Loving 2 people at once

LegacyUser

unregistered for this one people. Have been with gf for the last 2 years and planning to get married next year. Thing is i do love her but think i am fallin for another girl at work. Everything with my gf is great ie. company and sex, its just i cant get this other girl outta my head. She is great fun and good looking too but so is my gf. There is also the small issue of her bf. Nice guy and i and my gf get on great with both. You know the feeling you get when you really think someone is into you but you try and tell yourself that it is only a feeling and that you are kidding yourself. I am aware that it could be the grass is greener scenario but i am finding it so hard to avoid this girl.
Advice from those who have been there please cause the flirting is gettin to be very hard to take. thanks

SarahSassy

Is it love or lust / infatuation? Press the pause button on the wedding til you know for sure. Either way the girl has a boyfriend so dont be expecting to dump your fiancee with a view to moving on with this girl. There is a good chance she only sees you as a friend and no more.

Sounds like you are having doubts about the wedding and possibly using this lust / love as an excuse to justify it.

Wibbs

Common enough. Love has many stages as a general thing. The initial infatuation buzz, the reciprocated both in love buzz and the long term lifetime buzz. Some rare people can do the in love one for decades, but in general it lasts 2 to 4 years(hence look at any of the breakup threads in RI and 9 times outa 10 the break is happening at the 2/3/4 year mark).

That's just with one person of course, but you can have the different stages of love for two, like you appear to have. You have the long term lifetime buzz for your girlfriend and the initial infatuation buzz for your co worker.

OK so what next? Well the initial buzz wears off pretty quickly and goes into the in love together thing. What are the chances of that with your coworker? Even if good, then 3 years down the line you may be in exactly the same position with her and someone new.

Regardless of the moral issue between you and your partner, try to see it for what it is, a momentary infatuation. It'll pass. So let it. It is under your control. Maybe take some of the buzz and aim it at your fiance. Try and rekindle parts of what you had and what you felt 2 years ago.

cltt97

Totally agree with previous poster. I was in this position many years ago. was in a 6 year relationship then, it had a few cracks but overall was good, along comes this guy and totally takes my breath away. It's like being on drugs and the excitment of it all is a total thrill. Thing is, if you play with fire, you will get burnt. I did (thankfully) arrive at the conclusion that it wasn't worth throwing something away that had been good for so long for something shiny and new that only seemed so great because it hadn't been worn yet.... thankfully nothing ever happened with that guy and once I got over myself, the relationship with my boyfriend went back to "normal".
Thing is, if you go for this one, you'll end up having to ly, to hide, to make up excuses, the stress will get to you, your girlfriend will become suspicious, you'll end up digging yourself such a gigantic hole, there won't be a way out of it and chances are you'll lose the GF and the other one probably won't want you anymore because you've strung her along for too long or you won't want her anymore cause you'll blame her for losing the GF. Either way, 3 people will end up very hurt. Not worth it!

G86

Imagine you'd never met your girlfriend before, and she walked into the room right now, wouldn't you feel the same as you do about this new girl? You've just become so used to seeing your GF every day that you don't notice the things that made you fall for her to begin with. You don't love this new girl but you could easily have a crush on her, and there's nothing wrong with that - so long as you don't act on it.

You just need to work on getting things back on track with your GF, you say you still love her so you're obviously just in a bit of a rut. I really think you should forget about the other girl, you've too much to lose to risk it all for something that could easily be nothing.

jmbkay

Dont think you are ready for marriage. You could end up married and regretting it., and becoming dissatisfied with your life and start having affairs.

Sorry OP,was interrupted during this post and didnt mean it to sound like it does. Just have a really good think.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

unregistered for this one people. Have been with gf for the last 2 years and planning to get married next year. Thing is i do love her but think i am fallin for another girl at work. Everything with my gf is great ie. company and sex, its just i cant get this other girl outta my head. She is great fun and good looking too but so is my gf. There is also the small issue of her bf. Nice guy and i and my gf get on great with both. You know the feeling you get when you really think someone is into you but you try and tell yourself that it is only a feeling and that you are kidding yourself. I am aware that it could be the grass is greener scenario but i am finding it so hard to avoid this girl.
Advice from those who have been there please cause the flirting is gettin to be very hard to take. thanks

Someone else said it. I really and truly don't think you are ready to get married. These emotions are not uncommon. No one here has a clue if this other attraction is passing or fleeting, or maybe even the real thing.
Only you can know this.
Only you can know how you feel and I believe that this kind of emotional uncertainty will not sort itself out in the next few months or year. I believe you may need to take more time to assess if this is the right girl for you to marry.


All the best

LegacyUser

jmbkay wrote: »

Dont think you are ready for marriage. You could end up married and regretting it., and becoming dissatisfied with your life and start having affairs.

Sorry OP,was interrupted during this post and didnt mean it to sound like it does. Just have a really good think.

I totally agree with this opinion.

ladygirl

I really think this is defn a case of the grass is greener,, this other girl knows your engaged and is still continuously flirting with you,,, why? cause she is getting a reaction from you,, to a lot of people this is a game,, dont ruin your relationship over something as stupid as this,,, and if you are having these feelings i would seriously rethink my plans for marriage...

LegacyUser

Stay away from girls in work. I got involved in a situ like this and ended up finishing with my fiancé. Still messed up over it cause it was the biggest mistake of my life. Lost my world and if like me you ended up cheating, It ruins your ability to trust anyone again because you know how easy it is to get away with it yourself.

Just stop and remember back to when you met your gf first. Remember all the good times. Close your eyes and put yourself back to those days. I bet you felt the same. OK so the chemistry kinda goes after a while and things can become routine but the commitment and love that replaces the initial lust is worth it ten fold!!

Grass will not be greener, not if you're still happy with your gf.