Not sure what to think...

LegacyUser

Hey, the usual, I'm goin unreg for this, I would like some outside opinions on this.
I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, and I'm mad about him, he's got a lot of good points, sweet, kind, funny etc etc
Things haven't exactly been plain sailing though, we've had a few rough times, I'm getting counselling at the moment to deal with my low self esteem and depression, and obviously this has affected the relationship. I personally am feeling a lot better about myself than I did before the counselling, the difference is huge. But because of my low self esteem I have been quite needy and emotionally demanding in the past.
the situation now is that things seem to be ticking along quite nicely except we don't always see that much of each other. Now I'm not wanting to completely monopolise his time or anything, I love my own time to see friends, family, or just chill on my own, but I do think for the relationship to continue to grow we need to commit a reasonable amount of time. Because of work commitments we very rarely see each other during the week, so I'm wondering, is it wrong of me to want to spend a good chunk of the weekend together? This weekend he says he can only see me Sunday evening. Now in fairness we did spend a good bit of time together last weekend but I dunno, just one night out of the whole weekend doesn't seem like much to me.
The other thing is that during the week there's very little contact between us, only if we happen to see each other on MSN and have a bit of a chat.

I'm really not sure what to think, I just want other peoples opinions to know if I'm overreacting. I have been guilty of that in the past and sometimes find it difficult to gauge if I'm reacting like an average person, or a complete pyscho, lol!

Skapoot

Woah. 7 months and ye only chat on msn IF ye're on? Only one evening a week of seeing each other?

I think that's way too little to be seeing each other. You're not over-reacting. How far away do ye live from each other? Cant he pop in to see you after work. And what about texting or phone calls??

Me and my bf, when we were at the 7 month stage, were txting every day. And saw each other 5 -6 days out of 7 -because we lived close by, Even for half an hour a day - just to meet up and be close.

I just dont know how your relationship is surviving on such little contact..

Are ye compatible??

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for reply. I think maybe I made it sound worse than it is, cos I'm kind of peeved at the moment, I guess on average we see each other around twice a week, some weeks it could be more, some less, and the weeks when it's less I miss him.

money is a bit of an issue too, so not a whole lot of texts/phone calls, I'd be happy enough with e-mails and MSN tbh, but just more often.

Unfortunately we don't live close by enough to do the whole dropping in on each other thing, when we see each other, it's for the whole evening.

We definitely are compatible in the sense of we get along great, always have a great time together, but I wonder if we're maybe not compatible in the sense of wanting different things from a relationship. I have no doubts about his feelings for me, I think it's partly laziness that we don't see each other as often as I'd like.

I plan to have a chat with him about it, in the meantime I guess just looking for peoples opinions.

the_syco

unregistered wrote: »

But because of my low self esteem I have been quite needy and emotionally demanding in the past.

Before you went needy, how much were you seeing him?

Skapoot

the_syco wrote: »

Before you went needy, how much were you seeing him?

I think you might be heading towards the suggestion that her neediness drove him away (correct me if i'm wrong )

Neediness shouldnt drive a man away necessarily. With the right person, surely he'd listen to you and try to spend more time with you, IF you wanted him to.

People get needy from time to time. When my boyfriend is a bit needy I spend a bit of time with him (because clearly i caused the neediness by ignoring him in some way) and the neediness disappears.

Same goes for me. sometimes Im astonished by how much of a woos Im being but my boyf puts up with it. Its just something that happens from time to time in any relationship, depending on peoples moods and level of confidence at any given time.


OP, you say you doubt the feelings your boyfriend has for you. I dont know about his feelings, but maybe your relationship has gotten into a rut, and is built around a routine. Ye see each other at weekends , or the time ye get off work. So its usually the same days. Do ye do the same thing every time ye meet up? Maybe a sense of "blah" has set in from the repetition. You need to talk to your boyfriend about it, If you're close to your boyfriend you shouldnt be doubting his feelings for you!

If you want to spend more time with him - say it to him. You're not being needy by stating your needs, clearly , as you said. you dont want to monopolise his time. So talk to him, clear the air. You'll get a clearer view of what his feelings are, and how he feels about spending more time together.:)

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here again, sorry I actually said I have NO doubts about his feelings for me. That's the weird thing, it bothers me he doesn't seem pushed on spending more time together, yet it doesn't make me think he doesn't love me or anything.

My neediness is something I've had in most of my relationships, and at the start of this one, it probably alienated him somewhat at the start but it's not so much of an issue anymore, I don't think I'm being 'needy' with the urge to spend more time together.

I think you're right tho Skapoot, most people have moments of neediness as opposed to a needy personality and it's not probably a good thing to indulge you partners moments of neediness, to make them feel wanted.

I will talk to him about it, and fingers crossed we find a resolution that works for both of us