A scared, hormonal mess....

Neverwhere

Ok, so i've just been bitching in the Pregnancy Thread about just how ill I feel.

I feel like a complete mess though. I'm hormonal and moody and a little bit bitchy. I don't mean to be, and on top of it my fiance is seriously pissing me off. I love him to bits, but seriously...sometimes I need him to just man up.

I know I can be snappy. Like last night...we were in Tescos, I don't know it well, I've only been there a handful of times, and he tells me he knows where things are. So I'm following him around, feeling so ill I want to lay down in the fridge aisle in the fetal position and cry, only to find out after 4 minutes that he;s wandering aimlessly following ME even though he's told me he knows where it is and he'll show me. Seriously! I'm sorry, but I got irritated.

We're getting married. We're having a baby, it's perfectly aceptable, and these days we're at a perfectly acceptable age to have a baby.

We tell his parents. His mom is cool with it. It's a bit complicated as he lives in the UK and im from dublin. His dad was useless. We told them the first night i was over here. I had been up all night the night before to catch an aircoach at 3 am. Cath a 6 30 am flight and drive over and hour to OH house. I'm ill and tired. I go to bed early, OH tells his father, his fathe rdecides to wake me up and and barrage me, telling me we've screwed up.

I'm sorry, im not 15, im not single, and i love my child already.

The OH is getting council housing as we cant afford rent prices in this part of the UK. His father says i cannot stay with them. Not that i mentioned it, and im slightly upset that he thinks i would leach. I'm working...i can pay my own way.

His suggestion was to have a pregnant woman travel back and forth to england on a regular basis, and then come to live right before the baby is born. Umm....yeah like im going to be feeling up to catching flights all the time. not to mention Im the only one WITH a job, andwe need the money. Not to mention, he's forgotten I can only travel for another few months.

So it looks like im going to have to do this on my own, and possibly give birth alone too. And I'm so scared. I havent told my family yet, they are really religious and wont take this well. I have bipolar disorder, and severe post partum depression runs in my family....as well as birth complications. Giving birth could potentially be dangerous for me. I need careful monitoring throughout my pregnancy.

I'm terrified and pretty alone. I've come to terms with the fact that i'm going to be in Ireland on my own the whole time. But I''m also worried i'll get depressed after the birth and not want to leave ireland becayse i will have no support in the UK.

Not to mention, with all of this going on....it feels like im having to walk everyone through the idea of this pregnancy step by step. Is it selfish of me to resent that? I'm having such a hard time right now, I really don't feel like making everyone else feel better. I'm the one having to carry the bloody child, I'm the one having to come to terms with doing this alone. Maybe i do sound selfish, im just angry.

Sorry for the rant. I needed to get this out, i just didnt know where.

Oryx

Rant away. Its good for you.

Deal with your problems one at a time. Right now youve got to deal with the initial stages of pregnancy which can be downright horrible. So thats all you should concentrate on. Dont worry about where or when youll give birth, or whether youll feel depressed afterward. Thats all for another day.

For now, just take care of your body and yourself. Rest, lots. Ask for help from anyone who is available at the time. Dont traipse around Tesco if youre not able. Say sod it, and do it later. And keep in mind that this stage of fatigue and sickness will pass, and you should have a really positive stage in the middle where you can plan and get your head together.

Above all, realise you are normal. Your hormones are playing silly buggers, but that is all just part of this as well, and will not last.

Good luck to you, your partner, and your baby.

Nevyn

Why can't he come over here?

Das Kitty

Ah Sweetie.

I think you're being too hard on yourself, with all you're going through even excluding hormones you can reserve the right to be narky and bitchy.

What his dad did was way out of order, your OH needs to have a stern talk with him and sort it out. It shouldn't be up to you to argue with his family and his Dad shouldn't have approached you on your own waking you up from a sleep.

You'll get through all the crappy first trimester stuff and feel better able to handle all the rubbish coming your way. Don't even think of telling your family until you feel ready to.

Also Tesco Online is the best invention ever, I still can't bear food shopping and supermarkets so it's been a total life saver for me. I could have sent my husband but he has a tendency to get nothing at all if they don't have the exact thing he's looking for.

Neverwhere

Thanks Oryx. Honestly, im just looking forward to getting home. Oh's dad is loud and complains non stop. I can't rest! I feel guilty for staying in bed longer than I should and it's hard not to think of the fact i'll most likely be alone for the entire pregnancy as he brings it up all the time. He really has no consideration for anyone else's feelings.

I guess the initial stages are a little bleh for me, and that serves as a constant reminder of having to do it all alone.

Thaedyl -- when we decided to get married (8 months ago?) we decided england was going to be better for us in the long run. Especially with the baby now. Ireland is going down the toilet, and Engalnd is already at the bottom. We'll be in Oxford, which is one of the better places in the country at the moment. Over here i can go back to college, as they will have free daycare available there. Meaning I can be with baby on every break and time in between class and not have to worry about money. I can also get a job easily here, while I can't in ireland. My current job is hardly a life path...

Not to mention, he's getting council housing there. He's going into this shared accom. thing, and within 6 months will move on to his own place.

I mentioned that we could always go to the council and say we;re having a baby. His mom said they would think we were messng them around. Also it will be "quicker to do it this way". As if we go my route, we'll be stuck in a mother and baby hostel and might not get somewhere till the baby is 5 months old. At least we'd be together. This way he wont have anywhere for us until im just about to pop and cant travel, or after ive had the baby. I'll be on my own, having to pack up and move ON MY OWN with a newborn. At least if we were in a hostel, we could be together.

I'm just really starting to resent his parents. I don't tihnk anyone isthinking what's best for me and baby at all. That and we're not children! I don't understand why they are being allowed to make these descisions for us anyway...it's a bit inappropriate.

haha kitty...definately. When I get home I will not be stepping foot inside another tescos!

gowayouttadat

Das Kitty wrote: »

Also Tesco Online is the best invention ever, I still can't bear food shopping and supermarkets so it's been a total life saver for me. I could have sent my husband but he has a tendency to get nothing at all if they don't have the exact thing he's looking for.

I am so glad I'm not the only lazy sod that does that I'd be lost without Tesco online. I'm totally allergic to food shopping... clothes shopping any day of the week but I hate food shopping