Enforced Spinsterdom

GraciousGeenie

I need a hug.

I'm 37 and feel so alone. ALL my friends are married, and mostly with babies.
I keep up a great front all of the time to the outside world - I'm independant, good job, good set of friend (I just don't see them that often anymore), good family, independant (Apparently that's not a great thing?) and I do smile a lot! Behind the tough exteriour though - I am essentially cripplingly shy and can't face starting out again on my own. My social life now revolves around my family, my nieces and nephews.
I have read advice from previous posts and rather than lectures - I guess I just need a virtual hug.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, Heres a hug for ya. I am 37 too and my only child will be leaving for college soon. I am looking forward to having loads of time to myself, to cook when I want, if I want and not to be constantly thinking of everyone else for a change. You are lucky in that at least you have a job, maybe you should join a running group or something.

You should also arrange to meet your friends more often, if it doesn't suit them they will tell you but don't give up, some of my friends have young kids and love an excuse to get out, even if it is just for coffee. (I can make these coffee dates last for 3-4 hours), usually when kids are in bed and the dads are home. Its up to you though, make a big effort and you will get great results. Good Luck

LegacyUser

Ah you poor thing, I will give you a hug. Don't dispair as you do have a lot going for you as a single woman. And independance is a good thing, and if a man told you it wasnt, well that was probably because it made him feel inadequate. If you were out on the social scene a bit more often I bet you wouldnt be single very long. Why dont you tell even one of your friends how you are feeling and ask her to go out one night with you to mingle. A good friend will do that with you, just to perk you up! Im the same age as you, separated with 3 children and I dont get out often too, so I know how it feels. All the best.

LadyJ

*hugs*

Come to some boards beers. It's a great way to meet people and have a laugh. I know that it feels like you can't "start again" but you don't have to, you just have to build yourself up a bit more. It's never impossible to make new friends. I know that you're shy but a lot of people at boards beers are in the same boat and people make you feel really comfortable and they're all really friendly. Don't give up on company. Keep trying.

winking weber

*hug*

I agree with LAdyJ do keep trying Having a good family network is great but its important to keep friends outside of that too. There are plenty single people around your age, believe me.

eimear1

Hey there,
Big Hug x

Kinda know how you feel, suddenly find myself single again, turning 30 v soon and most of my friends coupled up - feel like Bridget Jones with all the Smug Marrieds!!!
Social life revolved around us as a couple for so long i didn't notice the whole circle changing and now, while those friends are very supportive, they are still not really up for heading out for the usual post-breakup period of madness!!!
Agree with above though, they will want a break from other halves or kids and the more you keep in touch the more likely they are to ring you at those times.
Feel like am starting out all over again too!
Ah well, we just have to put ourselves out there and hope for the best!
Keep your chin up x x
Eims

tbh

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hugs everyone needs one now and again. You'll be right, don't worry.

Mulan

If i could, I'd hop in the car and drive up and give you a big hug.

So, Here's one over the net.

BIG SQUEEZE, AAAAHHH

Now, didn't that feel good.!!!

"We spend more time looking at the doors that closed and sometimes don't see the doors that are opening"

Be positive and walk through the open doors.

Mulan

tbh

Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.


If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.


Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.


Strive to be happy.

LegacyUser

Listen, we all feel the same way

I do have a heartwarming story...I'm 39, and been through my share of mr rights and mr wrongs. Anyway three weeks ago I happened to find my friend of many years on a dating site. And I mentioned it to me. And he moved in saturday!!!!

I had no interest in meeting someone serious, neither did he. But blissfully happy. It's so nice as we just couldn't be closer.

What's funny is all of our friends knew before we did.


Nina

dearg lady

This thread is quite heartwarming, tbh that's really nice, I might print that out and stick on my wall! And recaptha, what a lovely story!

Gracious Geenie, best of luck with the future, boards beers aint a bad idea, might pop along to one myself, where do I find details, is it within different forums? I don't know if it's modern society or if we're just being more honest about it these days, but seems like a lot of people suffer from lonliness, we should all make more effort, both to get out there more, and also to ensure our friends and acquaintances aren't feelin lonely

And of course, *hug*

tbh

dearg lady wrote: »

This thread is quite heartwarming, tbh that's really nice, I might print that out and stick on my wall! And recaptha, what a lovely story!

