I'm after meeting a nice lady... but she's 18!

LegacyUser

Was just out at home recently and met a lovely girl. She looked quite mature (early 20's I thought), quite tall and certainly didn't act childish. Had a chat and before I knew it we were kissing, exchanging number and I even dropped her home. Then I found out she was 18! She says that age differences don't phase her.

I'm 29. Came out of a long term relationship (3 years) back in March, so to me this just seems like a breath of fresh air. But ... she's 18. Am I being silly expecting anything to come out of this? She's txtin me a good bit, and I'm enjoying it for now, as is she. We have good chemistry I reckon. Is there anything wrong with this?

I should mention that she went to school with my nephew and was actually a class behind him! I don't know how he will react to me being with her lol... I'm not worried about what others think in general, but hope he doesn't take it too bad!

Nervous Wreck

Nothing wrong with it, though the likelihood is that after not too long, you'll realise you have less to talk about than you initially thought. Have fun or whatever, just be careful not to break the girl's heart. It's going to be alot more fragile than yours, I would say.

Taltos

I was going to say just enjoy it and see how it goes - but then I saw your comment about your nephew... I mean WTF?? It's not like you're dating him or anything.

In all honesty sometimes it is possible to be too worried about what other people will think.
Chances are this will come to nothing - but if you are more concerned with what other people think then it most definitely will not.

Just take it easy - enjoy yourself - but make sure she is well aware of your age.

J Peterman

The age difference by itself is no reason to drop it, but I think you'd do well to consider your increased amount of responsibility here. (And seeing that you're asking for advice probably means you already are considering it, so goodonya for that!)

I don't mean to be condescending towards 18-year-olds, but most of them don't know themselves yet... at least, they wouldn't be fully emotionally developed. I'm your age, and when I hang out with OH's younger siblings and their friends, I'm always consious of the age difference, and they're a good two years older than your lass.

IMO, 18 is old enough to make your own decisions, but you're light-years ahead of her in life experience. This relationship, should a serious one develop, will have a *huge* impact on her emotional development, so I'd just say watch your step and be nicer than you think you'd have to otherwise. For the love of God, don't cheat on her. (Not that you would.) (Just saying.)

But it looks like you're thinking all the right things so far, so have fun!

jonsnow

go for it dude and have fun.But don,t take it too seriously because that is a big age gap and people want different things at different stages of their life

SarahSassy

There is nothing to say it can’t work but if you were 28 (her) and 39 (you) then I would give it a better chance. She probably is intending to do the whole college, travelling, renting with friend thing while you are coming to a stage where people would typically be leading a more settled life. It can work but do you want to wait on the sidelines for her to do the whole college, travelling thing etc.

LegacyUser

I remember when I was in college, there was a mature student in our class who actually was the same age as you 29. One day we got around to dating and what would be the youngest he would go out with and his response was - anything from 18 years upwards. As we were all either 17 or 18 at the time, it basically ment he could be interested in some of us.

I cannot see a problem with the age thing. The only thing is like you I am now 29 and I am calming down - be there brought the t-shirt, she on the other hand will want to experience all this. I think go for it, see what happens, life is too short for regrets, it might be the best thing that ever happened.

Lux23

The other side of the coin is that she may take the realtionship more seriously then you. When I was 18 I went out with a 33 year old and at the time I thought regardless of the age difference we both had the same level of interest in the realtionship. Boy was I wrong, it was purely a sexual thing with him and he always thought it would go nowhere (which in hindsight he was right). It went on for about a year and I fell deeper and deeper for him while he just got his kicks, one day he met someone in their late twenties and he ended it with me and asked me never to contact him again. Which I didn't. But this still haunts me and although I have had no shortage of boyfriends I still can't trust them, 8 years after this ended! I was a virgin when I met him so it was huge commitment to me at the time while it never really mattered to him.

Now I am not saying this is the case with the OP but he does have to take into account that this girl will not be as emotionally mature as you and will feel and see things alot differently. Ask yourself if you really like this girl rather than just feeling very flattered and turned on by someone who is so much younger.

