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Hi. I would appreciate advice on this.

  • 21-07-2009 08:42PM
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭shmux


    I welcome all views but please do not suggest I get professional help.

    Ireland has recently experienced economic growth and the women here (18-30) look amazing. Like girls in an MTV video! Rates of premarital sex have increased.

    On one hand I feel rage that the woman I end up with will have a sexual history. The older generation was very Catholic and had good values.

    On the other hand I'm frustrated that I'M not having sex with any of these girls. I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    HELP!!! I'm in a lose lose situation.

    Any answers would be greatly appreciated.


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,393 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Any answers to what exactly? I'm failing to see where the PI is, and unless you can demonstrate one I'm locking this thread.

    In addition, the default font is perfectly adequate, please don't mess around with it needlessly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭Sinall


    shmux wrote: »
    I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    I think perhaps an adjustment of the way you look at things would help. It's not about women "letting" men have sex with them - women like to have sex too and enjoy it as much as men! We even have sex drives!

    Is it that you specifically want to meet a virgin? I don't know, but there are probably dating/social groups for people who choose to abstain from sex until marriage.

    Your attitude towards women and sex is worrying. You seem annoyed that women aren't having sex with you, but also angry at women for having previous sexual partners? Most people have had sex before marriage nowadays and there isn't really a solution to your issue. You either need to find a way to adjust your way of thinking, or put up with the issue!

    Do you have many female friends? Maybe that would help you understand the modern woman! ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭shmux


    Zaph wrote: »
    Any answers to what exactly? I'm failing to see where the PI is, and unless you can demonstrate one I'm locking this thread.

    In addition, the default font is perfectly adequate, please don't mess around with it needlessly.



    I thought I was quite clear.

    I am in a lose lose situation.

    On one hand I'm frustrated not to be "nailing" all the hot girls out there due to my moral stance on "the game".

    On the other, I'm annoyed my future wife will have this large sexual history.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Edgedinblue


    not all women are the same and are all out riding men every night ya know!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭shmux


    Sinall wrote: »
    I think perhaps an adjustment of the way you look at things would help. It's not about women "letting" men have sex with them - women like to have sex too and enjoy it as much as men! We even have sex drives!

    Is it that you specifically want to meet a virgin? I don't know, but there are probably dating/social groups for people who choose to abstain from sex until marriage.

    Your attitude towards women and sex is worrying. You seem annoyed that women aren't having sex with you, but also angry at women for having previous sexual partners? Most people have had sex before marriage nowadays and there isn't really a solution to your issue. You either need to find a way to adjust your way of thinking, or put up with the issue!

    Do you have many female friends? Maybe that would help you understand the modern woman! ;)

    Thanks for your input


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 330 ✭✭davestar


    there's a few ripe 10 year olds out there ;)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭Sinall


    shmux wrote: »
    I thought I was quite clear.

    I am in a lose lose situation.

    On one hand I'm frustrated not to be "nailing" all the hot girls out there due to my moral stance on "the game".

    On the other, I'm annoyed my future wife will have this large sexual history.

    It's not about the game IMO. It's about two people meeting who are attracted to each other and want to have sex (sometimes within a relationship and sometimes outside of one!) and who then proceed to have sex. There usually isn't any trickery involved.

    And your future wife might not have a "large" sexual history (although this is relative, everyone probably has a different opinion of what is "large"), but to increase your chances of meeting said future wife, an adjustment of your attitudes towards women and sex is probably in order.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭shmux


    davestar wrote: »
    there's a few ripe 10 year olds out there ;)

    Unless you're being sarcastic I believe thats illegal


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭shmux


    Sinall wrote: »
    It's not about the game IMO. It's about two people meeting who are attracted to each other and want to have sex (sometimes within a relationship and sometimes outside of one!) and who then proceed to have sex. There usually isn't any trickery involved.

    And your future wife might not have a "large" sexual history (although this is relative, everyone probably has a different opinion of what is "large"), but to increase your chances of meeting said future wife, an adjustment of your attitudes towards women and sex is probably in order.

    yeah, thanks again


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭LeotheLion


    I suggest you get professional help.


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  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,393 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    davestar wrote: »
    there's a few ripe 10 year olds out there ;)

    Banned for 1 week


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭Max_Damage


    Jaysus, this is some mad PI!

    I reckon After Hours would be the best place for this.


  • Registered Users, Subscribers, Registered Users 2 Posts: 47,393 ✭✭✭✭Zaph


    Max_Damage wrote: »
    Jaysus, this is some mad PI!

    I reckon After Hours would be the best place for this.

    If you have an issue with a particular post please use the report post button rather than commenting on-thread. Thanks.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    shmux wrote: »

    On the other, I'm annoyed my future wife will have this large sexual history.

    Well wait until you meet a partner who has the same sexual history as you i.e. none.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 302 ✭✭unhappycamper


    My friend was of the same moral way of thinking, he is in the US now and has completely changed his ways! Have fun and drop the Catholic guilt thing because you will lose out my friend when your old and full of regrets!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 171 ✭✭BlackandGold


    Annoyed because you're not having sex? Look, people often get this feeling of the grass is greener. It's not. From what you've said, you'd only be comfortable having sex in a loving relationship. And there's nothing wrong with that. You just have to relax and meet people. Don't be expectant of sex.