It's called desiderata, by Max Ehrmann. it's gorgeous

sam34

dearg lady wrote: »

This thread is quite heartwarming, tbh that's really nice, I might print that out and stick on my wall!

it's lovely isnt it. desiderata, i think its called. i have it framed in my bedroom.

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say OP that you are certainly NOT alone. I too am single...I also have a child...so while I love and adore my child, it means I never have one minute for me..I work f/t and then it's home to my son and weekends are spent doing kids stuff. Can't see a way out of this myself..never thought I'd end up at 41 STILL single...this wasn't supposed to happen!!
sorry for moaning on about my life and my post may not be of any support to you at all but I just wanted to let you know that I can empathise...as I'm sure alot of women can...!And Desiderata was my mums favourite poem...I must get it and hang it on my wall myself!

LegacyUser

single white female, 35, in exactly the same boat as you.
& it is hard watching everyone close to you living the life you
would like to be living. but you never know whats around the
corner. chin up at least we have family, friends, health, dependence.
& lots more. whats for you wont pass you.

TheCityManager

<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>


Single male 43...well actually divorced with teen daughter :-)

This wasnt supposed to happen to me either...I'm very freindly and outgoing but just cant seem to find the one'..Do not like being single either

Lots of us of bother genders out there....chin up :-)

What's these 'boards beers'???? Sounds interesting.....

GraciousGeenie

I didn't know what to expect when I sent that mail. You guys made me feel a whole lot better this evening. I wasn't looking for sympathy. You gave me the words I needed to hear.

Thank you for not having laughed, mocked or sneered. Thanks for the beautiful words. I too will print it out and put it on my wall for inspiration.:)

Dudess

GraciousGeenie wrote: »

independant (Apparently that's not a great thing?)

Why not? I personally think it's a great thing - and I wish I was more independent than I am. E.g. my friend has gone travelling alone around Europe - wish I was that free-spirited.

can't face starting out again on my own.

Again, why not?

I don't fully understand it either - are you just out of a relationship? Live your life the way you want to live it - don't let being alone hamper that. And at the same time, get out there and do stuff as often as possible that will get you meeting people. You seem like an absolutely great catch - don't think little of yourself.
In all honesty, there is no guarantee everyone will meet someone... but most do.

LegacyUser

Can I ask, as I am pushing on too in my 30s and went through another break up recently, is it that you havent found a partner or is it that you havent had kids?

To be honest, and Ive admitted this, I am worried I may not have kids, more so than finding or staying with the right person.

GraciousGeenie

No - it's not the kid thing. I never felt that urge strongly enough for it to make an impact. I knock enough joy out of the kids in my family and then have the pleasure of handing them back!
It's more trying to summon up the courage to make a new friends all over again. The first step being the hardest...

LegacyUser

I really feel for anyone reading this.

At 30, I was so smug (engaged and etc...) and at 33.. brittle as hell. But time is a great healer. I couldn't be happier with new guy....not what we were looking for at all. In fact I really didn't even know I was looking for it! I think looking for it makes you less likely to find it?

LegacyUser

I can totally relate to this thread. I am 36 female and apart from a few short lived flings have been single for 3 and a half yrs (that's since the end of last serious relationship).
Most of my friends are married with kids or they are on the way shortly - although some are starting to separate. I have a lot of interests but most of my friends don't share them or have time to share them. I have traveled extensively on my own as I will not be one to sit around and miss out on something for not having someone with me.
I have resigned myself to not have children although most of my friends and all my family say I am the most natural person they have seen with kids/teenagers. I love kids. I have a number of nieces and nephews and they are constantly ringing me for help/advice even at a young age.
I would love however to meet someone nice and to have a great companion for the remainder of my life. I also miss intimacy but I'm gone past the one night stand - long ago.
I have tried to broaden my circle but to be honest I feel sometimes that I have no interest in going through the whole getting to know someone.
I'll keep looking.
Nina great story and the best of luck. I'm a true romantic I think