Blazer

Go for it.
My sister started dating a guy who were 10 years older than her while in college.
Both of them liked the same things and still do to this day.
They've now been dating for 11 years at least now with no problems

LegacyUser

I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, I was 18 and he was 28.I am french and he is irish.All of these things are just details.We love and understand each other and that's the main thing.And people who say that you will want different things at some stage could be right but at the same time it's not about the age.I'm the one who talks more about babies in this relationship! Best of luck and just follow your heart! ;-)

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.
I could have written your post.Im in more or less a carbon copy situation.
She has just turned 19,Im 30,she has made it very clear she is interested in me but Ive held back.She is smart,funny,good looking but I cannot get my head around the fact she is still a teenager and that up to 3 months ago she was wearing a school uniform.
I was talking to her Saturday night and it took every fibre of my being to keep myself to myself and Ive made my decision that nothing is going to happen between us.
Thats not to say you shouldnt do anything but for me,speaking personally,an 11 year age gap is just too much,particularly because she is still in her teens.

Taltos

nedtheshed wrote: »

Hi OP.
I could have written your post.Im in more or less a carbon copy situation.
She has just turned 19,Im 30,she has made it very clear she is interested in me but Ive held back.She is smart,funny,good looking but I cannot get my head around the fact she is still a teenager and that up to 3 months ago she was wearing a school uniform.
I was talking to her Saturday night and it took every fibre of my being to keep myself to myself and Ive made my decision that nothing is going to happen between us.
Thats not to say you shouldnt do anything but for me,speaking personally,an 11 year age gap is just too much,particularly because she is still in her teens.

Just to let you know that when I was in my mid-20s worked with a few women around my age who were v happily married to guys alot older (more than the age differences you are giving here).
Yrs ago this really was all the norm - older guys with younger girls - back in the days of arranged marriages.

In my own family my dad was around the age gap that you 2 have - it was never an issue for them and never an issue for us as kids. They were always v happy together - good lesson for my own marriage...

Sometimes you just gotta take a chance - if it does not work out - well hopefully you will have some good memories - but to stop it because you are afraid of age - you will just find yourselves 5yrs down the road with more regrets.

Just take is slowly - and be nice. You might be very surprised.

Otis Driftwood

Oh I know that many people with large age gaps can be perfectly happy,my own grandparents had something like 25 years in the difference so it can happen.I was just saying,its not something I can get my head around.If I was 40 and she was 29 there wouldnt be an issue but the fact she is still in her teens bothers me.

Anyway,dont want to derail the OPs thread any further!

kittenkiller

theOP29 wrote: »

I should mention that she went to school with my nephew and was actually a class behind him! I don't know how he will react to me being with her lol... I'm not worried about what others think in general, but hope he doesn't take it too bad!

I'd expect to get *a lot* of stick from this! Especially if you ever get to the stage of introducing her to your family.
Happened a friend of mine in secondary school.
All his family disapproved of the relationship and although they were very nice to her, it made things very awkward for her.

But that'd all be way down the line for you I guess.
Best of luck.

G86

Go with your gut, if you feel ok about it then go for it. Age difference isn't the issue here - it's maturity, and if you think ye are on par then there's no reason why it wouldn't work out.

Wagon

I'd avoid it but im just a bitter man In all honestly though, it would put me off because of the maturity thing. I've gona out with a few girls younger than me and all have ended due to lack of maturity (sometimes on both sides i admit). Have fun, there's nothing wrong with it. But personally i wouldnt be expecting a meaningful relationship to develop.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses guys.. yeah, to be honest I'm more concerned about her feelings and the fact that she could get very attached to me in a short period, and it would devestate her if things didn't work out. I also don't want to be in a position where I really develop strong feelings and then we both realise that she needs to be free and do all the things people in their early 20's do... although, as some have hinted at, this may not happen if she knows what she wants at a young age - and some obviously do!