    If you want, you could probably go out and pull a random bird for the night. But I don't think your heart is in it, so why lust after something that you can't have? And I mean you can't have it because you don't WANT it.

    Also, like was said already, not every girl will have a huge sexual history. Inevitably it all depends on what sort of girls you're attracted to and whether they're attracted to you. If you don't want to hear the answer regarding sexual partners, then don't ask! Just make sure you've got the all clear with STI's......


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    shmux wrote: »
    I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    HELP!!! I'm in a lose lose situation.

    Men dont need to lie to have sex with women, many men and women engage in sex because they simply like it and are attracted to each other.

    It sounds like you are trying to compensate for your lack of success with women by deluding yourself that it is because of your high moral standards.

    If you are religious then I suggest you seek out religious groups who share your views on sexuality- there you may also find a woman whose sexual history is more to your standards.

    (Judge not lest ye be judged)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    shmux wrote: »
    On one hand I'm frustrated not to be "nailing" all the hot girls out there due to my moral stance on "the game".

    On the other, I'm annoyed my future wife will have this large sexual history.
    I say this in the nicest possible way: Get over yourself.

    Life will not be as you want it to be. All young men want a virgin wife (or at least one who's not "tainted") yet at the same time would like to bang everything which has two legs and long hair.

    It's one of the many emotional hypocrasies that lots of men emerge from their teenage years with. We expect to be able to do one thing and expect our women to do something else. Get over it. Accept that women are other people and not just simple objects for you to desire and no-one else to touch. What a woman has or hasn't done before meeting you is none of your business.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    OP,

    You don't really believe that women just have sex with men who lie to them? It doesn't suggest you have a very high opinion of either sex. For the most part people have sex because they want to, with whom they want to.

    There are lots of people who wait to have sex with someone special, I don't know why you can't just wait until you find one of them. Also, if you are frustrated and wanting in on the action then I'm not sure why you would be surprised that your prospective wife may choose not to be a virgin.

    You need to brush up your chat-up technique and stop telling yourself that it's just girls falling for other guys lies (I'd say that and your conservative views on women's sexualities aren't going to help your cause) - and/or have more realistic expectations of a woman's sexual history in Ireland in 2009.

    Best of luck.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,500 ✭✭✭Drexel


    Honestly OP. What is wrong with you. I think u really do need to seek some form of professional help. Where are you gettin the idea that men lie to women to have sex with them? Can i ask are you a virgin? If not then why is it ok for you to 'nail' as u put it other women, but u want a virgin. What is up with you. Ur are a bit mental!!! Go out, have fun and meet someone u like and try to go off with them without lyin. Maybe all u need is a good ride??? Oh and what excatly is the game? Ur mad!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    shmux wrote: »
    Ireland has recently experienced economic growth and the women here (18-30) look amazing. Like girls in an MTV video! Rates of premarital sex have increased.

    On one hand I feel rage that the woman I end up with will have a sexual history. The older generation was very Catholic and had good values.

    On the other hand I'm frustrated that I'M not having sex with any of these girls. I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    HELP!!! I'm in a lose lose situation.

    Any answers would be greatly appreciated.

    OP: What I'm seeing here, is that you think that the women here are of a high standard, and that they are deserving of better than what men in society are giving them. That's something I can somewhat understand, however, we cannot stop people from doing what they will do and people will be accountable for their own actions.

    You mention Catholicism and good values, and I think you are right. Catholicism as a subset of Christianity in general does promote good values particularly in relation to sexuality in terms of respect for women. I'm just wondering, are you a Catholic yourself, or do you just appreciate their values?

    As for women and them having a sexual history. I would suggest that you find groups with common viewpoints to yourself on this issue. Perhaps meeting women through church run events and other things might be a path for you. I don't know how involved you are in the church in Ireland.

    If you don't want to specifically seek women who do share the same values as you, you will have to loosen your restrictions a bit. You have to remember that when you examine yourself, you will have things that you have done that you are ashamed of in the past, or ways in which you have made mistakes. Would you prefer to be forgiven or stereotyped forever for your opinion?

    Get back to me if you can :)
    My friend was of the same moral way of thinking, he is in the US now and has completely changed his ways! Have fun and drop the Catholic guilt thing because you will lose out my friend when your old and full of regrets!

    Why should the OP lose his moral way of thinking? I personally feel it is more that the OP is overly judgemental. Whether people like or or not, we have to let people decide for themselves.

    As for the "Catholic guilt". I'd love it if someone could merely describe to me what they mean by this term sometime. If the OP has faith, I don't think it is useful advice to tell him to lose Catholicism.
    PK2008 wrote: »
    It sounds like you are trying to compensate for your lack of success with women by deluding yourself that it is because of your high moral standards.

