Depressed about sexual health

LegacyUser

I don't mean to sound whiney here but I needed to tell someone. I can't tell my friends.
3 years ago I made the worst mistake of my life. I ended up losing my virginity to someone I'd just met - I was almost 21. I had never had any type of sexual interaction before this. I felt absolutely awful afterwards, went for STD testing a few months later and was relieved when everything came back normal - I thought I'd 'gotten away with it' re catching something. I met my first real boyfriend six months later and everything was great, until I started bleeding after sex. I went to loads of different doctors and was diagnosed with different non-STD conditions, I had a smear taken 'just in case' and this came back abnormal. After more abnormal tests, I discovered I had pre-cancerous cells and my cervix was tender and raw with red spots. I felt disgusting. I should have known I'd end up having some sort of problem following my encounter. Things seemed to clear up and I was happy until today when I learned the abnormalities have gotten worse and I have loads more red spots and bleeding. I feel so sad and fed-up. Just when I think it's all over, something comes back. It hurts to have sex now and I'm so worried about what's going to happen with this in the future. ONE stupid mistake three years ago and now my sex life is in tatters. I see girls all the time who are promiscuous and have loads of partners - I've had two and end up with this. I feel so down.

metamorphosis

OP did a doctor actually tell you that what happened is a direct result of you one night stand. If not i think you are jumping to conclusions based on a feeling of guilt you have.

LegacyUser

Yea I agree with the last poster. Maybe it didn actually have nythin 2do with your one night stand

LegacyUser

Nope, but as my boyfriend's previous partners were both virgins, it seems unlikely I got it from him.

shellyboo

OP, having pre-cancerous cells on your cervix is not a result of your one-night stand. You could be a virgin, you could have used a condom every time you had sex, and you could still be unlucky and have problems with an abnormal smear.

Yes, HPV can cause cervical cell abnormalities, but that's just ONE of the causes. It certaily doesn't mean that you've brought this on yourself by having a one-night stand. The next time you see your doctor, ask them straight out - get them to explain the risk incidence and reassure you that this is not your fault. Because it's not!

LegacyUser

stop that neg. thinking now, you are so lucky that you found out that you have precancer cells and can be treated. it may or may not have been HPV that caused them, & if it was it was, so many people have HPV its rampant. i am not sure what the treatment is but it is cureable when caught in time, which you have. so you are blessed, you can be treated and get a check up every year.

Lollipops23

that condition is not always related to sex!i know several girls who do not sleep around and have had all manner of gyny problems!
as for abnormal smears, i got one on my first smear. i freaked out and burst into tears and my poor mammy had to calm me down and explain how common an abnormal result actually is (she told me how tons of her mates have had em!):o

so stop worrying and think how lucky you are you caught the cells when they were still pre cancerous.

I_am_Jebus

And let's not forget that 80% of adults will have an active HPV infection at a given time. OP, you are not alone in this - and as other's have said, the abnormalities may not even be as a result of a HPV infection. You need to discuss this further with your doctor.

But eitherway, stop beating yourself up over it. You didn't make a mistake. You had sex with someone you don't know all that well (once). Big Deal, many many (most?) people do at some stage in their lives. You have no protection against HPV unless you are abstinent or be committed to a person who is a sexual virgin and they be committed to you and neither of you strays. The reality is that there are few and far between in that kind of situation in this day and age.

Doing that doesn't make you "worthy" of developing pre-cancerous cells.

You're only concern is not the past, it's the future, work with your doctors and get better. This type of (pre) cancer is very curable once gotten early which you have done. Best wishes and speedy recovery.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I guess I'm just unlucky - I have had problems with infections and discharge since my early teens, so this could just be an extension of it. I guess it was the mention of the red spots on my cervix that scared me - they seemed to think it could be an STD and now I'm panicking that it's herpes. I just want to be normal for once!

Novella

Like everyone else has said, your abnormal smear might have absolutely nothing to do with the fact you had a one night stand. Abnormal smear tests are extremely common and like you said, you were tested for STI's and came back clear. The two are probably not directly linked at all and I think you are feeling too guilty about the fact you had this first sexual encounter. Try not to feel so bad about it because a lot of people regret the first time they have sex. It isn't the first person who matters anyway, it's the last.

Hope everything turns out ok for you though, OP.

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

I see girls all the time who are promiscuous and have loads of partners - I've had two and end up with this. I feel so down.

Oh, and by the way, just because some women have "loads of partners" doesn't mean that they deserve to end up with any sort of an STI. I'm not sure what point you are trying to make here but perhaps some women have had more partners than you but been more careful. At the end of the day, that is what matters.

Nevyn

This seems to be more a reproductive health issues rahter then sexual health, I know the two can interplay but try and get the dr to do what ever tests which will rule out sti for you and your peace of mind.

Yes it is completley sucky when it is that you have issues with your womanly parts and your reproductive system but stress isn't going to help. You are more then your cervix.

Do as much reading in a postive frame of mind that you can, keep at the drs to do all they can and if you are not happy wht the dr then find one which you are happy with who will explain and is supportive.

Lots of women have had repeat smear tests and infections and had to be treated for abnormal cells it's just that most women do not talk to the other women in thier life about it so when it happens you can feel very isolated.

There is a bug thread in the ladies lounge were women have been sharing thier expericnces reading that may help.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055369132

LegacyUser

Novella wrote: »

Oh, and by the way, just because some women have "loads of partners" doesn't mean that they deserve to end up with any sort of an STI. I'm not sure what point you are trying to make here but perhaps some women have had more partners than you but been more careful. At the end of the day, that is what matters.

No I didn't mean that at all, I just meant more partners usually means a higher risk and a lot of girls I know have unprotected casual sex as well. I always get asked how many by doctors and they seem surprised at my answer. And I HAVE always been very careful, used condoms every time, made my bf get checked out before we had oral sex. I guess it's just one of those things. And it's tough cos you can't really talk to anyone about it the way you can with other problems. When people ask why I was at the doctor I say stomach issues (which I have, but it's much less embarrassing to talk about).

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

No I didn't mean that at all, I just meant more partners usually means a higher risk and a lot of girls I know have unprotected casual sex as well. I always get asked how many by doctors and they seem surprised at my answer. And I HAVE always been very careful, used condoms every time, made my bf get checked out before we had oral sex. I guess it's just one of those things. And it's tough cos you can't really talk to anyone about it the way you can with other problems. When people ask why I was at the doctor I say stomach issues (which I have, but it's much less embarrassing to talk about).

Well if you've always been careful and tested clear for STI's then there is no reason to link your one night stand with your current health issues. Stop feeling guilty and bad about it, OP, because we all make mistakes. I know I have.
Don't be embarrassed either! It's completely normal. It's great that you are so conscious of your health and not one of those people who wait around until things are absolutely unbearable. I'm sure you are going to be fine 'cause you have caught it early.

LegacyUser

wikipedia.

Check out herpes. You don't have it.

HPV = family of viruses that includes warts. Almost everyone has it.

Pre-cancerous cells = cells that may turn into cancer. Cancer is not sexually transmitted.

I am sorry to hear that you are worried. You are definitely worried for the wrong reasons though.