at present I think I want a sexual experience with another woman.

I would appreciate your views.

Thanks.

Skapoot

Its either stick with this one, and get married in future etc. Or break up and have all the sex you want!

If you're not satisfied with having sex with just her - I dont know if you should be marrying her.:rolleyes:

Current gf or sex with someone else. You decide. You cant have both.

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

But as a fellow of 26 years of age, that has only been sexually with one woman, should I settle down or is this something I will resent her for later in life and that will cause problems.

Honestly only you can answer this question as it's not about statistics and what's good for others doesn't have to work for you. There is nothing wrong with being with one partner only if you are sure that they are the "one for you". If you're not sure - then you have something to ponder.

White_Feather

Unregistered wrote: »

Regular poster, going private for this one.

I am in a relationship now for nearly 2.5 years. This is a first for both of us - a serious long term relationship.

We are both in our mid 20s. We do not live together, but we get to see each other almost everyday.

I was a virgin, when we first got together, while she was not, she had one previous experience in a boyfriend / girlfriend situation of a couple weeks while she was in college.

I suppose like other relationships, we have had our ups and downs, but I have nothing to guage it to.

I do love her and she loves me.

However the situation at present is, she mentions / drops hints about getting engaged or either moving in together.

I must admit I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately with regards to her hints.

But as a fellow of 26 years of age, that has only been sexually with one woman, should I settle down or is this something I will resent her for later in life and that will cause problems.

Should I be honest and tell her out straight now, at present I think I want a sexual experience with another woman.

I would appreciate your views.

Thanks.

Think you just answered your own question there tbh! You cant cheat on her, so its break up time if you really want to have another experience!

Think very carefully about this one. You obviously love your gf if the both of you are together 2.5years. You dont want to regret making the wrong decision, as you said above.

puglover

You need to get your priorities straight.

What is more important to you?

a) your relationship with your gf
b) sowing your wild oats

I will however say, imho love is hard to come by and if you've found someone that you do love I wouldn't be in any rush to give it up. besides sex is always better with someone you love, and if you're afraid you're missing out on all the great sex others are having...you'll probably be disappointed

herya

puglover wrote: »

and if you're afraid you're missing out on all the great sex others are having...you'll probably be disappointed

Wisdom speaking here...

trio

It's natural when you've only had one partner to wonder if you're missing out.

But generally if you're very much in love and you have a satisfying sex life where you can communicate your tastes and it's both working for you, then you're pretty much as good as it gets.

You haven't said if you do have a good sex life though.....

I'm guessing it's become a bit safe and shy. If so, then shaking up your sexual routine and trying to get it hotter could knock these thoughts on the head.

T Corolla

I will however say, imho love is hard to come by and if you've found someone that you do love I wouldn't be in any rush to give it up. besides sex is always better with someone you love, and if you're afraid you're missing out on all the great sex others are having...you'll probably be disappointed[/quote]


Very true

LegacyUser

But as a fellow of 26 years of age, that has only been sexually with one woman, should I settle down or is this something I will resent her for later in life and that will cause problems

Do you know what, neither path is the perfect answer....

If you settle early with the first you will always wonder....

If you break it off with her you will hark after her for ever and may never find an equal.

Myself and my first boyfriend were each others firsts. Very solid relationship, everything good. Me too stupid to understand the relationship was perfect as I had nothing to compare it to. Anyway, after 8 or 9 years together I was 25 and wanted to experience......other men....

I broke it off with him. Such a waste.
Slept around, got back together, broke it off again.

Had a disasterous long termer with a total w@nker and screwed loads more.

Looking back the first guy was perfect. I wasn't missing anything, but how did I know that?
I went on the best info I had at the time.....I mean even if we had stayed together I probably would have done the dirt sooner or later because with the best will in the world even if someone is perfect .....well.....you seek different and new flesh....its human nature.

I finally settled with someone who is very like my first boyfriend. Not a co-incidence methinks!

People will say to you 'oh go sow your oats and get back together if its meant to be it will wait' but truthfully thats bull. Once the innocence is gone it will never be the same again.

Ponder on it and think about what you really want. Realistically can you settle for sex with one woman only for ever? if not......the world awaits....

But its not all roses out there OP

LegacyUser

im a bloke in a relationship 5 years i love my girlfriend to bits,i have have had sex with about 15 girls and she is my best sexual partner by far,i can tell u ur not missing out on much in my mind sex is always better with someone you love and it can get better over time,we have done things in bed that was out of the question to her for the first few years but as we have got more comfortable together we have tryed allsorts,good sex can be hard to find and the same can be said about girlfriends,moving in with my girlfriend brought us closer and we learned more about each other,if u are going to move in with her make sure u both can afford it as this put a lot of stress on me and my girlfriend,at 29 i feel i have settled down and i love it,i would see how u get on living together before getting engaged GOOD LUCK WHATEVER U DECIDE

Zascar

If you break up, do you think you can go and bed a cracker every week? Many single people would love to be in a relationship. You always want what you don't have...

Could you both agree to take a break to sow some wild oats?

LegacyUser

OP here,

Trio, with regards to your comment regarding sex, I agree with you - has become a bit safe.

So whats the advice to hotting it up?

trio

Nothing drastic, I assure you.

Actually, when hotting up a sex life, it's a case of gradually.....gradually....

Think of it as a marathon rather than a sprint. Over the next year, rather than over the next month.

Start off real small. It's a question of building up both your confidences firstly.

You have to make her feel sexier and you have to start feeling sexier yourself.