So I'm going to enjoy it, see where it goes. And I will respect her and yes - thanks for your advice on this - I will make sure I'm sensitive to her feelings, and I don't treat her like a trophy young girlfriend. That's vital of course.

Last night on the phone I told her about how I was in a 3 year relationship, and can't deal with relationships that get way to serious way too fast, and she says she feels the same and is happy to take it easy. That's really all I wanted to hear, so now hopefully we both know where we stand. If it gets serious down the line, that's fine... but I think we both know we gotta take it easy for now. So I'm actually really glad I met her and I'm enjoying chatting her.

Taltos

Hey
Great job OP - glad it is working out for you both.

Otis Driftwood

Well best of luck with it man.You already know to tread lightly so thats the main thing.You will probably get a wee bit of stick from a few people but feck it,they are likely just jealous!

Paulyh

hi OP, i was the same situation as you aboutj 2 -3 years ago, met a 19 year old, i was 28. and i didnt find out her age till after we hooked up. we had fun for a while, about 4 months or so........but like you, i was freaked out about the age thing..........then she got weird and reallly, really clingy. so i guess the age difference did matter, well it was always in the back of my mind so i doubt anything serious would have happened on my part anyway. although i was going through a phase of seeing girls for a short while and then moving on. (i had just got out of a 10 year relationship and went a bit over the top with me new found freedom).
so i guess i'm saying to be careful with her and not string her along if you free she is getting serious and you arent..........all the best

LegacyUser

Paulyh wrote: »

but like you, i was freaked out about the age thing..........
so i guess i'm saying to be careful with her and not string her along if you free she is getting serious and you arent..........all the best

Don't know where you got the idea that I was freaked out by the age thing, did I say that? Well, I'm not so much freaked out as... surprised, and wondering how I should proceed, and if there are any things I should be concerned about.. so thanks for the tips, cos ye have all helped clarifyt things a bit for me and I've sorted my head out now I think

LegacyUser

By the way, yes - I will watch out for clingy behaviour, as it drives me nuts. I need space as a person. I will let her know about this early on so hopefully it doesn't become a problem for us..

The age thing really isn't a big deal IMO, and it's not in the back of my mind all the tim. Let's see how things go. My last girlfriend was 1 year younger than me (27), but at times acted like a 12 year old tbh... and at other times it was like a 15 year old. So I'm very open to being with an 18 year old who may very well surprise me

SarahSassy

theOP29 wrote: »

I'm very open to being with an 18 year old who may very well surprise me

Some men really do only think with their di€ks.... She is barely more than a child no matter how many 18 year old tell you they are mature...

Novella

theOP29 wrote: »

Was just out at home recently and met a lovely girl. She looked quite mature (early 20's I thought), quite tall and certainly didn't act childish. Had a chat and before I knew it we were kissing, exchanging number and I even dropped her home. Then I found out she was 18! She says that age differences don't phase her.

I'm 29. Came out of a long term relationship (3 years) back in March, so to me this just seems like a breath of fresh air. But ... she's 18. Am I being silly expecting anything to come out of this? She's txtin me a good bit, and I'm enjoying it for now, as is she. We have good chemistry I reckon. Is there anything wrong with this?

I should mention that she went to school with my nephew and was actually a class behind him! I don't know how he will react to me being with her lol... I'm not worried about what others think in general, but hope he doesn't take it too bad!

In general, I don't really think much of age differences but it sort of depends on what stage of life you are both at. I mean, she is 18 and you're 29. She's probably just out of school or maybe even still in school. You are practically 30 and this is when most people start to settle down. However, she's still really young and naive and at an age where she might just want to go out, have fun etc. It's also a teeny bit weird that you have a nephew older than her!!!
At the end of the day, I think you are the only one who can really know if this is right or not because technically you are both consenting adults.
I'm a 20 year old girl and I'd never go out with a guy who was nearly 30, in fact I'd probably feel really intimidated but if it's good for her, then cool, maybe it's meant to be

LegacyUser

my parents met when my dad was 36 and my mum 16

He thought she was older, and nearly crashed the car when she asked him about her science project. Happily married for 32 years!