Life is too short

LegacyUser

How does one deal with death? How can your memories of that person be just that, memories?
No more hanging out, or hearing their voice, going to the cinema.

A good, no, great friend died tonight, and I feel empty. I feel angry. I feel like nothing makes sense and life just won't go on.
I feel scared and empty and like it has changed everything.

I can't sleep, neither can anyone else, I've cried buckets. 22 is too young, right? 22 years on this earth.... Now gone, forever. I've had wine older than that.

What do you say to those around you, because its not going to be 'alright'. Its far from it. And with him gone, him in particular, the glue is gone.

I don't understand that death can take a person away from all his/her loved ones, the world is so cruel and you will never ever see them again. Its one thing that will not/cannot register in my mind.

In my 22 years, this is the first real close death for me. I feel empty.

LegacyUser

Nothing at this moment in time will make you feel better, your mourning the loss of a person close to you. You have mixed emotions, angry that the person has died, sad because things will never be the same and confused because you do not understand the logic behing it. Things do improve though with time, you'll be able to look back on the memories you shared with this person with a smile and maybe even laughter at the silly fun times you had together. Was your friends death a tragedy or was it due to an illness? Keep your chin up and just remember your friend may be in a better place that we don't even know about yet and i'm sure he's watching over both you and the rest of his family and friends

Wacker

Having buried a sibling, my advice for these tough times is as follows: look after yourself. Things are going to be tough enough without your pain giving you a new set of problems. Specifically: eat properly, shower, shave (if applicable), and most importantly, don't drink too much or turn to drugs.
Dealing with the finality of death is not something I can help you with though. You kind of have to figure that one out on your own. One thing though; if you're worried about not being able to say the right thing to the family or people that were closer to the departed than you were, say very little. They'll understand, and saying the wrong thing is all too easy.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel as I just lost an aunt who looked after me since I was a baby, she was like my mother. Also the first person I have lost close to me.
The next few days will be really tough, with the funeral and all. For me it was the most surreal experience imaginable. Don't be afraid to cry. My brother had the same relationship with my aunt as I had. I spent the whole week after she died in tears, he didn't and he's not in a good place right now!
Its a traumatising experience and the next few days will be harrowing, but there will be many people around who are experiencing the same as you so you have to draw strenght from each other.

I know death is a strange one. Im still trying to get my head around it. How can someone just be and then not be?! It doesn't seem to make sense when its happening, does it? Where does the love go? etc You will find yourself asking a lot of questions over the next while but your mind will calm down eventually. I know it doesn't seem fair whats happening now, it isn't, but life isn't.

Do something with a few friends over the next few days and don't feel guilty about it. It will help you relax...

Im sorry for your loss OP, I hope you get through this ok.

LegacyUser

Ah you poor thing. You are very young to have lost a friend through death and yes 22 is too young to die. But we cannot control it, it is what happens and is part of life. Im sure your heart is broken. I lost a lovely friend around that age too and it just dosent make sense. The only advice I can give to you is to spend time with the people you love and who love you at the moment. They will help you through it. Go and talk to your other friends who are feeling the same loss as you. Talk about how lost you are feeling and I am sure they will all be sharing the same feeling, sadness I'm sure, but least you wont feel alone. I wish you the very best at this sad time

crosstownk

Firstly, sorry to hear of the untimely loss of your close and dear friend. Please accept my deepest sympathies.

For what it's worth, a very close friend of mind died earlier this year - quite suddenly. It was a hammer blow. The one thing that helped (and still does) is that we were a close group of friends. We all helped each other through. I won't say that I'm over it yet but, like most life events, time is a great healer.

Stay close to your living friends and comfort and help each other through. It's tough but you will come out the other side. Crying buckets is important and part of the process. Tell others that you confide in how you feel - you'll soon realise that they feel the same and are as upset and shocked as you are.

Firetrap

Hiya. Sorry to hear about your friend's death. Life isn't fair and it seems to deal some people a worse hand than others.

All I can do is echo what the others here have said. Don't bottle it up. Look after yourself. Whether you want it to or not, life goes on. The sun will rise tomorrow morning and the day after and the day after. As time goes on, things do improve. You might not believe that right now and I don't blame you. In time you will come to some sort of acceptance of your friend's death. It will happen when the time is right.

beks101

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Your post upset me as it reminds me of a friend of mine who died at the same age a few years ago. An unfortunate accident and just like that, he was gone. Everything seemed so senseless and farcical, and I felt empty at times, and then like the grief and pain was overwhelming me at other times.

Things still don't make any sense to me and I get upset sometimes, but you learn to cope and to adapt. I think of things that he would have laughed at, I smile when I think of the witty things he would have said when I fcuk up at something, I think of him when I see a really good film and even talk to him, telling him how much I miss him and sometimes asking for help. I'm not religious, but sometimes the belief that he's listening is all that I need.

Don't expect any sense to emerge out of this because there is none. As others have said, just take care of yourself because bereavement is a rollercoaster ride and there's no finish line with it. And you're right - life is too fcuking short and don't you ever forget that. Your friend wouldn't want you to. Take care xx

LegacyUser

I understand how you feel. My first love died last year aged 30. We werent together anymore but spoke all the time as friends. He had cancer and knew he was dying. It was the hardest thing. I could not fathom he was gone My mind was baffled trying to comprehend, is he gone, where is he, is there an afterlife... I couldnt accept that I wouldnt hear his voice or laugh with him again. Its so hard.

The first person who dies that are close to you is so, so hard. Especially if they were young. It does prepare you though, for the fact that this happens in life and as you get older more people die. Its horrible but a fact and you have to appreciate your time with people and know that nothing is a given.

You should be happy you knew your friend for the time you did and celebrate their life. Draw strength from friends around you.

Cremated

Unregistered wrote: »

How does one deal with death? How can your memories of that person be just that, memories?
No more hanging out, or hearing their voice, going to the cinema.

A good, no, great friend died tonight, and I feel empty. I feel angry. I feel like nothing makes sense and life just won't go on.
I feel scared and empty and like it has changed everything.

I can't sleep, neither can anyone else, I've cried buckets. 22 is too young, right? 22 years on this earth.... Now gone, forever. I've had wine older than that.

What do you say to those around you, because its not going to be 'alright'. Its far from it. And with him gone, him in particular, the glue is gone.

I don't understand that death can take a person away from all his/her loved ones, the world is so cruel and you will never ever see them again. Its one thing that will not/cannot register in my mind.

In my 22 years, this is the first real close death for me. I feel empty.

Death really is a horrible thing, I have lost a very good friend through suicide and my aunt and cousin,

I have lost other family members through other reasons,

and it never fully gets better, but time does help you, it helps the pain you feel inside, and the lump you get in your throat,

but it will always be there, the best thing you can do is just remember the good times, the times you and this person were together and happy,

life is cruel, I dont understand why people have to go so young, but that's the way it is, we just got to get through it the best we can,

as others have said, go and speak to your friends and family, they are all hurting also and will want to help you,

dont keep the sadness to yourself, it will just make you worse,

my opinion is that people who go before us will come back and keep an eye on us, and try keep us safe, things in my life have happened to back this up, I'd like to think,

anyways I hope you can feel better soon, take care...