In terms of her feeling sexier, there's nothing more of a boost than a guy really admiring your body. Even with the lights off, you can feel by his caresses how much he's enjoying your skin, your curves etc. You can really know when a guy is majorly into your body. Just by his enthusiasm and his willingness to really go slow and savour the whole experience.

So start that first. Just concentrate on the whole sensuality of the experience, without neccessarily doing anything differently at first. Just, y'know doing the same things but drawn out and with more obvious enjoyment.

Hopefully she'll be a bit chuffed and flattered, and will start to feel like a sexy mama. And you'll notice her confidence and then you'll start to feel like a big hairy He-Man.

Remember: It's easier to make a sexually confident woman experiment than to make a sexually unconfident woman experiment. Work on making her feel sexier just the way she is in bed right now. Then once you've achieved that, you can both get a wee bit merry on a couple of bottles of plonk and start talking about what you'd like to do next. But that's down the road a bit.

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

So whats the advice to hotting it up?

Get out of your own bed Go see places together and make sure you stay the night!

LegacyUser

You dont realise how much you love somebody until its gone if you are happy why bother changing!

As the saying goes why try fix something thats not broken.

LegacyUser

OP back.

I took all the comments on board and after much thought again, I decided to speak to my girlfriend in a quiet calm manner - not in a fighting mood or anything.

I basically told her I love her but had sort of doubts about my sexual experience.

She listened to my point and when finished said she would have to think about the whole situation.

She went out for a walk and when she came back she got us to sit down to discuss it further.

Well, to my surprise - she told me that for my birthday later this year, she is willing to have 3-some with me and another girl (first time ever mentioned by anybody). Well to me this sounded great (what bloke would turn something like that down).

Now after sleeping on it, this morning - I dont know is it such a good idea. I am thinking why wreck what we have - this 3-some situation could jsut lead to resentment, etc.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP back.

Well, to my surprise - she told me that for my birthday later this year, she is willing to have 3-some with me and another girl (first time ever mentioned by anybody). Well to me this sounded great (what bloke would turn something like that down).

Dude shes a keeper!!

Seriosuly thou - expereince is overrated - trust me. I'd much rather have what you have than my experiences.

If you have a chick who you love and loves you and is up for experimenting like this and can calmy consider and talk about this openly when most would totally freak out. You AIN'T gonna find many people like that. Appreciate what you have.

Just ask her again thou - does she want this too or is she doing it to please you. cos if she wants it too - great. if shes doing it to pls you then that could later become a point of resentment. Of course maybe she will discover her inner lesbian and run off with a girl!

fizzynicenice

Unless you really want to end this relationship, let it go. Sex is not all that plentiful or all that great that you wont end up kicking yourself for leaving someone you still had feelings for.
Even if she was cool with a once off or short term hiatus for you to go get some, things wouldn't go back to how they were. you'll end up with a 'WE WERE ON A BREAK' scenario.

shellyboo

Wow, your gf is a more gracious and giving woman than I. I'm open minded, but could never share my fella with another woman.

OP, I think you know now that whatever's out there, it's not going to be any better than what you have. Your gf sounds wonderful. Stick with her, you're onto a good thing there.

vbold

OP,

you never have to follow through with the generous suggestion your gf has made but you could/can live off the fantasy and this would go a long way to spicing up your sex life.

P.s. Talking about something and fantasing about it is completely different to actually doing it and can be more rewarding in some cases..!! You've just opened a whole can of imagination :-)

best of luck...... and she's a keeper

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP back.

Well, to my surprise - she told me that for my birthday later this year, she is willing to have 3-some with me and another girl (first time ever mentioned by anybody). Well to me this sounded great (what bloke would turn something like that down).

Now after sleeping on it, this morning - I dont know is it such a good idea. I am thinking why wreck what we have - this 3-some situation could jsut lead to resentment, etc.

Yep, It will lead to resentment etc .. or open the relationship up to a point that you no longer trust etc

As you have already experinced, once you know you can have something its not quite such a big deal anymore. Use this "chat" you had to open up more with each other and playful with each other, sugestive and mock flirting etc with other women in certain situations.
You may be surprised by how turned on by your own misses with this playful humour when out "anonymously" ie take her out to a big club etc (just the two of you) and find that you are just dying to take her home and forget the rest of the scenery. Its not needed

dblennon

I would agree with the other posters The treesome isn't in my opinion the best for a committed longterm realtionship too many complicated feelings.

I'm sure some people would disagree, but this really does open the door to being more adventerous in the bedroom (or out)

Good Luck

herya

Could watching some really good erotica together be an option? This way you have different stimuli and can always play out what you see!

dr_sausage

Everyone here is saying have one or the other, thats a load of horse! listen ride all round you before you get married, just dont get caught, you will get more action from 25-30 than you will for the rest of your life so make use of it while you can still get it up and are not married. there's no point being 40 married with kids, looking at young ones and saying i wish i hade made more use of it... now is the time to tap that ass!

LegacyUser

um she came up with the threesome suggestion right ? um has it occured to anyone that maybe she's suggesting this as much for owen sexual curiousty as for the OP's.

And yes dude - keep that one!!

Sarah W

dr_sausage wrote: »

Everyone here is saying have one or the other, thats a load of horse! listen ride all round you before you get married, just dont get caught, you will get more action from 25-30 than you will for the rest of your life so make use of it while you can still get it up and are not married. there's no point being 40 married with kids, looking at young ones and saying i wish i hade made more use of it... now is the time to tap that ass!

I take it you have no problem with your partner (assuming you have one) following the advice you've given to the OP?