    I think this is just a bit harsh.
    PK2008 wrote: »
    If you are religious then I suggest you seek out religious groups who share your views on sexuality- there you may also find a woman whose sexual history is more to your standards.

    Good advice.
    PK2008 wrote: »
    (Judge not lest ye be judged)

    Indeed, we all have mistakes. That doesn't mean that we have to applaud or support the mistakes of others though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    Find a dating group for people who abstain before marriage.
    That is the only thing you can do.
    Do you honestly expect to sow your wild oats and then judge others for having intimate relationships?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Jakkass wrote: »
    Why should the OP lose his moral way of thinking? I personally feel it is more that the OP is overly judgemental. Whether people like or or not, we have to let people decide for themselves.

    As for the "Catholic guilt". I'd love it if someone could merely describe to me what they mean by this term sometime. If the OP has faith, I don't think it is useful advice to tell him to lose Catholicism.

    there are many things which, to a non-religious person, are perfectly natural, normal and acceptable, like masturbation, sex before marriage and contraception, which the Catholic church, in it's position as the educator of the majority of children in this state, would describe as morally sick and evil. Therefore, when people grow up and learn to think for themselves, even tho they know at a concious level that masturbation is perfectly ok, they cannot rid themselves of this vague notion that they are evil, sick people who are going to hell for touching themselves, because this is what was drummed into them at school. This is catholic guilt.

    Also, Jakkass, I'd advise you to read the OP again. The guy isn't struggling with his faith. He wants to have sex with these "slappers", he just can't get any of them to have sex with him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    Here we bloody go again.... religion religion religion..... what is it with these people... And in particular this one....??

    Women aren't having sex with me... But I want to meet a woman without a sexual history??/ WHAT???

    Stop trying to follow a poxy religion get out there and live like a normal person that isn't governed by a million year old text that basically says "Thou shalt not..." to pretty much anything enjoyable....!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,518 ✭✭✭OS119


    OP, move to Saudi Arabia, convert to Islam and do what their randy, but alledgedly pious, young men do.

    they 'use' women of pakistani origin (there are lots of them KSA, often working in the domestic sector) as whores/rape victims so they can sow their merry seed, but crucially, because these women aren't seen as 'good Muslim women', they don't count when it comes to the wedding night question of 'have you done this before?'.

    just so you know, you do need professional help - or prison.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭kittenkiller


    shmux wrote: »
    On the other, I'm annoyed my future wife will have this large sexual history.

    To be honest I can't see this being an issue for you until you amend how you view women, sex and relationships.
    It's very unlikely that you'll be able to find a wife until you resolve these issues.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,100 ✭✭✭eightyfish


    shmux wrote: »
    I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    Can I ask, what do you think men are ubiquitously lying to women about?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    tbh wrote: »
    there are many things which, to a non-religious person, are perfectly natural, normal and acceptable, like masturbation, sex before marriage and contraception, which the Catholic church, in it's position as the educator of the majority of children in this state, would describe as morally sick and evil. Therefore, when people grow up and learn to think for themselves, even tho they know at a concious level that masturbation is perfectly ok, they cannot rid themselves of this vague notion that they are evil, sick people who are going to hell for touching themselves, because this is what was drummed into them at school. This is catholic guilt.

    I have never heard of these actions being referred to as any more than a sin. I don't think it's appropriate to tell people that they have "Catholic guilt". I mean is there such thing as Protestant guilt, Jewish guilt, Islamic guilt, Secular guilt. It's a joke.
    tbh wrote: »
    Also, Jakkass, I'd advise you to read the OP again. The guy isn't struggling with his faith. He wants to have sex with these "slappers", he just can't get any of them to have sex with him.

    I did read the OP again, and I was left to wonder what the OP meant by Catholic values, I left the possibility in that he could be Catholic. However I said that I wasn't sure in my post.
    Noffles wrote: »
    Stop trying to follow a poxy religion get out there and live like a normal person that isn't governed by a million year old text that basically says "Thou shalt not..." to pretty much anything enjoyable....!!

    This is the worst advice you could give to anyone of any belief. Just to tell you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Jakkass wrote: »
    I have never heard of these actions being referred to as any more than a sin.

    what happens to sinners? they go to hell if they don't repent.
    This is the worst advice you could give to anyone of any belief. Just to tell you.

    any belief? Like, the belief that fire cures headaches? Just because you believe strongly in something, doesn't mean it isn't ridiculous to someone else.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    shmux wrote: »
    On one hand I feel rage that the woman I end up with will have a sexual history. The older generation was very Catholic and had good values.

    On the other hand I'm frustrated that I'M not having sex with any of these girls. I dislike "the game" of men lying to women, women believing them and letting the men have sex with them.

    It's funny how you pre-empted responses to your post by asking people not to recommend you get professional help, I think it would be certainly worthwhile looking into. You seem to have a fundamentally very warped and immature attitude towards sex.

    You DO realise one hopes that consenting non-married adults can love one another and have a great sex life? It's not a case of women "LETTING" men having sex with them.....shock horror but we enjoy it as much as men!!:eek:


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